


Emperor's Heir

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood Drinking, Dubious Consent, Force-Sensitive Hux, M/M, Madness, Power Dynamics, Rituals, Unreliable Narrator, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-10 14:57:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 88,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12914304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: Hux is, without doubt, the best General the First Order could have. But like other geniuses, he isn't appreciated during his life, and now he has to choose between two equally unappealing alternatives: undergoing some ghastly ritual to gain Force sensitivity, or death.





	1. You can always trust your family to screw you over

**Author's Note:**

> HERE WE GO! This is the first long, multi-chapter fic that I managed to finish and I'm so excited to finally share this with people after months of working on it.  
> I will update every Monday and Thursday.  
> This is a piece for the Kylux Reverse Bang and was prompted by an idea of my dear friend [mini-mantis](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/) and you can look forward to the first of her marvelous illustrations for this fic in the next chapter, so stay tuned.

The audience chamber was still empty when Hux arrived. His step was hesitant until finally he stopped, looking around himself, searching for any signs of Snoke or Ren. He gulped, his throat constricted, his heart beating against his ribs. Hux considered pulling out his datapad and getting some work done, but he decided against it. He didn’t know if Snoke had any means of watching the room while he wasn’t there, but Hux wasn’t going to risk being caught doing anything but waiting patiently for his audience. He had piles of paperwork to fill but Snoke didn’t care for that. Snoke cared for being made to feel important.

Ren entered the room a few minutes later, helmet in place. He took long, bold strides, and he bumped into Hux’s shoulder as he passed him, like he didn’t see Hux at all. Hux gritted his teeth and stared in front of himself, willing Snoke to appear and get this awkward tension over with. Ren stopped maybe a foot in front of Hux to provoke him, and started tapping his foot against the floor; the vastness of the room carried the echo of it back and forth, threatening to make Hux lash out. 

Finally, Snoke’s hologram appeared. Ren’s posture changed, his shoulders hunched and head bowed, and Hux felt perverse satisfaction at that. Ren might be acting like he’s better than everyone else, but at the end of the day he’s just afraid of Snoke. Pathetic. 

“General,” Snoke addressed him first and Hux’s glance drifted to Ren momentarily before he realised he couldn’t see Ren’s reaction. What a shame. 

“I have given you three months in the command of the First Order to study its resources and come up with a strategy to crush the Resistance.”

Hux felt like he was expected to reply but he didn’t know what to say. 

“That is correct,” he nodded when it seemed like they would be standing there until he spoke.

“Now what is your strategy?”

“I’ve been regrouping the military into more suitable ranks and I reworked the training programme. But the key point is, I think, the New Republic. As long as the Resistance has support of the Republic, we will not gain advantage. The New Republic must be crushed.”

“That is a sound theory, wouldn’t you agree, Kylo?” Snoke turned to his apprentice. Hux froze - Ren would not agree with him, no matter how good his plan was. Ren would say it was stupid just for the sake of putting Hux down. 

“I suppose,” Ren said, “but it is just that, a theory. Something a ten year old with enough information could come up with.”

Hux clutched his fists and counted to ten in his mind.

“I am sure General Hux has a more detailed plan,” Snoke said, as if inviting Hux to present his idea.

“I would like to bring your attention, Supreme Leader, to the weapon I have designed,” Hux said, his voice as calm as he could manage, “I have found a suitable planet.”

“As I have already told you, General, this pet project of yours is too expensive and risky. If a weapon of these proportions was the way to win a war, it would have worked with the Death Stars,” Snoke replied, “I thought I made myself clear.”

“I suppose General Hux has spent  too great a deal of his childhood watching propaganda holos,” Ren pointed out and Hux felt his hands itch with a desire to strangle him, “he is too biased by bedtime stories.”

“Are you insinuating I am incapable of critical thinking?” Hux growled.

“I am insinuating you are too sentimental about this project.” 

“How dare  _ you _ tell  _ me  _ about being too emotional?! You!” 

“General, that is enough. You are dismissed,” Snoke said resolutely.

“But Supreme Leader I-”

“Go.”

Hux stormed out, furious beyond measure. The guts Ren had to mock him in front of Snoke, the audacity to claim that his project would fail. Who was Ren, running around with a broken weapon and no discipline, to tell Hux anything about strategy? And of course Snoke bought it; he always sided with Ren. 

_ “General, this pet project of yours is too expensive and risky. If a weapon of these proportions was the way to win a war, it would have worked with the Death Stars.” _

Well maybe the Death Stars just weren’t big enough. Or maybe it was the fact that they were stations built from scratch. Either way, Hux had spent years on that project. It was perfect, as perfect as anything can be anyway, and now it would never exist because some old...creep deemed it more risky than a bunch of people running around with glowing sticks. Hux felt the beginnings of a migraine settle into his skull. What a wonderful addition to his day. He hoped Ren would choke on his way up Snoke’s ass. 

...

Kylo hadn’t exactly thought his remarks through. But Hux was just so irritating, parading there and making Kylo seem incompetent, trying so hard to make all the success of the First Order sound like his own achievement, as if Kylo were nothing. So Kylo snapped. 

Snoke seemed to agree with Kylo about the uselessness of Starkiller Base - stars, could Hux make it sound more pretentious - and Kylo was having the time of his life. Until the door closed behind Hux, and Kylo, snickering, turned to his master.

“You are right, he is useless,” Snoke pointed out flatly, “he’s given us all the ideas he had and now he’s stuck with this...obsession. We should replace him.”

Kylo would have agreed had it not been for a small detail. He found Hux, despite his frankly appalling personality, attractive. He couldn’t quite explain it and he had to accept that sometimes there were things beyond comprehension. Kylo knew he would never get what he wanted from Hux, but having him close and thinking it might happen, if Kylo grew strong enough to bend the universe to his will, was alluring enough. He didn’t want to lose this sliver of hope, knowing Snoke didn’t simply mean “send him to early retirement.” And, unlike Snoke, Kylo didn’t think Hux had exhausted all of his creativity. If anything, Hux hadn’t got the chance to show his true genius against a proper strategist. Or against an ancient Force-sensitive being.

Kylo had to make up his mind, and quickly. There was something that might easily convince Snoke to let Hux live, but Kylo had intended to preserve it for later. He’d only found out recently and hadn’t quite figured out how to deal with the information yet. However, it seemed like he had no choice.

“Master, there is something I have discovered during my last mission. I wanted to examine it more before I brought it to you, but I feel it is imperative to inform you now,” Kylo said, hoping wrapping his words in a cocoon of fancy words might conceal the fact that he had been keeping something from Snoke. 

“What is it? I expect there is a good reason for why you haven’t informed me earlier.”

“One of the books I studied hinted that General Hux might be...related to Emperor Palpatine,” Kylo admitted. Saying it out loud made it sound even more surreal than when he first found out, thinking he must have made a mistake, must have imagined things. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted to make more enquiries on the matter.”

“General Hux?” Snoke asked with apparent surprise. Kylo shuddered as it washed over him, even from being only in the presence of a hologram rather than the man himself.

“Yes, master,” Kylo nodded, “it appears the Emperor had a daughter. When she turned eighteen, she fled to the Outer Rim to escape her father and worked as kitchen maid in Commandant Hux’s household, where she caught his eyes. This resulted in her giving birth to a boy who would one day become General Hux.”

“There’s a lot of maybes and coincidences in this, apprentice.”

“I know, master. That is why I kept it secret and intended to research it further before I brought it to you.”

“You are however convinced it is not entirely implausible,” Snoke stated.

“I would rather be safe than sorry. If we kill him, we might lose a potentially very powerful Force user,” Kylo explained, bold enough to look Snoke in the eyes, “we can always kill him if it is a lie.”

“You hope it is true though.”

“Of course I do, someone with his dedication to our cause and Force abilities could help us-”

“He is dedicated to, or shall I say fanatically obsessed with, the First Order, not our cause. You should not make the mistake of thinking the two are interchangeable. The First Order is useful to us now, but it might not always be, and General Hux could one day turn against us,” Snoke scolded him, “But that is unimportant. You are lying to me.”

“I would not dare lie to you, master.”

“You are hiding the truth from me and that is nearly the same thing.”

“Am I really hiding it if you know?” Kylo asked and bowed his head.

“Don’t be insolent.”

“I apologize, master.”

“Now, let’s say he really is the grandson of Emperor Palpatine, but he’s never showed as much as a hint of Force sensitivity. He is uncharacteristically unresponsive to the Force, I dare say,” Snoke pointed out, “do you expect to wake it up in him somehow?”

“One of the scriptures I studied hinted some Force-sensitive creatures might suppress their abilities, to the point where they appear to be a black hole in the Force if you will, in order to protect the universe from their power,” Kylo said, tentatively, so as not to appear like he was bargaining. There was no way he could fool his master, but maybe he could convince Snoke to like this idea too, “They were rumoured to be so powerful they’d bring destruction and death.”

“And that is what you want?” Snoke asked, “Death and destruction?”

“I believe there are rituals to strengthen one’s connection to the Force,” Kylo said, ignoring the question, “if he has any dormant faculty for manipulating the Force, it should bring it up, but I do not think it would make him as powerful.”

“Those are complicated, dangerous rituals. Are you sure you want to try them?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“You always have a choice,” Snoke said, though his tone suggested quite the opposite. 

“Then I choose this.

“Very well. You have a month to attempt this. Don’t expect my help.”

“Thank you, master,” Kylo replied even though he wasn’t sure if there was something to be thankful for.

…

Kylo dived deep into researching any rituals that might be relevant to the situation. He didn’t see Hux for days, preferring to stay back in his quarters and have food delivered by a droid every once in a while. His study was full of frustrating dead-ends and cryptic references leading nowhere, and he only very nearly avoided thrashing his room. Slowly but surely, he put together enough hints. And he was horrified. 

He’d seen a lot of things, killed people, burnt down villages - he wouldn’t say he was particularly sensitive. But this ritual was almost too much even for him. Worse still, it would definitely be too much for Hux, a man who always stayed in the sterile safe distance from any fight. Kylo had to admit his chances at getting Hux to agree were rather thin.

But still, he had to try.

Kylo took a shower, scrubbing himself clean with tepid water and considering his approach. He shaved, brushed his teeth and trimmed his nails, having been neglecting almost all grooming during the last two weeks. Hux wouldn’t appreciate him looking like a savage. Not that Hux didn’t think he was one anyway.

He had to ask two people about Hux’s whereabouts but finally he found the General in the engineering department, discussing some schematics. He decided not to interrupt so he leant against a wall and waited. Hux barely raised his eyes to acknowledge him before focusing back on his work, but the engineer kept glancing Kylo’s way, obviously nervous and uncomfortable. Hux lasted two minutes before he snapped at the engineer for not paying attention and dismissed him.

“Hux, may I have a word?” Kylo said when the engineer left.

“Is it entirely necessary?” Hux growled, “I’m busy.”

“I suppose it's not,” Kylo made a dramatic pause during which Hux passed him by, headed away from the room, “unless you want to prevent being executed.”

Hux stopped, cursed under his breath, and turned around. He already let Ren’s words get to him, he might as well hear the entire charade. 

“This had better be worth my time,” he said. Ren peeled himself off the wall, as if his casual posture had somehow sucked him into the ship. The reason why Ren had to always be so dramatic was beyond Hux.

“Snoke thinks you’re useless,” Ren said without ceremony, “he wants to get rid of you.”

“How noble of you to tell me.”

“I’m not here to gloat. I can help you.”

“Why would you want to help me?” Hux frowned. The world must have gone mad if Ren wanted to help him avoid getting shot. 

“Let’s say I have personal reasons for it,” Ren shrugged, “that’s not relevant though. Do you want me to save your pretty neck or not?”

Hux didn’t think he liked the fact that Ren, with his proclivity for choking people, described his neck as pretty. Or that he had  _ personal reasons  _ for not wanting Hux dead. Ren’s disgust and desire to get rid of him were one of Hux’s certainties, and now they had been taken away.

“How?” Hux asked, wary. He supposed asking didn’t equate signing a contract. 

“Let’s discuss this in private, shall we?” 

“Fine,” Hux nodded, despite the visceral dread that spread through his body. His heart picked up a pace more suitable for a sprint, as if hoping he’d run away. Hux suppressed the panic rising in his throat and led the way to his quarters. He was letting Ren into his safe space, which was a mistake, but Hux supposed it was still better than following Ren to his lair. Hux had been there once and the glimpse was enough to convince him to stay clear of the place. 

“Come in,” Hux invited Ren inside his study. The room was slightly messy but he supposed it was good enough for Ren. Besides, Hux couldn’t see a reason why he should care what Ren thought of his living area. 

“Thank you,” Ren mumbled and took the seat Hux offered him. They sat down opposite each other, a table between them. It looked like a business meeting, and Hux calmed down a little. This was familiar. Ren took his helmet off, which wasn’t familiar at all. Hux didn’t remember ever being this close to Ren’s uncovered face, to the raw, naked humanity of it. It was easy to pretend Ren was just a smaller version of Snoke underneath his helmet, old and ugly, but in reality Ren was anything but. Hux had thought him ugly the first time he saw him, but over time, Ren’s face gained charm Hux hadn’t expected it to have, considering how odd some of his features were. Hux supposed Ren’s eyes must have done the trick. 

Or maybe the rest of him did. Sure, Ren’s nose and ears were big, but so was the rest of him, and if Hux ever let himself think about such matters, he had to admit Ren had exactly the kind of body that he found attractive. He’d seen Ren train in the gym, and he thought of what he’d seen quite often, especially at night when he couldn’t fall asleep.

“I’m going to be honest with you,” Ren said, and they both knew Hux didn’t believe him. Ren wasn’t frank with Hux on principle. Whether that was because he didn’t deem Hux worthy of his honesty or because he considered Hux too dumb to understand the truth, Hux didn’t know but it hardly made any difference in the end. He could almost always expect Ren’s statements to have another, hidden layer of meaning under the debris of whatever Ren condescended to reveal.

“That’s generous of you.”

“Snoke thinks you’ve run out of good ideas, and that you’re obsessed with the Starkiller project. I managed to convince him to try to give you another chance.”

“How?”

“Despite what it might look like, I think you’re smart. And you have vast knowledge of several topics crucial to me. That would be a shame to waste, if you ask me.”

“Now this is something I never expected to hear,” Hux mumbled, “do you expect me to tell you I’ve admired you for years, and envied you your Force-sensitivity?”

“Actually, that might come in handy, yes.”

“Too bad, since it’s not true.”

“It better become true soon,” Ren said, “because I’m offering you a chance to become Force-sensitive.”

Hux stared, not dignifying that with an answer, waiting for Ren to start laughing and then bring out his lightsaber and kill him. When Ren didn’t, Hux spoke.

“You’re serious about this.”

“I am,” Ren nodded, “I believe I found a ritual that can make you connect to the Force.”

“You found this ritual,” Hux repeated, one eyebrow raised, “you have no idea if it works.”

“Yes.”

“And you want me to trust you with this.”

“Yes.”

“Why do you think I will?”

“There’s a good chance this might work, I found it in several unrelated sources. There’s also a small chance it will kill you, but I think you’re smart enough to realise refusal means certain death. And because you’re curious. And because you want to be better than me, and you think you could finally achieve it with the Force.”

Ren watched Hux intently. Hux supposed Ren didn’t necessarily need to read his mind to know all this, but the fear that Ren was leafing through his thoughts was there. It  _ did  _ make Hux want to be Force sensitive.

“Fine. I’ll do it,” Hux nodded.

“I should tell you about the...uh, nature of the ritual,” Ren said and he looked uncomfortable. Hux’s mind started to conjure all sorts of scenarios despite his will. 

“Get on with it. It can’t be as bad as what you just made me imagine.”

It was as bad as what Hux imagined. Hux’s eyes grew wider and wider as Ren went on, and in the end he was yet again certain Ren would snap a holograph of him and laugh. However, the way Ren seemed embarrassed either made him a truly fantastic actor or he was, horrifyingly, serious. He seemed to be choking on his words, trying to get them out as fast as he could, and he kept his eyes trained on the top of Hux’s desk. His hands kept fidgeting, his thumbs circling each other in an endless loop.

“And this was your idea,” Hux said, voice so flat it surprised him, “not Snoke’s. Yours.”

“Yes.”

“I always thought you were a freak but this is a whole new level.”

“You can still say no and die,” Ren shrugged. Hux could see it was an act; Ren wanted him to agree, wanted the two of them to have sex in front of other people. Hux had to admit he was surprised. He didn’t have much experience with such matters, he assumed he simply wasn’t attractive to people. Especially not to people like Ren, tall and strong and gorgeous who could have anyone they wanted. Hux would never, not in his wildest dreams, imagine Ren wanting  _ him. _

“I’m not going to back away,” Hux protested, “I’m not afraid.”

He was terrified. Not because the ritual sounded like it might go very wrong but because of the simplest, most mundane thing Ren had probably not even taken into consideration. 

Hux was a virgin. 

Kylo watched Hux try to hide his fear behind an impassive wall of other emotions. He pursed his lips, most likely biting onto the lower one, and his eyes focused on something on the wall behind Kylo. He blinked several times before he turned his attention back. Kylo was tempted to brush past Hux’s mind to see what exactly Hux was afraid of, but he supposed that wasn’t a good idea. 

“I’ll be there for you.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Kylo backed away, seeing that Hux clearly wanted to deal with his fear alone. He waited for a while but he supposed he wasn’t welcome anymore.

“I’ll let you think this through. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. You have ten days to decide.”

Kylo stood up and waited for a while, lingering by Hux’s side as if waiting for Hux to stop him. When Hux didn’t, Kylo walked away, brushing his fingers lightly against Hux’s shoulder as he passed him. Hux was apparently very shaken; he didn’t even flinch or yell at Kylo for such a breach of protocol. Kylo almost felt bad about it, even if he was saving Hux’s life. 

…

Hux commed Captain Tertz to ask her if she would accompany him to the ship’s bar. He would have called Phasma, but Phasma was too much of a pal of Ren’s for his liking and Hux intended to get awfully drunk to forget all about his fucked up situation, and he didn’t want Ren to learn about it. Tertz agreed to meet him, and she didn’t ask any questions which suited Hux perfectly. In a way, she was a better companion than Phasma, although she could be a little  _ too  _ quiet sometimes. 

The next morning he woke up fully clothed save for his boots and with a terrible hangover threatening to split his skull in half. There was his wastebin sitting by his bed, perhaps for him to throw up into. Fortunately, it seemed that he hadn’t needed it. He glanced at the chrono at his bedside table and groaned. He had swapped his shifts for the day so that he could sleep in, but the state he was in suggested he might be able to work at the end of the week, if he were lucky. He groaned and swore he would never try to postpone solving his problems with alcohol. Or drink alcohol at all for that matter. He knew, from experience, that he would break this promise soon, but it would feel wrong not to make it. 

He closed his eyes again. His mind immediately provided him with a rather embarrassing recollection from last night - him crying on Tertz’s shoulder because he’s 34, a General, and still a virgin. His horror continued as he realised the bar was full of people, and even if he sent everyone there to reconditioning now, the rumour would undoubtedly have spread all over the ship, and possibly the galaxy, by now. In that moment, refusing Ren’s offer and handing himself over to Snoke to be executed sounded like a splendid idea.

Hux spent the rest of the day shaking because eating anything sounded like a bad idea, and with a headache that made him very irritable. He dared sip on some tea to stay awake but his stomach didn’t take too keenly to that either. Tertz checked in with him around the time when he was mostly sober to ask how he was doing and how much he remembered from last night. Hux wanted to crawl under his bed and stay there, and he told himself off for such nonsense. 

“I think there’s a simple solution to your problem, Hux,” she said and sighed, as if Hux was daft, “you need to get laid. Seriously. It’s getting to you. A man can only be a virgin for so long and not go mad.”

Hux wanted to object; he knew plenty of men who had gone mad despite being sexually active. He could not provide a satisfying example of someone who didn’t go mad while being a virgin, and thus had to submit to her logic. But maybe it was his only choice. If he were to gain Force powers, he might go off to train them with Snoke and therefore be removed from duty - well that was gibberish. He didn’t really want to be Force sensitive. 

But he did want to get laid. 

…

Kylo was genuinely surprised when Hux took less than a day to agree to take part in the ritual. He expected him to do so, eventually, slowly, because if Kylo learnt anything about Hux, it was his survival instinct and ambition. Yet he thought Hux would be less eager to take part in a ritual that included the two of them having sex. Hux must have been more power-hungry than Kylo had anticipated. 

Kylo got in touch with the knights. He’d already found the best place to carry the ritual out, but there were many things to prepare beforehand. There was also the matter of summoning all of them to the same place, which wasn’t exactly an easy task. Hux had decided earlier than Kylo expected him to, which meant Kylo had more time to prepare everything before Snoke’s deadline. The knights seemed overly enthusiastic about the ritual; Kylo didn’t think he liked their snickering when he explained he would have sex with Hux. He’d always thought they were a little too nosey about his personal life. Either way, they promised to help him, and that was what actually mattered.

…

Hux had to admit he wasn’t exactly able to perform his duties to his maximum in the days since he nodded to Ren’s proposal. He couldn’t get it out of his mind, wild speculations about the various aspects of the ritual always creeping into his thoughts, even as he tried to concentrate on his work. It wasn’t just the sex - there was the part with bathing in blood, and the part with the Knights of Ren watching - although Hux had to admit the sex was always on the forefront. He had almost made his peace with being a virgin for the rest of his life. He got himself off to relieve stress every now and then, and it was enough. Still, he was curious. He supposed people didn’t usually lose their virginity in a mysterious ritual that was supposed to make them Force sensitive, but since when was he a regular person? 

All the same, he supposed he should go in as prepared as he could be. Which meant exploring the part of his body he’d until now left untouched. He had bought some toys a few years ago, out of curiosity, but he’d never used them. Stroking his cock with his hand until he came was efficient and all he had to do so far.

Ren didn’t give him a time frame to work with, just that the ritual would take place as soon as possible. Hux was on pins and needles all the time, especially during the times he reserved for playing with himself, always expecting Ren to barge in on him lying in bed with a dildo halfway up his ass. He supposed that would be good practice for when the ritual came, and the adrenaline rush it brought certainly did help his arousal. 

Hux left the bridge the minute his shift was over and didn’t show up until the next one started, not lingering behind like he always did. The crew picked up on it, he heard them discuss it in low voices when they thought he couldn’t hear them, but he wasn’t going to care. He was, in a way, doing this for his health. 

Six days had passed before he heard from Ren again. His comm beeped with an incoming message when he was about to use a new toy, one he’d been keeping for last. He picked up his datapad and read Ren’s note, his other hand running up and down the length of his cock in case Ren was just checking up on him.

_ Everything’s ready. I’ll come pick you up soon. _

Well, maybe not. Hux looked woefully at the toy, and promised it he would come back to it. He’d come to enjoy this sort of stimulation, even if it was a little bit more time consuming than simply stroking himself. He wondered if sex would feel as good.

He put his uniform back on and cleaned away all evidence of his previous activity. He didn’t suppose Ren would want to come in, but either way there’d be droids cleaning up while he was gone and all that. No need to leave a mess behind. 

Ren announced his arrival about ten minutes later. Hux was pacing nervously by then, his previous fears setting in. He was agreeing to let Ren, the man he considered his rival, take him to a place of his choosing and perform an ancient ritual on him. He must have been mad when he agreed. He tried to remember that Snoke would have him executed otherwise, as a consolation that his common sense was still intact, but it wasn’t helping.

He opened the door and stared at Ren for a moment. He tried not to feel betrayed when Ren was wearing his mask, but he had hoped they were past that if he were to give Ren his virginity.

“Are you ready?” Ren asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Hux replied, uncertain just why he admitted his doubt. Ren nodded, as if he didn’t have an answer to that. He walked out of Hux’s quarters, waiting for the General to catch up.

“Do I need anything?” Hux asked, feeling wrong leaving the Finalizer without any luggage. 

“No. Everything is taken care of.”

Hux shot one last uncertain glance at his room, and with an odd feeling he followed Ren outside. They walked swiftly to the hangar and to Ren’s Upsilon shuttle. Hux had never been inside before, and he compared the interior with what he’d seen in the manuals. It had the standard layout of a First Order vessel, the technical things much like that in any similarly sized ship. It was the details that caught Hux’s eyes - flashes of red here and there, breaking the uniformity of the standard grey. Some modifications to the size and shape of the dashboard. A bigger viewport. They made it feel less like a soulless transporter and more like a home. 

The ship was ready to take off, Ren must have prepared it beforehand. 

“Sit wherever you want,” Ren shrugged and took off his helmet. Hux sat into the co-pilot’s seat, not because he wanted to aid Ren with piloting, but he had a nice view of Ren’s face from there. Ren set off and skillfully guided them out of the hangar, and then to hyperspace. Hux had no idea where they were headed, and the blurred stars of hyperspace didn’t feel as reassuring as they usually did. 

“How long will we fly?” he asked. 

“Three hours, more or less,” Ren explained, “do you want something to eat? Or drink?”

“No, thank you,” Hux wondered if Ren wanted him to have strength for the ritual. He tried to push that out of his mind. 

The journey was silent and awkward. Hux wanted to start a conversation but he didn’t know how. Ren appeared to be just as uncomfortable as Hux himself, trying to come up with a topic to discuss and failing. Hux wondered how exactly they’d have sex, and that train of thought filled him with both dread and excitement. Eventually, Ren left the cockpit, claiming he had to check out something in the engine room. Hux didn’t call him out on the blatant lie. 

Hux was relieved when they dropped out of hyperspace and Ren busied himself with descending to a small planet that was quickly forming on the viewport. Hux watched Ren’s swift fingers fly over the controls. 

“I’m sorry I’m such a bad companion,” Ren said out of a sudden. He was staring in front of himself, intently like he was landing on Hosnian Prime in the middle of rush hour and not on some secret piece of rock that was most likely unpopulated. Hux also knew for a fact that Ren was an extremely skilled pilot, who probably could land with his eyes closed.

“I wasn’t pleasant either,” Hux said, hoping that would put the matter behind them.

“I don’t want you to think that I... Ugh. I’m just really nervous about this, okay? It should work but I really want it to work, and really wanting something makes things not work out,” Ren continued, as if that somehow explained anything - or calmed Hux’s nerves.

“Ren, please stop talking,” Hux said, “I’m already second-guessing this enough.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was my decision as much as it was yours. I could have tried to defect and spend the rest of my life as a hermit,” Hux shrugged. Ren chuckled.

“I can’t imagine that,” he said, “you, not in the center of everyone’s attention.”

“I’m not saying it would have been a good life.”

They landed in the middle of a meadow. Hux scanned his surroundings while Ren checked that everything was in order with the ship. When he deemed it safely docked, he motioned for Hux to leave. 

They walked for about thirty minutes through a forest until they reached a citadel of sorts. Hux felt goosebumps spring up on his skin at the sight of it. It seemed to have an air of dark, cold energy about it, like Snoke’s hologram did, or Ren, on certain occasions. It only now occurred to Hux what sort of power he was tackling here, and he almost bailed out. Even the place felt wrong, poisonous, deadly; what did that say about the magic they were about to summon?

“You’ll get used to it,” Ren said, all of a sudden.

“I feel like throwing up,” Hux replied earnestly.

“I know. You’ll feel about it differently once you know the Force,” Ren said, “once you understand.” 

“How does it feel to you?” 

“Exhilarating. Powerful. Intoxicating.”

“I suppose that’s better than ‘it’s trying to kill me’.”

Ren chuckled. They reached the building. It seemed surreal this close; Hux suddenly thought he wouldn’t be able to touch it if he outstretched his hand. From afar he thought it was made of black stone but it seemed way too perfect, way too seamless to be from anything as mundane. It was flickering, as if the light was playing with it, although that didn’t seem likely - there was no light to speak of in this place, the strange walls appeared to soak it all up. 

“Is it actually real? I don’t think you drugged me, but it sure feels like it,” Hux remarked.

“This place was built by the Force. It looks different to everyone who visits it, and sometimes it doesn’t look the same if one person visits it twice,” Ren explained, “what does it look like to you?”

“It’s black, perfectly smooth and dark like a starless sky. There are no doors or windows, but there are several towers.”

“Well that’s majestic,” Ren shrugged, “it looks like a wooden cabin to me.” 

If Ren considered this to be a completely normal thing, it was no wonder so many Force users went mad. Hux couldn’t wait to become one of them.


	2. Upside down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check additional warnings in the notes at the end if there are some things that trigger you.  
> For maximum effect, I recommend listening to [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK4EaD0PksM) while you read!

Ren stared at the building for a while, then raised his hand and drew something on it with his fingers. He opened a door - it definitely hadn’t been there before - and stepped inside. Hux followed, for the lack of better things to do, and he found the interior significantly less madness-inducing than the exterior. They were standing in a dimly lit hall that had a winding staircase in the middle and several doors, all closed, on the sides. There was a tall mirror taking up the entire wall opposite them. Hux thought he glimpsed something move behind them in the reflection, but he refused to think about that.

“You’ll have to stay with me the whole time we’re here, until you gain your own Force powers,” Ren said, “otherwise, I’d never find you here, and you’d never find your way out.”

“This is not helping in making me relax,” Hux announced.

“Tell me where we are,” Ren said, urgently, as if trying to make Hux see a point he was making, “describe the room we’re in.”

“We’re in a hall. There’s a mirror at the end. I can see six closed doors and a staircase leading upstairs,” Hux replied. Then he added, snapping: “Do you see something else too?”

“I see a small entrance hall of a cottage. There’s a coat hanger,” Ren motioned to his right, where Hux could see a big dead moth framed like in a museum. “here’s a half-opened door.” Ren pointed to chest of drawers with a vase of dried, colourless flowers on it. Hux wanted to scream. This really was getting too much.

“Okay, I think I get it now. I’ll never be able to find a bathroom if you pointed it out to me. You probably see the big mirror as bowl of fruit,” he muttered.

“Actually, it’s a lamp, but you do see the point,” Ren nodded, “please come with me.”

Ren offered Hux his hand, and Hux took it. It seemed like the only solid thing in this mad house, and while depending on Ren as his only beacon of sanity wasn’t exactly an uplifting experience, Hux did find the warm touch of Ren’s ungloved fingers reassuring.

They walked to one of the doors on the side of the hall that Hux had seen earlier. At the point of him walking through the door, Ren’s grip on his hand disappeared, and Hux panicked. But the moment he made it through the door, Ren was at his side again. 

“You weren’t here,” Hux huffed.

“Sorry, should have mentioned that. We can’t walk through the doors together, but you’re safe as long as you intend to go to the same room as I do,” Ren said with an apologetic smile, “imagine them as a sort of probability knots. When we’re there, we’re not in time and space, and therefore can’t be together. The rooms are relatively static.”

“Please stop talking.”

“I bet you’d like a drink right now.”

“Yes please,” Hux nodded, “unless it would involve more existential dread.”

“It’s a perfectly normal Corellian whiskey, don’t worry.”

Hux took a look around the room they were in while Ren walked off, presumably to get the bottle. They were in a drawing room of sorts - Hux could see an enormous bookcase taking up an entire wall, a model of the Galaxy that seemed to hum a little as it spun around, a cabinet of a few bottles of alcohol and several other things. There was a mounted animal on the wall, an enormous beast with antlers and fur the colour of Hux’s hair. He could see the room reflected in the animal’s black glass eye, and he looked away quickly, perturbed. Ren seemed to flicker as the whole building had before, and Hux looked away from him too, since it seemed like Ren pulled a bottle out of an inkpot. He focused on the books instead, studying the black leather-bound tomes. He wanted to pull one out and leaf through it, but he was afraid it might turn into a pistol in his hand, so he didn’t.

“What are you watching?” Ren asked behind him, and Hux almost jumped. He turned around, accepting a glass from Ren that thankfully didn’t seem to twinkle anymore.

“A bookcase,” Hux said, deciding to act like Ren was blind, which seemed like a reasonable explanation for pointing out what he saw.

“Mhm, I thought you’d be a reader,” Ren smiled, “you can read one if you want. They won’t disappear until you leave this room.”

Hux considered it, but he wasn’t in the mood for reading. He wouldn’t be able to concentrate. 

“Maybe later,” he said.

“As you wish.”

“Why do I see this room like this?” 

“I’m not sure. I think it’s a mix of what you expect the room to be and what you want to see, and the Force pressing ‘I’m feeling lucky’ on the holonet search,” Ren shrugged, “I haven’t been able to find out, and if Snoke knows, he wouldn’t tell me.”

“So what now? Do we wait until I go mad from this place?” Hux asked, looking around himself.

“We have to wait for nightfall, which should come in several hours, before the ritual can start. There are some things we need to do beforehand, but there’s plenty of time for that. Now, you should do anything that would make you relax.”

“I’d have to forget about this place existing if I were to relax,” Hux said, swirling the whiskey in his glass. He was still a little apprehensive about drinking it, but it seemed fine.

“I promise not to make you move around more than necessary not to upset your sense of reality any more.”

Hux nodded and took a sip of the whiskey. Ren followed suit, letting out an appreciative hum. 

“I’m not particularly fond of Corellia, but I suppose the whiskey is good,” he said.

“You’re completely right,” Hux nodded.

They sat down on a sofa and stayed in silence, watching the whiskey in their glasses to avoid eye contact but desperately trying to come up with a reason to speak. Hux could see Ren was pondering something, maybe gathering courage. His fingers trembled and he almost decided not to say anything, when he blurted out: “Would you like to get to know each other before the ritual?”

“Are you suggesting some children's game or what?” Hux asked, puzzled, “I'm not playing Truth or Dare with you.”

“I was actually thinking more about the dare aspect of the game,” Ren replied and set his glass on a table with deliberate movement of his hand. Hux wondered what Ren saw the table as.

Hux opened his mouth to utter another snippy comment before it dawned on him. Ren was beating around the bush, and Hux had been too dense to get it before, but he saw it clear as day now. Ren wanted to fool around before the ritual itself. 

“I see,” Hux said, supposing he’d been looking daft long enough. 

“You don’t have to agree.”

“I know,” Hux hissed, disliking Ren’s patronizing tone, “I’m not a child.”

“Okay,” Ren mumbled and looked away, studying something only he could see on the wall. Hux’s mind was racing, trying to weigh the pros and cons and failing. He couldn’t even form them, let alone compare them to form an opinion. The only thing his thoughts all inevitably circled back to was his virginity, as if that was an issue now that he’s started training himself. It probably wouldn’t even show in the ritual, as he expected to be only on the receiving end of things - and he’d learnt to receive quite well - but now, with just the two of them, he supposed his inexperience would show. He wasn’t ready to give Ren the leverage of being his first just yet.

“I’m a little rusty,” he said at last, supposing it was a compromise between warning Ren and not giving the secret away.

“Well there’s only one thing to be done about that,” Ren shrugged, “besides, there won’t be no...not the whole thing. I think we should keep that for later.”

“Okay,” Hux said, suddenly insecure. 

“Do you want to move to a bedroom or would you prefer to stay here?”

Hux downed his glass, taking his time, all the sirens in his brain shrieking. He tried to shun them, but they simply quietened to a whisper. He laid the glass down and turned to Ren. He didn’t trust his voice, so he simply undid his belt and set it onto the ground before unzipping his uniform. He got to the middle before Ren stopped him by placing his own hand on top of Hux’s. 

“Trust me,” Ren whispered and moved to kneel straddling one of Hux’s thighs. He finished taking off Hux’s jacket, and threw it behind Hux. He laid his hands on either side of Hux’s face and leaned in for a kiss, waiting for Hux to meet him. Hux bridged the distance and pressed his lips against Ren’s, immediately opening his mouth. He hadn’t kissed anyone in years but at least he had actually done it. Ren was smoothly shaved, a welcome change from Hux’s previous kissing partner, and not a bad kisser at all. In fact, Ren was on his way to beat one of Hux’s Academy classmates to the best kiss he’d ever received. All he would have to do would be get bolder and use his teeth, Hux liked that.

“Do you always think so hard when someone is kissing you?” Ren asked, moving his hands down to Hux’s neck, then his shoulders. He dipped his thumbs into the hollows beneath Hux’s collarbones, and Hux gasped. 

“Are you reading my mind?” he growled, although he didn’t manage to make it sound as malicious as he intended. 

“Not your exact thoughts, I can block that, but I can see your mind working,” Ren shrugged, outlining Hux’s collarbones with his thumbs. “The Force is so strong here, I can’t control it anymore.”

“That doesn’t exactly calm me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” Ren said, “I can still control  _ myself.  _ At least right now.”

“But you won’t then, is that what you’re saying?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you still expecting me to blow you after this conversation?” 

“Not really,” Ren admitted, “sorry.”

“Just shut up,” Hux instructed, “you’re a lot more attractive when you’re not talking.”

“That’s new.”

“What? No one told you you’re annoying when you talk? I can’t imagine that.”

“I meant you telling me I was attractive.”

Hux supposed there wasn’t anything to lose now.

“Well you are,” he shrugged, “when you’re not talking.”

“Always the charmer,” Ren said, but then he trailed his hand down Hux’s chest and stomach and palmed his cock through his pants, and suddenly Hux didn’t have anything to say. Ren’s hand was enormous, covering almost the entirety of Hux’s lap. Hux moved his right hand, until now useless behind his back, and touched Ren’s thigh with it. Ren kissed him again, fleetingly, and unzipped Hux’s trousers.   
Hux’s heartbeat picked up when there was just the thin fabric of his underwear between his cock and Ren’s hand, and he moved his own fingers up Ren’s leg. He slipped them under Ren’s robe, feeling the surprisingly delicate material of Ren’s leggings until he reached Ren’s lap and smirked. 

Ren sighed and rolled his hips in appreciation. He nibbled at the side of Hux’s neck, breathing heavily against it, and Hux would have found the amount of saliva involved disgusting if it didn’t turn him on so much. Ren’s fingers slipped beneath the waistband of Hux’s boxers and took hold of his cock, freeing it. Hux let out a small strained noise at that, and he stopped palming Ren’s cock for a while, unable to take so much at once. He’d closed his eyes, but there were sparks in front of them, or blurry pictures like that one time when he put on a classmate’s glasses. He forced his eyelids to part, and the images vanished, replaced by a picture of Ren’s hair and an ear poking on one side of the mess. 

Hux wrapped an arm around Ren’s neck and leaned back against the sofa to get more balance. Ren was sprawled all over him, hot and heavy, and Hux threw his head back to give Ren more access to his neck. Ren had spread his legs a little more as they moved, and Hux found it was the easiest to tease him with his thigh. Ren gasped when Hux pushed a little too hard as he got carried away, and Hux dug his fingers into Ren’s side. 

Ren’s hand moved faster now, and Hux was forced to close his eyes again, breathing heavily through his nose. His whole body was shaking with some unseen energy, he felt his fingertips prickle like they were thawing after a frostbite, his blood rushing too fast through his veins. He could barely sense Ren’s hand on his cock, the sensation of overwhelming, blinding pleasure spreading to the last, smallest cell of his body. Stars began to dance before his eyes, and he opened them but the brightness of the room nearly blinded him, upsetting his sense of orientation even more. He threw his head back and bit onto his hand to ground himself in the present, but it was in vain, and the pleasure was almost unbearable and then stars explode and die as black holes while planets are born and he’s there to watch them he’s there to rule them he’s there to move them around and they’re his to command. Galaxies come to life and fill with peoples he can rule and they’re grateful and he’s a benevolent ruler to those who please him and formidable to those who don’t and there’s peace under his rule which is just and good and effective. Power courses through his veins and he’s not a mere mortal anymore he’s the sovereign of everything alive and he’s invincible. 

“Hux?” 

The stars are smaller now and closer and he’s on a planet now overlooking his kingdom. In front of him there’s a man an insignificant pawn in the grand scheme of things in his grand scheme but he thinks himself important and he wants to speak to him as if he has the right.

“Hux, wake up!” 

Someone was shaking him, but he didn’t want to let go of his vision just yet. He could feel the power leaving his bloodstream, he could feel it dissipating and his knowledge shrinking into a limited, stunted,  _ human  _ mind. He was furious. Who dared - 

He laughs at the man who thinks he can just come and go and demand his attention. He dismisses him but doesn’t kill him where is the fun in that? He lets the man go thinking he escaped thinking he is so  _ smart  _ thinking he can cheat the ruler of the worlds. 

“Hux, Hux, Hux.”

The voice was saying, insistent, pestering. He wanted to move and hit whoever was talking just to make the words stop.

“I got you, stay with me. Good. Good. Breathe. In, out. Good.”

Hux opened his eyes. The lights were still sharp but they weren’t hurting him anymore. He blinked a couple of times and found Ren’s worried face very close to his. Ren was holding his face in both of his big hands, his right a little sticky.

“Are you with me? Nod if you are, don’t speak yet,” Ren said. Hux blinked slowly, considering his answer. Was he with Ren? What did that even mean? And why did Ren look so concerned? Did something terrible happen while he was - Pain flared up inside his skull, and he cried out, quickly abandoning his attempt to remember what got them into this situation.

“No, no, no, Hux, don’t go there, stay here with me,” Ren was muttering, too fast for Hux to really make any sense of his words, but his voice was soothing and smooth, so Hux let it lull him. The pain dulled and dulled until it disappeared. 

“Don’t go anywhere. Just tell me that you’re okay,” Ren asked, and Hux pursed his lips as he tried to say something. It felt like he was regrowing the connections between his brain and his vocal cords. 

“I’m okay,” he said at last. His voice sounded strange, like he had been screaming.

“Thank the Force,” Ren mumbled, “I’m so sorry about that.” 

“Sorry?” Hux asked, confused. He supposed Ren couldn’t be responsible for his headache, why would he apologize for it?

“I didn’t realise the Force would try to take you even without the proper ritual. I wouldn’t have done this if I knew, I’m so sorry.” 

“Is that what happened?” Hux asked. Ren was straddling him and they were both with their pants down, and if that wasn’t both a dirty fantasy and a nightmare at once, Hux didn’t know what was. 

“What did you see?” Ren asked instead of answering Hux’s question.

“I was a ruler of the universe,” Hux said, and it sounded weird when he said it out loud. He didn’t tell Ren he was in the vision too. He supposed Ren wouldn’t appreciate it. 

“You had a Force vision?” Ren said, astonished, “That’s way more than I expected.”

“I don’t know what it was,” Hux snapped, irritated.

“I guess there’s no use in asking you if you want to carry on with the ritual.”

“You’re completely right.”

“Well in that case, I suppose we should get ready,” Ren said and slipped off Hux’s lap. 

“Wait, you didn’t…” Hux flushed. He screwed up his first sexual encounter by blacking out and having a Force-related vision. 

“It’s okay,” Ren shrugged.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s really not that big a deal,” Ren shook his head. He fixed his clothes and offered his hand to Hux. “Come with me.”

“Where?” Hux imagined going into another room and considered telling Ren to fuck off. 

“We need to cleanse each other before the ritual.”

“Already?” Hux frowned, “I thought we had hours.” 

“I said we had lots of time, and that is true. However, I didn’t expect you to pass out like that.”

“You promised you won’t make me move around,” Hux kept pleading, unsure why.

“More than necessary. This is necessary,” Ren explained, “look, it should be easier now that you know what’s going to happen.”

“Try me,” Hux muttered but he stood up too, quickly putting his pants on. He took Ren’s hand and followed him out of the room. His stomach made a somersault again and he still felt like he was swimming in jelly, but as Ren had predicted, it didn’t fill him with dread this time. Instead, it felt familiar, safe, powerful. Hux nearly turned around to study his surroundings, but then he remembered Ren’s words about getting lost and stopped. Just then, a wooden door appeared in front of him and he opened it, quickly stepping through.

“Here you are,” Ren said, “I was afraid you’d get lost.”

“You really should stop underestimating me.”

Hux was cataloguing his surroundings, trying to make sense of it. They were in a cave, dimly lit by dozens, maybe hundreds of candles. A few feet from them there was a small pool that seemed to emit an eerie green-bluish glow, but maybe it was just a play of the shadows.  At the side of the pool there was a neatly folded pile of some cloths, but Hux couldn’t guess their designation. There was also a bar of soap, a brush and something Hux supposed was an ancient enema kit. He was glad he had done this particular hygienic step himself and hoped Ren wouldn’t insist on doing it again.

“Why are we in a cave?” he asked, “there’s no way I expected to be washed in a cave.”

“Actually, this room is set, as is the sanctum. So no, you didn’t, but you will be anyway,” Ren explained. 

“Oh well,” Hux shrugged. He supposed Ren had laced his drink, or maybe it was the Force, but he was taking all this a little too calmly to his liking. Maybe he was just overwhelmed and unable to care anymore. 

“Do you want to undress yourself or do you want me to do it?” Ren asked. Hux’s heartbeat picked up a little. He was going to say he would do it himself, out of habit, but then he decided otherwise. At least he should have had Ren take his clothes off before the sex, to retain at least some sense of normalcy in their encounter.

“Go ahead,” he told Ren, “I promise to behave.”

“You can undress me too if you want,” Ren added, almost as an afterthought, “so that we’re even.”

“Can I blow you or would it upset the Force?” Hux asked, “I really don’t like being in debt.”

“You’re not in debt, Hux,” Ren said, unzipping Hux’s jacket, “orgasms are not money.”

“Just tell me you don’t want it. I won’t get offended.”

“I do want it,” Ren admitted. 

“Good.” 

They worked quickly through the upper layers of their clothing and shoes, but they got side-tracked when Hux wanted to explore Ren’s chest with his fingers. 

“You are quite something, do you know that?” Hux whispered, teasing a nipple with his thumb.

“I’ve been told,” Ren nods, “but thank you.”

Hux kissed Ren then, pressing their bodies together, his hands trailing down Ren’s stomach all the way to his waistband. Ren was hard already, his arousal probably didn’t really subside after their groping on the couch, and Hux pecked Ren on the chin before slowly sinking to his knees. He slipped his thumbs behind the waistband and yanked Ren’s underwear down to his ankles. 

Hux explored Ren’s cock with his hands first. Ren breathed out in relief when Hux wrapped his fingers around it. He circled the head with his thumb for a while before taking it in his mouth. He didn’t dare go too deep, having heard enough stories of people gagging with a mouthful of cock, and concentrated on the head instead. He licked it, feeling the slit with the tip of his tongue, and carefully dragged his lips over it as he pulled away for a bit. Ren buried his fingers in Hux’s hair and he was making incoherent noises that Hux hoped were encouragement. 

It was disappointingly soon that Ren pulled his cock from Hux’s mouth, and came a second later with a small grunting noise. Hux wanted to protest, because he found out he actually enjoyed giving head and wanted to explore the possibilities of his mouth, but Ren took his chin between his thumb and forefinger and made him look up. 

“Thank you,” Ren said, his pupils just a tad oversized.

“You’re welcome,” Hux smirked and stood up. There was Ren’s come on his chin and chest, but most of it was on the floor. He ostentatiously stepped over it and removed his own underwear. He had gotten a little hard again but it was nothing a bit of cold water couldn’t fix. 

“Let’s wash you up,” Ren said, needlessly. Hux followed him towards the pool. The water was completely still and even the reflected light of the candles didn’t play on Ren’s body as it should, staying freakishly motionless. Everything about the room seemed to be holding its breath. 

Ren stepped into the pool and when the water reached the middle of his shins, he turned around and motioned for Hux to join him. Hux treaded carefully, afraid the water might burn him or poison him should it find him unworthy of the bath. His toes seemed to be okay though, the water an indefinite lukewarm temperature he could hardly feel, so he continued until he reached Ren who took his hand. Together they continued further until the water reached their mid-thighs. Ren stopped then, and reached for a sponge on the side of the pool. Hux was certain it hadn’t been there before, but he decided not to strain his brain too much. So what if Ren conjured a sponge from thin air? Hux had seen him do crazier things.

“Close your eyes,” Ren instructed, “and your mouth.”

Hux heard splashing so he supposed Ren rinsed the sponge. A little later there was slight pressure and the feeling of something wet touching Hux’s face. It felt surprisingly smooth, almost like it wasn’t even there. Hux kept his eyes closed even as Ren pulled away, but he opened them widely when the sponge returned to his neck. His skin was suddenly hot and prickling, but Ren didn’t seem to notice anything.

“Ren, it burns,” Hux said, “should it burn?”

“Does it hurt?” Ren asked, suddenly concerned. He pulled the sponge away.

“No,” Hux shook his head, “it’s more like recovering from a frostbite.”

“Okay. Tell me if it hurts,” Ren said calmly, “it’s a soap that should make you more receptive to the Force. I’m sorry I can’t tell you what exactly is in it.”

“Let’s hope I don’t develop an unexpected allergy then,” Hux mumbled and closed his eyes again as Ren washed his left arm. Soon enough, the upper half of his body was warm and very sensitive, but as he stopped worrying that he was going to die, the feeling turned from alarming to very pleasant. He was aware of every single of Ren’s touches, of each of his breaths even. Ren washed his legs then, guiding Hux to lean onto him as he stood on just one foot. 

“Will you put that thing on my cock too?” Hux asked, “Because I’m pretty sure I’ll come on the spot if you do.”

“Actually no,” Ren said, “I don’t want you to have another Force-trip before the ritual, sorry.”

“A shame,” Hux said. Ren rinsed the sponge thoroughly before washing Hux’s crotch. The bubbles immediately dissipated off the surface of the water. Hux made himself look elsewhere. Even without the soap, Ren’s touches weren’t any good to take care of Hux’s arousal. 

“How rusty are you?” Ren asked. Hux frowned. “How much preparation will you need? I’d rather do most of it now.”

“I was actually in the middle of something when you called me to pack my things, so not too long I suppose. I’m all cleaned up too,” Hux explained.

“I thought you said it’s been a while,” Ren frowned.

“Since I had sex,” Hux said, not thinking twice about the lie, “not since I masturbated.”

“Okay,” Ren said, slightly taken aback. 

“Can I wash you now?” 

“Not yet, I haven’t washed your hair.”

“Oh stars, is that necessary?” Hux groaned.

“I’m afraid so,” Ren shrugged, “I’ll try to make it quick. Could you kneel down?”

Hux obeyed. The water reached to his chin but it was just as motionless as before, so it didn’t splash up to his mouth even as Ren stepped closer to him. Ren tipped his head back and soon the water was running down his hair. Hux hated having someone touch his wet hair; it was uncomfortable at best and painful at worst, and it always left him wanting to shave his hair off. Ren was trying very hard to be gentle with him, probably sensing his displeasure, but it was still uncomfortable. It got worse as Ren washed his hair with the soap, but then he rinsed it and told Hux to stand up, and the pressure turned into a pleasant warmth. Well that was a first.

“Now you’re all cleaned up,” Ren smiled, “I take it I don’t have to wash you down there?”

“No, I’m good,” Hux said hastily.

“Do you want to wash me then?” 

Hux nodded. Ren caught the sponge that was floating around them and handed it to Hux together with the soap. He closed his eyes and waited. 

Hux rinsed the sponge to make sure there was none of the soap in it before dabbing it gently against Ren’s face. Then he, recalling Ren’s proceedings, rubbed the soap against the sponge. The foam seemed to glimmer, its colour ever changing. Hux gave up trying to describe it, and he washed Ren’s neck. For a split second, nothing happened. Then, Ren’s eyes flew open and his lips parted in a surprised exhale. Hux supposed the soap had a different effect on Ren who was already Force sensitive, so he waited for Ren to adjust.

“Wow,” Ren said, a whole minute later, “that’s really strong.”

“How does it feel?” Hux asked, curious.

“Give me your hands. I want to try something,” Ren said instead of answering. Hux let the sponge float and set the soap carefully on the side of the pool before offering his hands to Ren. There was a thin film of the foam on his hands, but Hux supposed it wouldn’t do any harm. 

Ren took Hux’s hands and closed his eyes; a crease formed between his eyebrows as he concentrated. Hux closed his own eyes too, and soon it seemed like he wasn’t alone in his head. 

_ Can you hear me?  _

Hux didn’t know how to respond. He heard Ren’s words from far away, and they were hollow as if an echo broke them down, but he understood them alright. He squeezed Ren’s hands as a way of answer.

Gradually, his perception of his own body faltered and got distorted until it collapsed in on itself. There was a bigger body then, stronger, different, but his. And stars, his neck felt raw, as if his skin got peeled off and the muscle and blood vessels and nerve endings were laid bare. It should be frightening, it should warn him not to tread further but all it did was make him even more curious. 

_ I’ll pull away now. _

The voice in his head wasn’t his, but it also was. But then it stepped away, retreating as if in a long corridor, and he was becoming someone else, and himself at the same time. Slowly, from his fingertips to his toes, he was becoming aware of his body until he was yet again sure he was Armitage Hux, General of the First Order. 

Or was he?

Hux opened his eyes and found Ren studying him. They were both barely breathing, perhaps not to disturb the connection between them.

“I can’t decide whether that was an amazing experience or a nightmare,” Hux admitted.

“I don’t think you’re required to choose just one,” Ren said, “this place doesn’t really work well with duality, or dichotomies. The Light and Dark don’t really exist here. There’s no good and evil, or hot and cold.”

“My brain is either going to freeze or fry itself,” Hux pointed out, “or, in this case, both, I suppose.”

“You’re a quick learner,” Ren smiled, “now get on with it. Time may be an illusion here, but a proper constellation of natural forces is not.”

Hux washed Ren, his breath catching when Ren let out a moan from time to time. He washed Ren’s hair - there was quite a handful of it, and it reached past his shoulders when wet. His ears stood out with his hair plastered to his head, and Hux played with them a little. They must have been sensitive, for Ren all but wailed at having them touched.

“Your ears are weird,” Hux pointed out, his voice low, “I love them though.”

“Because they’re weird?” Ren asked.

“Exactly,” Hux grinned. Ren stood up then, turning around to face Hux. 

“I should drown you to teach you some respect.”

“Oh really?” 

“No. I’m afraid it’s a medical condition, you’ll always be a self-satisfied asshole.”

“Yeah, I forgot to mention that earlier,” Hux shrugged, “is that a problem?”

Ren laughed.

“Let’s go, we still have a few things to do.”

They stepped out of the pool, and Ren picked up two pieces of fabric from the pile. He handed one to Hux, who recognized it as a towel. He began drying himself with it, but the fabric seemed to gobble the water off his skin, leaving it completely dry. Hux’s eyes widened when it left his hair fluffy and soft.

“Is this some Force-towel or what?” Hux asked.

“Yeah. Probably should have warned you about that one.”

“Probably.” 

“Here, have a robe. It won’t do anything unusual, I promise.”

Ren handed him another piece of black fabric. Hux accepted it; it seemed to spill between his fingers, so delicate and light. He watched Ren pull his own robe over his head, and mimicked him. The fabric hugged him tightly while appearing airy and light at the same time. 

“Stars, you look amazing,” Ren whispered. Hux couldn’t really see himself in the dark, and the pool gave no reflection, but he  _ felt  _ amazing. He felt powerful, desirable, mysterious. All the same while wearing a glorified nightgown. 

“Thank you.”

Ren watched him for a few more moments, his eyes hungry and wandering, before he made himself look away. 

“So, here comes the fun part.”

“The part where you drug me and hope it doesn’t kill me.”

“ _ It won’t kill you,”  _ Ren said and rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“You wouldn’t be so bold to make these assumptions if you knew anything about my immune system, but okay, I’m going to humour you.”

“Thank you.”

“Come with me,” Ren said, offering his hand, “one last step through the dimensions.”

“That sounds like you’re going to leave me there to die.”

“No, no, no,” Ren shook his head, “I’m saying that it’s the last step you have to take with someone guiding you. You’ll enjoy it when you can rely on the Force to guide you.”

“If you say so.”

They went through the same crack in the rock they came in through, but this time Hux tried to stay really focused on his destination. When he opened his eyes again, it was in a vast space that rendered him speechless for several moments. He blinked several times, trying to see it for what it really was, because his brain seemed to be flicking between two images of the place. It was both light and dark, but it didn’t feel like someone was clicking the off switch. The floor was both perfectly round and hexagonal, and the walls constituted something eerie between a smooth cone and a cut diamond. There seemed to be an opening at the top - at the  _ ceiling -  _ but Hux couldn’t be sure because whenever he tried to make out its shape, there seemed to be a shadow obscuring it. 

“If I take those drugs,” he whispered at last, “will any of this make sense to me?”

“Oh if only I knew that,” Ren admitted.

“Let’s see then, shall we?”

Ren nodded, and walked into the middle of the room, of that Hux was quite certain. As he followed Ren, it seemed like he wasn’t making any progress at all, like he was trying to escape quicksand, and then, suddenly, he was in the middle, everything perfectly clear and symmetrical, without feeling the great leap he must have suddenly taken. Ren was waiting for him, sat on the floor. Hux followed his example and sat opposite Ren with his legs crossed. The walls didn’t threaten to fall on him anymore, and he stopped trying to discern whether the room was round or not. It didn’t matter anyway, did it?

“You’re beginning to understand,” Ren said, “good. Let it in.”

“I think I’m mostly letting my rational thinking out.”

“No, that’s not your rational thinking leaving you, quite the contrary. That’s your mind disposing of oppressive, narrow views of the world,” Ren said, “are you ready or do you want to try and open up yourself?”

“Myself?”

“The drug’s here to help you accept the changed reality, to ease your brain into the new understanding,” Ren explained, “but you seem incredibly capable of doing that without help.”

“Give me a while, please,” Hux said then, revelling in Ren’s praise, and hating it at the same time. Perhaps he was truly figuring this place out. Everything had two sides, but the sides weren’t mutually exclusive as the old “two sides of a credit chip” saying would suggest. He thought he could hear someone approaching, footfalls just barely noticeable at the very edge of his consciousness, but he paid it no mind. 

“Okay,” he said, hungry to unearth more of the place’s mysteries but feeling like he couldn’t quite do it himself, “I’m ready.”

Ren raised a small bowl that hadn’t been between them before, and handed it over to Hux. Hux accepted it, holding it in both hands not to drop it.

“Drink it. A lump will form in your mouth - you should hold it there until it dissolves. Don’t bite onto it or try to swallow it,” Ren instructed. Hux nodded, bringing the bowl to his lips. The liquid was cold and hot, and sweet and sour, and bitter and salty, and neither at once. It coated his tongue and stuck to his teeth, until he was afraid he’ll never open his mouth again, but then it gathered into a small ball at the tip of his tongue. He closed his eyes, feeling it get smaller. He could recognize the footsteps now but he didn’t recognise their originators as threats or intruders. They were there for him, to witness his glorious epiphany. Suddenly he was made aware of another presence in the room, disrupting the flow of his liberation, and he frowned in discomfort. This entity, whatever it was, was impure and disbalanced, and it made Hux feel like he had heavy stones attached to one half of his body while the other side was floating in water. He wanted to protest, to send the intruder away, but the lump hadn’t dissolved yet; if anything, it seemed bigger than at the beginning. 

Something else filled his senses, coating the raw feeling of unnevenness and  _ wrong  _ and Hux invited it into his heart, almost weeping with relief. A sweet but strong scent filled his senses and trapped his thoughts in a sticky syrup of lazy, unhurried sensations. He tasted flowers on his tongue, and, somehow, a fabric softener, and something else he couldn’t quite place that made him feel hot and desperate for someone’s touch. 

Hushed, quiet tingling, like a chimes dangling softly in a light breeze, engulfed him, caressing him ever so slightly. The touch was so light he couldn’t feel it if he consciously put his mind to it, but it was always there when he concentrated on the music filling his ears. It was closer now, and more complicated, creating an actual melody. He could feel the invisible fingers on himself now, fondling him, exploring his body, and more instruments joined the chimes in the chorale, and he felt he could hear voices too, but they were just as intangible as the hands had been. The touches were bold now, intruding, probing him, and the music grew so loud it was bordering on painful. 

And then, out of nowhere, a single white spot appeared in his vision. Then another, and another, and they chased each other. He tried to follow them but his eyes were too slow, so he gave up, waiting if maybe they will reveal their secret to him of their own will. More stars appeared then, sprinkling the black sky of his closed eyelids. They grew bigger and bigger, until the light was everywhere, and he wanted to close his eyes from it, to shield them, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t because they were already closed - 

And just then, the lump on his tongue dissolved, taking all the sensations with it.

Hux opened his eyes. Ren was sitting in front of him, and he looked so ordinary, like he always did, and Hux was both disappointed and happy. 

_ Can you hear me?  _ Ren asked without moving his lips, just like he had some time ago - it felt like a lifetime to Hux. But this time, Hux knew how to respond.

_ Yes.  _

Ren looked relieved, as if he hadn’t believed Hux would be able to answer. He nodded and stood up. Hux supposed he would be given an order if he were to move, so he remained as he was. Taking his eyes off Ren allowed him to study his surroundings. There were six figures standing in a perfect circle. Each of them held a lit candle whose flame seemed unnervingly steady. The figures were clad in black, nearly merging in with the shadows thrown by the candlelight in their hands. There was another candle burning mere inches away from Hux. He supposed the figures were the Knights of Ren, and the candle at Hux’s feet was Ren’s own. 

All the way down the length of the hall, as if such an ordinary name could be used for a place as otherworldly, sat another creature, but this one held no candle. Hux realised immediately what had caused that feeling of smelling something dead, tasting something rotten, hearing something disharmonic, sustaining a stab wound, seeing an ugly, twisted picture that shouldn’t be. He wanted to scream, to tell the figure to go away, not to spoil his moment of triumph, but the creature smiled - Hux knew it without seeing - and shook its head, as if telling him he’d have to fight for his glory. 

Ren came back to Hux then. He was holding an animal in one hand, and a knife in the other. The animal was calm, unmoving, and Hux would say it was dead if he couldn’t sense its essence throbbing. It had a small, round head with big see-through ears, and four very short legs. It seemed like a very improbable animal, like it was a drawing of a small child brought to life. The blade of the knife glistened in the light of the candle, drawing Hux’s attention to it. 

“You shall kill this creature to know the pain of witnessing a living soul die,” Ren said, and his voice seemed oddly multi-layered, as if supported by a number of other invisible ones. Hux only then became aware of the low humming - or perhaps grumbling - noise that seemed to reverberate around him, causing his bones to clatter. 

He nodded solemnly.

“Kneel,” Ren said curtly. Hux obeyed. Ren handed him the animal and the knife, watching him.

“Cut its throat, and make sure you get the blood into the bowl.”

Hux laid the animal, so small and vulnerable, into the bowl. His hands shook as the animal opened its bead-like eyes and studied him. He could feel its quick heartbeat beneath his fingers. He felt like he might throw up. When Ren had told him about this particular part of the ritual, he didn’t think it would cause him any problems. With his heightened perception of his surroundings, it seemed almost impossible to kill, to take a life. 

Ren was watching him intently, as if wondering whether Hux would actually do it. The humming around him grew louder, filling his senses. He closed his eyes, seeking comfort in it. He took a deep breath, and his eyes were barely open as he moved his hand and cut the animal’s throat. Agony blossomed behind his breastbone, and he struggled for breath as the animal bled out into the small bowl. Ren was closer now, holding Hux’s face between his hands and whispering something soothing, but Hux couldn’t hear it over the sorrow. Finally, there were only droplets of blood leaving the wound, and Hux’s senses cleared again. Ren let go of him then, and he bowed down to pick the bowl up.

“You shall drink the blood of the life you had taken, you shall bathe in it, to know the power of taking a life,” Ren said, and there was the odd quality to his voice again. Hux focused on Ren’s hands which seemed like a steady enough point in the whole madness. Ren tipped Hux’s head back with his other hand, and he slipped the tip of his thumb between Hux’s lips, forcing them to part. Hux closed his eyes when Ren tilted the bowl a little. A small drop of blood spattered Hux’s nose and dribbled to Hux’s open mouth. It was too little for Hux to truly taste it. Ren let the blood pour out of the bowl on a bigger stream; it hit Hux between the eyebrows and spilled in all directions from there - into his hair, between his eyelids, into his mouth. The first droplet Hux could actually taste was sweet and tasted like triumph, like victory. He let out a content moan, and opened his mouth wider to taste more of it. Ren tantalized him with it, only allowing him a couple of drops at a time, and Hux licked them up furiously, feeling like he was being denied the release he deserved. Ren let him have more then and he’s standing in front of millions giving a speech that inspires fear and respect in his subjects. He’s omnipotent he’s a god he’s a god and soon they will learn it he’s a god who can take life with a single word he’s a god who can take whatever is his. He is. He is. He is-

Ren was holding his face again, whispering something Hux couldn’t quite make out. He tried to listen to it, to catch the meaning of the words, but all he could really do was lick his lips, looking for more of the blood to see the rest of his vision, to see himself triumph.

“You shall give yourself to me to learn that there will always be those who will want to use your for your powers,” Ren said when he managed to make eye contact with Hux. Hux nodded, his eyelids heavy, his blood rushing so fast it threatened to burst out of his body. He was aroused already, although he only just then realised it. 

“Yes,” he drawled, and his voice was tinted with a hint of the same background noise as Ren’s. It thrilled Hux, knowing he was becoming equal with Ren. 

“Arise,” Ren commanded, and Hux obeyed. The fabric of his robe rustled as he moved, although it had previously made no noise, as if the magic in it was wearing thin as the clothing became redundant. Ren got two fistfuls of the robe and tore it in half. Hux stepped out of the shreds, blood spattered on his collarbones, and smirked as he tore Ren’s own robes off in similar fashion. 

Ren stepped away from him then, retreating into the shadows, and Hux was overcome by panic for a split second. The humming of the voices around him picked up again, and he calmed down, knowing he would not be abandoned. He was given an opportunity to show off, to prowl around like a cat. And so he did. 

He touched his face with both hands, feeling the blood beneath his fingers, and then he moved palms lower, wrapping them around his neck and squeezing slightly, before continuing to his chest. His fingers left faint bloody traces on his skin. He took his nipples between his fingers and played with them, making them stiffen until it hurt, and then a little more. He moaned, and cried out a little, but no one came to help him. He kept his left hand on his chest and dropped his right to his crotch, feeling his hardening cock beneath his palm. He pressed the tip of his index finger to the head, but someone stopped him.

“Let me,” Ren growled, and it sounded like he caught Hux cheating on him. That elated Hux and he grinned, feeling like he was the one in charge even as Ren made him go down on his elbows and knees. 

Ren didn’t take too much time with some foreplay, or asking Hux if he was comfortable. For a while, Hux had no idea what was happening, and the song of the knights filled his ears. He barely noticed it when Ren pushed a slick finger inside him, and he was almost bored when the second was added. He considered telling Ren to grow a pair and just  _ do something already _ , but he found he was too uninterested even for that. Finally, Ren’s fingers withdrew, and Hux’s interest was piqued in anticipation. 

He cried out when Ren entered him, more because he felt like it, felt like drawing attention to himself, than in pain. He arched his back even more, rising his ass higher in the air, and Ren either understood or he was just lucky, but he pressed a hand, balled into a fist, between Hux’s shoulder blades, forcing him rather painfully to lay his arms on the ground and keep one cheek pressed against the cold floor. Hux moaned and closed his eyes. 

He’s in the middle of a battle surrounded by thousands upon thousands of his enemies. They have weapons of all kinds and of all levels of advancement from all planets and they’re all aimed at him but they can’t hurt him they can’t even reach him because he’s the sovereign of the universe and nobody is strong enough nobody is brave enough nobody is powerful enough to harm him. He starts laughing; laughing at the pitiful lot of them at their feeble pathetic endeavours and he laughs and laughs and laughs. But then there’s a-

Hux cried out when Ren slammed into him especially hard, and for a moment he didn’t see himself as the ruler of the universe. For the moment, he was a pathetic excuse of a man letting someone unworthy of him touch him, take him, fuck him-

He screams and turns to the attacker. He just got lucky it doesn’t mean anything nothing everything. He roars in pain and the sky tears open and fire rains down killing everyone except for him because he’s immortal he’s eternal he’s the ruler of the universe. But there he is again the rat the would-be rival-

Ren wrapped his fingers around Hux’s cock and squeezed, too hard and out of rhythm with his thrusts. There were tears in Hux’s eyes, unbidden hot tears of pain and anger and humiliation. But there was also fire in his loins, a promise of pleasure so indescribable it might blind him.

He’ll win. He always wins he always gets what he wants he always triumphs because he’s better than all of them. He wins wins wins and they grovel at his feet disgraced and beaten. He barely notices them there slithering like worms and trying to get the best of him trying to surprise him as if they could ever hope to beat him as if a small bite might kill him-

Hux trembled, and it seemed like the whole room trembled around him, like the entire universe shivered in anticipation. He closed his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms and

Pain redhot pain. And then ecstasy sweet and blinding. Power. They fear him they cower before him and he can kill them with a single thought. Kill them kill them all until none is left not even the annoying one the one who stood a chance the one who made him bleed. He steps onto them crushes their corpses beneath his feet and they’re nothing but dirt dirt and a waste of space. Dirt and water and wind and fire. Power. 

He opens his eyes. He’s lying on the floor, dead weight of someone once significant crushing him. He wiggles free, face distorted in disgust. The air is eerily quiet and he thinks, briefly, that it shouldn’t be, but then he dismisses it, for something else catches his eye.

“Welcome,” says a dark figure and he thinks it’s ridiculous, “welcome to your new life.”

He supposes the creature is talking to him. It annoys him, mostly because he doesn’t care. He’s just broken free of his shackles, crawled from his chrysalis to see the world for the first time, and he doesn’t care for someone  _ welcoming  _ him, like he’s a stranger, a newbie. 

He raises his hand and flicks his wrist, and the figure’s head falls back in heavy slumber. 

He sighs with relief and stretches his muscles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter included the first of mini-mantis's awesome illustrations, which you can find [here](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/post/168228753551/first-of-my-illustrations-of-the-kyluxbigbang), so go give it a reblog!  
> Additional warnings for this chapter: There are some hallucinogens involved, an animal dies (although not too graphically) and its blood is used for drinking.


	3. Overflowing sink

Kylo woke up lying facedown on a cold floor. His body was protesting against such position, having been distorted into it for way too long. He moved to get on all fours, and he hissed when the renewed blood flow in his left arm brought on pins and needles. He heard several cracks as his vertebrae clicked into place and he sighed. 

He was cold, hungry and confused. He tried to remember what led up to him lying naked on a floor in a room that was making his head spin. He recalled leading Hux into the room and giving him the drug, but everything after that was rather hazy. He squinted as he tried to get to more. His forehead was throbbing a little, and he found out, a little surprised, that he was injured. The blood was caked in his eyebrow, which made him wonder just how long he’d been lying there. 

“Kylo?” 

He looked up and met six confused pairs of eyes. They appeared as lost as he felt, which didn’t improve his mood. He’d hoped they’d fill in the blanks. This way he might have to depend on Hux. Where was Hux anyway?

“I don’t suppose you know what happened?” he croaked, his throat raw, as if he’d been screaming. He realised he was naked, and dirty. 

“It went well, we could feel the Force here with us,” Korleen said, “but neither of us remembers anything after he drank the blood.” 

“I don’t even remember that,” Kylo sighed and he rubbed his temples. His head was threatening to split in half. 

“Are you okay?” Karst asked, elbowing Korleen in the ribs and stopping her from asking more intruding questions.

“Not really,” Kylo admitted, “my whole body hurts and I don’t remember shit.”

“Let’s wash up and get something to eat,” Kemma decided, ever practical. Kylo was glad to have her around, she tended to manage the other knights when they were a little too much. “We can talk then.”

Kylo realized he was shaking. The insidious feeling of nausea grew stronger and pushed itself to the forefront of his consciousness. He tried to stand up but it seemed like too much effort. Karst jumped to his side and took him under one shoulder, while Kaex helped from the other side. They all but carried Kylo out of the room, followed closely by the other four knights. 

They appeared in the room with the pool. Kylo crawled into the water which was hot now, and he wanted to curl onto his side and fall asleep. He was sitting in the water with his head resting on the stony edge when Kemma brought over a plate with some fruits. Kylo’s stomach turned at the prospect of eating something and he closed his eyes.

“You know you have to eat something,” Kemma said in her resolute, down-to-business way. She wasn’t very good at handling people gently. Kylo had wondered several times if that was her personal trait or if all the members of her species were like that, but he never dared ask.

“I don’t want to,” he mumbled, “can I get some sugar first please? I don’t think I can eat anything.”

Korleen was out of the room before he even finished the question, and she was back with two sugar cubes in no time. Kylo took them, holding them on his tongue as they melted. He tried to blink every once in a while to stay awake, but his eyelids were heavy and he was tired. So, so tired.

The knights were perched on the sides of the pool, watching him. Kemma was still holding the tray with the fruits, wielding it like a weapon while Korleen removed her shoes and pulled her clothes up not to get them wet as she slipped her feet into the water. She started combing her fingers through Kylo’s hair, singing a soft tune. Kylo laid his head on the side of her thigh. 

When the sugar made made its way to his system and the trembling stopped, Kylo opened his eyes. Karst was meditating, sitting stiller that the stone behind him, Kaex was dozing off in Klee’s lap, and Kwis was lying on her stomach, fingers playing in the water. Kemma gave Kylo the tray the second she noticed he was conscious enough. 

He took a piece of something that looked soft and pliable enough not to require much chewing. It was sweet with the hint of something tart, almost like an afterthought, and the taste was almost overwhelming. Kylo closed his eyes again to block away as many stimuli as possible. He ate several of the fruits off Kemma’s plate and he felt better. His brain had enough sugar to function now, and all the questions came back. 

“Where's Hux?” he said without really expecting an answer. 

“Can't you feel it?” Korleen asked softly. Kylo figured her question had something to do with the Force and it scared him when he realized he had to concentrate to feel the Force flow through him. He hadn't had to do that since he was a child. 

He sought out the comfort of it, the warm reassurance running through his veins, but the second he connected with it, it felt bitter and stale, as if someone had left it locked up to rot. He distanced himself from the poison and gasped.

“What have I done?” 

Korleen reassuringly rubbed his shoulder. Kemma took a breath to answer him, but she didn’t when Korleen shot her a scolding look.

“He’s here somewhere,” Kwis said in her thin melodic voice. Kylo always thought she looked too young to be with them, but he had to admit she hadn’t changed at all over the years, and later he realised he didn’t know how old she really was. She resembled fairies from Alderaanian tales that Ben used to hear as a child. “He’s waiting for you.”

Kylo thought that was a rather romantic interpretation. Most likely, Hux just hadn’t found his way out yet, or he was too fascinated by the house to leave on his own. 

“We have to find him,” Kemma said, “before he rips the universe apart.”

Kylo wanted to point out that he didn’t think Hux would be capable of that, but he stopped himself. Surely, the Hux he knew wouldn’t be capable of that. Neither of the knights, perhaps not even Snoke, would be capable of that. But there was a reason why the powers within Hux were muted. Words like insanity and world destruction flashed through Kylo’s mind. 

“He’ll be confused,” Korleen said, ever conciliatory, “and lost. Maybe we just have to make him understand.”

“That is definitely one way it could be interpreted, and we’ll all hope for it,” Kemma took over the situation again, “but we should also take into consideration some not so innocent alternatives.”

“Let Kylo find him first,” Kwis countered, “I think he is confused right now, whatever his intentions. The Force must be terribly strong in him if it knocked all of us unconscious. He’s not prepared for it.”

Kylo felt the Force creeping back as he recovered. Perhaps it had shied away from him earlier, wounded from the violent shift of balance. He could feel the focal point of the  poisonous aura clearly now, and it disgusted him. He wondered how he’d be able to talk to Hux if it got any stronger. 

“Do you feel up for it?” Karst asked suddenly. Kylo hadn’t noticed when he stopped meditating; Karst was always so quiet, always just  _ there  _ and he hardly ever did anything to draw someone’s attention to himself. 

“I got all of us, including him, into this mess,” Kylo replied, “I should try to sort it out. But before, I have to eat something proper.”

“Do you want us to stay?” Korleen asked. Her eyes begged Kylo to say yes. She always wanted to take care of everyone, displeased when they were separated. Kylo suspected she was jealous of Hux, which was a ridiculous notion that had to be taken into consideration nonetheless. 

“I would like it if you stayed,” Kylo said slowly, “but I don’t think it would be good. It might provoke him, or scare him.”

Korleen seemed unconvinced but she didn't protest. She never did. She was a ruthless fighter but Kylo suspected she was just fiercely protective of her mismatched found family.

“We’ll stay on the planet if you need us,” Kemma promised, “just call if you need help. Don’t play hero.”

“I won’t,” Kylo promised. He got out of the pool then and accepted a towel from Korleen. She wrapped him in it and he bent down to kiss her on the forehead. 

“Take care of them for me, okay?” he smiled. She nodded, and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her, getting her robe a little wet. She let go of him very reluctantly. Kylo turned to Kemma, offering his hand to her. She took it and pulled him in a half-hug, patting his wet shoulder.

“Don’t let them do anything silly,” Kylo instructed her. 

She didn’t as much as smirk as she replied: “I won’t. It’s enough that I’m letting you do a stupid thing.”

“You know I have to.” 

“Of course you do.”

Karst was hugging Kylo before he knew it, holding on for long moments. Kylo hugged him back, if somewhat less enthusiastically. Karst had an unresolved issue of hero-worship when it came to Kylo, and he was very young and still figuring himself out. Kylo didn’t want to hurt him by treating him cruelly, but he didn’t want to give him false hopes either. Their little group was efficient as it was, and he didn’t want to disrupt the stability of it. 

“Protect them while I’m away, okay?” Kylo told him, and Karst nodded eagerly. Kylo knew he was expecting a kiss, and he’d gladly give it if he didn’t fear Karst might take it the wrong way. He smiled and nodded to tell Karst their hug was over, and finally he was released. 

Kaex had his usual somber expression when he stepped to Kylo and took Kylo’s face between his hands before pressing their foreheads together. Kylo closed his eyes and concentrated - getting Kaex’s message clearly was difficult now that his sense of the Force was still maimed, but he thought he understood it clear enough. He sent a quick reply and touched the backs of Kaex’s hands to show he understood. 

Klee smiled gleefully at him, and hugged him tightly. They weren’t mute like Kaex was but they still weren’t awfully talkative. Kylo found that reassuring sometimes, being in someone’s presence without having to put effort into communicating. He kissed Klee on both cheeks and they ran their fingers through his hair with a mischievous grin. 

Kwis waited until all the others left the room. Kylo always felt like she knew more than they did, and hoped that maybe one day, she’ll share the knowledge with them. She kissed him on the lips and touched his eyelids with the pads of her thumbs.

“Be careful,” she told him, her voice thin but melodic. “He might not mean to be dangerous, but he definitely is.”

“I know.”

“Don’t fall in love with him.”

“What?” Kylo yelped. Why would she- 

“You liked him enough to plead for his life, enough to risk yours - and ours - in this ritual. I think you don’t realise just how high the stake is here,” Kwis went on, unbothered by Kylo’s indignation, “you bet everything on one card. You’d better play it well.”

“I’m quite sure that’s not how cards work,” Kylo said in a feeble attempt at a joke.

“Don’t take this lightly, Kylo. He was half-mad and pathologically ambitious before you gave him the power to destroy everything. He’s a threat. I believe you can handle this, but don’t let your desire cloud your judgement.” 

“I’ll try to control my downstairs brain.”

“He’s not even that hot.”

“I beg to differ.”

“I should hope so,” she said and hugged him for a small moment, “take care of yourself. And of him. You’re responsible for him now.”

“Now  _ that  _ is scary.”

“I know.”

She followed the others, and Kylo found himself alone in the eerie gloom of the cavern. He wanted to go back into the pool and stay there until his skin fell off. That was a disturbing image but definitely a better one that facing Hux with frightening Force-abilities while he himself was still weak. He sighed and dried himself with the towel, all the while trying to get in tune with the Force again. It felt like recovering his hearing after an explosion - it was frustrating, took time, and there was the underlying panic that it would never get back to how it had been. 

He found his robes where he’d left them. It was a little unnerving - so much had happened and yet his clothing was still there, waiting for him. He put on the leggings and tunic, not bothering with the rest. He took it with him though. He didn’t think he’d be returning to this room. 

…

Everyone is unconscious, except for him. Everyone is too weak to bear to look at him. Everyone is unimportant. His heart races gleefully. He dances around the room. He remembers how it used to unnerve and confuse him. He laughs at the man he was. He’s not that man anymore, whoever that was. That man thought it appropriate to give himself over to someone else. That man used to find this room too much to bear.

He sees it now. He sees everything. He understands the world, the fabric it’s made of. He wonders how that man even lived without all that knowledge. How do all these pathetic creatures even go about their daily business without understanding? How do they not go mad with how little they know? He thinks he would shoot himself if he were one of  _ them.  _ But he is not. 

He leaves the room. The simpletons lie on the floor. The brilliance of his understanding took their breaths away. They crumbled like a badly built house in a storm during his moment of clarity. He supposes it was for the best. They would not understand. 

No, no one would understand. He is all alone. It is his gift and his curse. His burden. He doesn’t feel burdened. 

The first room he enters is a throne room. It is for him obviously. This place was created for someone exceptional. He is exceptional. It’s enormous and inspires awe. He thinks it is rather fitting. He walks down the length of the room imagining crowds cheering as he passes by. He offers his hand to them disinterestedly. It is the best day of that peasant’s life. No, it’s the biggest accomplishment of the whole family. He just nods solemnly. The hall is long and packed with people craving to kiss his magnificent cloak. (He has a cloak now, and a crown. It would not be very regal to be naked.) 

He sits down on the throne. They all bow to him but he pays no attention. They’re just flies, dust, molecules. Nothing. Cannon fodder. A fortunate formation of chemical compounds. They’re replaceable. Unimportant. He doesn’t look at them. He’s eternal. 

Being revered gets boring. And tiresome. He has to be there and let those idiots stare at him. He just stands up and drops his crown. And leaves. 

The next room is smaller and full of garbage and cluster. He almost turns and leaves. But behind is boredom. He doesn’t want to be bored. He rolls his eyes, annoyed. The old chair with only three legs explodes. He smirks. 

Things break around him. Explode. Turn into a pile of splinters. He cackles gleefully. The chandelier falls from the floor. Shards everywhere. He walks on them and there’s no pain, no blood, just exhilaration. A fish tank shatters. Slippery fish flop around in desperate search for water. He steps on them. Their small lives end with a spark and he can feel it. His head spins. He giggles. 

He cannot get enough of the destruction. So many big sturdy things gone, with just a thought. Crystal vases burst into millions of pieces just because he wants them to. 

He stands amidst the destruction he caused. It doesn’t please him anymore. He molds the glass back into vases, wood back into chairs, metal back into outdated weapons. He refills the fishtank with the water from the floor, but the fish just wouldn’t breathe again. He squats down to it. It looks dead. He thinks it smells dead. He pokes it with his thumb. It tosses onto the other side. He’s angry. Why doesn’t it want to be fixed?

He leaves the stupid fish on the floor and storms out of the room.    
There are mirrors. He sees his reflection, multiplied by hundreds. He raises a hand and thousands of his likenesses wave back. He feels powerful but insignificant at the same time. Every small motion, each micro-expression, each breath thrown back at him. He’s uncomfortable, he feels exposed. Someone looked into his soul and is laying it bare for him. 

He touches the mirror. His fingers breach the silvery surface, cool and slippery. He takes his hand back. The mirror is perfectly smooth like before. There’s no trace of something alien on his fingers. He touches the mirror again and it gives way. He reaches further, tentative. There are no obstacles. His arm is inside past the elbow now. He places his other hand on the mirror. It falls through. He loses his balance and falls forward.

It’s dark. He blinks several times. Still nothing. He tries closing his eyes. He has other senses now. Slowly, shapes appear. He opens his eyes and loses them, so he goes back to leaning onto the Force. He feels the place with invisible fingers. It seems like his surroundings is forming as he touches it. He doesn’t think he likes that. It makes things complicated. He doesn’t like complicated. Come to think of that, he doesn’t like this place much.

…

Kylo stopped looking for Hux after six hours of senseless wandering around the house. As he’d told him earlier, when Hux was still only a tad crazy, the house offered thousands of possible routes. The only way they’d meet again is if they both wanted to. Hux didn’t seem to want to be found, or maybe he was above something as mundane as being found. Kylo decided to take the time to meditate and get the feeling of the Force. He was slowly recovering and ignoring the suspicion that he was never going to get it all back. He tried to connect with the knights, as a practice, but he found his messages bounce back off the walls of the house. He was alone, and he didn’t know how long that might take. 

After two days, he started wondering what happened to Snoke. Of course he could have just disappeared, Kylo never quite knew what his master was on about, but it was suspicious. The thought that Snoke was teaching Hux the ways of the Force crossed his mind, and he couldn’t decide how he felt about that, so he pushed it to the back of his mind.

He couldn’t sleep properly at night - kept tossing and turning, and every time he closed his eyes, his tortured, confused mind went back to the night of the ritual, trying to recover more memories, trying to remember, and failing. He only got glimpses, snatches of pleasure and pain mingled up together, but they all ended the same, with a searing red hot cut through his chest that woke him up and left him gasping for air, tears streaming down his cheeks. He tried to convince himself that whatever happened during the ritual didn’t matter, that he didn’t care as long as he survived, but his memory wasn’t going to be satisfied with that. 

He was lying in bed after one such episode, his chest heaving with disjointed shallow breaths, when he felt a change in the Force. Where there had previously only been silence, he was now hearing faint but unmistakable whispering. Someone was calling to him, and he was out of bed in a split second. He would have to act fast if it really was Hux. He might change his mind again in a few heartbeats. 

Kylo opened the door hastily, and there he was. It was a bedroom of an aristocratic couple from what Kylo could see. There was an ornamented canopied double bed. The fabric was heavy and probably expensive, although Kylo was no expert. He felt uncomfortable meeting Hux in a room like this. Especially when Hux was naked and perched on the edge of the bed. 

“Hello, Hux,” Kylo said slowly. He didn't get a reaction from Hux for a long time which annoyed him, but he tried not to show any strength, physical or mental. It might piss Hux off, and Kylo didn't think he wanted to see Hux pissed off. Hux stretched a little, obviously ignoring Kylo.

“Oh sorry, I was expecting you to introduce yourself since you have the audacity to use my name,” Hux drawled, his accent somehow even more pretentious than Kylo could remember. He wanted to tell Hux to sod off, but somehow he couldn’t. Something was forcing him to bow his head.

“I am Kylo Ren, sir,” he said. It slipped off his lips before he could stop it. He wanted to throw up. Bowing his head to Hux? Calling him sir? What was that about?

…

He stands up from the bed. The man in front of him is not on his knees, but a bowed head is enough for now. He feels like he can’t hope to make the man submit in a heartbeat. This Kylo Ren, whoever he is, thinks himself important. He doesn’t care. He will bend Ren to his will. 

“Is that supposed to impress me?” he asks Ren. He’s being watched, studied. Good. He deserves to be.

“I don’t know. It never impressed you before, I suppose there’s no reason why it should now,” Ren says. 

He’s bored already. So many words, and for what. A waste of air. There’s only one message in that clutter of words that interests him. 

“We’ve never met,” he says resolutely. Maybe that other man met Ren, before. He isn’t that man. He’s someone else. 

“I suppose you see it that way,” Ren shrugs. He hates Ren’s changing nature. He thought he’d like his subjects to always agree with him. But it’s boring. It’s just as boring as the mirror labyrinth.  

“You’re boring me,” he announces.

“Well, I’m sorry,” Ren spits, “maybe you could stop making me say the things you want to hear and let me talk on my own instead.” 

“Watch your mouth,” he says. Ren winces. For a while he thinks Ren is trying to shield himself. That is ludicrous. He doesn’t want to hurt Ren. He doesn’t want to break his newfound toy. That’s what Ren is. A toy. “Don’t cower.”

Ren seems to be considering his chances. He waits. He’ll wait for Ren to come up with a plan. Then he’ll tear it into shreds. He’ll tantalize Ren until he breaks down. 

“Do you want to learn more about your abilities?” Ren asks. He breathes in. He wants to scorn and tell Ren he never wanted anything less. Something stops him. Abilities?

“You think you can teach me something?” he sneers but he’s not as sure as he tries to appear. What if Ren really does have something to offer?

“Your powers are greater than mine,” Ren begins. He has to give Ren a point for being clever. “But they’re untrained. You’re not in control of them. Unrestrained, they’re useless, even dangerous.” 

“How do you know that?” he barks. He doesn’t feel comfortable if it’s true. 

“Because I helped give them to you,” Ren says. He doesn’t think he understands. “Before you got your powers, you were a General. I gave you the opportunity to become powerful.”

“That wasn’t me,” he utters. He thinks Ren knows that and doesn’t care. It pisses him off. He won’t be disrespected like this. 

“I’m sorry. I forgot you killed General Hux when you clawed your way out of his body,” Ren says, and it sounds angry. It sounds like Ren’s disappointed with him. Like he expected someone else. Well too bad. He’s here. Ren’s beloved General is gone. 

“Don’t test my patience,” he warns Ren. Ren is growing too sure of himself again. He won’t allow that. 

“Look, however you came to those powers, you have to learn to control them. Otherwise they’re useless.” Ren raises his hands up in defense.

“And you think you can teach me?”

“I can also leave you here and make you try to figure it out on your own. Your choice.” 

“What can you offer to interest me?” He's kicking around in self-defense. The mere concept of Ren being more powerful than him is nauseating. He's almost sure it's just Ren’s false bravado. Yet, Ren seems so sure of himself. There must be a reason for that. He wants to prove Ren wrong. 

Ren waits. He makes himself look at Ren. He's being manipulated, made to surrender. He only looks at Ren to see what the man wants to show him. So that he can prove him wrong. 

Ren nods. Then, slowly, he rises off the ground. Like a graceful yet oversized bird. He smirks. Is this Ren’s big talent? Pathetic. He raises an eyebrow and flies. And flies. 

...

Kylo hid the pleased, malicious smile that crept on his lips as Hux hit the ceiling. He had chosen levitation for this exact reason, to teach Hux a lesson and establish some semblance of dominance over him. He had, long ago, made the same mistake as Hux did now. The thing with levitation is, it requires minimal strength but extreme focus on the Force. One has to be perfectly in touch with it to stay suspended in the air. 

“Your powers are immense,” Kylo said. Hux was sitting on the floor, a glare angry enough to hurt on his face. Kylo supposed some praise wouldn't hurt him. “But you cannot control them yet. I may not be as strong as you, but I have years of training to make up for it.”

Kylo knelt down to face Hux. “Let me share that with you. Let me teach you.” 

Hux looked like he wanted to bite Kylo’s hand off. He was sneering but there was hunger in his eyes. Kylo waited, showing just enough interest not to look dismissive. Hux pursed his lips angrily.

“Fine,” he spat at last.

“Good,” Kylo said and stood up, uncaring if Hux followed him. He waited by the door. 

“What are you hiding?” Hux asked malevolently.

“From you? So many things. You’re dangerous.”

“No, with these rags,” Hux pulled at Kylo’s tunic, “are you malformed? Incomplete?”

“It is customary not to walk around naked in front of other people,” Kylo replied, unperturbed, “but you know that. Don’t insult my intelligence by pretending you don’t understand basic etiquette.” 

“You don’t have to hide from me,” Hux remarked, “unless, of course, you’re ashamed of your form.”

“I could not care less about what you think of me,” Kylo opened the door and stepped through, not bothering himself with checking whether Hux is following him, “I won’t undress because you want me to.”

“You’re a hypocrite, but I already knew that,” Hux shrugged. Kylo ignored him. The sight of Hux naked didn’t exactly keep him calm but he reminded himself of the way Hux made him call him sir, and his arousal subsided.

They entered a hexagonal room with no windows. Candles lining the walls cast sparse light. There were two mats in the middle of the room, and an incense was burning between them, expiring heavy, sweet smoke. Kylo made his way to one of the mats and sat down on it, cross-legged, without paying attention to Hux. He could locate the man effortlessly even with his eyes closed. The Force seemed to radiate from Hux, or maybe bounce off him, fortified. It took about two minutes of Hux’s sneering and derogatory comments about the place, Kylo himself and his methods before he understood he wouldn’t be taken seriously until he shut up and sat down. Kylo heard him knock over some of the candles out of spite, and he felt the perfect balance of the room break. 

“Light them back up,” he said calmly and straightened the candles with loud clatter. Hux hit him with an image so violent and crude it almost knocked the breath out of Kylo. The message of it was quite clear:  _ I am not your servant.  _

“You may not be my servant, but you are the Force’s. It won’t listen to you unless you appease it,” Kylo replied. Hux’s spirit was turbulent now and, if Kylo were to put a label on it, confused. He supposed his message didn't get through. He sighed. He'd read that this might happen, the Force distancing its user from the material world and leaving them unable to communicate in regular conversation patterns. He'd hoped they were over this the second Hux growled at him, but it seemed like he was wrong. Well then. 

He came up with a short vision that conveyed his message as well as he could hope. Hux growled at him, hitting him with more anger, but Kylo didn’t let it faze him. He sent Hux the same vision again, sitting patiently on the mat with his eyes still closed. He supposed he could thank the incense for his calm - it was carrying him away from his body, away from base, petty emotions like anger or annoyance. In short, he didn’t give a fuck. 

Hux groaned, loudly, like a frustrated child. Kylo wondered if he would throw himself onto the ground. He realised, with a tinge of worry, that Hux could probably make the ceiling collapse and trap Kylo beneath it. 

Kylo created another vision, offering to let Hux break things if he obeys. It was probably not very pedagogical, but he had never had a pupil before, and he supposed positive reinforcement might be a good thing to get Hux to cooperate. He didn’t dare use outright threats and punishments with someone who could easily kill him. 

Hux, still angry, walked over to the other candles. Kylo opened his eyes to watch him. Hux ran his fingers over the flames, fire making his hair look an angrier shade of red, playing with the light like it wasn’t a fearsome element but a harmless animal. It bent to his will, and Kylo watched with fascination as flames danced on Hux’s untouched skin. Hux, probably acutely aware of being watched at this point, walked to the unlit candles. The flames jumped off his fingers unwillingly but surely, and Hux stood above his work for a while, his frame outlined by orange and yellow and red. Kylo breathed out slowly, committing the image to his memory. It was both peaceful and unsettling, beautiful and horrible, and Hux looked barely human. 

Then, suddenly, Hux turned around. Kylo pointed to the other mat, supposing he was clear enough. Hux made his way to it but he didn’t want to sit down. Kylo waited for a while. 

_ Hux floating in the air.  _

Kylo sighed and shook his head. 

_ Hux sitting on the mat. Hux making candles float. Hux floating in the air.  _

Hux pursed his lips and frowned. He was stubborn, and his anger was bubbling up again, Kylo could sense it. He wasn’t there to be manipulated.

_ Kylo hitting a ceiling in attempt to fly. Kylo lying on the floor. Kylo sitting on a mat. Kylo making objects fly. Kylo floating in the air. _

Hux eyed Kylo suspiciously for a long time, standing still like a perfect marble statue, before scoffing and lowering himself on the mat. Kylo gave him a smile and bowed his head, hoping Hux would understand it as _ thank you _ . Hux folded his long legs to mimic Kylo’s position. 

Now that he had his pupil properly seated, Kylo didn’t know where to start. On one hand, Hux was supposedly a beginner. On the other, they were already communicating via the Force. Kylo supposed they could start with trying to clear Hux’s mind but he had no idea how to explain that. He stared at the purplish smoke of the incense for a while trying to come up with a comprehensible sequence of images. 

_ Flashing memories - faces, places, smells, emotions. One stays for longer; gone. Another; gone. One after another, they all disappear, until only the smoke is left, flickering.  _

Kylo looked up expectantly. Hux was frowning a little. Kylo closed his eyes, immersed himself in his thoughts, and tried to show his process to Hux again, slower this time. It wasn’t exactly how this worked, but he hoped it was close enough for Hux to understand. 

He was at the middle of making a show of scrapping another memory when a single, very steady, very vivid vision entered his mind, making him almost jump. He looked up at Hux who was staring back; bored expression on his face. Kylo realised only now just how much contempt and disgust Hux had been holding back as a General. He missed the General.

Kylo didn't know how to react. Hux had done what Kylo showed him, and his mind seemed to be vacant save for the image he was showing Kylo, but unrest surrounded him, the Force curling in whirlwinds on his skin. He had cleared his thoughts but his mind was still in too many places. Kylo supposed he'd have to take a different route. 

_ Chests rising and falling at the same time, slowly and deeply.  _

Hux sneered, as if doubting something as mundane as breathing could be considered exercise. Kylo ignored him again. He started the breathing routine he had learned years ago from his uncle and perfected under Snoke. It was uncanny really how Hux was discrediting the same methods and exercises that Ben used to laugh at. Maybe every cheeky child with attitude mocked their teacher. Maybe that was how they weeded them out. 

Hux slapped him with the vision of himself flying, but Kylo sent him the breathing one again. He was getting annoyed. Hux was acting like a child, but Kylo couldn’t dare try to discipline him like he would a child. Hux might lash out. From what Kylo could sense, he was barely in control of himself, and ready to thrash the room if something displeased him. 

Hux took a loud, deep breath, puffing out his thin chest as much as he could and he almost spat the air out as he exhaled. Kylo opened his eyes and glared at Hux for several minutes, blinking as little as possible until Hux stopped taking the melodramatic breaths and eased out into a regular rhythm, even if he still refused to follow Kylo’s. It didn’t matter. He’d have to start obeying sooner or later in the routine. 

…

He’s being made fun of. If he hadn’t seen the display, he’d say Ren is incompetent. But Ren isn’t. Ren can fly. He can’t fly. He should, but he can’t. It frustrates him. He doesn’t care for flying. But if there is someone capable of flying, he has to be too. He has to fly higher. 

He wants to fly. So far, he’s grounded. Being taught to breathe. Ren’s lungs are bigger than his. They can take more air. He’s being humiliated for his body being smaller than Ren’s. He thinks he recalls some taunting the other man, Ren’s beloved  _ General,  _ was subjected to. He’s angry. He’s not there to be mocked.

Candles come flying. Fire engulfs him. Heat, anger, passion. Burning omnipresent hatred. Cold hands on his skin. The sound of a breaking bone. Sizzling. Breeze. 

He hits the ground. Pain radiates from his right hip. He tries to move but he’s shivering. His muscles refuse to cooperate. He wants to cry. Tears hurt. He tries to scream but that hurts too. His head is splitting in half.

Someone is shouting. Things shatter around him. He lies, eyes closed, and hopes he will gain his strength soon. He wants to strangle the person who’s making his headache worse. He wants to eat their heart. 

The noise ebbs away, eventually. He falls into a fitful sleep. He dreams he hears voices. He hears someone scream. He hears another piece of furniture break but it’s distant. Like a memory. He wishes he understood. He thinks they’re talking about him. He bets it’s nothing good. No one says good things about a person who is asleep. No one says good things about him. 

He wakes up to a painful rumbling in his stomach. He moves faster than a thought. There’s no attacker in sight. He inspects his belly but it’s intact. There is a bruise on his hip. He recalls a surge of pain. Recalls an angry voice. Recalls fire. There’s a blanket wrapped around his legs. He must have been lying beneath it. Pathetic. Someone cared about him enough to put a blanket over him. Truly pathetic. And confusing. 

He tries to make his memory remember. It comes out blank. There are just hazy images. His mind is playing tricks on him. He can only remember one pair of arms, one voice, one face. But it couldn’t have been the same one. Ren, mad at him, wouldn’t cover him with a blanket. And stars, was Ren mad at him. 

His stomach rumbles again. He looks around. He’s surrounded by shattered furniture. Shards and splinters everywhere. He realises how lucky he was not to cut himself. Maybe it was Ren who put the blanket over him. Probably hoping he’d get comfortable enough to cut himself and bleed out. Now this he understands. 

He stands up. Balancing on the balls of his feet, he makes his way to the door. It’s not far and yet he accidentally cuts his left foot. He leans against the doorframe. He lifts his foot, inspecting it. Blood trickles down his toes. He stares at it, fascinated. Plucks a shard out. 

He walks out. His stomach is rumbling, and he has a vague idea of what might be causing it. The room behind the door is small and light. A conservator hums in the corner. He opens it. The light inside almost blinds him. His skin prickles when he reaches inside. He eats some sort of vegetable, then munches on some salami for a while, until he realises it’s still in its package. He tears it with his teeth.

He stuffs himself for the better part of an hour. He’s a little sick and sleepy but satisfied. He collapses into a chair and folds his arms on the table. He’s bored. And doesn’t remember what happened. 


	4. Baby Steps

Kylo had to concentrate very hard not to hiss as Korleen inspected his injuries. She didn’t handle either of the knights getting hurt very well, and it was better not to show pain in front of her. 

“We should call Snoke,” Kemma announced. She was sitting on a couch opposite Kylo, watching Korleen work, and frowned. Kylo thought she was being unfair, holding a conversation when he couldn’t reply. He had tried to speak a while ago but Korleen’s glare told him to stay silent. 

“And we should stay with you,” Karst added. Kylo wanted to roll his eyes. 

“You’re all talking in vain,” Kwis said. She was looking out of the window without addressing either of them, as if that was beneath her. “Kylo’s decided. He won’t back away now.”

“We’re a group!” Korleen protested, “We decide together! He can’t just…”

“But he can, can’t he?” Kwis replied, “He’s the master. He can’t tell us what to do if we don’t agree as a group, but he does what he wants.”

Korleen glared at Kylo again, as if he had said anything. She finished applying bacta to his face and he opened his mouth to test it. He was feeling a little hazy after the painkillers he took before he called the knights, and blood was pulsing under the bandages but it was nothing he wouldn’t survive. With a little luck, it won’t even scar. 

“He’s my responsibility, I have to try to teach him. He’s not a lost case, but he’s like a very powerful child. He gets bored, and then he’s dangerous, but he won’t lash out again if I keep him entertained. I just have to figure out what works and what doesn’t,” Kylo told the knights. His burnt skin hurt but he needed to get everything out and make himself clear. 

“Is getting burnt a way of keeping him entertained?” Kemma asked sarcastically. 

“No. Keeping him entertained is changing the exercises often enough so that he doesn’t get bored and play with fire,” Kylo replied calmly. “I will stay and teach him, alone. That’s my final decision and I won’t be listening to your complaints any longer.”

He looked each of the knights in the eyes as he said it. Kemma looked defensive, Korleen sad, Karst like someone kicked him and threw him out into the rain. Klee and Kaex seemed to be absent, like they were lost in their private conversation, but Kaex sent Kylo a message of approval and himself and Klee standing with Kylo no matter what. Kylo compared Kaex’s calm, gentle vision with Hux’s intrusive, angry ones, and decided to work on that next. It might serve to calm Hux’s explosive nature and allow them to understand each other a little better. 

“Thank you, Kaex,” Kylo said not to seem ungrateful. Kwis finally turned away from the window and she nodded at Kylo. He hoped it was approval. 

“What will you do now?” Kemma asked, not giving up easily. Kylo supposed she was hoping to catch him off-guard and he resolved not to give her that. He wanted to be angry with her but he couldn’t be mad at someone worried about him. 

“I think he’s unconscious now. I’ll wait until he wakes up and looks for me, and then I’ll go talk to him. He should be able to speak when he’s not using the Force,” he explained.

“How do you know he’ll want to see you?” 

“I simply do. But if you need to hear a more specific reason, it’s because he wants to fly, and right now I’m the only one he knows of who can teach him that.”

“He has the power to make planets explode and he wants to fly?” Karst laughed. Kylo raised an eyebrow.

“I remember you wanted to learn to be invisible not so long ago. How is that any different?” Kylo retorted. He was perhaps a little too harsh, but he was tired, in pain and unwilling to participate in petty quarrels. “I won’t have you question my decisions. Either of you.”

Kemma still looked defiant but she didn’t say anything. Karst crossed his arms on his chest, staring up at the ceiling, and Kylo hoped he wasn’t fighting back tears. 

“Please leave. I need to meditate now.” 

They left without ceremonious goodbyes this time. Kwis stayed behind again and squeezed his arm. He leaned into her touch.

“I believe in you,” she told him, “you can do this. Nobody said it would be easy, but I think you shouldn’t give up.” 

“Thank you. For everything.”

“Of course,” she nodded, “and Kylo? My warning still stands. There’s nothing wrong with being protective of him, but don’t forget yourself.”

“Do you know something I don’t?”

“Not really. I just take all facts into consideration, even the uncomfortable ones you’re willfully ignoring.”

“I’m not ignoring anything,” Kylo protested weakly, knowing it was a lie. 

“You were harsh to Karst,” she made a pause to let it sink in before continuing, “I’m not saying it was wrong, or that you shouldn’t have. I think he needed that. But you never did that before, and yet you did now, for Hux.”

“I think you’re looking too deep into this,” Kylo replied, yet again aware of the untruthfulness of his statement.

“Good luck, Kylo.”

Kylo sighed when they were all gone, and winced when the motion tugged at his injury. He left the room and entered a dimly lit bar. There were bottles of alcohol of all sorts behind the counter, and he poured himself three fingers of whiskey and sat down on a pillow on the floor with it. He couldn’t close his fingers around the glass properly, not with the bacta covering the blisters on his hand, so he cradled it awkwardly between his palms. He closed his eyes and replayed the whole scene in his mind, now that he’d stopped shaking from the adrenaline. He was dozing off on the pillow, his mind lingering with Hux. He hoped Hux would search for him this time, so he lay back and waited. 

…

He’s watching Ren sleep; it’s more entertaining than it should be. He stands in the doorway, weight supported by only one foot. Ren has a glass in his hand, and there still is some alcohol in it. He gets an idea. Seconds later, Ren’s grasp on the glass is loosened and the glass flies across the room. It hits the door by his side at high velocity; shatters. He stares furiously at the shards. Ren jumps up to his feet. 

“Hux!” he yelps. His face is covered in white patches. He looks even more ridiculous than before. 

“Why do you keep calling me that?” he asks with a roll of his eyes. “It’s not my name. I told you. I’m not your precious General.”

“What should I call you then?” Ren inquires. He motions to a chair opposite himself. It looks like a throne.

“Hmm,” he hums, making his way for the chair. He takes his time; he won’t openly follow Ren’s instructions. Not even if they coincide with what he wants. “I suppose ‘Your majesty’ would be a little tedious.”

“And impractical.”

“I suppose I could settle for Armitage. That was his name too, wasn’t it?” he sits down. The chair is very comfortable; it accommodates him perfectly. 

“I only know it because I studied his family. He never told me that.”

“I suppose it’s good for me. It sounds regal.”

“It does,” Ren agrees. He has the peculiar white patches on his hands too; his forearms. He’s torn off the sleeves of his tunic, or so it appears to Armitage. 

“Look, Armitage,” Ren starts. He’s making a funny face. Like he’s trying to bite his lip but he can’t for the bandages. He’s pathetic. “I suppose you grew bored and frustrated during our last lesson, am I correct?” 

“You could say that,” Armitage shrugs, “there’s only as much mockery as I can take.”

“I wasn’t mocking you! You managed to purge your mind of all thoughts but it wasn’t clear. You were still so angry, so eager...that’s not how you make contact with the Force, not at first anyway. Later, when you’ve mastered the basics, you’ll draw strength from negative emotions. But not yet.”

Ren keeps flexing and releasing his fists. He hisses when he strains his fingers. Armitage wonders if he should feel guilty, or responsible. He doesn’t; wouldn’t. But it’s a curious question. 

“You talk too much,” Armitage says lazily, “teach me something, or let me go.”

“ _ No _ ,” Ren utters. Armitage feels his skin prickle. Shiver runs down his spine. Oh  _ yes _ . “I talked too little, and I ended up with half my face burnt. You will listen to me when you’re still capable of it.”

“Do it again,” Armitage purrs. He doesn’t know what Ren said; doesn’t care. He wants to hear the dark voice again, the one laced with power. 

“Do what?”

“Talk like that.”

“Are you...aroused by it?” Ren’s breath catches a little. Hux doesn’t bother with answering. It makes him feel good. He ignores Ren, ostentatiously. He stares at the ceiling; then tries to rearrange the broken glass back into its former stage. He’s clumsy; shards keep colliding with creaks. Then, suddenly, all the pieces jump perfectly together. The glass floats in the air, whole and beautiful. But Armitage is not holding it. 

“Stop wasting my time,” Ren grumbles. Armitage sighs in pleasure. 

“Now this is an interesting development,” Ren adds after a whole minute of silence. He discards the glass in the bin. Stands up. 

Armitage glares. Ren is trying to come up with another lesson. He doesn’t know if he’s up for lessons. He wants to hear the authoritative voice again. He realises he made a mistake letting Ren know. He’ll have to be clever about it now. 

“Let’s use this situation. Maybe it will get you closer to the objective,” Ren says. He gets a glass from the cupboard. He holds it awkwardly between his hands. Armitage watches the bandages on Ren’s fingers. Ren sits down opposite him. “Feel the glass with the Force. Study it for as long as you want. Get to know it.”

Armitage shrugs. He’s feeling magnanimous; he humours Ren and his attempts at teaching. He slips into the Force. He soars high. It’s like going home. Like lying down in his own bed. Like putting on a favourite pair of shoes. He’s warm. He forgets. Forgets.

Some sort of noise; like a buzz. He shakes his head. Sees a glass. A glass?

_ Glass. Silicone. Oxygen. Round. Cylindrical. Seethrough.  _

He focuses on the glass. He’s not sure why. He learns everything there is to know. He learns. There’s nothing more to learn. 

Then the glass falls onto the floor. Shatters. He flinches. It’s loud. Shakes him. He’s got to know the glass. Now it’s gone. 

The shards rise. Form the glass; broken but complete. He reaches to study it again. It falls apart. He’s angry.

_ He’s holding the shards. They form the glass. It’s complete again. _

He tries to pick the shards up. They rise. Too fast, too hard - his hands are bleeding. He doesn’t care. Shards are precarious. They have to be handled carefully. He urges them to float again. They barely manage to leave the floor. He tries not to be angry. Lifts them again. 

Something is helping him. He tries to push it away. He wants to manage alone. He fights. The help persists, stoic. He stops. It’s no use. He lets it flow through him instead. The shards rise to the level of his hands. He grins. The warm foreign presence withdraws. He almost drops the shards.

…

Kylo supposed their second lesson went better than the first one. It wasn’t completely injury-free but at least neither of them fainted or set the room on fire, and Hux only lost patience once. They were lying in beds in a small room and Hux seemed to be asleep. He had looked ready to drop dead on his feet when Kylo brought him back from the Force, and he fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow. Or at least Kylo thought he was asleep. His mind was working in peculiar patterns, different than those he had shown during the day, and unlike anything else Kylo had seen before. It was so fascinating Kylo didn’t want to fall asleep and miss out on it. 

Hux was learning quickly. Kylo came to the conclusion that trying to teach Hux like he had been taught would be useless, as demonstrated by their first lesson. Hux didn’t seem to need to clear his mind to use the Force. Kylo refused to admit he was terrified of what Hux’s abilities might be if he did use them to his full potential. 

…

Hux was sitting on the floor, motionless, disinterested. He wasn’t even looking at Kylo, and he seemed to be deep in thought. And yet Kylo knew his breathing hadn’t become more laboured on its own, or that the pressure on his neck wasn’t imagined. He didn’t tell Hux to stop, afraid Hux would only tighten the hold on his throat. He was hoping Hux would eventually grow bored if he showed no sign of being bothered. 

They had been practicing communication in Force visions, and Hux had acquired a lot of finesse he hadn’t possessed before. His visions were clearer and more suggestive now. In fact, he was growing increasingly apt with anything pertaining to the mind. Kylo prided himself in being unparalleled in mind-reading, sporting an apparent special talent, but he was now faced with an equal - if not a superior. Hux had always been good with manipulating people, even back when he was less Force-sensitive than a rock. His speeches inspired people, even if Kylo found them unnecessarily loud and aggressive. Hux was charming and he knew how people’s minds worked, despite never having seen it for himself. 

And now he did see.

Kylo tried to reassure himself that it was just fun and games, but he knew Hux was dangerous. He had no idea what he was doing, and his powers were immense. He might be dangerous even without intending. Kylo tried to concentrate on the matter at hand and distract Hux with his visions, but Hux wasn’t dumb. He could keep more things in mind, and he did. 

Slowly, gradually, Kylo felt something alien creep into his mind. He tried to shake it, to fight it; his body fought against it before he consciously recognised it as a threat. Yet it was no use. He squirmed and struggled, but it made its way steadily through layers and layers of barriers like a knife through butter. It never happened to him before. 

_ Stop resisting. You can’t win. If you stop, you won’t suffer. I’m just trying to learn. Isn’t that what you want? _

Kylo tried to move - it was almost an instinct, to lash out and fight, to regain his control. But he couldn’t. Hux had ensnared him completely, body and soul, and Kylo knew, for the first time, how all his previous victims felt. Powerless, crippled. Terrified. Panic pooled in his gut, and he tried to use it to get his control back but it wasn’t enough. 

Hux stood up and approached him. He squatted, leveling his face with Kylo’s and raised his hand. It hovered mere millimetres away from Kylo’s face. Kylo wanted to pull away, or to bite Hux’s fingers off, but he couldn’t do either.  He was paralyzed, scared, and completely at the mercy of a man who had barely enough reason about him to know which way was up.

…

Power prickles his skin. It dances on his fingers, tantalizing. He has been a ruler of the universe and yet he never felt as satisfied as now. Holding Ren pinned to the ground sends a shiver down his spine. The sheer absurdity of it overwhelms him. He is powerful, more powerful than Ren, but he’s not stronger. He shouldn’t be able to hold Ren in place. And yet he does. He could make Ren dance. Could make him sing. 

Could make him kill himself. 

His heart beats faster. He could take a man’s life; without lifting a finger. He could play with Ren like with a marionette. He could send Ren into battles; sitting in the warmth of his home. He could make Ren his servant. He wants to. But only because he can. He doesn’t care for Ren. Ren is unimportant. Just like everyone. Ren is merely a tool. A tool conveniently close. 

He doesn’t know if Ren’s mind is interesting. He hasn’t had a chance to explore any other minds yet. Maybe Ren is boring. Maybe he’s just as interesting as Armitage finds him. It doesn’t matter. 

He delves further. Ren keeps struggling. He doesn’t know how to tell Ren that it’s pointless. Struggling only makes it worse. Every mental wall he has to break must hurt. He doesn’t want to hurt Ren; not now. Now, he’s learning. It would do both of them a favour if Ren stopped resisting. He sees Ren’s current thoughts; he sees fear, panic, confusion. He sees frantic attempts at defiance. He sees himself, defeated. Well, that one’s not happening. 

He cups Ren’s cheek with his hand. Maybe he can reassure him. He thinks people find intimacy reassuring. The sensation of terror in Ren’s mind increases; he pulls away. The walls he encounters next are more difficult to breach. Ren whimpers, and a tear rolls down his left cheek. He’s shaking. His muscles tense without relaxing. He can feel Ren’s pain, can feel him grinding his teeth together so hard his jaw aches. He knows it’s not his own discomfort but it’s so horrible, so pronounced. He can’t stand it. He withdraws from Ren’s mind with a gasp. He sits down and curls into a ball. 

Ren starts crying. 

It catches Armitage off guard. Ren is not merely weeping; he’s sobbing loudly, chest heaving, shoulders rising and falling. He’s hugging his knees and he appears smaller than Armitage has ever imagined him to be. Armitage knows this is his fault. He’s made Ren cry, made him hurt. But he just wanted to learn. He just wanted to explore his abilities, like Ren told him to. He just wanted to know. He didn’t realise Ren was this  _ fragile. _

Armitage shakes his head. He doesn’t care about Ren. His tears caught him off guard. That was why he allowed pity to overcome him. He won’t let it happen again. Ren is weak. If he didn’t want to be in pain, he shouldn’t have resisted. Or he should have been stronger to stop the intrusion. Either way, it was Ren’s fault. Armitage’s expression hardens and he stands up, intending to leave the room. His legs grow heavy as he tries to move. He struggles, but it’s no use. In his panic, he looks over his shoulder at Ren. 

“Don’t you dare,” Ren hisses, “the lesson is not over.”

…

Kylo’s breakdown was a purely physical reaction. He tried to stop it, hating to cry in front of Hux - Force-sensitive Hux - but he couldn’t. He supposed it was an understandable answer of his body to being injured, much like bleeding would be to a stab wound. Knowing that didn’t make him feel any less ashamed, any less angry at himself. Hux was sitting in front of him, a confused - maybe even regretful - expression on his face. 

Kylo could feel the change of Hux’s mind as much as he could see it reflected on Hux’s face, the shock distorting into a disgusted sneer. If he let Hux leave now, the precarious sense of dominance he had over him would dissipate. He couldn’t let Hux think he overpowered him. This was merely a minor setback. Hux was on his feet before Kylo mustered enough energy, and he had his back to Kylo when Ren finally managed to catch him. 

Hux looked straight at him, and there was confusion in his eyes. Then, when he realised what was causing his immobility, he frowned. Kylo glared back at him. He must have made a sight to behold - he could feel his face was red and puffy, but he wouldn’t make the mistake of wiping the tears away in front of Hux.

“Don’t you dare,” he hissed, “the lesson is not over.”

Hux stared at him with hatred almost palpable in the air between them. Kylo entered Hux’s mind, violently and crudely, tearing down whatever stood in his way. Hux shook in his hold but Kylo didn’t let go of him, supporting his body should it collapse. Hux’s mind was surprisingly uncomplicated for someone as intelligent, but Kylo supposed it had rearranged itself when he gained his powers and it was still under construction so to speak. He retreated from Hux’s mind as abruptly as he entered, and he loosened his hold on him. Hux fell to the floor. 

“You’re sloppy and inexperienced. Don’t presume to defeat me,” Kylo said coldly. He stood up and looked down at Hux, “pride is dangerous when you don’t know how to handle it. Come to me when you’ve learnt your place.”

...

Things were, unsurprisingly to Kylo, not as simple as that. He supposed both positive and negative reinforcement only worked on minds with at least a semblance of sanity about them. Hux didn’t possess any. It didn’t matter how many times Kylo left Hux in tears and broken, it was always only a matter of time before Hux tried something shady again. Their relationship was a power play and they were both determined to win. Kylo fancied to think he was bringing Hux to reason, and returning him to his previous mental state, but he couldn’t be sure. Hux was simply more calculating now. 

Kylo hadn’t exactly forgotten about the outside world, or about the passage of time, not with the Knights checking up on him every couple of days, but he’d pushed it out of his mind. He had other things to do. That was why he was taken by surprise when during one of her visits, Kemma told him Snoke wanted to come and talk to Kylo. 

Kylo supposed there was nothing he could do about it, and that it was understandable that Snoke wanted to see how Hux’s education was going. Still, it was a little too soon in his opinion. And inconvenient. Snoke also wanted to come personally, something he hadn’t done in a long time. 

...

“We’re making progress,” Kylo said, knowing it wasn’t enough. He felt foolish, telling Snoke just that. He knew that after six weeks, he should have more to show for his work with Hux than ‘we’re making progress.’ He knew it was expected of him, even if his own training took years. Hux was powerful, and to be used as soon as possible. Snoke wasn’t willing to wait for years. 

“What can he do?” Snoke asked coldly, “Why isn’t he here to show me his powers anyway?”

“He’s not very social, Supreme Leader,” Kylo explained. Hux was, in fact, completely out of his mind when faced with more than one person. He had once come across the knights when Kylo had thought he was asleep, and the scene that followed immediately made it to the collection of Kylo’s least favourite memories. And of course, Hux still refused to see the point of clothing. Kylo didn’t think Snoke would find offence in that, but he still didn’t deem it a wise decision. 

“I don’t ask him to host a gala,” Snoke retorted, “I allowed you to play with him, because I hoped you were, despite all odds, right in your assumptions. But my patience is running thin. I didn’t get anything out of him, and I lost you to your pathetic attempt at teaching. I will teach him from now on, and you - and the knights - will go back to your duties. It may seem like time stopped but it didn’t. The war goes on, your treacherous mother is gaining more support as we speak, and people seem to be forgetting your existence. It’s time you reminded them.”

“He’ll try to kill to you,” Kylo said flatly. He didn’t suppose Snoke would listen to him this time if he didn’t before. “He’ll set the house on fire. Run away. Something.”

“I shall see that for myself,” Snoke protested, “and watch your tongue. Your words might lead one to believe you were training him to be your attack dog. I do not particularly care if you did, as long as he doesn’t turn against me. Don’t forget your place.”

“I wouldn’t,” Kylo said, swallowing his anger. He supposed it was useless to tell Snoke that Hux was not in the mood for being anyone’s attack dog. He’d learn that himself soon. Kylo tried as hard as he could to hide the hope Hux would indeed bite Snoke’s head off. 

“Send him here.”

Kylo nodded. He dove into the Force and called to Hux. He knew Hux would come if he used the right amount of coercion. What would happen next would depend entirely on Hux’s mood - and Kylo didn’t dare predict Hux’s actions beyond guessing he’d be dismayed, to put it mildly. He left the room to wait for Hux outside.

Hux arrived several minutes later - sooner than Kylo expected, in fact. It seemed like a good thing, but Kylo was wary. 

“My master wants to speak to you,” Kylo told him. 

“I don't want to speak to him.”

“You might want to hear what he has to offer,” Kylo continued, unfazed, “he’s my master after all. He knows more than I do.”

Hux seemed to consider it. Kylo felt betrayed; Hux had refused to even sit in the same room as the knights, and now this. 

“What do you want me to do?” Hux asked with a tilt of his head. “I’m getting mixed signals from you. You tell me to meet him. But you feel betrayed when I consider doing it.”

“What I feel is irrelevant,” Kylo said, firmer than he felt, “you should meet the Supreme Leader. He will see you either way.”

“You want to get rid of him,” Hux remarked, “you think he’s weighing you down.”

“You know nothing of what I want,” Kylo said, “Go meet him, or leave and face the consequences, I don’t care.” 

“You do care, and I’ll figure out about what,” Hux promised, “I’ll see what this master of yours has to offer.”

Kylo tried to convince himself he had everything under control as Hux disappeared behind the door. 

…

Armitage thinks this so called master is rather unimpressive. He looks old and frail. The strength around him feels stale, like it hasn’t been used properly for years; decades maybe. Armitage snickers.

“So you’re the famous master?” he asks. With a shrug, he looks around himself. “Thought you’d be a little more…” 

“You used to show me more respect,” the master says. Armitage frowns. 

“That was  _ him, _ ” he spits. A transparisteel pane rattles in the window frame.

“I see Kylo Ren has been allowing you your little dissociation from your past self,” the master sighs, “I cannot blame him, I have made the same mistake with him.”

“I’m not here to listen to your moaning,” Armitage mutters, “Ren said you have something to offer me.”

“You’re a very impatient man,” the master says, “my apprentice has not been very good at teaching you discipline, I see.”

Something grabs Armitage, trying to bring him to his knees. To bow. He won’t allow that. He’ll never bow to anyone. Certainly not someone who’s trying to  _ make him _ bow. 

He resists the ties easily. A different feeling of restraint envelopes him. _He_ _won’t be tamed._ He frees himself. Finds the one who dared try to ensnare him. He screams. The transparisteel shatters this time. He summons it; it assembles into astonishing designs. He sends it at Ren’s master. He won’t have a master. Much less a weak one like this.

Some of the shards turn back at him; he pays it no mind. A cry tears at his eardrums; he pays it no mind. Pain radiates from his midriff; he pays it no mind. 

There’s a shift. Something warm and soft is enveloping him. Warm and soft and soothing. The pain subsides, the cries are muffled. He lies down. Closes his eyes. He’s tired, so tired. He doesn’t want to fight. He falls asleep.

…

Kylo bit his lip nervously. Kaex was keeping Hux asleep with soothing dreams while Korleen tended to his injuries, but there was no guarantee that Hux wouldn’t wake up and kill them all. Korleen assured him Hux’s injuries weren’t serious although they needed to be treated, and Kylo didn’t think he’d be able to convince Hux to allow it if he were conscious. 

“Are you okay?” Karst asked. Kylo tore himself from his meditation and made himself pay attention to the knight. He’d noticed Karst’s glare at Hux earlier. He couldn’t really expect him to grow out of it so soon. 

“Yes,” he said without venturing into the question of his mental state. He was okay physically, he only got hit by several small shards, and those barely left scratches. But seeing Hux attack Snoke, someone Kylo deemed invincible, shook his world to the core. Was Hux really that strong? Kylo had managed to overpower him a few times during their stay together. No, it wasn’t Hux. It was Snoke, who had been a constant in Kylo’s life. Snoke was losing his powers. Kylo had no idea how he felt about it. He saw Kemma shake her head when Karst opened his mouth to say something else. 

“We need to come up with a plan,” Kemma pointed out, “Snoke won’t let this be. This is serious shit, Kylo. You’ll have to make a choice.”

“A choice? Between my master, someone who got me where I am, and a man whom I’d driven mad and gave him the power to rule over the world? There’s nothing to choose from. He’s my responsibility.”

Kylo looked up at Kwis, to see what her opinion was, but she had turned his back on him. She wanted him to figure this out for himself. 

“Your responsibility?” Karst hissed. Klee glared at him and put their index finger to their lips. Hux stirred a little; Kaex laid a hand on his shoulder, and Hux stilled again. 

“Yes, my responsibility. I decided to make him undergo this ritual, and I have to deal with the consequences.” 

“I thought that was Snoke,” Korleen said, momentarily raising her head from her work to study Kylo’s face. “You said it was Snoke’s idea.”

“No, I didn’t,” Kylo replied, “I said Snoke allowed me to try it. I never said it was his idea.”

“But why?” 

Kylo opened his mouth to answer, but Kwis turned to them abruptly.

“Because Snoke threatened to kill him,” she said, beating Kylo’s half-formed lie.

“And so-” Karst began, but Kylo was on him before he managed to finish. It may not be fair, but he was full of pent-up anger, and terrified just a little, and Karst was being annoying. Kylo pushed him against the wall with the Force.

“I told you not to disrespect my decisions if I don’t ask for it. If your only argument is your jealousy, I can’t take you seriously. Get out, and don’t come back until you can get a hold of yourself.”

Kylo turned around, fury fuming inside him. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and clenched his fists so hard it hurt, taking several deep breaths before he was certain he was in control of himself enough to speak.

“Korleen, are you finished?” he asked, his voice unnaturally flat.

“Yes, I did all I could now,” she replied. She didn’t dare meet his eyes.

“Please leave,” Kylo’s voice was barely a whisper now. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them, he was alone with Hux sleeping on the cot where Korleen had been treating him. Kylo left the room to scream his frustrations away.

…

The soothing dreams disappear. He tries to hold onto them, but they’re gone. No, no, no, please don’t go. It’s all useless. He’s alone now; and scared. There’s emptiness; emptiness and pain. He tries to escape; the pain gets worse. He stills again, his breaths coming faster. Afraid, afraid, afraid. He whimpers.

Armitage wakes up in an unfamiliar room. He looks around. There’s no sight of Ren, or anyone really, but he’d swear he wasn’t alone a while ago. He tries to move and it hurts. He’s injured. He remembers what happened now.

Ren. He must find Ren. 

He doesn’t have to get up. Ren walks through the door before he even completes the thought. And he looks sheepish. That only assures Armitage that Ren has something to feel guilty about. 

“You knew he’d try to make me his servant,” Armitage points out. Ren walks over to him. Armitage feels useless like this, with Ren towering above him. He supposes that’s the reason why Ren chose to stand there. 

“I hoped he wouldn’t be so obvious,” Ren sighs, “and that you’d be a little more deliberate.”

“Deliberate? He wanted to use me,” Armitage spits, “I won’t let anyone use me. I only stayed with you because you were useful. But you’re just his pet. All of this, all your promises of teaching me to fly...you lied. You’re a liar.”

“I didn’t lie to you,” Ren protests, but there’s a curt hesitation that tells Armitage he’s lying right now. 

“You’re disgusting,” Armitage says, and his voice breaks, “and I was stupid in believing you.”

“Armitage, calm down,” Ren mumbles, and his pleasant voice is trying to capture him, to make him stay, to lull him back into ignorance. He won’t let it. He won’t make the same mistake.

“Let me go. I don’t want to be here with you!” he shouts. 

“You can’t leave now. You’re too vulnerable-”

He screams. He won’t be here any longer, won’t, won’t, won’t. He won’t be manipulated again. Won’t be made fun of. He wants to leave. Away, away, away. 

He’s aware of Ren talking to him; he can’t understand anymore. He doesn’t care. Ren used him. Lied to him. He wants to be as far away from Ren as possible. Far, far away. 

And then, he sees a way. It’s bluish and warm, inviting him to leave. He stands up. Ignores the pain; ignores Ren’s arms trying to hold him down. Ignores everything but his desire to get away. He jumps and finally,  _ finally,  _ he can’t feel Ren anymore. He slips and falls down onto a cold marble floor.

He throws his head back and laughs. 


	5. Ren migrans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter, Ren migrans, is a reference to a disease in which a kidney (ren in latin) slips out of its fatty capsule (due to malnutrition or other causes) and slips down into the pelvis. I thought it was funny. I'm not sure if it is to anyone but me. Still, I've wanted to use this as a fic title for over a year and finally it's here!

Armitage stands up to inspect the room. It's vast, almost like the one from his vision, and it looks bigger because of its emptiness. The walls are uneven, as if rectangular ground plans were for losers in this architect’s opinion. The walls meet in a sharp arrow at last, their white simplicity disrupted by two large windows. The floor is cold - and hard, there will be bruises on his knees - he pads to the red carpet leading up to the throne. Sun pours through the window and falls onto his shoulders. He finds it cliche. He looks outside the window; blue-green sea is storming beneath, the waves almost audible. He thinks he sees seagulls, and he reaches to them with the Force to make sure.

The wind is almost too strong for him to handle. His wings ache. He’s tired, so tired. But his belly is empty. If he gives up now, he’s giving up forever. The sea is angry. He’s desperate though; he glimpses silver and delves down. It was just a mirage, just a mirage and he’ll die-

He makes himself pull away. His too open mind latches onto a crab on the cliff, a mouse in the kitchens, a spider, a shark- 

With a wail, Armitage finally manages to return fully into his body. He’s on his knees again, breathing heavily. His head hurts a little; his vision is still a little blue around the edges. He reaches the throne and sits down on it. He thinks it looks a lot like a chair on a Star Destoyer’s bridge; he has no idea what made him come to this conclusion. The hall looks bigger from above, now that he can see the length of it and all its alcoves. He wonders whom it belongs. He would never neglect his throne room like this; it would always be full, always busy, even if he weren't there. And when he would come, everyone would cry in delight and kiss his feet. 

He grows bored. He steps down and walks down the length of the room to the door. He tries to open it, but it wouldn't give way. He stares at it in disbelief, rattles the doorknob, and growls. One more pull and the knob stays in his hand, the door only precariously supported on the hinges. 

Armitage lets go of the door and steps through onto a balcony. He shivers; the crisp air makes his skin prickle with goosebumps. He'll have to get some clothes. Annoying, degrading. The floor is out of some grey stone; Armitage can almost feel it soak up the warmth from his feet. There are golden elements in the floor but he doesn’t stop to study them and see if they come together in a pattern. He supposes the view is rather interesting but he doesn’t have time to pay more attention to it. 

There are two staircases leading down from the balcony, one to his left, one to his right. He takes several steps to see where they lead, finding two almost identical buildings at the feet of the stairs. The right one seems to be busy - there are open windows, he can see people move in them. The left one looks deserted and ominous. Armitage decides quickly.

He runs down the left staircase, his head spinning. The door flies open at the flick of his hand. His head is ready to split, he sees blue, blue, blue, he’s hungry and he smells blood. Pain flares through his toe; he’s stubbed it against the threshold. He’s back in the room, and it’s cold, still cold, and his head hurts, and it’s dark and he can smell the leftovers in the kitchen, if only he can find his way there, there’s a sofa with a blanket on it and he collapses on top of it and closes his eyes, but the sea is still raging and he’s still hungry, hungry, hungry and cold, something is disrupting his web, his work, he’ll have to start again, he writhes and convulses in pain but it’s useless, useless, useless, and the rock is slippery and barren and the waves are too violent for him to catch anything, and he can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t-

Armitage takes a deep breath, like a drowning man just emerging from water. His chest hurts like he’s been screaming, or running too fast. A half of his head is on fire, blood throbbing in his cheekbone and his jaw, and there are black spots in his vision. He’s shaking, his teeth chattering, and he’s burning and freezing at the same time.

“Who are you?”

Armitage focuses on the noise, grounds himself to it. He sees a man now. He screams; it seems fitting to scream. Or maybe he just likes to scream. His abused windpipe protests. He screams a little more and it doesn’t sound human at all. Armitage feels pleased about that.

He wakes up. His eyes sting, his throat is raw and his whole body is consumed by a dull ache. Armitage tries to move but finds that he’s strapped to the sofa with makeshift binds. It’s only a minor inconvenience but it ruins his determination completely; he lies back and closes his eyes again.

…

“How long has he been asleep?”

“About three hours.”

“Have you notified the Emperor yet?” 

“No. We want to make sure he’s not dangerous - or rather, that we can contain the danger he poses - before we tell the Emperor, as I am sure he’ll want to see him.”

“Did he really break through Ren’s protection?” 

“It’s the only possibility. The field was strong and steady in the morning, according to the guards.”

“Could it be the reason why he’s so…”

“Crazy? I don’t think so. What I think is more likely is him being a Force-user, somehow.”

“But why does he look…”

“I don’t know. I suppose we’ll have to ask him.”

The voices trail off. When they don’t speak for what Armitage assesses to be several minutes, he opens his eyes. He wants to ask who dares hold him prisoner, but his voice is gone. He tries to growl but only a weak whisper comes out. The men pay no attention to him. He shatters the cuffs holding him to the bed, and sits up. 

That attracts their attention. They jump up to their feet, keeping a noticeable distance between themselves and Armitage. He smirks.  _ Weaklings.  _

He stands up. His head spins and his knees buckle. He sees hesitation in the faces of the two men. When he feels strong enough, Armitage takes a few steps. With each, he his posture is surer. The Force starts flowing properly again. His guards perform an insecure attempt at stopping him from leaving. He sends them flying to the ground without raising a single finger. Their eyes widen and their struggle ceases when they look at him. 

There’s a pile of clothes on a low table. Armitage inspects it and puts it on with a feeling of humiliation. He, the commander of the universe, overcome by the cold. 

He already knows what lies beyond the door he came through - and he suspects there is more of the idiots where these two came from - so he makes his way across the room. It’s furnished very luxuriously and, no doubt, expensively, yet with a style and an aesthetically pleasing restraint. There are several sofas and armchairs as well as other of the low tables, and an impressive bookcase lines one wall. Apart from the now destroyed door, there are two other ways out of the room. Armitage chooses the smaller, inconspicuous one; it’s trying to act like it’s not there. 

It’s locked. He reaches for the Force. It still doesn’t give way. He frowns. It should listen to him, he has the Force and this is just a stupid door! A crack opens in the wood. He pushes against it with his hand. It gives way. He walks through. There are splinters in his palm; blood dribbles onto the floor. He doesn’t notice. 

There is an ornate wooden staircase beyond the door. It leads both up and down. He feels the air around him; feels the fabric of the Force. He barely looks at the stairs as he descends. He can hear voices from above; screaming about something, but they’re less than a fly’s buzz to him. They won’t catch him unless he wants to. He was weakened by the cold earlier. It won’t happen again. He won’t let himself be captured again. 

His stomach rumbles. He grips the cool metallic railing tightly, grounding himself. He feels a pull to a dark cave, to the deep dark sea, to the sky, but he doesn’t want to go into another body. He feels the grooves and bumps on the railing. He closes his eyes and visualises it after what the Force tells him. Slowly, he grounds himself in the moment. 

Armitage peers into the darkness of the staircase. He’s losing focus. He wonders if his body is not enough for him anymore. That maybe all these pulls to other creatures mean that his human body is too frail for him now. He chases the thought away. 

At the end of the staircase, there is a single, spacious room. It’s empty but doesn’t seem to be deserted. It feels like it was made to allow movement. One of the walls is unworked rock, and Armitage’s mind supplies him with a blurred memory of a cliff he must be on. The opposite wall is almost completely made of transparisteel. He walks to it, and looks out. There’s the sea he saw from the throne room and more of the cliff. The water is calmer now, washing the rocks rather than hitting them. There are tufts of vegetation on the cliff; Armitage makes out colourful flowers amongst the grey-green leaves. The Force is very bare, very palpable in that place. He has to concentrate on not slipping away, and wonders if this is why Ren warned him about the Force trying to engulf everything. 

He can sense another passageway from the room than the one he used to arrive, but he can’t see it. He lets his intuition guide him. It pulls him to the left, away from the window. The second he touches the wall, it gives way and a tunnel appears in front of him. 

He can’t make sense of what he sees. The tunnel appears to run deep into the rock; it seems to end at the reach of his hand. He delves deeper into the Force, to understand. He walks down the tunnel; somehow he can sense where he is in the mass of the rock. He senses other living beings too, senses humans. He shields his mind from them. 

He’s growing bored. The rock is never changing around him. Grey and cold and damp. He considers going back. Considers shattering the rock to let him out. And then he sees. There’s a cavern in front of him. A thin crack in the wall opposite him lets in some light. He steps inside the cave; the tunnel disappears. 

_ He’s terrified. In pain. Hunted down. He’s in the middle of a crossfire. He’s the target. And they got him. Oh, they got him. He thought he was invincible. Believed he was. But he’s not. He’s not. And now he’s in pain, and they’ll get him- _

_ He’s desperate. Lost. Robbed of something fundamental. Betrayed. It feels like they took away his arms and his eyes, and maybe a part of his brain. It was supposed to be for ever. It’s not. It’s gone and left emptiness in his chest that won’t leave. And there’s only one solution he has left. He doesn’t even think it will work but he has to try-  _

He gasps and stumbles. These visions weren’t like what he saw back in that house. These were not as vivid. Not as life-like. And yet, somehow, they were more real. He stands up to leave. His head is splitting again. His eyes feel dry, exposed. He runs down the tunnel until he collapses. There are several people waiting for him. They stare at each other for some time, he comes fully to the material world.

“Oh hello, I haven’t seen you come in,” Armitage says with a cheerful smile. They lower their weapons with confused expressions.

...

Kylo jumped right after Hux, reaching for him, but he couldn’t get a grasp. His fingers brushed Hux’s skin and he almost had him, but then something yanked Kylo and pulled him away. He landed into the middle of a thorny bush heavy with dark, purplish fruits. He sat there for a few moments, trying to get his sense of direction back. He was quite sure Hux wasn’t with him, and wasn’t even near, wherever Kylo actually was. He’d have to reach some semblance of civilization and figure out where that was. And how to get back. 

He stood up, carefully disentangling himself from the brambles. It had left several small tears in his robe and he’d squished some of the fruits. The forest was thick and dark about him; he could only barely see the sky through the canopy of leaves and needles. The floor was, once he left the bush, very soft and pliable. He could not, however, see any hint that there was some settlement around, or even a used track. He reached for the Force, but it didn’t respond properly, like someone was intentionally changing its flow to conceal themselves. And yet there was something familiar with how the Force bent. Kylo was certain that if he were in this situation, this would be how he would try to hide. He found a patch of even ground and sat down cross-legged. He summoned the Force closer and carefully made his way through the misdirections and twists. It was easier than it should be, as if the Force was responding to him like this because he had made these precise changes to it. He caught a glimpse of a heartbeat, of someone out there in the wood and he almost saw, almost- 

The Force recoiled and hit him like a spring going back from its stretched out state. Kylo opened his eyes in surprise and he had to take a few deep breaths to steady himself again. Something - someone - let him close enough to see, and then pushed him away. That was a warning not to intrude if Kylo ever got one. He recalled what he was allowed to see, but while there was a lot, the hints were all so random, so scattered, that he couldn’t build a picture out of them. He frowned in confusion. This was a powerful Force-user, someone who certainly wasn’t afraid of facing others, who valued his privacy above everything else. Kylo could get behind that. But he really needed to get out of the forest. He supposed if he managed to contact the person, to explain that he just wanted to leave and find Hux, he might be allowed to pass. The stranger however didn’t seem the talkative kind. 

Kylo considered, for a brief second, that he was facing Hux. That the reason why the structure of the Force felt familiar to him was because he’d come to know Hux, and because he taught him. His hostility would make sense too, considering he fled from Kylo in a fit of rage. But he wouldn’t be capable of such meticulousness - or have time to build it, for that matter. No, this was someone else, with a different connection to Kylo. 

A connection they weren’t willing to act upon. 

Kylo stood up again and, with the help of the Force, chose a direction to go. He walked slowly, his lightsaber drawn, if unignited. He kept glancing over his shoulder, an insidious feeling of dread creeping up his spine. It took him several minutes to realise what exactly made his skin crawl. The forest was completely quiet, the only sounds disrupting the eerie silence were Kylo’s breathing and the occasional rustle of his clothes as he walked. It felt like wearing ear muffs - he knew the world around should have some sound, but it didn’t. He stopped again. 

Forests just weren’t empty like this. Even if he didn’t see animals, he should hear them; there should be flies and mosquitoes buzzing around his head, birds singing in the sky, squirrels rustling the leaves. The forest was dead, and he was the only living thing in it. He walked to a tree and studied it. The bark was smooth and perfect, with no blemishes left by animals or wind. Looking up, he saw that the branches of the trees were perfectly symmetrical. He couldn’t guess which way the wind blew, or where the north was. There was no moss or lichen on the trunks. Kylo had a very unnerving idea of being locked in a jar. 

He couldn’t tell if the forest was an illusion or simply enchanted. He simply knew it had been tampered with, and that was enough. He was in someone else’s territory, and this someone else not only didn’t want him there, but they apparently didn’t want him to leave either. Kylo ignited his lightsaber and slashed the tree closest to him to see what would happen. It left a deep gash on the bark, lime green goo spluttered out of the crevice in pulses, like it was blood escaping a severed artery… Kylo took two steps back instinctively. He watched in horror as the sap fell down onto the grass, turning it into a withered grey heap of ash. The smell of it was horrible, and Kylo wished he had his mask with him. It was putrid but somehow resembled a detergent. Kylo’s eyes stung and watered, and he quickly covered his face with his hand. 

The tree bled for several minutes, and then it stopped. The slash Kylo’s lightsaber left was already closing, the edges a light green colour resembling the sap. Kylo watched in awe as the cut healed itself, leaving only a small scar. He covered his fingers with the fabric of his tunic and touched the cut, but he couldn’t feel it beneath his fingers, couldn’t discern it from the rest of the trunk. He pulled his fingers back and frowned. He wasn’t sure what to do with this information, but he didn’t think he liked it. 

He recalled how long it had been since he had last eaten and drunk anything. The air was relatively cool and the ground flat, so he shouldn’t sweat much, but even then, he would have to drink something soon. He couldn’t stay in the forest, and he didn’t want to be forced to drink something in it under these circumstances. Before he set out again, he glanced back at the tree; the cut was almost the same colour as the rest of the bark, and Kylo only noticed it because he knew what to look for. So much for trying to mark his way.

He didn’t have anything to measure time by. He’d left his commlink back in the house and he’d never gotten used to watches. He thought he might be walking for two hours, but it could easily have been twenty minutes. Any sort of sun was still obscured by the trees, so he couldn’t use its movements to guess. The thought of the sun reminded him of another problem, one he tried to ignore up until now. Where was he? And where was Hux? He had avoided this question too, but it wouldn’t leave - what did Hux do, and how? And could it be fixed? 

There was something wrong with the Force here. It was just slightly off but he could tell immediately. It was like walking up stairs that were a little higher than usual, opening a door with the knob just a little lower. It wasn’t insurmountable, but it was a problem. Kylo tried to determine if the Force was damaged, by perhaps some disbalance, or if this was its natural state here, in this bizarre forest. He couldn’t rule out the trees affecting its flow. Did Hux sent him here, because the Force was peculiar? If he were honest with himself, he didn’t think Hux had enough mental capacity about him when he opened that portal. Which made it worse. 

The trees were all the same. Kylo couldn’t even be sure he wasn’t walking in circles. The image of himself walking around in a jar came back to him and he stopped. Fine. If he was in a jar, the only way was up. He looked around and found a tree with several well-situated branches. He jumped up, using the Force as a springboard, and secured his foot on the lowest branch, his hands on two others. He climbed up, relying on the Force to hold him in the air. The tops of the trees seemed miles away, and he remembered, against his will, the stories of Kashyyyk that Chewbacca had told little Ben. Kylo didn’t dare look down.

He was exhausted and sweating, his hands bleeding. He still couldn’t see through the blue-green canopy of the leaves, but he could finally make out their shape. He found it odd how perfectly they aligned to form one single layer, but the monotone, strenuous climb pushed all thoughts out of his mind, so he just accepted it. It was just another weird thing in a sea of weird things. 

Finally, finally, his limbs quivering and his mind agitated, he breached the barrier separating him from the sun, his head blissfully empty of expectations. He shivered, and he was sweating so much he would swear he was underwater. He looked around, and his heart sank.

He was floating in the middle of a sea.

…

“Who are you?” 

“I already told you,” Armitage hisses, “my name is Armitage and you’re boring me.” 

“Oh so the Emperor’s chief of security is boring you.”

Armitage sighs, makes a show of rolling his eyes. Idiots, the lot of them. 

“Yes. I would prefer to meet this Emperor of yours. Why is he insulting me with sending his bootlickers to do the talking?” 

He expects them to burst out with outrage. To threaten him. One of them, he supposes the boss, looks like he might. But he doesn’t; another one tugs at his sleeve. Whispers something to him. Armitage considers eavesdropping, but decides against it. What does it matter what they say to each other?

“Do you know the Emperor?” the boss asks. Finally.

“How would I? You’re hiding him like some treasure.”

“Have you ever...seen him?”

Armitage rolls his eyes. This is tedious. He summons the Force; snaps his fingers. They collapse onto the floor. He steps over them and heads out of the room. It’s time to meet the Emperor. 

He leaves the building. He reaches for the Force and feels the place around him.It’s empty save for the unconscious guards; the Emperor is somewhere else. He ascends the stairs; stops at the balcony. There’s a sun setting over the horizon; the balcony bathes in orange hues. Armitage scowls. Suns. This is so sentimental. He dislikes the Emperor already. He entertains himself with imagining what he may look like - fat, old, his face unrefined. Armitage hopes he'll find him sitting on a toilet or in a similar situation that would show him his place. 

He walks down the stairs he previously neglected. He can now see that they lead to a building similar to the one he's visited. It's a little bigger; it doesn't hold onto the rock beneath it so tightly. If this is where the Emperor lives, whose is the other house? And why was it abandoned? Armitage recalls that in the haze of his confused memories, he heard someone mention Ren. But that couldn't be;  _ I ran away from Ren.  _ He decides not to worry about it. Ren can't be there. 

He expects to have to break down more doors but he doesn't. The ornamented yet strictly functional gate opens when he approaches it. He walks inside; the overhead light comes on. There's a staircase right in front of him, made of transparisteel, which captures his attention. It seems like a bold design. There’s a door to his right, opened for just a few inches, and that piques Armitage’s attention. He slips inside; there’s no one there. He looks around without particular interest. 

And then his eyes land on something he definitely finds interesting. 

On the wall to his left, opposite a big window, there’s a painting. And Armitage finally understands. He finally understands why the guards seemed so weird, why they asked him if he’s ever seen the Emperor. He smirks. Now this could be fun. Armitage immediately abandons all his plans of meeting the Emperor. No, meeting him would mean this confusion will be over. Instead, he locates all the people in the house and sets out to explore it. Except now he’s hiding, until he figures out how to twist this situation to his merit.

He discovers the logistics of the house in a while. The floors get more important as you go from basement to the first floor. He very nearly avoids an encounter with several cooks in the kitchen downstairs, finds a few unmade beds, an empty dining room. The floor above that is deserted save for some droids; Armitage didn’t take droids into consideration. He can’t feel droids in the Force like he does living beings, which poses a problem. He has to delve deeper into the Force. Doing that means risking getting caught up in animal minds again. He doesn’t want to be a crab anymore. He doesn’t want-

He concentrates on the things at hand. A small, barely there crack in the wall paint. The pattern on a cushion. The way the floorboards meet one another. He studies the portrait of the Emperor. His hair is slightly longer; he supposes it doesn’t matter if there is a crown sitting on it. He needs clothes; Emperor’s clothes will finally be those that won’t harm his dignity. He dares venture to the first floor then. He thinks the Emperor himself is there; he can sense the feeling of superiority. 

He slips into the first room to the right. Bull’s eye. The whole room is filled with clothes. He wonders just how vain someone must be to have that. But Emperors can be vain, he supposes. He knows he would be. He flips through the rows of trousers, jackets, shirts. He doesn’t even know what some of the pieces are for. He settles for black trousers with high waist, a white shirt with golden elements. It’s a little too big on him; he finds a belt to go with it. He looks at himself in a mirror. He doesn’t look like he’s hiding. Or like he’s insecure. His memory goes back to Ren; Ren would appreciate what he looks like. He pushes the thought back the moment he springs up. He won’t think about Ren. But he can’t deny the glances Ren gave him, thinking he wasn’t seen. 

He puts on socks; his feet are still cold. He holds them between his hands, sitting cross-legged on the floor. His eyes flutter closed and he’s spinning, spinning, spinning…

_ Someone pokes at the gate he opened. Go away, go away, go away! A body on the floor; another on it. He retreats. They will try it again, will try to get him, will try to get Ren. He can’t protect the gate. He doesn’t care. He just wants to be free. Free.  _

Armitage shakes his head with a small choking noise. His back isn’t stiff, his feet are still cold - he couldn’t have been gone long. Still, it was dangerous, and he let it happen again. He can’t lose control. He doesn’t even remember what he saw. He just knows...he doesn’t know. He stands up and puts on a pair of boots; his fingers tremble as he does. When he looks up again, his face is white like his shirt. He touches his forehead; there’s cold sweat covering it. Putting on a red jacket to stop the shiver, he leaves the room, light-headed. He barely registers where he is, or that he should be careful. Only when he’s in the corridor and he hears footsteps further down does he realise. He tries to open another door but it’s locked. He wasn’t denied access to any other rooms, not even the locked ones. Fury bubbles up inside him. He’s the kriffin’ Emperor! He can go wherever he wants! 

The lock clicks and whirrs; he can smell smoke. Then, finally, the door opens with a slam. He steps inside and closes it, hoping nobody heard him - or managed to interpret what they heard. His eyes need time to adjust; the room is dark. The windows are hidden behind blinds, and he can barely make out the shape of the furniture. He gropes along the wall for a while but even then it’s too dark for him to see. 

“Lights, fifty percent,” he whispers, remembering a phrase from a life he hasn’t lived. The lights come on softly, two thin lines in the ceiling. He studies the room now, with the aid of all his senses, but he can’t figure out what purpose the room serves. It seems abandoned - the blinds, a thin layer of dust on everything. He can see his tracks in it, like in freshly fallen snow. But it’s not deserted. There’s a datapad on the table, some faintly glowing crystal, some tools that make Armitage shiver. There are clothes and books, a cot with unmade sheets. Armitage makes his way to the table. There’s a holograph in an old-fashioned frame; the frame reminds him of spaceport shops although he doesn’t know why. He picks it up to inspect it, and he almost gasps. 

It’s a picture of himself getting crowned. He’s on one knee, his head bent a little, as if in humility. He’s wearing white, a long cape spread over his back and on the floor. The person putting the crown on his head is, in contrast, clad in all black; Armitage would have known this face anywhere. He drops the holograph on the table; it folds in on itself and falls onto the side with the picture. He stares at the back of the frame; there’s still a price tag on it. So Ren really was here. He didn’t hear wrong. Ren really was here. And the house on the other side of the cliff, the empty, locked one, was his. This room was his. 

Armitage picks up the holograph again, studying Ren’s face. The lines are not very defined, as if the was made with some old-fashioned technique. He squints and notices a slash on Ren’s forehead. It seems to be going down between his nose and eye onto his left cheek; Armitage can’t be sure. This is not Ren. And yet it is. And it isn’t. Just like he isn’t the Emperor; but like he also has to be. How else would he look exactly the same, or open the door coded to his voice, his fingerprints? He sets the holograph down; it leaves behind a trace in the dust.

Something must have happened here. Armitage’s fingers trace a vein in the wooden surface of the tabletop; he raises them, watching the collected dirt. Ren’s obviously not been home for months. He can’t be dead - the room looks pretty much untouched. It looks more like he left one day and is still expected to return. What exactly was the relationship between this foreign Ren and the Emperor? 

Armitage tries to turn the datapad on. It comes to life slowly and he’s met with the screen informing him it’s downloading some system updates. He rolls his eyes and sighs, turning to the bookcase on the wall. He reads the titles - fiction, all of it, and judging by the covers, well-loved. He commits the names to his memory, although he’s not sure why. It’s not like he could use the list of Ren’s favourite books against him. He glances at the datapad; it still isn’t ready. He picks one of the books - a thick volume that falls open in his hands. He reads the page he landed on. It’s some philosophical monologue the character has in the middle of reaping crops. It must be either historical, or from a backwater planet with surprisingly developed literary art. 

Armitage sits down onto the chair by the table and reads as the datapad finally starts. He finishes the chapter and sets the book aside. He opens the holonet; it looks different from what he’s used to, but he figures it out quickly. He hesitates with his fingers over the keyboard, then types ‘Emperor’ in the search bar. He’s offered thousands of articles and pictures, serious and gossipy. He checks the first, official-looking site. There’s a chart to the side of the page and he skims over it. There are some dates he already knows, some he doesn’t, some he doesn’t understand. He goes on to read the text. 

The ‘Early Childhood’ and ‘Adolescence’ paragraphs are oddly familiar, like a  déjà vu . Armitage is overcome with memories as he reads about Emperor Hux, memories that are positively his and positively real. He reads about one boy but sees the world through the eyes of another. He stops reading, afraid he might get caught up in the vertigo. He scrolls down the page, glancing at the titles of the paragraphs, until he finds what he was looking for. 

**_Relationship with Kylo Ren_ **

_ Kylo Ren had been the closest advisor to the Emperor for years. They formed an alliance against Snoke, the man who thought he led the First Order from the shadows. With Ren’s insight and Force-sensitivity, the then General Hux was able to finally overthrow the obstacle on his journey to bringing peace and order to the galaxy. Ren is a skilled Force-user wielding a massive red lightsaber with a core that’s rumoured to be unstable.  _

_ Ren has never sworn allegiance to the Emperor in an official ceremony, but there are rumours concerning the nature of their relationship. Ren has stayed with the Emperor, serving as his advisor and enforcer, earning a separate wing of the palace to occupy. Emperor Hux was told to rely heavily on Ren’s counsel and loyalty, which made their fall out all the more shocking to the whole galaxy.  _

**_Fall out with Kylo Ren_ **

_ Kylo Ren was missing from the public scene for several weeks in the end of 61 IC, causing numerous rumours and speculations as to his whereabouts. The Emperor refused to comment his advisor’s absence, claiming Ren had an important matter to attend to. Whatever his mission was, Ren appeared in public first towards the end of the year. It is unclear however, if he hadn’t been recovering from injuries in the privacy of the Imperial palace. The pair seemed to be on the best of terms, and some even spoke of an imminent relationship announcement. Yet, on the 12th day of the third month, Ren suddenly disappeared and soon after a bounty of 100 000 credits was offered for his capture. There has been no official explanation issued for this turn of events. Ren is wanted for treason. The bounty has since doubled but there have been no signs of Ren for months.  _

Armitage is puzzled by several things. It seems that in many ways the Emperor and Hux - the man Armitage used to be - came from the same place but went their separate ways. He scrolled up to the paragraph titled Starkiller Base, and saw that this must have been the place where their ways parted. The Emperor was allowed to build the megalomaniac project Hux was denied. Armitage knows he would never gain his powers were Hux given a green light on the project. And yet, it seems like the Emperor managed to become ruler of the galaxy even without the Force. 

Armitage means to close the holonet window but somehow he skips all the way down to the ending of the article. He taps the screen again, but just before it disappears, something catches his eye. He hastes to open the article again. 

**_Rumoured relation to Emperor Palpatine_ **

_ Emperor Hux has never confirmed the theory, but many historians seem to agree on this point. The Emperor’s mother was a mere kitchen maid who managed to bewitch the then married Brendol Hux. It is unclear if he knew who she was or if she were Force sensitive and manipulated him into siring her child. She claimed to have no family and no wealth, but many people who have met her in the Hux household claimed she was “out of place” and seemed to be from a “wealthy family from the Core”, judging by her accent and demeanor. Many people have searched for her origins, and a surprising number of them, independently on each other, have tracked her steps all the way to Coruscant, to the Emperor of the Old Empire himself. It is unclear what ties she was supposed to have to Emperor Palpatine, or why she left her privileged position to serve in a house of someone who would no doubt belittle and abuse her.  _

Armitage stares at the words for long minutes, motionless. Is that what Ren had found and what made him suggest the ritual that transformed him from Hux, a nobody, to Armitage, so strong in the Force Ren was afraid of him? Would the ritual not have worked on someone else? If that was true, why did Ren keep it away from him?! 

Anger bubbles up within him. Treachery, treachery everywhere. He used to pride himself on being a competent liar. On knowing when he was lied to. But he’s not. He’s an idiot. He’s been too benevolent. Too soft. That will change now. The Emperor was clever to put a bounty on Ren’s head. Maybe he could try to catch this strange Ren for him. As a revenge. Because well, his own Ren is lost, isn’t he? He’s somehow appeared in a different reality. It’s not ideal but it’s definitely better than being the source of Ren’s amusement. 

The world is blurry around him. He thinks he might be crying. It looks like that. His ears are ringing. He can hear faint voices and steps; they’re far, far away. Something snaps; pain shoots through his palms. That brings him back to reality.

Armitage raises his bloodied hands to the level of his eyes and watches them, fascinated. He can hear the voices closer now. The table is in splinters on the ground, some bits covering his lap. The datapad is in the middle of the heap, the page on the Emperor still open. He has to disappear. He stands up, his blood dripping onto the ground. He’s glad he didn’t get it on his clothes, he’s fond of them. 

He can sense three people rushing up the stairs. The Emperor must be in the corridor already. He’ll have to deal with him too if he wants to stay secretly. So what if he-

He walks out of the door, calmly. His hands are still bleeding but he barely notices it. He hears several gasps. The guards topple over one another; unimportant, unimportant. He turns to face his alternative, the other print from the same matrix. He smirks.

“Ren…” the Emperor whispers. He takes two or three steps, unsure, his hand outstretched. 

He realises the Emperor is not trying to kill Ren. He’s afraid of him. And he’s guilty. He looks remorseful. Remorseful?! 

“You’re back,” the Emperor continues and his voice breaks. 

This is worse than he imagined. This man is weak. He’s offered to pay 200 000 credits to anyone who would bring Ren to him. And now he’s almost crying to see him. Pathetic. He should get rid of this weakling. Before he stains their reputation. Instead, he decides to play a little.

“I am,” he says. His voice is not as deep as Ren’s. For a moment he’s worried it won’t work. But it does. Of course it does. He’s the descendant of Emperor Palpatine. He was taught by Ren. Even if Ren was outdated, he served him well in the beginning. The Emperor sobs. 

Armitage walks over to the Emperor; raises one bloodied hand. He touches the Emperor’s cheek; the man quivers and leans into it. 

“You let others look for me,” he says, “you want me back, but you didn’t look for me yourself.”

“I know, I know, but I was busy and-” 

“Excuses!” he hisses. The Emperor’s eyes widen in shock; he goes limp. 

Armitage catches the washed down version of himself before it hits the ground. He carries the Emperor to the room he’s left, certain nobody would look for him there. 

It was time to have some fun with ruling the galaxy. He was almost disappointed by how easy it was. But then he remembered this was the version of him that fell in love with Ren. He couldn’t expect much of him.

…

Kylo wasn’t a bad swimmer. He’d learnt to swim around the time he was five; he remembered the day when he first swam without aid in a pool where his feet couldn’t touch the floor. Han was home that day, and he and Leia had been arguing about something, again. Ben had originally only wanted to escape the fight but it worked well to make his parents focus on him instead of whatever they quarrelled about. There weren’t many times when he’d managed that.  

Being a good swimmer wasn’t enough in this place though. He was exhausted, thirsty and hungry, and there wasn’t any land in sight. He lay back to float for a while to regain some strength, but the water was cold and soon he’d have to move again. He wondered if diving would cause him to fall through the treetops again, and he was afraid to try it. On the other hand, what other option did he have?

Kylo closed his eyes and let the Force rock him. It was still hostile, but at least it made him feel less alone. He couldn’t sense a single living soul there either, as if the sea were completely empty. It made him wonder if what was happening was real. The places certainly weren’t. Much like the trees were all unnaturally uniform to - perhaps purposefully - wake a sense of uneasiness in him, the water gleamed a little too much considering there was no sun in sight. Again. The sky was overcast, which would be a good reason why, but somehow, Kylo found it hard to believe. He couldn’t make out outlines of the clouds, the sky was an unblemished steely-grey that reminded Kylo of the corridors on the Finalizer. 

He considered his options. He could try to see where he was from above, but he supposed that would be just wishful thinking and would only weaken him. No; there was a way out of this, but it wasn’t accessible by physical strength. Kylo closed his eyes. 

He’d never attempted to meditate in such discomfort before. He was cold, thirsty, hungry and his body ached from the climb. Yet, he had to try. Floating on the surface should be safe enough, the salt water should keep him afloat. At least as long as he lived and breathed. Kylo went through the routine of detaching himself from his physical body, but he had to repeat it several times before he managed it - his body was trying desperately to keep him, survival instincts threatening to overpower his will. 

At last, he was free. His consciousness reached out, feeling the place around him for a tear in the illusion - for he was now certain it was an illusion. He couldn’t find one, so he began to claw at it, hoping to break it. 

There was no way of telling how long he’d been doing that. He knew he should go back to his body, should check it before it went into shock caused by hypothermia, should not leave his brain vacant. But he was getting desperate. He never considered panic to be an option in this state, but he was clearly panicking now. He felt like he could crack the illusion open any second, any second, just one more scratch, just one more, just one more…

Kylo was only marginally aware of his consciousness returning harshly, unwillingly to his body before he blacked out, shivering so violently he’d be afraid of breaking his teeth if he had enough reason about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you surely noticed, this chapter contained another of [mini-mantis's](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/) awesome illustrations, which you can find (and reblog) [here!](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/post/168688983316/second-illustration-of-my-krb-collab-with)


	6. Emperor's New Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally stole the name of the chapter from the Panic! On the Disco song.  
> Also this chapter has the illustration that stood at the beginning of this collab, the one that grabbed my attention among the other ideas, so I hope you all are excited to see it!

Kylo woke up only enough to realise he was lying on something hard and sharp. He rolled over onto his stomach, and he turned over several times before he managed to stop. He opened his eyes a little; they stung and were, he was certain, bloodshot. The first thing he saw was a small blue flower, so stunningly blue he was afraid it wasn’t real. He reached for it; his fingers were numb and clumsy, and he almost crushed it between them, but it was there. He blinked; a small fly was marching up his forearm, and he would have laughed if he had the strength to do it. He made himself rise onto his hands and knees, his head splitting in half, his mouth so dry he supposed the cells had to be dead by now. His back hurt and he supposed he’d feel blood oozing from the wound if he wasn’t so wet. He looked around. 

The reason why he rolled so many times was simple - he was on top of a mountain. He supposed he was lucky he landed the way he did; the piece of rock he fell onto was small and not as jagged as most of the stones seemed to be. Insects were flying around in the air, and he could, even in this state, sense dozens of animals underground. Finally, he was somewhere alive. The Force was familiar now, singing happily in his veins, and he sighed with relief. He had broken out. However he did it, he’d broken out of the nightmare. 

He turned around and saw what seemed to him like a mirage. There was a simple but a well-equipped hut nearby. Kylo thought he even saw an area where a shuttle could land, but that was way too complex for him in this state. Right now, he needed water. 

He struggled to his feet, his whole body shaking with exertion. Staring at the ground in front of him, Kylo made himself count each step to focus on something else. He moved fast, considering how tired he was, and soon enough he was trying to find a gate in the fence. It was shut, but he managed to make the lock click open in no time. He got his lightsaber in his hand - better to be safe than sorry. He supposed a good person would forgive him for breaking in to save his life. A bad one, Kylo would just kill. 

The hut was an odd mixture of old and new - it seemed to be built from wood and stone, but he could see very modern articles hidden expertly not to disrupt the atmosphere of the place. Kylo found the door and struggled with it for a while before it, too, opened for him. He knew there’d be an alarm in place, and he reached for the Force to lead his fingers as he tried to key in the right code. The small device beeped once and informed him the alarm was deactivated. 

It was all too easy. Kylo kept pausing to look for threats and he grew increasingly perturbed when there weren’t any. He wondered if this was the worst nightmare of all, seemingly harmless and inviting, but deadly in truth. He reached a kitchen and made his way to the conservator, opening it only to find it almost empty. There were several cans of nonperishable foods but that was all. Whoever lived here had left, and not for a short while. 

Kylo went through the cupboards, but there wasn’t anything. He started seeing the irony of this place - it would look like a safe haven but the water would be poisoned. And he'd drink it anyway because it's better to die of poison than of thirst. With that, he made his way to the sink, giving in to his fate, and let the water run. He was careful not to drink too much, knowing that wouldn't be a good idea at all even in case the water was safe to drink. Having quenched the worst thirst, he dropped his damp clothes onto the floor, collapsed into a chair and closed his eyes. 

After what he guessed to be an hour, he stood up and drank some more water. He wasn't feeling like dying so he supposed he was safe for now. He opened a can with some beans and devoured them like the finest meal. He decided to take a look around the house before he ate more, supposing he'd have to be sparing with his food now. 

The house wasn't big. It had only one floor and there was just one room besides the kitchen and refresher. Whoever lived there, lived there alone. It was obvious that everything of value had been taken with the owner. There was a connection to the Holonet but no datapad or computer. Kylo sat down onto the bed and looked around. The place felt oddly familiar, even if he was sure he'd never seen it or in an even remotely similar house. He was certain that the owner of the house was Force-sensitive, even if he had no tangible proof.

He decided to take a shower. He wasn’t shivering anymore, but he was still cold, wet and dirty, and he supposed he was moving onto the needs that weren’t a priority. He stepped into the shower and turned the water on. It was hot instantly, and he sighed happily as it warmed his skin. He stood under the spray for long minutes before he started washing himself. He was pleasantly surprised to find his favourite brand of shampoo - it was rare, made only on several planets in the Outer Rim, and rather expensive. His mind was in a pleasant warm haze that prevented him from overthinking it, but he knew it would haunt him. 

He inspected himself in the mirror when he’d got out of the shower. His skin tingled in several places, especially his back where he’d landed on the rock, but when he looked at it, the wound wasn’t that big. The scarlet bruise around it was, and Kylo hoped his kidney wasn’t damaged. Other than that, he had small scratches and bruises all over but neither were serious enough for him to pay attention to. He found a medical kit and he gaped at it in awe. It was well-equipped, so well he wondered if he stumbled onto a medic’s house. Going through its contents however, he realised very quickly that there was a very specific set of supplies - bandages, sewing kit, disinfectants, bacta. A fighter’s medical kit. Kylo swallowed two pills to help the bruise heal and treated the wound with disinfectant just to be sure, even if it was probably too late.

He picked up his clothes and carried them to the ‘fresher. He had noticed there was a washing machine, albeit a small and unfamiliar one. He dumped the clothes inside and searched for some sort of detergent. It took him a while to figure out how the machine worked, but finally it started roaring. Kylo left it to do its job. He found some clothes in the wardrobe in the living room, surprised to see it fit him almost perfectly. That didn’t happen with many people.

He walked back to the kitchen, got something more to eat and drink and sat down on the bed. It was becoming clear he wasn’t in danger of imminent death, but there was a limited supply of food in the house. He’d have to come up with a plan of action. As he ate, his eyes wandered around the room. It was tidy with a sense of order that made him feel welcome, a sense of order Kylo would keep himself, and he returned in his thoughts back to the shampoo. A sense of uneasiness crept over him as he realised this house was a little too perfect, a little too obviously there when he needed it. This thought had already crossed his mind but now when he wasn’t half-dead with hunger, it came back with renewed vehemence. 

Having finished his meal, Kylo set out to search the room. He had found several peculiar things that confirmed his hypothesis of the house’s owner being a Force user, but there was nothing outside of the normal there. Kylo wasn’t sure what he had been searching for when he began, but it occurred to him in the middle of it that he had no idea where he was. He had jumped after Hux but he’d obviously not followed him. So where was he? And where was Hux?

Kylo was ready to give up when he found a small drawer hidden inside a cupboard. He tried to open it but it didn’t give way. Kylo used the Force but there was something still holding it closed; the lock had fallen apart but the drawer was still stuck. Kylo growled impatiently and the wood exploded. He got several splinters lodged in his hands and a big one barely missed his ear. He had half the mind to get up and deal with the splinters, but he was too curious about the contents of the drawer. What could be so important?

He reached inside and found several sheets of paper. He pulled it out, dumbfounded. Paper. Actual paper. The one on top was a holograph but with the backside up. There was ‘58 IC’ written on it. Kylo frowned and turned the paper over for an explanation. His eyes widened. 

It was a picture of himself and Hux, except they had never been in such a situation. For one, they looked content to be around each other. Kylo stared at Hux’s face for a long minute, but he found he couldn’t describe his expression as anything but affection. But more importantly, they were standing on a balcony, a majestic palace behind them, a sea in the distance. Hux was wearing a white uniform far fancier than Kylo had ever seen him in, with a cape that seemed to fall all the way down to the ground. There was a silver tiara in Hux’s hair and Kylo just knew it was a crown. Hux was glowing with happiness, laughing. Kylo watched his own face bisected by an unfamiliar thin scar. It looked like he was saying something to make Hux laugh. It wasn’t an official portrait; it looked like someone had snapped a holo of them when they weren’t looking. Kylo couldn’t wrap his mind about it so he just kept staring at it, hoping it would make sense. It didn’t; he put it onto the other side of the small pile to inspect the rest. 

The next holograph was of Hux alone, on a podium with thousands of Stormtroopers listening to him, giant First Order flags behind him. Kylo couldn’t recognise the place, but at least he recognized Hux. He looked younger than the one in the previous holograph and more or less the same age as the Hux Kylo knew. He turned the holograph. This one’s backside was a little bit more informative.  _ The first step to the crown. 53 IC.  _ Kylo recognised the handwriting as his own. He didn’t understand what the title said, but it must have been his hand to write it. His head spun. An explanation for what was happening started forming in his mind but he didn’t let it push into his full consciousness just yet. 

The third piece of paper wasn’t a holograph. It was a plan of a house - or rather, a palace. It wasn’t a professional one; it was drawn by hand without any aids so the lines were messy and crooked. There were notes written on the sides and signs of lines that got erased. This was a first draft. There was Kylo’s handwriting again, but half of the notes were written in an unfamiliar untidy script. He could barely read it. When he turned this paper onto the other side, it was covered in small letters, his own interchanging with the other script. He set it aside, meaning to read it later. He looked at the last piece of paper. 

There was his likeness - him with the scar, his hair longer than he wore it. And underneath his chin, there was a price he could barely fathom.  _ Wanted for treason and treachery against the crown.  _ Kylo stared at it in disbelief. If he understood it correctly, there was now a crown to commit treason against. The previous holographs suggested Hux was the crown. And Hux looked smitten with Kylo. Was Hux dead? Or did Kylo-

That was ridiculous. 

And yet he had to consider it. Kylo sat down onto the bed again, leaning against the wall, and started reading the strange paper he had found, hoping it would explain things. He was trying to postpone coming to the frankly phantasmagoric conclusion that he had somehow appeared in a parallel universe. 

_ This is ridiculous. Why are we writing on a paper like some schoolgirls trying to keep a secret?  _ Because we  are trying to keep a secret. I can’t risk this getting into Snoke’s hand by typing it on a datapad.  _ Aren’t you afraid he’ll get it out of our minds with the Force?  _ He’d have to look for it. Or we’d have to think of it very intensely in his presence. Just try not to do that.  _ I’m not sure if I want to rely on you.  _ Well you can kill him yourself if it’s more convenient.  _ I mean, you’re very eager to get rid of your master. I wouldn’t want you to be my enemy.  _ Do you want me to help you or not?  _ I suppose you could be useful.  _

The other script was Hux’s. Kylo didn’t have to read beyond the first few sentences to be sure of it. And they were using the paper to plot to overthrow Snoke. Kylo read on, fascinated, and an intricate, complicated plan played out in front of him. There were many things he couldn’t understand, referring to events he had not experienced, but the message was clear. And, as was obvious from the holographs, the two of them had succeeded. And now Kylo was a wanted man for crimes against the crown. Did he really turn against Hux, like he had feared in the writing? Or was Hux dead? 

Kylo shook his head. It wasn’t him who was hunted down. It wasn’t him who got rid of Snoke. It wasn’t him who helped Hux get a crown. But it also was. He supposed he’d have to see it for himself to believe-

A sharp beep echoed through the house and Kylo jumped up in surprise, his heart beating painfully in his chest. He searched for intruders, but he was just as alone as before. Then, the beeps sounded again. He set the papers aside and set out to search for the source of the noise. He felt like an idiot when he found it was the washing machine telling him it was done with his clothes. He hanged them to dry and with his pulse slowly going back to normal, he returned to the living room. 

Looking at the mess he had made, he finally realised why the room felt so familiar. He supposed he had known before, subconsciously, but he realised it to its full extent now. 

The house was his. This was his counterpart’s refuge, his protection from the Emperor. And now it was empty, like its inhabitant had decided to put an end to his hiding. Kylo didn’t know what prompted it, but he supposed he should be grateful for it. He didn’t doubt now that the only reason why he was allowed to escape the nightmare realm was that its creator forsook it for something more interesting. Kylo didn’t know what that could be, but he supposed the best place to start would be the Emperor’s residence, wherever it was. He could start by figuring out who wanted him dead.

…

It takes Armitage two days before he grows bored of the Emperor’s office and duties. He has half the mind to wake the actual Emperor just to get rid of it; it seems like ruling the galaxy consists of listening to uninteresting people talk, faking attempts to come up with a solution to their petty problems, and endless reports, news, gossips and rumors. Armitage can't quite comprehend what would make him fight so hard to become an Emperor only to do a job even more tedious than that of a First Order general.  

He decides to have some of the fun he expected at first and then leave the silly palace behind. And by fun, he means a gala with hundreds of invited who marvel at the beauty of his palace, the delicacy of the food, the expensive garment he's wearing. 

Armitage encounters surprising resistance on his quest to organize such an event. It is apparently unprecedented in the four years of Emperor Hux’s reign. He is also told it would be expensive and time-consuming. He doesn't have time for stupid games like that; he won't be challenged, especially not by some orderlies. He uses the Force to give a warning - he's surprised how few people actually heed it. He throws the stupid ones off the cliff with his own hands. It's not difficult to hire new, less reluctant staff members. 

Preparations run mostly smoothly since then. Armitage wakes the Emperor up for the meetings, keeping his wits about him just enough for him to perform his duties without wondering what happens when he's not listening to complaints. 

On the day of the gala, Armitage eagerly puts on the best clothes he found in the Emperor’s cloakroom. He waits in the throne room and greets whomever he deems worthy of it. He listens to the people commenting the food, and changes the minds of those who are displeased. The music starts playing and he watches people dance, himself resolving to only float gracefully around the room. There isn't anyone worthy of his dance - and nobody will dare ask him for one anyway. He enjoys himself, sipping alcohol that makes the Force coursing through his veins sing. His skin tingles; his head is light and spinning. 

Towards midnight, when most of the guests are at least pleasantly intoxicated, Armitage feels the Force shift, as if someone else is pulling at it to claim it. It's over almost immediately and he has half the mind to think it was just a dream. A man wearing a mask approaches him. 

“May I have the honour of dancing with you?” The stranger asks. Armitage opens his mouth to decline. He stops mid-breath, studying the intricate black lace covering the man’s face. 

“I suppose dauntlessness such as yours should be rewarded,” Armitage nods and links his arm with the stranger’s as they make their way to the dance floor. “Could you believe you're the first one who asked for my dance?”

“Hardly, Your Majesty,” the stranger says and turns to face Armitage, “you are quite enthralling.”

“I'd say the same about you, but I can't see your face,” Armitage replies. He lays a hand on the stranger’s shoulder, hides the other in the man’s big palm. Armitage locks gazes with the man, and suddenly he knows who his partner is. 

“I think we both know you don't have to see me to know who I am,” Ren counters and leads their way into the dance. It's a complicated one, fast enough for conversation to be interrupted but not enough for Armitage to just spin thoughtlessly. The dance is half muscle-memory, half following Ren’s surprisingly good lead. Armitage wishes to dance with Ren until the end of the gala - this is what he meant by having fun. But he also has to remember that Ren is dangerous. They dance to two more fast songs before a slower one comes on. Ren pulls Armitage closer, their bodies pressed together, and Armitage wonders what Ren is after. 

“I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't need a teacher anymore,” Armitage says; he hates how weak it sounds when he's in Ren’s arms. 

“I don't want you to go anywhere with me,” Ren replies.

“Then why are you here?”

Ren leans forward until his mask is brushing Armitage’s face and ear.

“Maybe I've come to kill you,” he whispers. Armitage shivers - with excitement, with desire. Danger is even better than enjoyment, better than physical pleasure.

“Why don't you?” he murmurs, “We both know you want to.”

“Who did you bring in to replace me?” Ren says instead, ignoring Armitage's jab, “someone complacent, no doubt.”

“I didn't bring in anyone,” Armitage frowns, “I don't need anyone.”

“Then who was the powerful Force user around you? I felt it all across the galaxy. I feel it on you,” Ren scoffs, like he’s burnt or disgusted, or both.

“I don't have a Force user around me,” Armitage replies. As he says it, he realises one thing. This isn't his Ren, the man who thought he would contain his powers and use them to his merit. This is the Emperor’s Ren, the exiled one. He grins. “But there is a bounty on your head.”

“You'd have handed me over minutes ago, if you wanted to,” Ren points out rather confidently. 

“You'd be surprised to learn how wrong you are about this,” Armitage points out, “but yes, let's consider that to be an option. What do I want from you?”

“Maybe you finally realised I didn't commit any crime against you,” Ren began, “or you need help with this Force-user.” 

“There's no Force user. I don't know what you smell with that big nose of yours, but there's no other Force user I know of.”

“Or maybe you're just being cruel and playing with me.”

“Maybe I'm just being cruel and playing with you,” Armitage nods, disentangles himself from Ren’s arms and hurries away. Let the Emperor deal with his wayward lap dog. 

Armitage packs all the things he had prepared for his journey into a backpack. He thought he’d be leaving later, but the situation demands a change of plans. He changes into a set of clothes he supposes were designed for walks in nature. He pulls on a hood to cover his hair, and creeps into the room where he hid the Emperor. He makes the confusion dissolve and looks into the suddenly sharp eyes of his counterpart.

“Who are you?” the Emperor asks. Armitage laughs.

“I’m you, but better,” he says, “watch out for Ren. I don’t think he will really kill you, but better be safe than sorry, right?”

Armitage leaves without sparing the confused Emperor a single glance. He makes his way to the garage where he takes a speeder. Nobody stops him, as all the doors and vehicles are programmed to recognise the authorized people only. The guards even raise their hands in greeting as he passes them. 

Armitage drives where the road takes him. He goes too fast, the landscape a blur around him. He pulls down the windows to feel the chilly air on his face. The wind tears his hood off his head and soon enough he has to slow down as his ears grow cold. He reaches the capital then, the lights he could just make out from the palace in the distance when the sky was clear enough. He has been there once, on some official matter. He knows the basic layout and which parts to steer clear of if he doesn’t want to get jumped or recognised. He downloaded a plan to his datapad just to be sure. 

He leaves the speeder on the parking lot of a hotel and walks inside. He’ll have to sleep somewhere tonight. He’s not exactly tired; rather, he’s too excited to trust himself. Armitage approaches the receptionist with a slight smile. 

“Hello,” he says cheerfully. He intends to use just enough Force to skim over the surface of her mind, to only see her immediate thoughts. But he’s too eager, his mind buzzing too hard. 

_ It’s her first day at this job. She’s so grateful, so happy. She’ll get paid a good wage and work fully clothed. She listens eagerly as her new boss explains the specifics. She smiles pleasantly. She has to keep this job. It’s so much better than- _

_ Her head spins a little - her drink must have been laced. Stupid. She’ll get told off for it. She counts the credits but it’s not enough. It’s never enough. She palms her pockets but they’re empty. She’s sold everything but it’s not enough- _

He pulls away. He can see she’s crying; he finds he is too. He wants to apologize, but she’s not listening. She’s caught up in her own nightmares. He takes a shaky breath a leaves. 

In the next hotel, he makes sure to only project the Force onto others. He almost gets caught; his mind is still shaken and whirring. It’s almost dawn when he finally lies down in a bed, Ren’s eyes haunting him as he’s falling asleep. 

…

It took Kylo two days to get to a settlement. It was a tiny one and Kylo knew immediately it would be no help in travelling to other planets. He tried to communicate with the locals, but they didn’t speak basic and seemed to be terrified of him. They brought him food and water, probably out of fear, which he took hoping it wouldn’t kill him. He set out again, scouring the place with the Force and getting increasingly sulky when it seemed like there was nothing, nothing at all. Maybe his counterpart arrived in his own shuttle, which was the only means of leaving the planet, and Kylo was stuck there.

He refused to go back, not yet, and after three more days when he’d almost run out of the food the villagers had given him, he sensed the echo of thousands of minds. He sped up with renewed eagerness. The image of a civilised city was invigorating enough for him to skip sleep that night. He arrived to a rather ugly industrial outskirt, but after the wilderness of the past week, it seemed like paradise to Kylo. He found an empty factory building and slept in it for a couple of hours, his stomach rumbling with hunger. 

When he woke up again, he found out the place wasn’t as abandoned as he had thought. There were workers around him, and vehicles of all sizes going back and forth. Kylo convinced one of the drivers to give him a ride, and he barely contained his excitement when he learned that the city did have a spaceport. The driver chattered about it tirelessly, like it was the most wondrous thing in the whole world, but the longer he talked, the more convinced Kylo was that the place was probably tiny and low-tech. He didn’t say it out loud though, especially since the driver insisted on taking him all the way to it, just to see Kylo’s reaction.

Kylo was glad he was a rather good actor, as the port turned out to be even less fancy than he expected. He said some half-hearted words of praise, thanked the driver and reminded him he was on the clock and should probably get going. Finally, Kylo was alone. He went to check what options he had. He found a datapad with a connection to the holonet and learned that he was nearly at the other side of the galaxy from the Emperor’s residential planet. The earliest shuttle was departing in a few hours and Kylo decided to take it, thinking nearly every planet with a spaceport would offer more possibilities than this dump. He checked the news since he was still connected, even if it would most likely feel unreal - reading news from a world he doesn’t know. 

However, the very first turned out to be rather relevant to his interests. Emperor Hux was hosting a gala that night. Kylo studied the photo attached very carefully, trying to see differences between the Emperor and the Hux he knew… He couldn’t see any. He hoped to see something that would distinguish the two, like the scar that marked this universe’s Kylo Ren. But the Emperor even seemed to have the same haunted, slightly mad glimmer in his eyes. 

In the end, he needed to take five shuttles before he arrived at the capital. He had been concealing his face since he left the hut in the mountains, but he was extremely cautious there. He had his lightsaber tucked away in his backpack, even if it would take him ages to get it out in case of danger. Having one attached to his belt would no doubt result in him attracting too much attention to himself. 

The city was busy and crowded; Kylo found it easy to blend in with the crowds. Almost too easy, if he were honest. Sometimes, when a pickpocket tried to rob him or he couldn’t avoid a collision with another pedestrian, he wanted to go back to the hut in the mountains. He started his stay in the city with a visit to a bar, intent on devising a plan of action. He dipped into the Force just slightly, feeling the currents, hoping that maybe he can track Hux this way.

The Force was confused and distorted around him. He saw disbalance and chaos, like someone tore the fabric of it into shreds and then gave it to an inexpert seamstress to mend. At some places, there were tears in which he could barely feel the Force, and in others tight knots of angry concentrated power yearned for release. He had no proof, but he was almost certain they were Hux’s doing. He had noticed these places of unevenness before but they were more remarkable now. He was certain he was in the right place to commence the search for his lost pupil; Hux was both strong and unhinged enough to cause this much damage without looking back.

He returned, like so many times already in the past week, to the most likely theory - that Hux’s outburst somehow caused the fabric of the universe to loosen and allow the two of them to slip into another dimension. He didn’t think Hux did it on purpose; he wasn’t aware of his powers enough to do that. Kylo supposed, given the nature of their last encounter, that Hux’s rage simply tried to find an outlet. Well, it found it. Kylo wasn’t sure why he was taken too, or why he seemed to appear in a different place than Hux. 

The whole matter made his head spin; it brought back the fear of being worthless, insignificant. He was lost in a dimension where he didn’t belong and nobody seemed to notice. He wondered if anyone back home noticed he was gone. 

He finished his drink and headed out to look for Hux to escape his despair.

…

Someone is watching him. Armitage can’t put his finger on a definite proof but it’s there. Someone is checking the places he visited, and some he didn’t, probably hoping he would appear there. He knows it’s Ren; he just doesn’t know which one. And he’s ecstatic. Finally, some fun. 

His accidents happen almost every day now. He tries to use the Force as much as he can, making his hair move like in a breeze, pushing objects with his mind rather than his hands, corrupting people into doing things they weren’t going to do. He’s hoping it would exhaust the Force, blow off some of his steam, figuratively speaking, but it doesn’t. His mind connects to others without him intending to, and each of these encounters leaves him exhausted and shaking. Sometimes, he doesn’t remember who he is for long minutes. 

He decides to leave the city then. Animal minds are less intricate and hide less sorrow, less pain, less hatred. He takes his speeder and drives away, but the city seems endless. When he finally leaves, his head is threatening to split in half. He stops at the edge of the road; barely makes it out of the speeder before he throws up. He climbs back into the vehicle. Shivering, he pulls his legs to his chest, knees tucked under his chin. 

He slips into a fitful sleep of bad dreams and hallucinations.  _ Everyone wants him dead, everyone wants to get him, and he can’t let them, can’t let them. He shrieks and struggles but there are too many of them. They want his power, his intelligence, his body, they want to take him; he won’t go, he won’t. They can beat him, they can cut him but they’ll never have him, pain won’t make him agree with them, pain won’t make him give up _

He wakes up to a scream. His throat burns. The speeder is damaged beyond repair; he has several cuts and bruises all over his body. He sets out to walk back into the city.

“Ren, where are you?” he murmurs under his breath, “Where are you when I need you?”

He loses track of time. He treads the side of the road, not paying attention to the surprised honks from the speeders that pass him by. He has to make one speeder leave with the Force, others only take one look at him and decide not to have anything to do with him. He’s still setting one foot in front of the other on the white line of the road when he sees him. Ren has the scar from the holographs. Armitage thinks it suits him. He stops and collapses onto the ground. Ren walks to him slowly, like he has all the time in the world.

“What are you?” Ren barks. Armitage looks up.

“I’m your worst nightmare,” he says weakly. Speeders pass them by. Armitage feels the wind tear at his clothes. Ren’s gaze is shooting darts at him. Poisonous, probably. Armitage chuckles.

“You’re not...him. What are you? A ghost? A trick to drive me mad?” Ren keeps talking.

“Always so melodramatic,” Armitage whispers. Ren kicks him in the shin. Armitage yelps.

“You’re human,” Ren assesses. 

“Aren’t you?”

“I thought you were a spirit.”

“Oh please. Shall we fight already?” Armitage fakes a yawn. Sharp pain cuts at his brain when he does that. 

“You want to fight me.”

Armitage rolls his eyes. Ren has never been this stupid. What is wrong with this washed out version? 

He gathers the Force. He sees Ren’s eyes widen - he grins. Oh yes, you didn’t expect me to fight back, did you? He traps Ren, raises him into the air. He lets him struggle; it’s funnier that way. He feels the pain leave his body, the exhaustion, the weakness. He grows stronger, surer. He laughs. Ren is fighting back but it’s so feeble he wants to laugh. Finally, finally, he throws Ren away, into the field lining the road. He stops a speeder with the Force; throws the driver out. He sits behind the wheel and drives away. 

“Thank you, Ren,” Armitage says, watching the cloud of dust settle back onto the field.

…

Armitage keeps out of big cities then. He always stays in one place long enough to leave an impression. He noticed Ren usually seeks him at places where he connected more profoundly to the Force. Since then he's been leaving carefully selected hints and clues for Ren to follow. Sometimes they'd bring them close enough for Armitage to make sure Ren is still following him, and to keep him from giving up. But usually he lets Ren arrive a day or two too late, the trail lukewarm rather than cold. 

Armitage isn't sure why exactly the other Ren manages to keep up and actually face him, but he supposes the two of them have different methods. 

He's started calling them Fun Ren and Drug Ren. Fun is the harmless one Armitage likes to play with. Drug is the dangerous one that could kill him but whom he desperately needs. 

He tried to leave the planet once, intending to test his pursuers, but it didn't end well. He can barely handle passing through small towns, forcing his way into empty houses to spend the night. The busy spaceport, thrumming with the thoughts of thousands of minds proved too much for Armitage to handle. 

He's staying in a forest, in a cabin by a small lake. The place is very peaceful and lively at the same time. Armitage spends his days killing animals or making them fight each other, waiting for Drug to show up. 

He's started to sing. He doesn't even know how it began, or if he decided to do it, but it's a habit now. He sings unless he's asleep or eating, and he doesn't do either very much. In an echo from another life, he knows his body has never needed much sleep. He sleeps only when the headache gets too much; he's come to resent it. All it ever does is cause him more pain and confusion, leaving him exhausted and dizzy. The signing helps though. He doesn't know why and he doesn't care. All he knows is that it soothes him, allows him to have at least a few moments of repose. 

He doesn't sing a melody he can consciously recognize. He doesn't even think it's a song in the conventional meaning of the word. It’s a melody of the Force, he thinks. The Force gives him a tune and he sings it, hoping that this time he will be allowed to eat to make the trembling go away.

Armitage doesn't stop signing when he senses Drug. He's making his way through the forest, almost soundlessly, but he can't fool Armitage. Armitage knows everything; the Force is omnipresent and it tells him all its secrets. Sometimes he wishes it didn't. He knows too much and his feeble body can't handle it. 

Drug appears from the side of the sun. He's smart, Armitage has to admit, but that's of no use to him. Armitage has the strength of the whole universe under his fingers. 

He greets Drug with a small whirlwind of dead leaves, needles, twigs and cones. It takes him a few minutes to get out of it; he never stops singing. His eyes are closed; his sight is better that way. Unblemished by the imperfections of his eyes and brain. The Force creates the exact vision he needs, without distractions. 

He raises a column of water. It doesn't hit Drug the way he wanted; it doesn't matter. None of it matters. Drug’s mind touches his; he barely feels it. He doesn't have to push him away - Drug leaves of his own volition. Probably scared away. Or burned. Or-

_ He has to hurry. He's close, so close, he'll finally find him. He's sure of it, he just needs to move faster. Faster, so that he doesn't run again. Faster, faster, faster. A branch in front of him, twisted root underfoot, he has to hurry up, a hole in the ground, his boots are dirty with mud, they're barely black now, the trail is gone, his cloak catches onto a tree, he almost falls over. Runs runs runs and suddenly there's light, he'll make it, he’ll make it- _

He collapses, the melody dying on his lips. Pain radiates from his chest; every single cell of his body is on fire. He wants to cry; he can't catch a breath. His mind flickers, exploding supernovas and hateful eyes, victorious roars and a terrified face. Agony, hot and searing. A scream; not his own. A flow of words but he can't recognize them. Pain and confusion and  _ home, I want to go home. _

…

Kylo walked as fast as the thick forest let him. He was trying to stay hidden in the Force but still keeping his mind focused on Hux. He was close enough to have a chance; Hux seemed relaxed, as much as he was capable of relaxing anyway in his current state. 

Kylo was worried about him. Even from the distance, he could sense Hux’s disquiet, the instability of the Force within him. It had gotten worse since he last got this close to Hux. If it continued, Kylo was worried it might eventually tear Hux apart, rip him to pieces without any regards for his life. Kylo felt guilty of this; although he had acted to save Hux’s life, and Hux knew all the risks of the ritual, Kylo couldn't help but feel responsible. Moreover, Hux’s instability was no longer just a matter of his death - Kylo was certain if he didn't find a way to catch Hux and shake the Force out of him, it might end in countless other deaths. 

Kylo had only caught one glimpse of Hux during their several weeks long game of hide and seek, and the sight shocked him so much it gave Hux a chance to flee. Kylo was determined not to get taken aback again, no matter how bad Hux’s condition would be. He was certain that no matter how much he tried to prepare for it, it would be worse than what he imagined. 

Then, all of a sudden, something Kylo could only describe as thunder echoed through the Force. It threw Kylo off balance; he tripped and fell onto the ground, his ears ringing. The second his head stopped spinning, he stood up, moving faster. There was no time - or need - for an inconspicuous approach now. Hux was, for whatever reason, even if Kylo had a rather good idea of what could be the cause, using the Force in a dangerous dose. Kylo supposed the catastrophe might come sooner than he anticipated. 

He ran, his mind almost completely blank and yet frenzied, panicked,  _ not his own.  _ Kylo recognized Hux. His personality was very faint beneath all the layers of madness, terror and stale Force that was slowly poisoning him, but it was there. Kylo tried to comfort him with kind words and spiritual caresses, but he supposed Hux was too far gone to notice. So instead, Kylo sped up.

He arrived to the lake just in time to see Hux collapse onto the ground. The pressure in Kylo’s mind was immediately gone, and the silence was more alarming than Kylo cared to admit. They had been intertwined just a few heartbeats ago - now Hux had been ripped out of Kylo’s reach. He resisted the urge to run up to Hux and searched for the attacker. 

His scarred, older counterpart was staring intently at Hux, like he didn't even notice Kylo. There was hatred in his eyes, and confusion. 

“I'll get you this time,” he hissed, approaching Hux slowly, circling him like a predator would its prey, “you have nowhere to run. The Force inside you is my ally, not yours. You were never supposed to have it. You're an abomination, a foul trick of nature to torture me.”

Kylo shivered at the sound of his voice. The forest around them seemed to whisper, to edge closer as if to hear better. Kylo could barely breathe. “I don't know what you are or why you exist, but I'm going to cut you up really thoroughly until I see what's inside you.”

Kylo had been approaching the pair the whole time, quiet and shrouded in the Force, and he was close enough now to see a crimson spot blooming on Hux’s chest. Hux was pale and skinny, and Kylo had been right to assume the worst. He seemed so frail he was almost see-through - he'd look like a ghost if it weren't for the all too real bloody reminder that he was not. Not yet. 

Suddenly, Ren turned around and Kylo saw his face, uncannily similar and yet  _ wrong _ . He remembered how you never actually see your face the way other people do - always just a reflexion, the other way around. He could say that seeing his own face was not a pleasant experience.  

Kylo ignited his lightsaber, speeding up to a run, gaining momentum. Ren barely looked at him, as if he wasn’t worth even that little attention, and raised his left fist. He had some sort of armour on his forearm - it glistened unnaturally in the dim lighting. Kylo slashed against it, twirled the saber in the middle of the swing to change the direction to Ren’s chest. But Ren was faster and predicted Kylo’s attack; he changed his posture just a little, still focused on Hux, and he used his forearm to block Kylo’s saber. Kylo expected to cut through flesh, prepared himself for the inertia, planned another lunge aimed at Ren’s chest, preferably beside the cardiophylax- 

His lightsaber hit an unexpected obstacle and Kylo lost his footing. His teeth rattled as the strength of the impact shook him. There was a noise too, barely audible but positively there, and Kylo’s head spun. Ren turned away from him, disinterested, and he focused on Hux again. Hux had gathered enough strength to stand up, his eyes closed, and Kylo could feel him summon the Force. Hux was pale and probably only managed to stay upright out of spite, but he wasn’t in control. Kylo scrambled to his feet and rushed to shield Hux with his own body. 

Ren glared at them both; scoffed. Kylo glanced at Hux - his mind was obviously somewhere else, eyes unfocused, hands moving fast as if weaving an invisible piece of fabric. A crease appeared between Hux’s eyebrows and the air behind Ren shimmered, like in heat, and it was painful to look at. Kylo raised his lightsaber again to attack but Ren barely changed his posture to face him, as if waiting for Kylo to make a mistake. 

“I see that I really have gone mad,” Ren said, looking directly at Hux as if Kylo wasn’t even there. “I see my own past as it should have been according to the Force, I suppose. I should have died protecting him, as I promised. Well, too bad he didn’t want my protection.”

Kylo wasn’t ready for Ren to strike as fast. He barely saw him move, and had only enough time to put his saber in front of himself, anticipating the blade there rather than seeing it. His legs caught up with his torso and he righted his pose, but Ren was moving again, bringing his own saber in a wide loop down towards Kylo’s left shoulder. Kylo ducked out of the way, fell on one knee and stabbed the air where Ren’s left thigh had been a mere second ago. Kylo rose to his feet again, retreating closer to Hux. The crimson spot on Hux’s chest kept spreading - if this went on much longer, Kylo wouldn’t have anything to fight for. 

And all this time, Hux was muttering something under his breath, and from this angle, Kylo finally understood why. He didn’t think he’d ever see this again, but right behind Ren, the Force was quivering, just barely holding in place. Hux wanted to escape again. Kylo remembered that it didn’t take so much time when he created the first portal, and wondered whether he should try to help Hux with it. Not that he could - the sheer amount of energy necessary for that was beyond imagination for Kylo. So all he could do was give Hux as much time as he needed. 

“You know, I never found it anywhere why you’re a wanted criminal now. What did you do? Tell Hux he’s using too much hair gel?” Kylo asked his counterpart. Their eyes met properly for the first time. Seeing his own eyes glare at him with disgust was an experience he would have gladly avoided. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Ren spat, “haven’t you learned that yet? You don’t have to do anything wrong to piss him off. He’s all lovey-dovey with you one day and kicks you out as a criminal the other. That’s just how he is. Crazy.”

Ren raised the tip of his saber towards Hux, as if to prove his point. Kylo, high on adrenaline, acted before he could think, deflecting the blade the the side. He should have an advantage of the unexpected attack, he should gain something from the attack but Ren was better than him, calmer, more in control of his surroundings. He was just playing with Kylo; if he wanted he could have killed him long ago. It was disconcerting and fascinating - Kylo had considered himself quite capable but he was being cornered like a beginner. He didn’t have time to check on Hux, he twirled around Ren, spinning his saber in his signature loops, and he wondered how the hell this person, with such a boring, straight-forward swordsmanship, could be an alternative version of him. 

They circled each other but neither had managed to draw blood just yet. Kylo could smell his own hair being singed, he managed to cut off a bit of Ren’s cloak off, but that was all. He kept hitting the guard on Ren’s forearm but it was still as shiny and spotless as in the beginning. It was most likely a playfight, a warm-up or just something for fun, to Ren but Kylo was sweating and breathing hard. Ren’s expression was still mostly impassive. Kylo wondered how he managed to get such control of the too expressive face they shared. 

A thud of a body hitting the ground; Kylo looked away, lost his focus for a while, and he got knocked down onto his back. As he fell, he could see Hux panting on the ground, arms spasming like he was reaching for something unseen. A flash of red; he was going to die-

Hux turned his head just an inch, his eyes finding Kylo’s. The Force crackled, and Kylo felt it leave his body, escaping against his will, like air when one is suffocating. He grappled for it, trying to get it back but it kept slipping away. He could see, from the corner of his eye, his counterpart struggling in the same fashion, the saber mere inches from Kylo’s throat. And Hux-

…

_ Home. Warm and soothing. Smells like fabric softener and metal. Lights bright electric blue, stars in the distance, thousands, millions. Safe, safe, safe. He wants to go home.  _

He's injured, in tremendous pain, pain, pain,  _ agony.  _ He can't breathe. Something heavy on his chest. His mind is splitting in half. Too much; too bright, too loud, too hot, too cold. 

_ Home. _

_ … _

Kylo couldn't move properly, as if the Force was needed for neural connection and the lack of it left Kylo paralyzed. The portal was complete now, but Hux didn’t have the energy to jump through it himself. It was a few steps from them; Kylo didn’t know where it would lead them but at this point he didn’t care. Ren had a determined look on his face and Kylo was certain he would free himself soon.

Kylo fought against the flow trying to suck him into the portal, and he managed to get onto his knees. He grabbed Hux’s limp body - too easy, too easy - and stood up, more or less using Hux as a crutch. Hux collapsed onto him, and Kylo wrapped his arm around Hux’s waist, supporting him. Ren swept his arm violently, putting a real emotion into his charge for the first time, and he hit Hux’s back.

The white-blue condensation of the Force had stopped growing, the edges of it torn, a ripple at the center. Hux’s face was sinewy now, his body shaking violently in Kylo’s arms. His blood had soaked into Kylo’s clothes.

Kylo pulled them through the portal.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mini-mantis's illustration is [here](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/post/168792441779/the-main-illustration-for-our-kyluxbigbang-collab) so give it a reblog and check her blog out!


	7. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it and happy Monday or any other holiday to those who don't! Here's a little gift from me!

Kylo fell onto the ground the second it formed underneath him. Hux’s body sagged onto him, dead weight dragging him down. Kylo’s knees protested and he barely had time to put his hand in front of him to protect his face. His wrist made an unsettling noise; Kylo thought it might be broken or sprained. No time for examinations though, Hux was unconscious and bleeding, and those were just his physical injuries. Kylo slipped out from beneath him, laying Hux gently onto the floor. He looked around and saw he was in a medbay of sorts, albeit empty. He tried to reach for the Force, to learn a little about his surroundings to assess if there were any imminent threats, but the sensation of not being in complete control of his senses still dominated his consciousness. 

Kylo touched Hux’s cheek, carefully as if afraid, and tried to make sense of what had happened. He could still feel the residue of the portal, the immense, unnatural accumulation of the Force, but it was dissipating quickly, like a stain in the sink disappears through the drain. Kylo turned his attention back to Hux. The Force was almost completely silent within him, the echo of it weaker than it should be in a living being, even in a Force-null like Hux had been before all this. It wasn’t the silence of a dead or dying person either. If anything, it was an emptiness, a gaping wound. Kylo supposed that was to be expected given the circumstances. He just hoped it wasn’t permanent. 

There were more pressing matters on hand though. If Kylo was right, they were back in the house they started from, and at least they were together now. Kylo pushed open the door to test his theory. He left it opened not to lose sight of Hux even if it made his head spin. The Force didn’t like him taking advantage of its safe haven. There was a commlink on the table, shiny and new. Kylo picked it up and ran back to the medbay, shutting the door firmly behind him. He called a set frequence on it, waiting for barely a couple of seconds before it was picked up.

“Kylo?!” Korleen yelled. 

“Yes,” Kylo breathed out, a smile tugging at his lips despite everything, “stars I’m so happy to hear you.”

There was a tumult on the other side, probably as the knights fought each other for the chance to speak. He was drunk on the joy of hearing them again, but the sight of Hux’s lifeless body at his feet sobered him up quickly. 

“Listen, I need you,” Kylo said into the commlink. The noise ceased as they waited for more instructions. “I’m in a medbay. I’m fine, but Hux is unconscious and bleeding. I need help.”

“We’re on it,” Kemma announced and the connection went silent. Kylo dropped the commlink and knelt down beside Hux. He cupped Hux’s cheek, trying to comfort him with the Force. It seemed rather pointless, with Hux unresponsive and cold, but the Force did leave Kylo’s hand so he was hoping it went to fill the emptiness within Hux. 

He startled when the door burst open and the knights pushed through. He lurched and looked up, his heart pounding, but Korleen was already falling onto her knees beside him. Kaex knelt to Hux’s head, laying his hands on top of Hux’s head. Kylo was shaking; now that the knights were there and he wasn’t responsible for Hux, he was going into shock. He felt a sob clamber up his chest.

“Come here and let them work,” Kwis whispered quietly and offered her hand to Kylo. He took it, feeling like he wouldn’t manage to stand up without the help, and pulled himself up. Kwis led him to a chair in the far corner and he collapsed onto it, teeth chattering. Karst came to him with a blanket and Kylo let him wrap it around his torso.

“Thank you,” Kylo murmured. Kemma was looking through the cabinets, looking for something, Klee held Kaex’s shoulder, both of their eyes closed. Korleen was working methodically, muttering something to herself. She had cut Hux’s clothes and pushed it away to inspect his wounds. The one on his chest wasn’t as bad as Kylo had feared; there was simply a lot of scraped skin, hence the blood. The one on his back was raw and blistered, and Kylo’s vision wavered when Korleen laid it bare, but it seemed to be superficial as well.

Hux still didn’t look good. He was thin, ribs protruding at places where his skin was intact, pale and fresh bruises covering his body as if he had fallen and hit himself too many times. His skin had an ashen tinge and Kylo didn’t have to know much about medicine to understand why Korleen seemed so worried. His eyes were heavy and he closed them, leaning his head against the wall. He perceived his surroundings only partially - someone was caressing his shoulder, someone was talking, a machine whirred. He was curious to see what was happening, but not enough to open his eyes again.

Some time later - a second, a month? - someone pushed a mug into his hands. Kylo opened his eyes, his lids heavy, and looked up at Karst facing him.

“Korleen says you have to drink something,” Karst explained. Kylo focused on the mug. 

“Tea?” 

“Something herbal,” Karst nodded, “it should help you sleep. Let’s get you to a bed.”

Kylo thought about protesting - he should look after Hux, he wasn’t tired, he didn’t need babysitting - but it died on his lips. The knights would take care of everything. Kylo nodded, sipped the tea that tasted like childhood days spent in bed sick, and stood up. Karst led him through the door and they appeared in a simple room furnished with a single bed, a table and a sofa. Kylo set the mug on the table and stripped off some of his clothes. He got hold of the mug again and climbed into the bed, settling under the comforter with his back to the wall. He was cold and shivering; he sighed happily as he wrapped his palms around the hot mug.

“Someone has to be there with him. He doesn’t have the Force anymore, he’d get lost,” Kylo told Karst, his eyes falling shut again. He sipped the tea, almost mechanically, barely registering the taste.

“Don’t worry, someone will be with him,” Karst said calmly, “I doubt Korleen would want to leave him for the next few hours.”

“Good,” Kylo whispered, “I’m so tired.”

“Take it easy. I’ll be here if you need me but you should sleep now.” 

“Okay.”

…

“There’s been no change since yesterday,” Korleen explained, looking at Hux on the bed, “he’s stabilized physically, and his brain shouldn’t be damaged, at least according to the tests we’ve been running. There’s no reason why he should be unconscious right now.”

“I don’t think he’s slept much in the last few weeks,” Kylo said, “maybe he’s just catching up.”

“His brain activity doesn’t suggest sleep,” Korleen shook her head. 

“And of course there’s the Force,” Kemma added when it seemed like Korleen was avoiding the topic. Kylo just nodded. Of course the others could sense it too, even if they didn’t know Hux. There was an empty space in the Force where a life should be.

“It couldn’t have just disappeared,” Karst pointed out, “the law of conservation of energy applies to the Force too, in a way.”

“It didn’t disappear,” Kylo said, “I don’t know exactly what happened, both because it’s all really damn weird and because I wasn’t with him for weeks, but I think a lot of the Force was needed for him opening the portal and a lot of it went back into the world, free, where it belongs. I guess it’s avoiding him now, for the sake of everyone.”

Kylo had filled the knights in on what had happened, even if he gave only a simplified version, and they knew it. None of them dared press for more details. It would be useless anyway. It’s not like either of them had ever got into a situation even remotely similar to this one. Most of their time was passed in a slightly tense silence at Hux’s bedside. Korleen suggested Hux needed to be transported to a better medical facility with actual professionals, but Kylo wouldn’t hear about it. He couldn’t explain it, but he didn’t feel like taking Hux back into civilization would be a good idea. 

Two days later, Kylo was called forward for an audience with Snoke. He shivered as he dressed for the occasion but he was determined not to make any mistakes. He supposed this wouldn’t be a very friendly conversation. Kylo had had time to think about Snoke, about the version of himself that got rid of his master, about the version who got strong enough to trap other Force-users in make-believe landscapes that were impossible to escape, without any guidance. Kylo built thick mental walls around these thoughts and he was fairly certain Snoke hadn’t torn them down.

“Master,” Kylo said and bowed respectfully when he entered the audience chamber. This time, Snoke chose to arrive as a hologram, as if afraid to come in person after his last show-down with Hux. Kylo couldn’t say he minded. 

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke replied, voice ice cold. It seemed like they were beyond pretending to be friendly. “I see you’ve decided to come back.”

“The decision to leave was made for me.”

“The decision was made for you by whom?” 

“Hux,” Kylo spat the name out defiantly, “who is currently lying unconscious in the medbay, overseen by my knights.”

“And where have you been? Enjoying your vacation with a man you’re forcefully keeping alive and abandoning your duties for?” Snoke asked, and Kylo didn’t have to know him how he did to understand Snoke was furious. 

“It was part of his training, master.”

“This thing has been going on long enough. When will he be ready to join the fight on our side?” 

“He is indisposed now, and we don’t know how long his recovery is going to take. But with all due respect, he’s been fighting on our side since he was a child.” That was a mistake, but one Kylo didn’t wish to take back. It seemed this meeting would be the last straw. Snoke had taught him all he could - all he was willing to yield - and was now holding Kylo back. 

“The interests of the First Order currently coincide with ours. But that may not be forever. Is your pupil ready to let go of his old loyalties?” 

“He’s currently in a state in which he can’t make up his mind about loyalties, old or new.”

“Interesting,” Snoke drawled, “so he may turn against you. Like he turned against me.”

“Yes,” Kylo admitted.

“Kill him,” Snoke ordered. Kylo wasn’t surprised but he still shivered. Snoke’s hologram stared at him, and the face that used to haunt Kylo since he was a child was not scary anymore. It was just frail, old and scarred. All the troubles he had gone through for Hux, to keep him alive, flashed through Kylo’s mind. 

“No. He’s mine, and I’ll do what I please with him,” Kylo said, defiant. “It’s not your decision to make.”

And with that, Kylo turned on his heel and left. His heart was pounding but he was ecstatic, stronger than he felt in ages. Turning his back on Snoke was like shedding an old and too small skin. 

It was Kwis’s turn to hold vigil at Hux’s bedside, and she looked up when Kylo walked through the door. She watched him for a few moments while he checked up on Hux, touching his arm to send him some of the excitement he felt. Hux’s skin had turned from grey to white in the past few days which Kylo supposed was a good thing, but he was still terribly skinny.

“Kylo, what have you done,” Kwis said, and it wasn’t exactly a question. Kylo didn’t answer. He could touch Hux’s consciousness now - it was still silent but silence was still better than the dark, terrifying emptiness.

“He’s waking up,” Kylo said with a grin. Kwis was going to protest against him changing the topic, but she glanced at the monitor Korleen had instructed them all about, and really, Hux’s brain activity had shifted into the usual pattern for light sleep. She stood up and joined Kylo at Hux’s bedside. 

“There’s no Force about him,” she pointed out, “he’s back to his blind self.” 

“Yes,” Kylo agreed, “he’s not going to like it.”

“And neither will Snoke,” she continued, directing Kylo back onto the track he had left before.

“Snoke doesn’t matter,” Kylo said firmly, “he’s obsolete.”

“He’ll crush us.”

“No, he won’t,” Kylo shook his head, “he can’t get us here. I’ll figure out a way to defeat him.”

“For Hux? That’s a lot of fight for someone who despises you.”

“No, for myself. I’ve seen a world without him. I’ve seen a world where I was more powerful than I thought possible.”

“And a world in which you were a wanted criminal because of Hux,” Kwis opposed, “I don’t know what you’ve seen. I’m willing to consider the possibility that it truly was an alternative reality and not just an intricate hallucination of his. You know he wanted to be an Emperor.”

“Show me a Hux who wouldn’t want to be an Emperor. That’s one of his most prominent personality traits. And no, I don’t think his mind would be capable of an illusion this complicated. It  _ was  _ an alternative reality.”

“Fair enough,” Kwis conceded, but Kylo didn’t think she was convinced, “I trust you and your intuition. If you think you’re making the right decision, I’m not going to stand in your way.”

“Thank you,” Kylo nodded, “I won’t let you down, I promise. You know I wouldn’t disregard your advice if I wasn’t certain.” 

“You did for him,” she nodded towards Hux. Kylo didn’t respond. Kwis obviously saw more in his relationship with Hux than there really was. 

“I’ll leave you with him, I need to talk to Kemma about this,” Kwis remarked after a while. Kylo nodded absent-mindedly, transfixed with the change in Hux. His face kept twitching a little - he had been completely motionless before. Kylo hoped it meant Hux’s mind was healing properly. Kwis left with a light touch of her small hand to Kylo’s shoulder. 

Kylo sat down onto the chair by the table and pulled it to the bed. He watched Hux, urging him to wake up. Now that he was alone, Kwis’s words crept into his mind, making him ask uncomfortable questions. Why  _ was _ he doing this? Hux wouldn’t help him gain more power, he was useless and will most likely be confused - his brilliant mind wouldn’t be much use either. And he was certain Hux wouldn’t want to have sex with him again. Still, there he was, his fingers tracing a vein in Hux’s forearm, hoping Hux would wake up soon. 

It took two more hours but finally, the wavelength of Hux’s brain activity changed again as he opened his eyes. Kylo tried not to overwhelm him, and he had lowered the lighting of the room to spare Hux’s eyes. He waited quietly for Hux to come to. At that point, his eyes looked dead, unseeing, unfocused like a newborn's. Kylo moved just a little, his hand still caressing Hux’s forearm. 

Hux blinked a couple of times, his glance finally landing on Kylo’s face. His forehead furrowed in concentration, his heartbeat speeding up. Kylo smiled, trying to appear as reassuring and non-threatening as possible. 

“Hello, Hux,” he said quietly. Hux’s eyes widened in shock. “You’ve been unconscious for a while. It’s okay if you’re confused.”

Hux’s fingers flexed; Kylo could feel the muscles of his forearm work. They flexed and relaxed a few times, Hux’s heartbeat frantic now, and Kylo was worried he might have to sedate him again. There was fear in Hux’s eyes. 

“It’s okay, you’re-” 

“It’s gone,” Hux whispered, his voice hoarse from several days of disuse, “You took it from me!”

He sat up, his expression angry and betrayed, and he gripped Kylo’s hand in his. The pressure he could apply was pitiful and his fingers were bony and cold. Kylo let him seethe for a while. He wasn’t dangerous, not anymore. The thought made Kylo sad.

“I’m sorry,” Kylo whispered softly when Hux’s grasp weakened, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s gone,” Hux sobbed, “gone.” 

Kylo wasn’t sure if it was safe to try to comfort Hux so he stayed still as a statue. Hux sobbed a little more, his chest heaving, the sound terribly, eerily quiet. It broke Kylo’s heart, and he vowed to nurse Hux back to strength. Someone like Hux didn’t deserve to be such a mess, no matter what Kylo thought about him. 

“I feel so empty,” Hux said after long minutes, “like someone cut off a portion of my brain.” 

“I know,” Kylo replied. He had been exposed to the paralysing abilities of the ysalamiri a few times during his training, and the feeling had been horrible. He felt powerless and terrified. And back then, he knew it would pass. “I know.”

“Why did you do this to me?” Hux cried but there wasn’t any real venom or anger in his voice. He was tired and hurt, and Kylo wished Hux would try to punch him at least.

“I didn’t take it. I suppose your body wasn’t built to house the Force,” Kylo explained. He had been pondering this for the last few days. Maybe Hux was like an unstable star - shone bright and far but only for a little while before exploding into a supernova. He wasn’t sure if Hux would enjoy the supernova analogy though. 

“You said I could be powerful,” Hux muttered, “you said it could work.”

“And it did,” Kylo protested, “I also told you it could kill you.”

“But it didn’t. Just crippled me.”

Kylo didn’t have anything to say to that. There wasn’t anything, really. He was certain he’d feel the same way in Hux’s situation. He probably wouldn’t be that calm though. 

“Can I get you something? Water, food?” he asked instead.

“I can’t eat,” Hux said simply.

“Something small, not solid. Tasteless,” Kylo inquired. He figured Hux didn’t eat much in the past few weeks although he couldn’t figure out a reason why. He supposed it was his body’s defense mechanism, or the Force’s cruel joke. 

“I’m fine with this for now,” Hux pointed to the IV in his arm.

“No, you’re not. But I’ll give you a couple more hours to rest.”

“You can’t force me to eat,” Hux threatened. 

“I can and I will,” Kylo said, a little harsher than he intended. “I won’t let you die now.”

“I hate you,” Hux muttered, but it lacked his usual venom.

“I know.”

“If I promise to eat something, can I go somewhere else than a medbay? It makes me feel worse,” Hux inquired. 

“Sure thing,” Kylo nodded, “just let me call Korleen so she can unplug you from all these wires and tubes.”

“They’re here?” Hux asked, as if surprised. 

“Yeah. They’ve been helping me watch over you,” Kylo said. Hux didn’t reply, suddenly preoccupied with a loose thread on his blanket. Kylo picked up the commlink they had left on the table for emergencies.

“Korleen?” he called.

“Yes? Is something wrong?”

“No. He’s up and wants to leave the room. Can you come check up on him?”

“I’ll be there in a second,” Korleen said and Kylo could hear her move before the line went silent. Hux was still picking at the blanket. Kylo supposed there was no need to disturb the silence.

…

His mind was quiet. It was a relief, really. He had forgotten what it was like to only hear his own thoughts, and his headache had been so persistent he almost missed it now. Still, his thoughts weren’t clear. There were fragments of memories but they were twisted and blurred. Did he really fight Ren or was that just a hallucination? Was he an Emperor? He tried to trace his last coherent memory but it was elusive. He tried to begin from another end, from something that was certain. 

His name was Armitage Hux. He had been a General of the First Order, until Snoke had assumed he couldn’t offer anything valuable and wanted to get rid of him. There was a grand plan, a weapon of unheard proportions he wanted to build but wasn’t allowed-

_ Starkiller was beautiful, red light crossing the dark sky, red and black, like the First Order colours, red and black like blood and death, red and black like Ren. He was proud, so proud and so happy, ecstatic, and it felt almost as good as sex. No, it felt better, because he had done all of this alone. This was his, his, his and Ren would fall to his knees now and beg to serve him- _

His name was Armitage Hux and he would be dead if Ren didn’t want to experiment on him. Snoke had wanted to kill him but Ren somehow managed to convince him to allow a ritual that was supposed to make him Force sensitive. The ritual was bloody and-

He couldn’t remember. He didn’t press any further, afraid it would bring back another hazy vision. He needed to stick to the facts. He needed to rebuild his personality from the shambles to grow strong again. And get his revenge. 

One of Ren’s knights came. Korleen, Ren had said. Hux didn’t care. There was a picture in his mind of himself throwing something - a book, a candle? - at her in his mind, but it was one of the white, hazy ones so he ignored it. He could only hope Ren wouldn’t let her kill him. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked with a pleasant smile, and he was almost sure that was a first. 

“Awful,” he replied, helpfully. Her smile faltered but she kept chattering about his vitals. Hux supposed Ren was listening to her, she couldn’t be telling him about his heart rate. He didn’t care about his heart. He cared about the emptiness. 

“Does anything hurt?” she tried him again. Hux shrugged. He felt numb. He wasn’t sure if anything hurt; he didn’t really feel his body. He had been hyper-aware of every single nerve, every blood cell but now it was just a body. A thin, useless body with too long limbs. 

“Tell me if something does hurt, okay?” she continued. He didn’t bother with an answer. She removed the IV, which hurt a little, and placed a white pad on it. He supposed she expected him to hold it there but he couldn’t be bothered. Ren held it for him, allowing her to work. Hux stared blankly in front of himself. 

Ren’s hand was big and warm. Hux remembered the same hand on his body, holding a lightsaber. Ren’s hands weren’t as blurry as the rest. He liked Ren’s hands, he thought. Maybe that was why he remembered them. 

_ Ren’s hands are covered in black leather when they place a crown into his hair. They help him to his feet then, secure, warm, despite the barrier, and his to hold onto. He wasn’t sure why his hands were so important but they were, oh they were _

“Hux, stay with me,” Ren was saying, gentle but urgent. Hux looked at him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he protested, “I’m still tied up to this bed.”

“You were going away in your mind.”

“Can’t I?”

“I don’t think it’s safe for you,” Ren explained. Hux supposed Ren was right. He didn’t want Ren to be right. Ren was supposed to be reckless and an idiot, not a voice of reason. Or comfort. Hux desperately needed to be comforted, and he hated that. He didn’t want to give Ren so much power over him.

“I think I can tell what’s safe for me, thank you,” Hux hissed, but he didn’t push Ren away.

“If you say so,” Ren said and pulled his hand away from Hux’s forearm. The small bundle of gauze was spotted with several drops of blood. Hux watched Ren drop it in a bin. 

“One more thing,” Korleen said, drawing Hux’s attention to herself. “I'm going to need to remove the catheter.”

“The what?” Hux asked, dumbly, despite knowing perfectly well what a catheter was.

“The thing she had to stick into your bladder when you were unconscious,” Ren explained. Hux supposed it could have been cruder. 

“Right.” 

“It’ll be just a second,” Korleen promised in her annoying optimistic voice. Hux let her pull away his blanket and hospital gown. He looked up at Ren, not wanting to make the situation even weirder by watching her remove the catheter from his body. He stared at the back of Ren’s head, angry that no matter how much he glared, he would never claw his way inside Ren’s mind again. The thought made him want to throw a full-sized Kylo Ren tantrum, but it wouldn’t be very impressive when he was Force-less and weak. And Ren looked away from him now, Ren, who had taken his virginity in a shady ritual that was supposed to make him ruler of the world but left him injured and starved. Hux wanted to slap him.

“There, all done,” Korleen said cheerfully. Hux wanted to punch her. Stars, was he in a violent mood today! “You can leave now, although you probably shouldn’t be alone for some time, in case you faint. Also, you should probably eat something.”

“Oh don’t worry, Ren’s already bothered me about all that,” Hux assured her and, collecting the remnants of his dignity by straightening his gown, stood up. Ren appeared at his side seemingly out of nowhere, wrapping an arm around his waist. Hux wanted to protest but he couldn’t, not when his legs began to shake; he was grateful to have something to lean on. Ren was warm, substantial and safe, and Hux hated him. 

“Come on, let’s get you something to eat,” Ren said, pushing Hux towards the door. Hux took several hesitant steps, his feet cold on the floor-

_ Cold but victorious, victorious but cold. He’s free, free, free and he’s powerful enough to escape, he can do anything, he’s the ruler of the world, he’s free but he’s cold, why is everything so cold, he just wants to rule  _

“Shh,” Ren whispered, “shh, it was just a dream, you’re safe.”

Hux was clutching Ren’s chest between his feeble arms, sobbing into the fabric of his shirt. Ren had forgone the robes when he was inside, and the shirt was tight and thin. Hux could feel his heartbeat beneath, strong and steady. 

“I’m cold,” Hux muttered, “I’m not a baby.”

He could feel Ren take a breath to say something, but it seemed he had changed his mind. Ren pried Hux’s arms from his chest, gently but firmly. Hux thought he would be carried, for a split second. He was ready to protest but it didn’t happen. He was left taken aback and out of the loop. Now that it wasn’t an option, he wanted Ren to carry him. 

“We’ll get you some clothes too,” Ren announced, cool, like he was a droid. Or talking to one. Anger rose in Hux’s chest, and he wanted to elbow Ren in the ribs for being so stoic. He entertained the idea but didn’t implement it, mostly because in his physical state - he might actually break his arm before he’d hurt Ren. He seethed silently, grinding his teeth together so hard he could almost hear the enamel crumble off. Ren Ren  _ Ren _ . There was a complicated mess of emotions within him, too much to handle. He trembled with the suppressed anger and itched to kiss Ren, to bite him, to claim him, to show him he wasn’t useless just because he lost the Force. But Ren didn’t care. Ren probably saw him as a child he had to take care of, nurse to health. A burden. 

They walked through the door and the sense of uneasiness and slight nausea was back. For a moment, Hux was alone in the webbing of the universe. He followed Ren, pulled after by the virtue of Ren dragging him along in the physical world, but he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he left. Would he gain his Force back? Or would he be lost forever, wandering until he went insane? Or would he forget his existence? Just as he came to this conclusion, the door opened and he was in Ren’s arms again.

“I hoped this nonsense was over,” Hux grumbled.

“Only Force users-” Ren began but stopped himself. The unfinished sentence hung between them was worse than if he had actually said it. Hux’s chest tightened and suddenly he couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“Only Force users don’t feel abysmal dread when they move through this house?! Only Force users can stay here without going mad?! What did you want to say?” Hux yelled, stepping away from Ren to face him. “I’m not an idiot, I can take a hint.”

“You’re not going mad,” Ren said, his voice deep and soothing, and Hux wanted to kill him. He raised his hands, clenching his muscles so hard it hurt, his fingers flexing unnaturally but of course nothing happened. Once, he would have been able to make Ren’s lungs collapse on themselves just like this, make his blood vessels burst, his bones shatter, his nerves tear into shreds like old rags. But now, all he did was hurt himself. Tears rose to his eyes and he collapsed onto the ground, clutching his knees to his chest. 

“Hux,” Ren said, kneeling down very slowly. He was close but not touching Hux. Hux hid his face in the crook of his elbow. He didn’t want to see Ren’s pity. Not pity. Pity was for broken people, for desperate people. He wasn’t desperate. He wasn’t, he wasn’t. 

He was pitiful.

“I hate you,” Hux sobbed because it was the only thing he could think of to say to Ren. Ren seemed unfazed by it - of course. Why would Ren care for his hatred, for his agony, for his terror? Ren was a powerful man. Ren was strong, and attractive, and had his shit together. Hux was a bony mess crying on the floor. 

“I know,” Ren said, his voice still warm. Why was Ren still trying to soothe him? He wasn’t dangerous, not anymore. What did it matter if he hated Ren, what did it matter if he was furious? He couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. 

“Do you want someone else to come stay with you?” Ren went on, “Korleen? Or someone else? I can’t leave you alone, but I understand if you don’t want to see me.”

“No!” Hux yelled, surprising them both with how strong his voice was. “I hate them more than I hate you.”

“Okay,” Ren said, “I’ll find you some clothes and a blanket and then I’ll leave you alone, okay?”

Hux didn’t answer. He was heaving painfully now, his whole body pulled taut, ready to break down the second he got the right impulse. He wasn’t sure what that impulse would be but he supposed it would come soon. Ren stood up and walked away. Hux closed his eyes, refusing to open them even when he felt Ren approach him again. 

“I’ll leave the clothes for you here,” Ren announced, “and I’ll go behind the corner. I can’t leave the room but you won’t see me unless you want to. If you need me, I’ll be right here.”

“Don’t,” Hux choked. He didn’t know what he was talking about. He didn’t even know if Ren heard him, or listened to him. 

“Do you want me to help you dress?” Ren asked carefully. Hux nodded, almost imperceptibly. It probably looked like he was wiping his snot on his arm. 

“Can I touch you?” Ren went on. Hux wanted him to. Hux wanted him to take him in his arms, to rock him back and forth, to comfort him. He wanted Ren to fix him, to make the emptiness go away. He wanted Ren to fuck him, to make the Force come back.

Hux sat up, slowly. He looked at Ren. Ren’s face was as uneven as ever and there was relief visible in it. Hux wasn’t sure what caused it, but he supposed it might have been him. Ren’s eyes travelled from Hux’s face to his neck, his chest. Hux’s left collar bone was exposed when he’d shifted, and Ren’s eyes lingered on it. Ren still wanted him. Skinny and powerless and broken, Ren still wanted him, maybe more than before. 

“Yes,” Hux said. Ren smiled, just a little. Hux wasn’t even sure if it was a smile, he wouldn’t call it that on another face, but Ren smiled so sparsely any raised corner of his mouth would have to be taken as one. 

“Alright,” Ren said and picked something from the pile of clothes he had brought, handing it to Hux. Hux frowned. He had half-forgotten about Ren’s question about clothes. He was ready to give himself to Ren, to be taken and fucked and get his power back. He wanted it. 

“Aren’t you going to fuck me now?” Hux asked, his voice accusatory. Ren’s eyes widened for a split second, then, a smile. 

“Not now,” Ren said, “you just woke up. Look at you, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

“Okay,” Hux nodded. Later. Ren would fuck him later. He just needed to get stronger, maybe put on some weight so that Ren would want him. Fine. 

Hux put on the pair of briefs Ren had handed him. He made Ren take his gown off, and they both struggled with their position, yet neither suggested they should move. Hux studied the pale scars on his chest with curiosity. Most of them would fade completely, Ren assured him, but some might stay. His body was littered with blue and purple and green and yellow bruises, and he understood why Ren didn’t want him now. Soon. When he was healed. Hux shivered when Ren pulled a pair of loose trousers on him, and he sighed happily when Ren massaged his feet after he put on a pair of fluffy socks. At last, Hux was fully clothed and wrapped up in a blanket. 

“I’m not moving,” Hux warned Ren, “but I don’t want to lie on the floor.”

“That’s an easily solved problem,” Ren said and lifted him like he weighed nothing. Hux wrapped his arms around Ren’s neck, nuzzling the side of Ren’s face. It was a little coarse with stubble but not enough to hurt. Hux breathed in the smell of Ren, committing it to his memory for a reason he couldn’t quite name. All too soon, Ren laid him on a couch. Hux held onto him, unwilling to let him go. 

“I’ll get you something to eat and then I’ll come back, okay?” Ren said, smile in his words. 

“Okay,” Hux said, supposing he should stay in Ren’s good graces if he didn’t want to lose his attention.

“I’ll be right back.”

...

Kylo retreated to the kitchen isle to clear his thoughts and hide from Hux as much as to actually prepare a meal for him. So much had happened in the last hour that it almost overshadowed his conversation with Snoke. Hux woke up, had a meltdown - which was to be expected - and then threw himself at Kylo despite everything he had said before. There was a reason for Hux’s incredulous, surprised  _ “Aren’t you going to fuck me now?” _ but Kylo couldn’t figure out what it was. He wasn’t going to ask Hux, not when it could easily mean he would take the offer back. He supposed he should care a little bit more, but he didn’t. This was what he had in mind when he thought he was still owed something in return for saving Hux, for hunting him down across an entire galaxy. 

He also couldn’t not notice that Hux tried to kill him; would have killed him, if he was still connected to the Force, at least a little. But he wasn’t, and Kylo had to watch Hux crumble to the ground in pathetic, pitiful display of despair. He didn’t know if he was annoyed or sad; the Hux he had known would never let him see a breakdown like that. And then the compliant, obedient Hux who would do anything to please him downright turned him off. Hux was supposed to be taken fighting, or at least arguing, Hux was supposed to be a prize for hard work, Hux was supposed to be fucked with the risk of him playing some mind game to gain control or power. Hux wasn’t supposed to be easy. 

“Power,” Kylo whispered under his breath and he stopped chopping the vegetables for a moment to chase the half-formed idea. Did Hux really believe they could recreate the ritual? Kylo was sure that wasn’t an option, and he wasn’t willing to go through that again even if it was. It had been a mistake.

He had been avoiding this because he knew he’d inevitably reach the conclusion that it was his fault. But now, with Hux bringing it up again… There must have been a reason why Hux’s potential in the Force, so great Kylo’s own powers paled in comparison with them, was muted to the point that Hux couldn’t even use the Force to charm people when he gave his speeches. There must have been a reason why the Force left out someone who could have easily been its best servant. Kylo remembered what he had learned about Darth Plagueis, the Sith lord who had trained Sidious, Hux’s own grandfather. Plagueis, and other Sith before him, believed that the Force was to be subjected, to be commanded. That to truly succeed, to truly be powerful, one would not serve the omnipresent power that interwove and connected everything in the universe. Plagueis believed that only that way, he would achieve immortality. Plagueis also died in the hands of his ambitious apprentice, who he believed would help him achieve this control over the universe. Kylo was lucky the same fate hadn’t befallen him yet.

Kylo threw all the dirty dishes into the sink, intending to worry about them later or not at all, and took two plates of food and cutlery to the living room. Hux was still sitting on the sofa in pretty much the same position Kylo had left him in, eyes closed. Kylo approached him quietly but Hux looked up at him the second Kylo sat down. 

“That smells fantastic,” Hux sighed dreamily, and for a while he wasn’t a broken man on a quest to gain power again. For a while, he was just hungry.

“All of it should be easy on the stomach,” Kylo instructed as he handed Hux his plate and cutlery, “and I didn’t give you much since you haven’t eaten properly in a long while. There’s more for when you’re hungry again.” 

“Thank you,” Hux said and offered a pleasant, pandering smile Kylo didn’t know Hux was capable of.

“You’re welcome.”

…

The tiny amount of food Ren had given him was almost too much. It annoyed Hux; General Hux hadn’t had that many opportunities to eat home-cooked meals, so he treasured them. The meal was delicious, something he’d get a second serving of, but he couldn’t even finish a regular portion. 

Hux didn’t use all his allowed time off on shore leaves. He didn’t feel the need to spend time at crowded spaceports - if anything, they filled him with anxiety - drinking and having sex with strangers. He took a day off every once in a while and went planetside to get a special meal in a luxurious, expensive restaurant. It was his one joy in the bleak grey reality of ration bars.

Or was it. 

He had clear memories of this, he could see the restaurants in his mind’s eye, he could almost remember the meals he ate - except he couldn’t. He couldn’t recall the waiters, what the weather was like, when these visits were supposed to happen. They were very detailed in every aspect that mattered but completely blank in anything else. That wasn’t how his mind worked.

“Ren, can I ask you something?” Hux mumbled, almost too afraid to speak. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear “no, Hux, you made all of that up, everything you believe you remember is just a hallucination. I am a hallucination. You are a hallucination.” 

“Sure.”

“Did I go on shore leaves?” 

“I...don’t think so? I don’t know,” Ren shrugged, “I didn’t follow your habits too much to be honest, and it seemed that you were wherever I went, I couldn’t get rid of you. So if you did go, you couldn’t be away for long. Unless you went while I was away on missions of course.”

Hux closed his eyes, trying to process the information. So he didn’t go to fancy restaurants. He just dreamed of it, made plans but never went. That was why he knew details but not names of the places, why he knew they’d have all the substitutes he has to request because of his allergies and intolerances, why they always had quality tea and knew how to answer the question: “What kind of tea do you have?” 

“What’s wrong?” Ren asked.

“I thought I remembered something but it’s just a dream,” Hux spat, bitter. “I didn’t go to fancy restaurants to reward myself, did I? I dreamt of it but in the end of the day I still ate a ration bar above a datapad.”

Ren looked at him, inquisitive. “I told you I don’t know it for sure,” he offered, conciliatory. 

“Did I come across as someone who takes time to eat real food at restaurants?” Hux asked, sarcastic. If he remembered anything at all about himself, he knew that the answer to this question was “no”. 

“Not really,” Ren admitted, “but you also didn’t seem like someone who’d want to do that. I don’t really know you, Hux.”

“You’re the closest person I have,” Hux said. He stared into his lap, not daring to look up and see the disbelief in Ren’s face. Or the pity. They hated each other, they were  _ rivals _ , but Ren still was the person Hux opened up to the most. Even before any of the ritual madness started. 

Ren didn’t reply. They sat side by side in awkward, tense silence; the kind of silence where your muscles strain and you’re uncomfortable, but you still won’t move because you’re afraid that if you did, you’d be expected to say something. Hux laid the empty plate on the table and the noise it made was louder than it should be. He pulled his legs up to his chest and laid his chin on top of his knees, closing his eyes. 

_ Starkiller is in danger. Squadrons of Resistance X-wings headed their way, thinking they can destroy the planet, like they destroyed the Death Stars. Idiots believing they can make it in time before Hux destroys their pathetic base on D’Qar. This will be his moment of triumph. Armitage Hux, the Starkiller.  _

“We never built Starkiller, did we?” Hux mumbled, addressing his thighs rather than Ren, “That’s why we’re in this mess.”

“We didn’t. Snoke thought it would take all the Order’s resources and fail. As if he cared about the Order,” Ren scoffed. Hux raised his head with curiosity. The disdain in Ren’s voice was not exactly new but he didn’t remember it being that prominent. 

“You want to kill him,” Hux said, fascinated, “like you did there.”

Ren didn’t reply. 

“You know, I’d like it if you did that. I could finally build Starkiller. I’d crush the Resistance and the galaxy would tremble before me. I’d be an Emperor,” Hux narrated. As he talked, what had once been his dream was turning sour in his mouth. He didn’t like being the Emperor; it was hours upon hours of tedious, ungrateful work, and people didn’t love him like he wanted, like they  _ should.  _ As if they didn’t realize he was helping them, as if they didn’t realize that both the Old Empire and the Republic were wrong but he took the good from both of them and gave it to the people. There always was someone with the greatest power, in any group of people. Why was it easier for people to live pretending not to know who that was? 

“In that world, I ended up as a wanted criminal,” Ren said, “sorry if I don’t feel very excited about that.”

“I tried to find what Ren did to make the Emperor send him away. He had his own wing in the Emperor’s palace, did you know? And a room in the Emperor’s own. They were close and then, suddenly, Ren was wanted for crimes against the Empire.”

“I didn’t know the thing about the palace, but from what I gathered, they must have been close,” Ren agreed.

“There was absolutely nothing, nothing at all. One day, the Emperor just decided to banish Ren. End of the story,” Hux said. There was a hazy memory in which he found the Emperor’s diary, but it was too absurd for him to believe it. There was no way Ren was banished because the Emperor fell in love with him. Because you don’t banish people you love, or at least so Hux thought. He never loved anyone, so he couldn’t tell. But most importantly, Hux couldn’t have fallen for Ren, not even in an alternate universe. Have sex with him, why not, but fall in love with him? Ridiculous. So he must have made that up in his desperate search for explanation. 

“Do you remember how you got us there? And back?” Ren asked. The way the question was asked was too disinterested, too artificially casual for Hux to believe Ren just asked him that to keep the conversation going. He supposed it was a good question, but he didn’t know the answer. 

“I don’t know,” he shook his head, “I don’t even remember how we got back. You say I did it, and I believe you, but I don’t remember it. And the first one…”

_ A fight, with Snoke, with Ren, with everyone. He just wants to disappear, to go as far from Ren as possible, not let Ren touch him again, Ren wants to hurt him, to use him, Ren is just like everyone else- _

Ren was watching him with curiosity, with barely hidden impatience. Hux wondered how long he was silent again. 

“I was angry and scared. You said something that made me want to be as far away from you as possible. I think,” Hux explained.

“That’s so extra, it suits you,” Ren grinned.

“Why?” 

“You couldn’t just leave the room, you had to leave for a different dimension.”

“I have a feeling I couldn’t really control it.” 

_ He’s furious, absolutely furious. It hurts him, pushes his eyes out of their sockets, makes his fists clench and his throat constrict. Fury, red-hot and terrible. Something shatters, and the sound of it is both soothing and infuriating. More things break. Shards scrape his skin. It only hurts a little but it’s unwelcome - _

“Stars, I was like  _ you _ ,” Hux said. Ren looked at him and laughed. Hux didn’t think there was anything funny about him turning into something he despised, but apparently Ren thought otherwise. 

“I’m glad you’re coming back to your senses,” Ren said at last, with a playful smile. 

“That I realize you’re an oversized child with way too much power?”

“That you’re horrified at the prospect of doing something the same way I do.”

“Yes. Please tell me I didn’t break any part of my own ship,” Hux said, half-joking.

“I don’t know what you did all those weeks when I wasn’t with you.” 

Hux looked at his hands, watching the veins protruding through the skin on the backs of them. He studied them; they were small for a man of his height, and slender. Everyone always made fun of him for the length of his fingers, like it was his fault or merit what his body looked like. His useless, too small hands.

“When will be the right time for the ritual again?” he asked, hating how vulnerable it sounded.

“There won’t be any ritual, Hux,” Ren said sharply, “It was risky the first time, when your mind was still intact. I won’t do this when I’m certain it would kill you.”

“I don’t care if it may kill me,” Hux said, “I won’t live like this. Not anymore. I know what power feels like, and I want it back. I can’t go back to my old life, my career is done for as long as Snoke is in charge, and then I’d be a forgotten nobody. I  _ need  _ the Force.”

“I’m sorry,” Ren said, shaking his head, but Hux was quite certain Ren didn’t care. Why would he? It wasn’t his life that was left in ruins!

“You coward,” Hux hissed and lashed out to slap Ren, to bite him, to scratch him, anything that would hurt him. “You kriffing coward!”

Ren fell onto his back, Hux climbing on top of him to punch him, but Hux had the feeling he was allowed to do this. Like Ren hoped he would get his anger out and cool down.  _ Like he knew Hux couldn’t hurt him.  _ Hux screamed, tears running down his face, and he hit Ren’s jaw with an inexpert, only half-balled fist. Pain shot through his hand but he ignored it, hitting Ren again. He hit a bone this time and skinned two knuckles. Ren allowed him two more punches before he caught Hux’s wrist, gentle but firm, and held it in place. Hux was crying, his chest heaving, and he felt small and pathetic. 

“I’m sorry,” Ren repeated. Hux wanted to scream but he didn’t have the energy. He collapsed on top of Ren’s chest and cried himself to sleep. 

…

Kylo ran his fingers absent-mindedly through Hux’s hair, moving his jaw a little to see if by any chance Hux didn't hurt him, but it seemed like this would be a bruises-only injury. Hux was lying on top of him in what seemed to be an uncomfortable position but Kylo didn't feel like moving him. He was the idiot who fell asleep like that. 

Hux smelled like a medbay; his breathing was slow enough to tell Kylo he was already fast asleep - most likely, all the excitement had worn him out. Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux's waist and closed his eyes too, intending to use all the time to rest he could find. Spending time with Hux wouldn't be an easy thing. 


	8. Desperate measures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have chapter eight, or as I call it, Armitage Hux has a bad, awful, no good day

Four more days passed. Colour had returned to Hux’s cheeks and he was slowly healing. Most of his bruises were pale now and he had put on some weight - his shoulders weren’t painful to lean against anymore. Kylo was with him almost all the time; Hux had returned to his disdain for the knights and even if he weren’t dangerous to them anymore, the fits he threw when he saw some of them simply weren’t worth the trouble. 

Every now and then, Hux got caught up in a memory or a dream and Kylo had to shake him awake for minutes before he remembered who and where he was. These episodes worried Kylo more than he cared to admit. They didn’t seem to be getting better; if anything, they came more often and lasted longer, leaving Hux gasping for breath and confused, as if he had worked through the easy ones and went deeper inside his mind. Kylo wished he knew how to make it stop, but from what Hux told him - and what Kylo saw in his mind himself - Hux’s memory was crammed with confusing tufts of recollections he couldn’t decipher and file away unless he experienced them again.

And of course, Hux’s confused, clogged mind didn't let him sleep. They slept in the same room, separated by a thin white linen curtain that stopped them from seeing each other but not from hearing. Kylo woke up almost every night to the sounds of Hux tossing and turning and more often than not, crying or shouting. The first time it happened, he shook Hux’s shoulder to wake him up, and got punched while Hux fought something in his dream. The next night, Kylo slipped into Hux’s mind, trying to pierce through the mess to get to Hux, to comfort him, but it was just as useless, if not outright harmful. Kylo didn't attempt to stop Hux’s suffering anymore, but it still kept him up at night. They were both tired and frustrated, and were on the best way to developing a nasty case of TIE fighter disease. Every second, they were just a breath away from exploding. 

That evening, Kylo announced he would be going to bed earlier; he wasn’t tired but if he stayed a single second later locked up in one room with Hux, he'd lose his mind. Hux went to the bedroom with him, since he had no other choice, but just before Kylo disappeared on his side of the curtain, he caught a glimpse of determination on Hux’s face. He hoped it didn't mean Hux hadn’t decided to commit suicide by getting stuck in the room which was bound to happen if he killed Kylo. 

Kylo lay down onto his bed and took his datapad to read something before he went to sleep. He heard water run in Hux’s bathroom. The house offered them all the possibilities they could think of, and having separate bathrooms accessible from the bedroom, even if without doors, was Hux’s idea. Kylo still found it funny how Hux insisted on having as much privacy as possible after walking around completely naked for weeks. He didn’t have it in him to mock Hux for it, not even when they were fighting and Kylo felt like squeezing Hux's throat shut. 

Kylo forgot about Hux, reading an essay on politics Palpatine had written long before he became Emperor. Kylo had previously not paid much mind to Palpatine as a person, as a politician. Hux’s relation to him made Kylo fill in the gaps, and he was forced to change his view of the Emperor. Palpatine was a powerful Sith but he was also a cunning, skilled politician, and focusing on only one aspect of him was most likely a mistake his enemies must have made. 

Kylo was highlighting a passage he found especially interesting when something made him look up. A second later, Hux emerged from behind the curtain, wearing nothing but an oversized white t-shirt that fell from his right shoulder to the middle of his arm. Kylo looked up and the second their eyes met, Hux bridged the distance between them. He climbed into the bed, straddling Kylo’s hips. 

“Fuck me,” Hux muttered, his voice husky, like that of a pornstar. He reached into Kylo's leggings, palming Kylo’s hardening cock through the thin fabric of his underwear. Kylo hated himself for being aroused this quickly, but he hadn't taken care of himself for quite a while. 

“What's gotten into you?” Kylo inquired, proud of how articulate he sounded despite Hux’s clever fingers, despite the absurdity of the situation. 

“I want my power back,” Hux muttered, “and you're going to give it to me.”

Kylo opened his mouth to protest, to say “that's never going to work, you're insane,” but Hux looked at him with urgent, insane eyes and Kylo found himself saying something completely different. 

“Do you have lube?” 

It was a logical question. A good one, even. Yet, it sounded lewd, it sounded like owning up to a murder. 

“Already prepared,” Hux informed him, “I'm ready to be taken.”

Those words made Kylo cringe but he forgot them very quickly when Hux moved again, face away from him. Hux rose onto his knees, head still resting on his forearms. His shirt covered his ass but not his thighs. 

Kylo set the datapad aside, knelt up and ran his hands up Hux’s pale thighs, over his buttocks, his back. The thin shirt cascaded down to Hux's head until only a small portion of ginger hair was visible. Kylo's right hand crawled back up his spine, thumb counting vertebrae until he reached Hux's hole. He slipped his thumb inside. 

“Hux, that's not what I'd call prepared,” Kylo said, pulled out his thumb and replaced it with his index and middle finger. They barely fit inside Hux. Kylo might be willing to let Hux believe this might lead to him getting his powers back, but he didn't want to hurt him. 

“I said it's enough,” Hux growled but it didn't sound very menacing in his position, “I want it to hurt.”

Kylo didn't have an answer to that. He understood seeking pain as a retribution, as a means to get what he wanted.  _ It won't work,  _ Kylo thought as he pulled his fingers from Hux’s hole and freed his cock,  _ you'll only be sore and hate me more.  _ He chuckled as he heard the rhyme in his head, but the quiet sound disappeared in Hux’s cry as Kylo entered him. 

Kylo gripped Hux’s hips with both hands, holding onto him as he set a pace. He lost all concern for Hux’s safety or comfort very soon, thrusting into him in a frantic search for pleasure. Hux wasn't quiet; some of his cries got muffled by his forearms, some crawled up into the air until they reached Kylo's ears. Kylo found Hux’s cock with his hand, surprised to find it hard, and began stroking it with his fingers. Hux’s back arched and he turned his head a little to the side, his moans and cries now loud and clear. 

Pleasure was building up in Kylo’s pelvis, and he sped up, thrusting into Hux even harder. He kept jerking Hux off, too hard, too fast, disregarding Hux’s feelings.  _ This _ was power, raw and ugly, in its unrefined, naked glory. It was this thought that sent Kylo over the edge, leaving him gasping. He rode out the aftershocks and fucked Hux even when it was overwhelming, too much,  _ painful.  _

“Are you satisfied now?” Kylo growled and moved his hand to squeeze Hux’s balls. Hux cried out, tears running down his face, and he came, over Kylo’s hand, over the sheets, over his own shirt that hung too low. Kylo slipped out of him and Hux collapsed onto his stomach, his legs giving way beneath him. Kylo went to the refresher to shower, shrugging off his clothes on his way. Hux was still lying on the bed, whimpering, and Kylo wished there was a door he could close between them to shut the sobs and guilt out and keep only the feeling of post-coital bliss. 

He showered with lukewarm water. He took his time in the refresher, washed his hair and brushed his teeth. He was ready to go to sleep and feel good about it. 

His sense of contentment lasted only until he walked back into the bedroom to the sight of Hux still on his bed, fingering himself open. There was determination in Hux’s eyes, the determination of someone who has nothing to lose and everything to gain. The eyes of a man sentenced to death looking for a chance to escape.

“Hux what are you doing?” Kylo asked, trying to keep his voice flat. 

“I’m keeping myself ready for you,” Hux said, as if it was obvious, as if Kylo told him to do it. 

“I’m not going to fuck you now. I just showered and I’m tired.”

“But you have to,” Hux cried and the intensity in his voice caught Kylo off-guard, “you have to. Until it works.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” Kylo said firmly.

“Fine, I’ll do it myself,” Hux spat, “here, on your bed. I’ll milk myself dry onto your sheets until I get my powers back.”

“You’re not helping anyone if you injure yourself,” Kylo said, growing worried, “Korleen only has basic medical training. She won’t save you if you tear the wall of your rectum.”

“That’s not how dirty talk works but I’ll take it.”

“Stop it!” Kylo shouted and used to Force to immobilise Hux. That wasn’t the good thing to do, and Hux’s face distorted in furious hatred. “It’s not going to work! It was never going to work! Your powers are gone!” 

Hux stared at Kylo like he had been slapped. Kylo released the hold he had on Hux, slowly, ready to bind Hux again if he attacked. Instead, Hux curled into a ball, pulling his shirt over his knees and ass until only his feet stuck out. Kylo immediately regretted his words but it was too late. He walked away and disappeared behind the curtain separating them. He sat down onto the bed - Hux hadn’t made it and Kylo could still see the imprint his head had left in the pillow - and stared onto his knees. 

…

There were so many emotions he felt that Hux wasn’t sure how they all fit inside him. Fury, pain, shock, betrayal. He was shaking, his muscles so tense he couldn’t move. His jaws ached but he knew he’d scream if he attempted to open his mouth. And he wouldn’t give Ren the pleasure of hearing him scream. 

But  _ stars  _ did he want to scream. 

He knew he’d break something if he as much as moved a finger, his fists clenched in blind fury that sent tears into his eyes. And he was hopeless. Helpless. Harmless. Yes, harmless. Ren could afford using him and throwing him away like a used towel, simply because he was no longer a threat. He could no longer kill Ren with just his mind, his anger wouldn’t shatter the transparisteel. He was a skinny man recovering from severe damage to his mind and body. He was nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

His muscles ached but he didn’t move. He couldn’t feel his left forearm but he didn’t care. He was still shaking with suppressed emotion - he couldn’t show Ren anything, Ren couldn’t know - but as he grew tired and sore, rage turned into melancholy. He couldn’t hold the tears in anymore but it didn’t matter because Ren was already asleep, Hux could hear his regular, soft breaths. Once he would have been able to see what Ren was dreaming about, once-

_ He wakes up and the room is dark. He sits up. Ren is asleep, his eyes moving rapidly beneath closed lids. A dream. He touches Ren’s mind with his, fascinated. It’s easier to open, easier to enter, when Ren is asleep. Ren invites him inside. He’s much more fascinating when he’s dreaming. As if he’s hiding the majority of himself when awake. Ren’s dream is chaotic, too bright, too loud. Scenes change too fast to properly settle in. He sees himself in some of them. It fills him with pride, for some reason- _

Hux shook his head, confused. What happened? It seemed like Ren woke up and the dream was interrupted. Or found out Hux was watching. It ended so abruptly, the vivid colours and sounds and tastes. He mourned the loss, trying to go back, to find it again, to make Ren accept him again, or to make his way in forcibly. Anything, just to share another mind again, to escape his own world. 

Hux moved a little. An intense feeling of discomfort engulfed his arm, and he yelped, finally coming back to himself. Ren’s breathing hitched a little, as if Hux’s cry interrupted his sleep, but obviously not enough to wake him up. Hux shifted to get into a more comfortable position, too exhausted and sore to be angry, and he drifted off into a fitful sleep. 

_ Ren is after him. Ren wants to kill him. No, not him, the Emperor, and he’s not the Emperor, but Ren doesn’t care. He’s not even the right Ren. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. He’s exhausted, in pain, hungry. His head is so full it’s threatening to burst open. He’s done for. He’s going to die. He wants to if it means he’ll be free. Free of all the pain. Free of the fear. Of the feeling like he’s floating- _

“Hux.”

Someone was shaking his shoulder. 

“Hux, wake up, you’re hurting yourself.”

Someone was talking to him. 

“Hux. Hux!”

Someone was warm and familiar. He opened his eyes. 

“It’s okay.”

Ren. Ren was telling him it was okay. He didn’t know what this ‘it’ was. Or if he wanted it to be okay. But Ren seemed to mean it, and he didn’t care. Ren had a hand on his shoulder, warm and big. He wanted to shake it off and make it stay longer at the same time. Ren was always so complicated. 

“Hux? Can you hear me?”

He heard him. He even thought he was the one being addressed. But he didn’t know what would happen if he were to answer. Maybe Ren would go away again. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“Hux?” 

He looked directly into Ren’s eyes, deep, dark, worried. He’d always liked Ren’s eyes. Ren’s eyes were his best feature. That was probably why he hid them behind a mask. He was always trying to kill everything good or beautiful about himself. 

“Can you hear me?” Ren asked again. It was becoming obvious that Ren wouldn’t stop with these questions. 

“Yes,” he said. His voice was hoarse. His throat wasn’t sore, so he wasn’t ill. Maybe he’d been screaming.

“Okay,” Ren nodded, “are you in pain?” 

Hux tried to answer the question properly, tried to give an earnest answer, but his body felt distant, like it didn’t fit right. The only part that felt positively his was the shoulder Ren was still holding onto. 

“I don’t know,” he said at last, defeated. 

“Alright. Let’s try to bring you back, okay? Take deep breaths with me,” Ren instructed.

“Okay,” Hux nodded, because he didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t sure how he felt about going back into his body if he were to be in pain, but it appeared to be important to Ren. 

“Can you sit up?” Ren asked, “It will be easier for you.”

Hux tried to comply but his body didn’t obey. He managed to straighten a little so that he was facing Ren without straining his neck.

“No.”

“Okay, we’ll make do. Watch me breathe and try to do it like I do. In,” Ren said, and took a deep breath.  _ Theatrical _ , Hux thought,  _ show-off _ . He watched Ren’s chest expand and tried to follow Ren’s instruction. Ren’s lungs proved to be bigger than his own, and he had to exhale long before Ren did. 

“Shorter first, okay. In,” Ren said again. This time, Hux could follow his rhythm, eventually prolonging his breaths a little. His fingertips started tingling around the tenth inhale, and the feeling crept up his arms into the rest of his body as the exercise went on. 

“It hurts now,” Hux peeped.

“What hurts?” 

“Me?” Hux offered. He could probably try to locate the pain, but it seemed like focusing on it made it worse. 

“How bad is it? On a scale from 1 to 10?”

Hux thought about it, trying to assign sensations to the numbers, but he got distracted halfway through. Ren was very mindful, gentle even, caring for him like a professional medic, or someone who cared. Ren wasn't either. 

“Why do you care?” Hux asked. Ren’s hand on his shoulder, until now comforting, grew heavy and unwanted. Hux sat up to shake it off. 

“I'm responsible for you.”

“You took advantage of me.”

“I did,” Ren nodded. Hux inclined his head to the side, curious. He didn't expect Ren to be honest with him. “But that doesn't mean I'll let you hurt yourself. You're slightly more attractive when you're not bleeding.” 

Hux frowned.

“What's all this bleeding talk about?” 

Ren raised an eyebrow, and in lieu of an answer, he touched Hux’s forearm. Hux followed Ren’s fingers with his gaze, and saw several bloody cuts and scratches. He inspected his nails, surprised to find them red and uneven. He could almost identify which finger caused which scrape. 

“I think I had a nightmare,” Hux mumbled. Ren nodded, like that was a sufficient answer for him. 

“You should shower,” Ren said, “I'll disinfect it then just to be safe. You should have trimmed your fingernails long ago, I should have thought of that.”

“Okay,” Hux agreed because now, when he could feel his body again, he was feeling filthy. Used. He got up, gripping the edges of his shirt, pulling at it, as if it might lessen the fact that he was underdressed. He gasped when he stood up, unprepared for the pain. Ren sprang to his feet - to  _ save him  _ \- but Hux batted his hands away. It hurt as much as he expected and a little more; Hux limped to the refresher, face strained. Only when he stepped into the shower and let the water run did he allow himself the cry of pain he'd been muffling. He was too proud to let Ren see his pain, trying to preserve the last shreds of dignity he had left. 

He took eternity in the shower, scrubbing himself clean until he reopened the scratches on his forearms. Blood dribbled down onto the tiled floor, rushing towards the drain in pale crimson swirls. Hux stared at it, wishing he could disappear through the small holes entirely. Finally he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. He dried himself with a towel, leaving small red smudges on it, and watched himself in the mirror.

He was done for. Ren made it clear - there was no way of getting the Force back. Hux worked so hard to convince himself that having Ren fuck him would work that he was left unable to come up with what to do next. The eyes that stared back at him from the looking glass were empty, tired and highlighted by dark blue circles around them.

“I want to go outside,” Hux told Ren later. He was wearing leggings and a thin black shirt with long sleeves that he rolled up above his elbows, and a long vest over it. He was barefoot. 

“Now?” Ren asked. 

“Yes. I'm suffocating here.”

“Fine. But I'll take a look at your arms first.” 

Hux nodded and followed Ren into a medbay. Different from the one he woke up in, less equipped, but a medbay nonetheless. Ren told him to sit down and pointed to a cabinet. Hux sat down onto the cot in the middle of the room and closed his eyes. Ren would be looking for disinfectant and maybe bandages in some illogical place like the sink, and Hux didn't feel like watching that.

“Could you sit down onto a chair and put your hands onto the table?” Ren asked. Hux opened his eyes, assuming it was safe to do so now. Ren was standing close to him, holding several things in his left hand and a white sheet in the other. 

“You should decide what you want,” Hux hissed but jumped down from the cot and sat down on a chair on the other side. Ren had placed the sheet on the cot in the meantime, so Hux laid his forearms on it. Ren leaned over the cot, inspecting the scratches. He had a pair of blue gloves on; Hux found it almost pornographic.

“Did you open them again?” Ren asked. 

“No,” Hux replied simply. He meant that no, he didn't reopen his wounds himself, but he wasn't sure if Ren understood that. He didn't care. 

“Fine.”

Ren sprayed disinfectant on his forearms without any warning, and Hux hissed, barely containing angry swears. He wouldn't give Ren that. 

“It would be worse if I warned you,” Ren said. 

“I didn't say anything.”

“Of course.” Ren used a piece of gauze to wipe the leftover disinfectant that trickled down Hux’s forearms- 

_ His hands are bloody. Scarlet, thick, hot. Life escaping a body. Life he took, life that now stains his hands. He's ecstatic. He's killed an animal twice his size with his mind. He made it bleed with a single thought-  _

“Hux, come back, you're hurting yourself.”

_ The blood turns yellowish brown and thins. It's his own, and not. He's the one bleeding. He's powerless. He's weak, he's- _

Crying. Tears run down his cheeks, some crawling down the underside of his chin, some dribbling down onto his shirt. 

“Make it stop!” Hux screamed, clenching his fists despite the pain. “Make it go away. Please.”

“I don't know if I can,” Ren said and he looked remorseful, “that's your brain trying to cope with the trauma it sustained.” 

Hux growled, pouring all of his pain and frustration into it. It vibrated within his chest, hurt even, but he didn't feel any better. He stood up and turned to leave. Ren didn't stop him and he moved quietly like a shadow behind Hux; they walked through the door together. They appeared in the hall again - the only true constant in this crazy house -  and Hux all but ran through the door. Once outside, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, relishing the smell of the air heavy with rain. It was damp, everything was quiet in the anticipation of a storm, and Hux felt like a drowning person who just broke the surface and took his first breath. He breathed for long minutes, in, out, and he could feel the poisonous thoughts leave his body.

Then, all of sudden, a storm broke out. It came hard and sudden, water hitting Hux’s face. He laughed, standing in the rain with outstretched arms. He saw a flash of light behind his eyelids and sooner than he expected, thunder hit his ear drums. He could feel it in his whole body, the remnant of electric power making the air quiver. Another lightning bisected the sky and lit it up in a fascinating pink-purple hues. The thunder made Hux instinctively cover his ears.

He stayed outside in the rain until it passed. He wasn't sure how long it had been - it seemed to be a single heartbeat and an eternity at the same time. At some point, the rain was so strong Hux had to tilt his head forwards because the heavy drops hurt his eyes even behind closed lids. It ended as abruptly as it began, and when Hux opened his eyes again, soaking wet and shaking like Lieutenant Mitaka facing Ren’s wrath, his mind was so blissfully clear he almost cried with delight. In the distance, he could see Ren walking towards him. The house was as odd as when he first saw it, but this time Hux felt no desire to go inside. 

He waited until Ren reached him. Then, shivering but content, he spoke: “I'm not going back inside. I'm never going back inside.” 

“And where do you want to go?” 

“Anywhere. I'm tired of this planet.”

“I can't let you run around alone,” Ren informed him, “you could hurt yourself.”

“And you wouldn't have me in your mercy,” Hux retorted. He wasn't sure why he said that. He wouldn't be able to leave the planet without Ren anyway. 

“Yes. But I think you should take into account that I haven't told Snoke that you're powerless. Yet. You know you're useless to him like this, and you know what he does with people who are of no use to him. So if I were you, I'd consider my chances first.”

They stared at each other for a while. Ren had the unfair advantage of not shaking but Hux didn’t let it intimidate him. 

“Fine. I’ll let you accompany me,” he said, trying to put as much dignity as was possible. Ren gave him an ironic, lenient smile. Hux wanted to punch him, but he’d probably just hurt himself. 

…

They travelled to an almost uninhabited planet that seemed like a paradise simply when Hux looked at it through the front viewport of Ren’s transporter. Ren had visited it before and therefore knew where to land. There was, yet again, an imbalance to their time together - Ren led Hux into a place he knew while Hux couldn’t anticipate what lay in front of them. He had to hope Ren was still not done with him, and that he’d have much easier ways of killing him if that were his goal. 

His episodes came more often when they left the confines of the house and then the ship, but he no longer lost track of who he was. Ren helped him sometimes, when he was in danger of hurting himself, but he mostly left Hux alone. The ghost of their sex hung heavy between them and it was getting increasingly difficult to ignore it. 

Hux was certain Ren wanted him. Now, in his clearer moments, he could see that this had been the case for months, years maybe - certainly from before the ritual. Ren arranged all of it, defied Snoke and demanded the chance to perform it not because of his personal curiosity, but to get a chance to fuck Hux. Hux wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On one hand, it was definitely intoxicating to think that someone would desire him so much to go into such troubles for one intercourse. On the other, he felt uncomfortable with being the prize for Ren’s efforts, with being objectified like that. As far as he knew, Ren wasn’t really interested in him - Ren wanted his body, for some reason. Either way, Hux was sure what Ren’s feelings were. His own weren't that easy to navigate. 

He was definitely attracted to Ren. Who wouldn't be though, after seeing him naked? Ren was a god if there ever was one. Ren was also an asshole who belittled him and manipulated him. And he was a patient teacher who tried his best to teach Hux to use the Force. Hux went as far as making a list of Ren’s good and bad qualities before discarding it as nonsense. There was another factor that had nothing to do with Hux’s mess of emotions, one that in the end held more importance for his future actions. His survival. As Ren reminded him before they left, he was now a wanted man and would be in serious danger the second Ren decided to discard him. The best way to avoid that would be convincing Ren he wasn't useless. And Hux, a runaway General with no army, had nothing to offer but his body. 

He supposed there were worse things to sell himself for than his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is greatly appreciated, especially after this chapter. :)


	9. Spark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! Here's another part of this story to start 2018!  
> There's some under-negotiated choking in this chapter ~~even if not the way you may think.~~

If Hux had been honest with himself, he would have done this long ago. Ren wouldn’t have been able to convince him there still was a reason for them to sit down cross-legged and try to control their breathing. But Hux supposed he wanted to believe there was still hope that he wouldn’t be useless. Ren had told him he could barely feel him in the Force now and that maybe, if they trained it, it could be used as a weapon. Somehow. Hux had liked the idea, while it still lasted. As days passed though, it became more and more apparent that even if he learned to disappear completely, there was no use for it. With so few Force users left, it was quite pointless to assume he would ever encounter one that wasn’t Ren or his obnoxious knights who still came to visit whenever Ren thought Hux was asleep. 

Hux didn’t sleep much. Falling asleep was as easy as walking down a path of hot coal now, and when he finally managed it, a nightmare never took long to wake him up. It was easier to hide it from Ren now that they had separate bedrooms, but they weren’t any less intense. He wished he didn’t have to sleep at all, but his body betrayed him yet again. Ren was intolerable when Hux was cranky from lack of sleep, and he was sleep-deprived almost all the time. 

Sometimes, his anger would dissolve and turn into an unparalleled burst of energy that itched to break free. This usually happened after sex, with endorphins running high in his bloodstream. Sex wasn’t as much of a chore now, and once the high was over, he could fall asleep almost instantly. He went to Ren’s bed every night - and sometimes in the morning too - to chase the rush, the sweet release of a good night’s sleep. 

_ “Ren.” _

His fingers tense, almost painfully so, but he couldn’t let go. He dug deep imprints into the skin below, avoiding drawing blood only because he’d just clipped his nails.  _ He’d drawn blood the day before; Ren was pissed. Pissed because it turned him on, most likely.  _ Thighs wrapped so tight around Ren’s waist that it hurt, the good kind of pain, the one that meant he’d get his sleep tonight. Eyes shut so hard he saw stars, mouth opened so wide his jaw ached. The high was already settling in, and they’d barely started. 

Back arching as he came, his mind was rushing so fast he couldn’t catch a single thought to dissect it and see what it was supposed to mean. They came and went, and even if his mind was full, he felt light. Light, soaring. Weightless. Thrilled. 

Ren rolled over and kissed his shoulder. Odd. Ren was hardly ever affectionate after sex. There was just no use for it; they usually didn’t even stay with each other long enough for it to happen. But this time, Ren pulled him close and nuzzled him. Hux wasn’t sure how he felt about that, but Ren’s mouth had done wonderful things earlier, and he felt expectant. Ren didn’t continue. 

“It’s useless, isn’t it? I won’t get the Force back,” he asked, hoping Ren would feel sorry for him and kiss him on the lips. He wanted Ren to, wanted him to kiss his worries away, and he was certain that just this once he wouldn’t consider it a weakness. 

“You won’t,” Ren replied. The unspoken “I already told you so a thousand times” hung heavy between them. Hux rolled over, lying on top of Ren’s chest. 

“What’s the point of this then?” 

“I don’t know,” Ren shook his head, “but I’m afraid to stop.” 

He didn’t kiss Hux on the lips but he made him cry in pleasure until Hux forgot about everything for a few breaths, about their absurd situation, about being dependent on Ren’s good will, about his fucked up life and he was completely, undeniably content. 

Hux left Ren’s bed quietly, barefoot, blanket wrapped around him. He couldn’t stand Ren seeing him naked once they proclaimed their meeting finished, it made him feel exposed. He took a long shower, scrubbing himself with a rough sponge until his skin was red and burning. He had cleaned himself but it still wasn’t enough. His fingers shook, his movements fitful as his body worked too slowly to follow his brain’s instructions. Standing in front of the mirror, he watched himself - the scars, the small scratches from when he made Ren feel especially good, the protruding bones. The long hair. 

It had grown out almost to his shoulders now - the front strands tickled him on the lower lip. It must have been months since he had last seen a hairdresser, before all  _ this,  _ but he only realised now. Someone must have shaved him when he was unconscious in the sickbay, and he had been doing it himself every two or three days ever since, because there was an electric shaver in his bathroom. Electric -  _ safe  _ \- never an actual razor. And yet he never considered cutting his hair. 

He looked at himself again, through his damp hair, and rage bubbled up inside him all of a sudden. It was repulsive to see himself like that - unkempt, disheveled, a mess of a person. He wasn’t a mess, not anymore. He wasn’t. He wasn’t.  

Hux moved through the ship with a crystal clear mind. He moved methodically in search for a pair of scissors, going through the kitchen cabinets, the cockpit, the bathroom. Ren still didn’t seem to trust him enough to have sharp objects just lie around; his fruitless search only strengthened his urge to cut all the hair off and burn it until it was but a pile of ashes. 

It turned out Ren had been very thorough in hiding all the blades, and Hux knew he would never get hold of Ren’s lightsaber. His fingers itched with the urge to destroy. Standing in front of the mirror again, naked and cold, Hux grabbed a strand of hair with his right fist and, jaw clenched tight not to scream, raised his left with a butter knife. 

A new day began while he was working, and his palms hurt but finally, finally, he was free. He looked up, some hair still lingering on his face and shoulders, pale swirls marking him, and he smiled.  _ Finally _ . 

Hux fell asleep the second he lay down.

…

When Kylo made his way into the kitchen in the morning, several things were off. First of all, Hux wasn’t there, nor was there any evidence of him being in the bathroom for a few moments. Kylo was so used to finding Hux hunched over some electronic device laid out on the table in front of him, dissected into parts, that not seeing either made him wonder if he was on the same ship, or if he was dreaming. 

The next thing he noticed, now quite certain he wasn’t making his surroundings up, was the insidious yet very noticeable mess. Everything was slightly off, like someone was looking for something in a hurry, and as much as they tried to leave no trace, someone with keen eyes was bound to notice. Kylo made his way around the ship with increasing worry. Did someone enter the ship while he was asleep? Was he growing so comfortable travelling around with Hux that he no longer recognised threats? The thought of an intruder breaching the security of the ship made Kylo’s skin crawl. He refused to think of the possibility of Hux being the source of the mess.

He was afraid to check Hux’s room. With his heart beating fast in his chest, he unlocked the door and let it slide open. And there was Hux, sleeping peacefully in a tangle of blankets. Kylo exhaled audibly. Nobody kidnapped Hux then. Kylo was about to leave the room again when something caught his attention. 

Hux’s hair had been longer than Kylo’s own the day before. Now, his hair was short and spiky, longer in some places, and replaced by bloody scabs in others. Kylo took two more steps towards Hux, looming above him, as if staring at him might help Kylo understand why he did it. Hux’s breath was even and slow - Kylo was tempted to touch his mind to see what Hux was dreaming about, but he didn’t. He knew Hux still didn’t get to sleep much. Instead, he took one last look and turned around, walking out of the room. 

The mystery of how Hux had done it was solved once Kylo entered the bathroom to take a shower. There were strands of orange hair everywhere, and a butter knife on the sink. Kylo picked it up, disbelieving, and held it up for a minute before he gripped some of his own hair with his fingers and brought the blade to it.    
It was surprisingly easy - maybe he shouldn’t allow Hux to use it. Kylo stared at the strand of hair severed in the middle, gaping. He probably shouldn’t have used the hair closest to his face, but it was too late now. He showered and shaved, told a droid to clean the bathroom up. He sat down in the kitchen and waited for Hux to show up.   
...

Hux’s new training had become such a routine Kylo no longer found it peculiar to stand in a forest with his eyes closed and his ears covered with earmuffs, trying to guess Hux’s location. It would be good for nothing if he could hear or see Hux approach him after all. If this training were to be fruitful, he had to rely on the Force only. 

They had studied books for days before they gave up, deciding that if anyone ever was in Hux’s situation, they didn’t bother to write a diary about it, or it was lost. Kylo was sure they would have found at least a mention of someone completely devoid of the Force - someone would have noticed, a Jedi, a Sith, someone in between. Someone would be freaked out by it. Kylo sure was. 

Hux was terrifying in an entirely different way now. Thankfully, he seemed to be telling the truth when he said he could no longer read Kylo’s thoughts. If there was something Kylo definitely didn’t want Hux to know, it was his fear of Hux’s ability to disappear from the Force, without a trace, without leaving a disturbance behind. Nobody should be able to do that. 

However, it could also be used, and that was why they started doing these exercises. Kylo felt like a child again, playing blind man’s bluff with Chewie - because children didn’t want to play with him. Hux was getting better with each attempt - he got closer, went longer and, now more often than not, only made his presence known when he tapped on Kylo’s shoulder. 

Kylo forced the thoughts out of his mind, fully aware that any distraction lessened his already bleak chance at catching Hux. For a split of a second he could sense someone, but it was too short-lived for him to see where it came from. He tried hard to silence the thousands of voices in the Force - with his senses heightened like this, every animal was loud - but he just couldn’t cut through the white noise. 

“You’re dead,” Hux said. 

Kylo jerked awake, tearing himself from his trance. Hux was standing a little too close, and grinning widely. It looked eerie with his new haircut; there were tufts of it longer than others but he refused to shave it all off to make it the same length. He had told Kylo the Force had led his hand when he cut it - and what could Kylo say to that? Hux looked like someone who had escaped some horrible research facility dealing in drugs, but it was his choice. In a way, that was more valuable to Kylo than Hux’s hair. 

If not his sanity.

“I am indeed,” Kylo nodded, “yet again.” 

“You have nothing to teach me now. The student has become the master and all that.”

“I suppose,” Kylo admitted, careful. He wasn’t sure what Hux wanted to hear.

“Let’s take a walk,” Hux suggested simply, setting out away from the ship.

Kylo trod a few paces behind Hux, watching the shadows play all over his frame. They were on some small planet whose name he couldn’t pronounce. Hux had chosen to land on it, without any information about it - for all they knew, acid could have rained there. But it didn’t. They stayed in the vicinity of the ship to always have enough food and water and only made small trips. 

Hux’s accidents were sparser when it was just the two of them in the wilderness. It didn’t take them long to see the pattern - Hux could barely make it out of the ship on a busy spaceport and he was already ridden with foreign thoughts, memories from places he hadn’t visited, ponderings on topics he had no knowledge of. From then on, they only visited deserted places and Hux went from hours between his fits to days. 

They had sex almost every night. Kylo had managed to coerce Hux into facing him a few times, and they tried other things than just a quick penetration with no fuss. They parted ways immediately after they caught their breath, and they scrubbed the other off themselves. Though, in the waking hours, they found it easier to hold a conversation than they had thought possible - they realised they never tried to talk to each other before. Their opinions matched in many areas, and they could hold a decent conversation about many others. Kylo often caught himself watching Hux and imagining what it would be like if Hux came to his bed willingly and not because he considered Kylo the key to his own survival.

“Ren, how’s your shooting?” Hux asked all of a sudden. His hair shone so bright Kylo was afraid it would blind him. Hux had put on some weight and looked better fed even if his bald head somehow seemed larger than it had before.

“Average,” Kylo replied, “why?”

“I thought so,” Hux nodded, “how about I teach you to be at least good? I’m sure you could be excellent if you tried.”

Kylo didn’t need to be an excellent shooter. He had his lightsaber and the Force, and blasters were for Force-nulls. But Hux needed to feel like he had something to do, and something to hold over Kylo, something he’d be better at. 

Hux had begged to get a blaster ever since they set out on this journey, but it took a while before Kylo allowed it, fearing Hux would pose too much threat with a weapon in his hands. Finally, Kylo gave in, and Hux had been carrying a blaster on his hip since, though only outside of the ship. Kylo didn’t have a single opportunity to regret his decision yet. 

“Why not?” 

Hux took the blaster from its case on his belt and handed it to Kylo, who accepted it with some hesitation. 

“Didn’t you set it to your fingerprints?” he asked. He remembered Hux had told him something like that a while ago. “Won’t it explode in my hands?”

“That’s not the one,” Hux shook his head with a mischievous smile, “but yes, that one would.”

“Now that makes me feel really safe,” Kylo muttered.

“Just show me how you shoot so I can tell you what to do better.”

Kylo corrected his posture, raised his hand, aimed at one tree and shot several times. He hit the target four times, two more shots found the trees at the sides, the rest lost in the forest beyond.

“Your posture is good,” Hux assessed, “that’s half of the job done. But you shoot like you do everything else - too dramatically, with too much pomp. It’s not a spectacle. You’re trying to kill someone.” 

“How can you shoot too dramatically?” Kylo raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know, but you’re rather good at that,” Hux replied. He made a gesture asking for the blaster; Kylo obliged. Hux shot faster than Kylo thought was possible, hitting the same spot nine times in a row. 

“Okay I get it now,” Kylo nodded, impressed. 

“Don’t think of it so much. I can see you count the angle you need to fire under, the wind speed. That doesn’t matter. You don’t have the time to do the calculations properly, it changes too fast. You have splits of a second, heartbeats, to hit your target. You’re a fighter, you understand that.”

Kylo replied with shooting as fast as he could. All his shots but one hit the same tree, except-

“Did you really aim at that one?” Hux asked with a grin, knowing the answer. 

“At least it wasn't too pompous, was it,” Kylo countered. 

“Fair enough. Let's try to hit the target this time,” Hux announced. He stood behind Kylo, laid one hand on his shoulder, the other on his hip. At least a third of Kylo's mind was on Hux's body so close to him. He didn't think they'd been this close outside of the bed in weeks. 

“Just shoot when you're ready,” Hux said, and Kylo could feel his breath on his cheek. He breathed out slowly to steel himself and shot again. His aim was worse than before. 

“You're distracted,” Hux chuckled, “focus.” 

Kylo felt Hux’s body line up with his. He was wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, or how he felt about it. So he did what he was told to do, and shot a salvo of laser bolts at the tree. His aim was better this time but still not quite his best. He couldn't tell Hux he'd shoot better if they weren't this close. He had at least that much dignity left. 

“Your shoulder is unsteady. It's the meeting point between your body and hand. Your posture is good - if you learn to transfer your firmness to your hand, you'll shoot with your eyes closed,” Hux said, his fingers still spread all over Kylo's deltoid. His hand had crawled lower onto Kylo's biceps, but it slipped back up again. 

They remained shooting until Kylo hit the tree with all his shots three times in a row, then sat down onto a fallen trunk. Hux stared in front of himself, as if unsure what to do next, eyes fixed on the forest as he spoke: “What’s going to happen when you grow bored with me?”

“I’m helping you recover,” Kylo replied, “and, frankly, trying to postpone facing Snoke.”

“We both know you can’t really help me, no more than anyone else might. But I appreciate it,” Hux nodded slightly, as if proving a theory to himself. 

“You sent everyone else away,” Kylo pointed out. 

“That can be mended. But still, we both need a plan,” Hux said, “you can’t hide from Snoke forever, you’re wasting your time. And I need to find a new direction in life. I’m going mad from all this inactivity.”

“You’ve gone mad for completely different reasons but I see your point.”

“The Order is falling into pieces without us,” Hux observed. Kylo watched his face curiously, searching for pride, but it wasn’t there. Hux was just stating facts. 

“Probably.”

“I know it doesn’t mean the same thing to you as it does to me. I’m not disillusioned or naive enough to believe Snoke didn’t make you work with me for only as long as the Order is useful to him, and to prepare you to take over in case I didn’t cooperate how he’d want,” Hux sighed, idly kicking the ground with the toe of his boot, “still, it’s the only thing I know. I grew up idolising the woman who founded the Order, and many of the decisions I’ve made, I made believing she would have made them too. It’s the closest thing I have to a home, and I can’t watch my home fall apart without at least trying to save it.”

“You can’t go back to being a general, so what do you have in mind? Fighting the Republic on your own, like a renegade?” Kylo asked. 

“If I have to,” Hux nodded, solemn. He finally looked at Kylo.

“Okay. But this will need preparation. I want you to prove you can spend time among people first. And we’d need to know the situation of the Order.”

“We?” Hux asked with a surprised expression.

“I have nowhere to go too, remember?” 

A strange emotion played over Hux’s features, but it was gone before Kylo could identify it safely. They sat on the tree for a little longer before they made their way to the ship.    
Kylo prepared dinner, Hux set the table. They ate mostly in silence, aside from Hux complimenting the food as if it weren’t a deep-frozen ready to cook meal Kylo had bought on some spaceport or another, both occupied by their own thoughts. Hux washed the dishes afterwards while Kylo sipped on his caf. Their routine was so familiar by now it was almost comforting. 

Hux didn’t wait until Kylo finished the caf before he dropped onto the ground, pushing Kylo’s legs apart. The more time they spent together, the starker Kylo found the differences between Hux’s usual snarky personality and his subservience during sex. Hux wasn’t meant to be subservient. Kylo swallowed all his protests when Hux pushed down his pants and palmed his crotch. 

By the time Kylo was done with his caf, Hux was licking the head of his hard cock. Hux’s lips were pink and covered with saliva - for a moment Kylo was certain he was dreaming. Hux was too perfectly pliant, too perfectly his. 

“Get up,” Kylo instructed, and Hux obeyed. He didn’t wipe his mouth, not even the thin trickle of drool on his chin. He looked down at Kylo, completely still, and only his eyes betrayed his true thoughts, or at least a hint of them. There was a flame Hux failed to hide; Kylo found himself enthralled by the sparkle of defiance. 

“I want you to take the initiative this time,” he told Hux, “I want you to show me how you’d act if you weren’t afraid of my reaction, if you didn’t try so hard to please me.”

“That’s a lot to ask for,” Hux pointed out, “you might not be able to take this back.”

“Make me not regret it then,” Kylo murmured, “surprise me.”

…

There it was. Ren had given him control, almost begged him to take it. Hux had always known that Ren wouldn’t be able to keep up the cold, domineering act for long. Not Ren, who had fled to Snoke to be given directions. Not Ren, who needed someone to tell him what to do, to give him the possibility to break the rules. He needed guidance and a vague path to follow as he pleased. Hux would be happy to provide them.

He couldn’t quite point out the moment when sex with Ren stopped being a chore and turned into something Hux genuinely enjoyed. Maybe it was the first time when Ren asked him if anything hurt, or maybe it was much later when he got Ren onto his knees to suck him off. But it was definitely a pleasant past-time now, and Hux was looking forward to the last part of their evening routine. And it was about to get even more interesting.

Hux stood on either side of Ren, Ren’s nose nearly touching his belly. Hux released the button of his trousers with agonizing precision, brushing his fingers over his stiffening cock. Finally, he pulled at the zipper, and Ren tugged the fabric down, taking Hux’s underwear with it. Hux chuckled a little at Ren’s eagerness.

“If I knew how impatient you were for me…” Hux trailed off, making Ren figure out the rest of the sentence. He placed a hand on the crown of Ren’s head, pressing it down just slightly. Ren understood quickly; lips closed around Hux’s cock, hot and wet. 

Hux struggled to keep his eyes open - he wanted to see every second of this, every little movement of Ren’s, every breath. But his eyelids were heavy, falling shut in pleasure that was greater than what mere physical stimulation could cause. Part of it was the ecstasy of being in control for once, part of it was knowing that it was Ren, and Ren asked for this, Ren gave up control and handed it over to him. If he wanted, he could make Ren scream, could make him  _ bleed,  _ but Ren still believed he wouldn’t. 

“That’s enough for now,” Hux said, pulling out of Ren’s mouth. He wished the galaxy were to witness this moment. He wanted every single living being to see Ren at his mercy. As it was, only stars, distant and cold, kept them company. Hux didn’t let it ruin his mood. 

“Onto the table. On your back,” Hux ordered, stepping away from Ren to give him space. “Don’t undress.”

That was an unexpected command for both of them. Ren had an impressive physique, and Hux had commented on it several times. He loved Ren’s body. Still, somehow, it felt right not to let him undress. Ren’s body was a weapon, something he could hold over Hux.

Ren obeyed without protests. His legs were bent at the knees and hung down from the table, feet in heavy boots dangling in the air. Hux found the bottle of lube they kept in the cupboard for the occasions when moving to the bed was too much work, and returned with it to the table. He shed his trousers and underwear without bothering to remove his shoes, climbed onto the desk, straddling Ren’s thighs. Ren watched him eagerly, his eyes wide, lips parted. 

“What a pretty picture you make,” Hux told him, and Ren flushed at the praise. “Pretty indeed.”

Hux opened the bottle of lube and prepared himself unceremoniously, his fingers working quickly and efficiently. Ren whimpered, his hands moving as if to help Hux, as if he wanted to do it himself, but Hux didn’t let him. Ren writhed and squirmed, and he was so adorable that Hux didn’t tell him to stop. At last, Hux wrapped his slick hand around Ren’s cock, and he smiled at Ren’s sharp inhale. 

“Aren’t you impatient,” Hux commented and moved, slowly taking Ren, wonderful inch by wonderful inch. Ren’s fists clenched at his sides, and Hux took them in his hands, placing them onto his hips. Ren’s fingers spread over his skin, holding tight. He’ll have bruises in the morning. The thought didn’t fill him with dread and disgust as it used to; they’d be a display of power, a proof of the important shift of dominance. Hux placed his own hand in the middle of Ren’s chest; strong heartbeat thrummed beneath his palm, sweat seeping through the fabric of Ren’s shirt. 

Hux leaned forward, changing the angle, and began to move, leaning almost all of his weight on the hand above Ren’s heart. He kept his other hand on top of Ren’s, their fingers almost linked. Ren’s eyes were shut, his mouth falling open reflexively as he threw his head back, revealing his neck. Hux watched his throat work, enthralled by the vulnerability Ren was showing him.

Ren’s breathing was frantic, as if he couldn’t decide when to inhale, as if even this was a way to reach his orgasm. Hux acted before he could make up his mind about what he was doing; one hand still pressing against Ren’s breastbone, he closed his right around Ren’s throat. Ren’s eyes flew open in surprise; for a single heartbeat Hux wondered if maybe he overstepped his boundaries but then Ren’s back arched and 

_ oh, stars, stars, more, please more, just a little more, yes, yes, perfect, yes, Hux, Hux, Hux _

_ Immense pleasure, so intense it blinds him. He wants to scream but he can’t, and the ecstasy is locked within him, without a way out, without a way to reveal itself to Hux, he wants Hux to know, wants him to hear it, but he can’t because his windpipe is closed _

Hux released the hold on Ren’s throat. Ren cried out and coughed. He was trembling beneath Hux, trembling and whimpering, and Hux was so close, so close-

_ Help him see, help him see, stars, he needs to see, he needs to feel it too, he needs to understand- _

Hux groaned and came over Ren’s hand. He didn’t notice when Ren’s fingers wrapped around him, but they must have, and they felt so good, they felt so good he wanted to sing. 

They rode down their highs together until finally they stopped, motionless save for their heavy breathing. Their eyes met-

_ Unbelievable, unbelievable, a dream, a mirage.  _

“I’m here,” Hux murmured, “I’m not a dream.”

“Did you read my thoughts?” 

“You said it out loud.”

“No I didn’t.”

They watched each other for a while. Hux reached out for Ren’s mind but it was futile - he hadn’t been able to see inside Ren for weeks. He slipped off the table, angry. 

“That was unnecessary,” he muttered, storming off to the refresher. He stripped in a furious hurry; several of the seams protested against his abuse. He didn't care. 

He turned the water on, making it almost too hot to bear but still he stood beneath the spray, letting it scald his skin, hoping it might wash his fury away. Ren just had to ruin everything for him. If this was a lesson to teach Hux not to forget his place - well, he would have understood even without it. Ren could have just told him that he was just a toy, something to bring Ren amusement. There was no reason for such a brutal display. 

Tears burst from Hux’s eyes before he could stop them. He slid down the shower wall until he was sitting on the floor, holding his thighs to his chest. It wasn’t fair. How much of an asshole did Ren have to be to make him ecstatic only to shoot him down? And here he thought Ren enjoyed it too, he could feel it-

He  _ did  _ feel Ren’s orgasm. That first wave of pleasure, the foreign one that came from the distance...that was Ren’s body. Somehow. He could feel Ren’s thoughts. He looked up, chest constricted as he sobbed painfully. There was a piece of paper lying by the door, an actual paper, with something written on it. Hux turned the water off and walked out of the shower, shivering as the cold air hit his burning skin. He was still sniffling, unable to stop, and he wrapped himself in a towel before studying the paper.

_ Hux I’m sorry. Please come talk to me. _

Hux opened the door and walked out followed by a cloud of steam. Ren was nowhere to be seen, so Hux trod into the cockpit, expecting to find Ren in the Captain's chair with his feet on the control panel. His feet left wet traces behind him. 

He was right in his assumption. Ren was staring out of the viewport, a troubled expression on his face. Hux approached him, tentative, and sat down in the co-pilot’s chair. 

“I may have overreacted,” Hux broke the silence. Ren turned to him with surprise, as if he only just now noticed him arrive.

“Oh, you’re alright! I was afraid you might hurt yourself.”

“Uh-huh,” Hux grunted noncommittally, “we need to talk.”

“I’m sorry if I upset you even though I have no idea how,” Ren said. 

“Did you...did you feel me inside your head? When you came,” Hux asked.

“I didn’t feel anything at all. My mind went completely blank,” Ren replied, with a strange expression, “why?”

“I think I could hear your thoughts, for a small moment,” Hux murmured, barely audible. Saying it out loud made him feel stupid. He was desperately trying to hold onto a mirage. He was pathetic.

“When I came?”

Hux nodded, staring at his knees.

“But you didn’t try to see my thoughts? It just happened?” Ren asked. 

“I had other concerns at the time.”

“That’s odd,” Ren mumbled, “I thought not feeling you in the Force was strange but considered it was a result of you losing the Force, that it took away even the traces a Force-null has. But it seems like it’s something else.”

“Are you saying I’m a black hole for the Force?” 

“That sounds like an accurate description,” Ren agreed, absent-minded, like he was thinking about something else. 

“You’re kidding me now, aren’t you,” Hux said, knowing that wasn’t the case. Ren was serious about this, whatever he was thinking.

“Put something on, we have work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you certainly noticed, there was another of mini-mantis's gorgeous illustrations in this chapter, so go raise the value of your blogs by reblogging it [here!](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/post/169192788196/lets-try-to-hit-the-target-this-time-hux)


	10. Not Worthless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look a little brighter for Hux!   
> I also shamelessly borrowed the name of this chapter from [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRuWJJ_TwmA) which gets me every time I hear it.

No matter how hard they tried, they didn’t manage to repeat the incident. Ren’s head hurt from how much he opened his mind to project his thoughts onto Hux, hoping that might trigger something, but to no avail. Hux was as silent as a shadow, and they both grew impatient and irritable the more failure they faced. Everything was an opportunity to fight, each word threatened to spawn a conflict. If they didn’t want to murder each other, they’d have to do something soon. 

Hux had lived on spaceships full of people all his life. He was used to the anonymity of living amongst thousands. When you share a limited space with so many people, you learn to mind your own business and expect the same from others. Spending time with only one person made Hux feel exposed. He yearned for the uniformity of being surrounded by people who didn’t care what he was doing, what he was thinking.  

After one particularly nasty fight that ended with them having rough sex full of bruising grips and bloody bitemarks, Ren looked at Hux’s reflexion in the mirror while he was inspecting a wound on his shoulder. 

“We can’t go on like this,” he muttered, “we need to do something.”

“I feel obligated to agree with you, even if it makes me sick,” Hux replied, putting on his clothes. 

“Remind me again why I still put up with you,” Ren said. 

“I suppose I’m really good at sucking dick,” Hux pointed out, now fully clothed, “and you’re too proud to admit I’m a failure so you keep pretending you’ve planned all this mess.”

“To be completely honest I never expected you to be so good at that,” Kylo admitted, “and that’s logical assumption, but it’s wrong. But listen to me, I have a proposition - let’s sabotage a Republic outpost. A small one, with low security. It will give us something to think about, and we’ll train your stay with other people.”

“That’s insane,” Hux laughed, “a Republic outpost. The two of us.”

“Do you think we can’t?” Ren turned around, and Hux got distracted by a drop of water trickling down his chest for a second.

“I don’t think I need you for that,” Hux replied with a raised eyebrow, like it was obvious. 

“Humour me please and let me tag along.”

“Well if you ask so nicely, who am I to deny you?”

Hux smiled against his will. Ren put on a pair of black briefs and climbed back into the bed. He motioned for Hux to join him, and Hux did, with certain reluctance. It felt too much like something a couple did, too domestic. It felt like everything Hux had forbidden himself to crave. Except he did crave it now. 

“I have a station in mind,” Ren said, pretending Hux wasn’t standing idly by the bed, “How do you feel about Kadaz II?”

“I have never heard of it,” Hux replied and finally decided to join Ren who was doing something on a datapad. 

“It’s in the Core, actually. But really small, and mostly abandoned,” Ren explained and handed the datapad over to Hux, who accepted it and looked at the map. “There was a whole system of Kadazes but this one is the only one left after the Clone wars.”

“It looks lousy,” Hux assessed, “Why this one?” 

“I know we said one station would be a piece of cake for us, but if we’re realistic, there’s two of us and an entire station manned by people, even if they’re Republic men. We should start with something small.”

“Start?” Hux grinned, tapping the screen to view the details of the station. The information it gave him was insufficient to say the least. 

“I know it’s not much,” Ren remarked, as if he was reading Hux’s mind, “I was hoping you could crack their code. I’ve seen you do it before.”

Hux opened his mouth to protest. ‘Crack their code’ sounded a lot like something criminals - hackers - did, and he was no criminal, thank you very much. On the other hand, he really wanted to dig up all the dirt on the station until they knew of every misplaced sock behind washing machines. Ren obviously believed he could do it, and Hux was eager to prove him right. 

“Give me five minutes,” he told Ren and began to work. The station’s security was even more feeble than Hux had expected, and he felt almost insulted to work with something so basic - he had full plans of the station in a little over two minutes. 

“I still say it’s too easy,” Hux informed Ren and handed to datapad over, “and you know what happens when you do easy things? You don’t focus enough and you fuck up. You fuck up because it’s so easy that you think you don’t have to pay attention.”

“Let’s see what we have here first,” Ren said, “don’t forget that we don’t know what your reaction to a station full of people will be. You seem to be alright but this could trigger something.”

“I’m itching to get somewhere with people,” Hux pointed out, “this is driving me crazy.”

“Good, me too. Now,” Ren zoomed in onto the schematics, “according to this, the station is powered by one central engine located here.”

“Where are the back-ups?” 

“Here,” Ren zoomed out again, “though they don’t seem to be strong enough to power the whole station. I guess it can last for basic life-support systems for an hour maybe. Longer if you limit the power to a part of the station.”

“That’s reckless,” Hux frowned, asking for the datapad, “are you sure? Isn’t there something else that could be redirected into the engine?” 

“Not that I can find,” Ren replied. Hux studied the schematics, creating the picture of the station in his mind, but after five minutes he had to admit that Ren was right. Or the Republic was smarter than they thought.

“This looks too easy. Surely they can’t be so dumb to make it this vulnerable.”

“I think they rely on the position of the station as well as its unimportance,” Ren said, “would you consider attacking it with your ships if you were still General of the First Order?”

“I see your point,” Hux said absent-mindedly, trying to find something unusual in the station’s defenses. Ren was most likely right but Hux wasn’t going to underestimate his opponents. Ren didn’t try to interrupt him or tell him his caution was silly, for which he was grateful. Ren sat by his side, peeking over his shoulder every once in a while to see what he was doing but other than that he let Hux work. 

The station seemed to be begging to be attacked. It seemed so easy, so effortless - all they had to do was cut off the main power source to cause chaos and install some explosives to blow the station up. 

“It’s a bait,” Hux murmured, “this is too easy.”

“You overestimate the Republic. I know you’re afraid of underestimating them, but this could cause as much harm,” Ren said, “you come from a military organization. You’ve been trained to be a soldier since you were born, and you’re good at it. Your mind works in military terms and you see a threat in everything, you always calculate how something could be used to gain power. The Republic is not like that.”

“Did you figure that out by rummaging in my mind?”

“No. I know you, Hux. You were hardened by your circumstances - you had to be on top or you wouldn’t survive. The Republic? Most of them are lazy opportunists who never fought in a battle and had never known need or despair. All they care about is how much power they can snatch, how many credits they give for their dinner.”

“Are you flattering me?” Hux asked, confused. 

“It certainly appears that way,” Ren said. “Look, I know the Republic. They don’t care that the station is vulnerable. ‘Has it been attacked before? No. So the defences must be sufficient.’ That’s what they think. Let’s prove them wrong.”

Hux still wasn’t convinced, but Ren’s praise made it really difficult for him to resist. 

“Fine. Let’s prove them wrong.”

Ren grinned. Hux didn’t feel like repeating the gesture but he did raise one corner of his mouth. 

…

When they finally had an outline of a plan that Hux approved of and that covered all of his worries and complaints, it was three in the morning. Hux was hiding his yawns behind the palm of his hand, Kylo had overcome the stage of tiredness an hour ago and was now feeling energized to the point of being jittery. The excitement of finally doing something that meant both intricate planning and danger hung in the air. Hux seemed more alive - more in his right mind - than he did in weeks. Kylo recognized the General from the Finalizer. It seemed like someone else, from a different life, and yet someone familiar. 

They agreed to call it a night and continue planning their operation in the morning, and for a while it seemed to Kylo that Hux was reluctant to leave his bed. He opened his mouth to tell Hux to stay, that they were both tired and it was no big deal, but the words never came. It was a big deal, no matter what he tried to tell himself, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to break the already thin wall between them. So he watched Hux stand up, slowly, stretching until his shirt got pulled up and revealed a stripe of skin, and he said nothing when Hux turned away and left. 

He rolled over and faced the wall, scenarios of their upcoming adventure playing out in his mind. He could hear Hux move in the room beside his for a while before he - presumably - settled down to his bed. Kylo imagined him lying there - breathing softly in an attempt to fall asleep. Rolling around until he made a full turn before he settled on his left side. Clutching the blanket to his chest like a toy. Kylo was surprised to see that he knew all this about Hux’s sleeping patterns; he knew so many unimportant little facts about Hux it scared him. They weren’t just useful facts, like Hux’s food allergies or his agoraphobia. Kylo knew what Hux’s favorite colour was (pink, somehow), that he wished he could have a cat, that he liked to watch trashy romantic holoshows or which variety of tea he preferred. 

Kylo tried not to think of it too much. They had spent weeks together, he was bound to learn things about Hux. He just had a good memory that liked to store information it deemed potentially useful. He didn’t choose to remember all those details about Hux. It just happened. There was nothing to worry about. He fell asleep with the image of Hux in his mind. 

…

Kylo woke up to the sounds and smell of Hux making breakfast. Curious, he got up and walked into the kitchen for inspection. Hux hadn’t done anything creative in the kitchen in all the time they shared living spaces. Hux would go to great lengths to make a perfect cup of tea but considered cooking eggs too much work. Hux did other chores in the kitchen but he certainly wouldn’t be bothered to cook something.

“Good morning,” Hux greeted Kylo cheerfully. Kylo blinked several times to make sure he was really awake. 

“Morning,” he mumbled, “who are you and where’s Hux?”

“I decided to prove to you that I am a functional human being and can be trusted with explosives,” Hux explained without looking up from the sizzling pan, “in case you wanted to leave me out of the operation.”

“I’m going to pretend I was if that means you’ll finally cook,” Kylo said and sat down at the table, watching Hux work. He was wearing a loose black shirt - probably Kylo’s - and nothing else that could be seen. Kylo wondered if he had underwear on. 

“You never told me you wanted me to cook. I presumed you were happy to provide for me and feed me, and that my company was a sufficient reward for you,” Hux said. He had his back to Kylo, who couldn’t determine whether Hux was serious or not. “I’m not making you caf though. I won’t lower myself to that.”

“Ever the charmer,” Kylo pointed out and stood up to make it. He was smiling though. Hux’s crusade against caf was hilarious. Of course the most overworked person in the galaxy hated caf. Of course. 

“So, now that I’m making breakfast, I think we should discuss the details of the mission,” Hux said while arranging the food on the plates. Kylo laid the table and sat down. Hux placed an overflowing plate in front of him with a light bow. 

“Hux how many eggs did you use?” Kylo asked.

“All that were in the conservator,” Hux shrugged, “I didn’t count.”

“So we’re out of eggs,” Kylo assessed, “was that an insidious effort to create a necessity to go shopping, hoping I’ll take you with me?” 

“No, I just thought you’re really big and could use a lot of eggs. But now that you mention it…”

“You’ve never cooked for yourself, have you?” 

“Is it not good?” Hux asked, panicked, “I thought I had watched you enough.”

“No, it’s amazing. But that were, what, twenty eggs in there? How did you even make them fit in the pan?” 

“I am a genius, no need to thank me,” Hux said, “but no, I never really cooked. I’ve never lived alone, or with so few people.”

“Thank you,” Kylo said, realising he may as well be eating one of Hux’s first attempts at cooking. 

“You’re welcome.”

They ate in silence. Hux kept glancing up at Kylo so often it was suspicious and made Kylo wonder if Hux poisoned the food. He tried to shrug the feeling off, unable to find a solid reason why Hux would want to murder him, but it just wouldn’t go. Maybe he mistook insanity for recovery, and Hux only now decided to finally get rid of him. The thought made him shudder. 

“Hux, why are you staring at me like this?” Kylo asked, unable to wait any longer. 

“Can’t I?” 

“It’s making me wonder if you’re trying to kill me.”

“Wow,” Hux shook his head, “I can’t even look at you now.”

“You have to admit this is pretty suspicious.”

“Don’t eat it if you think it’s poisoned,” Hux muttered and stood up, “I don’t care.”

Kylo finished his meal quickly. Maybe Hux really will try to kill him now; they really needed a change of scenery. Hux had disappeared in his bedroom with his tea and Kylo was sure if the door wasn’t automatic, he would have slammed it behind him. 

Kylo washed the dishes and put them away in the cupboards. He took his caf and went to try to apologize. He knocked on Hux’s door, and he sighed with relief when it slid open. Hux was sitting on his bed cross-legged, the cup cradled in his hands, and he didn’t look up when Kylo entered. 

“I’m sorry, Hux,” Kylo said, “this is wearing on me, and I’m paranoid. That’s not an excuse for my behaviour of course, but you have to admit it was unexpected.”

“I want to get out of here and into the world so bad,” Hux hissed, “I’m  _ suffocating _ here. I just wanted to do everything I could to show you I’m ready.”

“Get dressed. We’re going grocery shopping.”

Hux was ready to go in under five minutes. Kylo downed his caf, scorching his throat in the process, and in no time they were preparing for take-off. Hux looked sternly in front of himself, probably daring the whole universe to stand between him and social interaction. Kylo hoped this wouldn’t turn out to be a huge mistake. He let Hux choose a planet in the vicinity and they entered hyperspace. 

“We should be there in an hour,” Kylo announced. Hux nodded.

“Do you want to meditate a little?” Kylo offered. The air between them was heavy with anticipation, the tension still palpable between them.

“You know it doesn’t work,” Hux muttered.

“It works for everyone, Force-sensitive or not,” Kylo snapped, “but please, if you’d prefer to sit here and sulk, be my guest.”

Hux didn’t reply. He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. Kylo wanted to punch him. 

“Something’s wrong with the engine,” Hux said after several minutes.

“What?”

“I don’t know. But the ship’s not moving right,” Hux explained, “I’ll go check it out.”

Kylo didn’t like the idea of Hux tinkering with his ship while they were in hyperspace but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to stand Hux any longer. He ran diagnostics on his pilot panel and while it ran, he could hear Hux move belowdecks. 

The panel beeped, announcing that the test was finished now. Kylo viewed the results. Everything was in order. There was a small decrease in hyperdrive regulator efficiency, but nothing significant enough to alert the system. Functionality of the components fluctuated and if every slight divergence was noted by the system, the pilot would do nothing but try to fix problems that usually fixed themselves. Kylo turned off all the other windows and concentrated on the regulator only. He considered telling Hux what seemed to be the problem but he decided against it. Hux somehow knew there was a problem; surely he will know where exactly and how to fix it. 

Instead, Kylo opened his datapad and reviewed the notes he had made last night. He saw the rough skeleton of the plan in front of him and he reached for the Force to see if anything didn’t feel right. Asking the Force for help had saved him countless times while making decisions, and he had to be twice as careful now. Maybe he should have consulted the Force before all this mess with turning Hux Force-sensitive. 

Kylo’s mind wandered off to the time several months ago when Snoke told him Hux was to be gotten rid of. Back then, Kylo barely considered asking himself why Hux seemed to be as Force-sensitive as a rock if there was so much potential running in his veins. He thought it peculiar, but that was all he was willing to do about it. He recalled all that happened since then and asked himself if, knowing all this would happen, he would have let Snoke kill Hux. 

He had avoided thinking about it because it still made his head spin, but he got a chance to see an alternate universe thanks to this. He had been convinced there were other universes out there, but it had never occurred to him that he might one day see an actual, tangible proof. He saw another version of himself, a version whose life was so intertwined with Hux’s that one’s story couldn’t be told without the other’s. Was that his case too? Had he bound himself to Hux so tightly that their fates were merged? Was he destined to end up with Hux? 

“The regulator was blown. I put some oil on it,” Hux interrupted Kylo’s thoughts. Kylo jerked awake, his heart beating fast in his chest. He had to remind himself that Hux couldn’t read his mind now. 

“Were you checking up on me?” Hux asked, looking at the holograph of the regulator floating just above the surface of Kylo’s computer.

“I just ran some diagnostics to see if there was any malfunction you may have picked up on or if you just made something up to get away from me.”

“Damn I should have thought about that,” Hux said and sat down into the chair. “So, will I be allowed to move on my own or will you put me on a leash?” 

“I’m not going to put you on a leash. But I’d prefer to always have you in my line of sight.”

“Fair enough.”

“And I want you to tell me if you feel funny. If there’s anything wrong, anything at all, I want you to tell me before anything bad happens.”

“Understood,” Hux said in a firm voice, saluting. Kylo ignored him.

“I think we should go over the plan again and start working out the details, if you don’t want to meditate,” he said instead, refreshing the datapad that had gone dark during his trip down the memory lane. 

“Let me look forward to this,” Hux asked, “we should be there soon anyway, shouldn’t we?”

Kylo checked the chrono. Indeed, they were scheduled to land in fifteen minutes. He must have lost track of the time. 

“Fine then.” 

“Thank you.”

…

The spaceport was overwhelming. Hux stumbled when he stepped out of the ship, and he had to lean against the wall for a couple of seconds. All the voices around him, all the minds, pushed against him and he felt nauseous as if he was physically squished in a crowd that squeezed the air out of his lungs. Black spots took up his field of vision like splotches of black ink, and the noise of the spaceport was subdued, as if someone turned down the volume or stuffed his ears with cotton wool. Cold sweat broke all over his body and he was shivering. His stomach seemed unsure whether to turn or not, so he tried to breathe deeply to settle it. He was ready to tell Ren to go back, that he wasn’t ready, but Ren was still preoccupied with the spaceport security officer, and Hux didn’t think he could take talking louder than a whisper. Besides, he was determined to prove to Ren that he could be trusted. 

His nausea subsided to a feeling of cold and overall weakness by the time Ren joined him. Hux hoped he wasn’t pale but if he was, Ren didn’t comment on it. They walked out of the port into a warm, breezy day. Hux breathed in, the wind playing in his hair, and finally he felt confident enough to speak without passing out. 

They took a taxi to the market. The steel of the hover-car’s structure blocked the unpleasant feeling of being crowded and Hux’s excitement crawled back to him. The ride was short and uneventful. Ren asked the driver what he thought of the current events. Hux considered that extremely risky, but Ren didn’t seem to be bothered and the driver answered Ren’s questions without much prompting. Ren nodded along, occasionally asking something else, as if he knew what the man was talking about. Hux certainly didn’t. He realized how cut off from reality he had been, how little he knew. They hadn’t landed on a properly civilized planet in ages and it showed. Hux probably should have been less focused on his inner turmoil and care more about the outside world. 

Once they reached the market, the driver gave them some tips on who gave fair prices and who looked for tourists to overcharge, who had fresh fruits and who bought the best goods from the smugglers. Ren laughed along and paid him generously, thanking him for all the valuable information. Hux felt like an idiot but he couldn’t find a way to make himself useful. 

“That was quite a spectacle,” Hux muttered when they got out of the hover-car, “who would say you could be this charming.”

“Are you mad because I got some tips how to navigate this place?” 

Hux wasn’t sure. When Ren put it that way, it sounded ridiculous. 

“You made me look stupid,” he replied, though unsure. He couldn’t sort his feelings properly; they pushed against the side of his skull from the inside, and there was the incessant murmur of minds surrounding them again. He wanted to escape, but he couldn’t. If he told Ren he was overwhelmed, he’d be stuck on deserted planets for the foreseeable future. Like an  _ invalid _ , like a mad person. 

“No I didn’t,” Ren frowned, “look, my people skills are rusty. I don’t have the time or energy to try to decipher your vague accusations.”

“Let’s go use these tips that man gave you, shall we?” Hux said and set out in the direction of the market. He willed his steps to be sure with his head still spinning. Ren didn’t respond as he caught up with Hux. He held his hand just a breath away from Hux’s back. As if he was there to catch Hux should he fall. 

“So what do we need?” Hux asked. The place was overwhelming - would have been even without his jittery mind trying to connect with the Force. Hundreds of colours in thousands of patterns that pulled his eyes, thousands of voices speaking, shouting, singing, arguing, and so many smells that blended into an attack on Hux’s brain. He wondered if Ren somehow influenced his choice of a planet so that they’d end up in this place, if he wanted to really test Hux before the mission. If that was true, then so be it. Hux was determined to pass.

“The food market is there,” Ren motioned to a huge orange building with a green roof. “Let’s start there.”

The building wasn’t far away but the journey seemed eternal as they made their way through the crowd. Ren took the lead at some point and he caught Hux’s hand not to lose him. Hux gripped it in his own, grounding himself by tracing the lines in Ren’s palm with his thumb. He would have liked to hear Ren’s voice but the place didn’t allow it, so he just stared at the spot between Ren’s shoulder blades. As Hux expected, the building was just as crowded. 

Hux had never seen this much food at one place, or such a variety. He caught Ren’s lenient smile as he stared open-mouthed at the seemingly endless display of fruits from all over the galaxy, and he composed himself.

“Pick whatever you want,” Ren told him, “don’t look at the price.”

“Oh really? Are you a millionaire now?” 

“I don’t think the fruit here costs millions.”

Hux ended up with a bag of fruits, just one piece of each kind. With his luck, he’d be allergic to the majority of them, but he had to try. Ren told him about the fruits he knew, and Hux realised, not for the first time, that Ren had seen a big portion of the galaxy while he had barely known anything beside the interiors of spaceships. 

They ended up buying so much food they could barely carry it all. Hux was tired, his feet hurt, and he gladly leaned against Ren as they walked back. He was afraid that being physically exhausted would end with him being more prone to catching up on people’s minds, but it seemed like the opposite was the truth. He was almost as pleasantly numb to them as he was to Ren. He considered that a success. 

They took the same taxi back to the spaceport. Ren led the conversation again while Hux leaned back and closed his eyes. He didn’t know how much time passed before Ren was gently shaking his shoulder at the spaceport. He stumbled out of the taxi and the sun nearly blinded him. He blinked several times to adjust; Ren was taking all the bags out of the hover-car. Hux turned to help him but his hands shook and he felt nauseous at the prospect of carrying anything. Ren laid the last bag on the floor, paid the driver and turned to Hux: “Are you okay?”

Hux shook his head and raised his hands to Ren for inspection. He barely held his eyes open.

“Let’s get you into the ship and feed you something, okay,” Ren said, trying to gather all the bags by himself. Hux raised one with all his might, and somehow they made it to the ship. Hux collapsed into the co-pilot’s seat and closed his eyes. He could hear Ren making his way around the ship, probably to put all the food away, and he wanted to help, he really did, but opening his eyes and standing up felt like lifting a Star Destroyer on his back.

“Hux,” Ren spoke, “what’s wrong?”

“Tired,” Hux muttered, “shaky.”

“You should eat something. I think that’s low blood sugar.”

“I’m sick, Ren. Not eating.”

“I know. But it will help, I promise,” Ren said. Hux looked up, wishing to convey his opinion on this into his expression to be spared the necessity to say something. Ren walked away to the kitchen and came back with a sugar cube.

“Open your mouth and let it dissolve,” Ren instructed, “you don’t have to do anything.”

Hux obeyed, because it was easier than arguing with Ren who seemed sure about this. The sugar was sweet on his tongue - sweet and nothing else. Uncomplicated, simple nutrients, like the protein bars back in the First Order. Good. 

Miraculously, he did feel better in a few minutes - still weak but at least he was hungry now. Standing up, willing his legs not to give way, Hux walked to the kitchen where he found Ren by the stove. He sat down on the chair by the table and nibbled on a slice of bread he found in a basket. It was old, stale and tasted better than anything else he had ever eaten. Ren chuckled. 

“So,” Hux began, when he was halfway done with the bread, “I’d say that wasn’t a total disaster.”

“You almost fainted a couple of times.”

“You noticed, huh. I thought I managed to hide it.”

“To be fair I studied you very closely. I probably wouldn’t have noticed otherwise,” Ren admitted. He placed a pan full of stew on the table in front of Hux and got two plates from the cupboard. Hux leaned forward and breathed in the smell with closed eyes.

“This smells amazing,” he commented, “you’re the best cook in the galaxy.”

“Flattery won’t make me consider you fit for the mission, but thank you,” Ren said and put the food onto Hux’s plate. 

“There were so many people there. I promise I’ll do better on the mission.”

“I know,” Ren said. Hux was taken aback; he didn’t expect Ren to agree so easily. “If I didn’t think you could make it, I wouldn’t suggest the mission.”

“You asshole,” Hux muttered, but he didn’t mean it.

…

“I’m in,” Kylo whispered into the commlink on his wrist, “no sight of guards so far.”

“Copy.” Hux’s voice was muffled. Kylo could hear him breathe. “All clear.”

The connection didn’t break, and Kylo found solace in the small sounds Hux made on the other end. As long as he could hear him breathe, he didn’t have to worry. 

Kylo had memorized the schematics but he still consulted it one more time before he’d make his way into the control room. Once he was sure he knew what panel to cut off, he opened the keypad and entered the password Hux had fished out of the system. For a few frantic heartbeats nothing happened, and Kylo’s mind supplied him with scenarios of the password being wrong. Maybe he didn’t remember it correctly, maybe it changed every day instead of every week, maybe Hux wasn’t as good at this as he thought-

The door opened. Kylo slipped inside before he could form a coherent thought about it, all the adrenaline heightening his senses. There was a guard sitting by the computer to Kylo’s right, as per the schematics. Kylo used the Force to send the guard to sleep. Nice and easy, no one will have to know Kylo was there. 

He made his way through the room, careful to avoid the cameras he knew were there. He had chosen this station because he assumed it would be understaffed but he didn’t imagine it to be this bad. Hux’s words about easy missions kept creeping up into his mind. There were only three guards in the entire control room - Kylo even waited for five additional minutes in case one of the guards was in the ‘fresher. 

“I’m going to do it now,” he told Hux over the commlink, “are you ready?” 

“Yes.”

“Be careful.”

Kylo didn’t wait to hear Hux’s derisive answer. He approached the panel he had chosen and carefully, minding Hux’s safety instructions, he lifted the plastic cover. The exposed wires seemed to scream at him, like in holos where the hero begins to sweat as the countdown nears zero. Kylo pulled them aside until he found the longest one. He gripped it between his fingers and pulled at it until he loosened it. The screen went dark and silent. 

“Now.” 

Kylo heard Hux move over the commlink, heard the door open, heard muffled cries as Hux shot the guards in his path. Kylo closed the door of the room, checked if all the guards were still unconscious, and he waited by the computer regulating the life support system. 

Hux didn’t have to give him an affirmation of his action since all the panels suddenly came to life with alarmed beeping and flickering. Kylo tapped the screen several times. Deep melodic voice spoke up.

“This is an emergency. All crew must immediately relocate to sections 1C or 6E. This is not a test.” 

It continued on a loop, over and over. Kylo checked the guards one more time and began to work. 

“Finished,” came Hux’s voice from the commlink, “I’m taking off now.”

“Copy.”

Kylo’s hands were steady when he placed the explosives to the landmarks he and Hux had agreed on. Once they were in a safe distance, the bombs would go off and cause a cascade of explosions that would destabilize the station and lead to its self-destruction. When they first came up with this plan, it seemed too easy to be plausible. It looked like the station wanted to be destroyed. When they didn’t find any complications in this almost obvious trap, they decided to hope for the best.

Kylo placed the last bomb and slipped out of the room. He moved with caution, in case someone decided to valiantly check up on the control room instead of rushing into the hall they were instructed to seek by the voice still thundering through the corridors. Kylo reached the hangar where Hux was supposed to pick him up; the transporter was already there, waiting for him. Kylo jumped inside and buckled his seatbelt while Hux closed the door. After two excruciating minutes of waiting for the airlock to finish its cycle, they were outside in the vastness of space. Kylo watched Hux pilot the transporter, long fingers dancing all over the panels. 

Their ship wasn’t far. They wanted to be close enough for the sensors to register the explosion. They all but ran to the cockpit where they had left the remote control of the bombs. 

“Wanna do the honours?” Kylo asked, feeling generous. 

“With pleasure.” 

Hux pushed the button. After several seconds of the signal traveling from the ship to the station, streaks of orange began to dot the surface of the station until, all of a sudden, there was no station left. They watched its explosion several times from the archive, and with each rerun they became more and more agitated. 

Hux turned to Kylo and kissed him. Kylo’s lips parted to let Hux’s tongue slip inside, his hands quickly found the hem of Hux’s shirt and slipped under it. Hux wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck, so hard it seemed desperate, and brought their bodies together. Kylo could feel Hux’s erection against his thigh. 

Hux pushed him back until the backs of his thighs hit the panel, slipped one knee between Kylo’s legs, rubbing his cock against Kylo’s, moaning desperately into his mouth. Kylo knew he wouldn’t even get fully hard by the time Hux would come, and he was surprised to learn that he didn’t mind that at all. Hux’s fingers pulled at Kylo’s hair, almost painful, but not quite. Kylo tilted his head to ease the pull on his scalp, and Hux’s mouth slipped onto his throat. Kylo exposed more of his neck; Hux’s movements were frantic now. Kylo was almost lying on his back; Hux’s fingers clutched so tight they were white. 

A grunt, a hot exhale, and Hux was coming. Kylo held onto him, feeling the muscles of Hux’s back tense, and he smiled. 

“That was some celebration,” Kylo pointed out. Hux chuckled and took Kylo’s face in his hands. Kylo sat up straighter; Hux’s eyes were enormous, glistening and warm, so warm. 

“Thank you,” Hux mumbled and kissed Kylo again - gently, a caress, a mere brush of his swollen lips against Kylo’s. Kylo’s chest constricted, and in that moment, he wanted nothing more than for this moment to never end, to stay in this victorious ecstasy, in Hux’s arms. 

Profound, unparalleled calm overcame him. There were no worries, no stress, no pain. No excitement, no hurry, nothing but warm, quiet contentment. 

“Ren?” 

The fluffy clouds dispersed and he was, yet again, in the cockpit of his ship, with Hux pressed against him. 

“Mhmmm.”

“It happened again. I did it again,” Hux exclaimed. Kylo finally looked at Hux properly.

“You heard my thoughts?” Kylo asked; his cheeks turned red. 

“I could feel you were happy. With me.”

“I suppose it’s impossible to go through so much with someone and not feel that way,” Kylo said, trying to brush it away and failing. Hux kissed him - on the lips, on the tip of his nose, on his cheeks. 

“I’d cook some celebratory dinner but I’m afraid I only know how to make breakfast eggs,” Hux said.

“I’d eat the breakfast eggs with all the solemnity that belongs to celebratory dinners. But you should probably clean up.”

Kylo’s eyes wandered to Hux’s crotch. 

“I can’t believe you’re the one being practical here,” Hux laughed, “fair point. I’ll be with you in a second.”

“Don’t promise what you can’t fulfill.”


	11. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa I almost forgot to post this chapter today, I'm so busy with school stuff and work.

Ren took the words ‘celebratory dinner’ quite literally; he lit an actual candle that he had laid in the middle of the table and the meal turned out to be simple and quick but still very enticing and sumptuous. They talked about everything and nothing, and halfway through the meal, Hux took one of his slippers off and found Ren’s knee with his foot. Ren didn’t acknowledge it being there but Hux knew he was acutely aware of it. 

They maintained polite conversation even after they were done with their meal, but there was anticipation hanging between them. Ren’s hand had slipped under the table and was now massaging the sole of Hux’s foot. 

“Shouldn’t we make a toast?” Hux asked, “To our first heroic cooperation?”

“Was it a first?” 

“Definitely the first where we worked close together,” Hux nodded.

“We do fit together after all,” Ren said, “despite everything.”

“Indeed.” 

They moved almost at the same time; Hux wrapped his arms around Ren’s neck, his legs around Ren’s waist as he was lifted off the ground. Ren carried him to his bedroom - always his own, never Hux’s. Hux’s privacy was something Ren was afraid to breach these days. Hux kissed Ren on the cheek, wondering if he could leave a hickey there, right on top of Ren’s cheekbone. He didn’t get to test the theory. Ren laid him onto his back right in the middle of his messy, unmade bed, and Hux almost made a comment on that. He wondered if Ren would get annoyed. Maybe he’d find it endearing. He was difficult to comprehend these days; it was easier when Ren just hated him.

They kissed each other for long minutes, fingers slipping beneath shirts but never further, and Hux wondered if this was what he had missed as a teenager at the Academy. Kissing someone until your lips ached, feeling excited about every inch of skin you uncovered. It was silly; he knew Ren’s body. But there was something different about this, about the slowness of it all. Hux sighed, holding Ren as close as he could and yet wishing he could grasp him tighter. Ren moaned, in between kisses, and it sounded almost desperate, like a sob.

“What’s wrong?” Hux asked, pulling Ren away to look him in the eye.

“Nothing,” Ren said and smiled, “I just think I’m happy.”

“You’re about to be even happier,” Hux smirked. 

“Can I ask you something?” Ren seemed unsure. Bashful. The tips of his ears turned red. Hux touched them with intrigue. 

“I’m eager to hear it.”

“I want you to take me tonight,” Ren said, and he managed to look away from Hux even though their faces were mere inches apart.

“What? You mean...oh,” Hux stammered eloquently. “I’ve never, you know…”

“Really?” Ren seemed to have forgotten his shyness in his surprise. Hux felt his own face go red. He had hidden the secret so well, Ren would never know, but something made him tell the truth.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever had sex with.” 

Ren stared at him. Blinked. 

“Oh fuck.”

“I never meant to tell you that. It’s your fault. You made me overshare,” Hux tried to make it sound angry, but it was difficult when he and Ren were still wrapped up around one another.

“You let me turn your first time into a ritual that could have killed you,” Ren stated, with a hint of awe in his voice.

“I thought that at least that way I wouldn’t die a virgin, you know.”

Ren kissed him again, probably because he had nothing to say to that, and Hux didn’t mind. He pushed Ren’s shirt up, until finally Ren understood and lifted his arms, pulled the shirt off of him and threw it away. He took Ren’s hands in his own, holding them above his head. Ren linked their fingers, and Hux was torn between melting into the touch and wanting to undress Ren completely. 

Ren’s lips left Hux’s and moved to explore his jaw and throat. Hux’s back arched, and he brushed his hardening cock against Ren’s thigh. Ren chuckled against his skin and at last released his hands. Hux trailed his fingers over Ren’s skin, feeling muscles beneath, until he reached Ren’s shoulders. Ren rose onto his knees, allowing Hux to spread his fingers all over Ren’s pecs. 

“Have I told you how much I love your chest?” Hux murmured, rubbing Ren’s nipples with his thumbs. 

“Why do you think I sat up like this?” 

“You’re spoiling me.”

Ren smirked. He rolled his hips very slowly, very suggestively, and Hux’s breath hitched. Ren nodded and he quickly unbuttoned Hux’s trousers and laid his palm over Hux’s cock, hot and suggestive. Hux dropped his hands lower, and he wasn’t as slow as Ren had been. 

“On your back,” Hux commanded. He would never be able to physically make Ren roll over - the laws of physics were clearly against him there - but Ren obeyed immediately, and that made Hux feel more powerful than anything else. He pulled down Ren’s trousers and underwear in one bold motion, exposing Ren’s whole body. He was almost fully dressed himself, if a little dishevelled, and the contrast, the power imbalance, made his head spin. He caressed Ren’s lower abdomen, then slipped onto his inner thighs. Ren’s legs parted, inviting. Hux teased the root of Ren’s cock, then massaged his perineum. 

“Hand me the lube, if you’re sure about this,” Hux instructed. Ren’s whole body flexed in a funny angle as he tried to reach the nightstand. Hux was almost afraid Ren might pull a muscle in his eagerness. Ren handed him the bottle and bent his legs. Hux kissed the inside of Ren’s left knee as he got some of the lube on his fingers. 

“How long has it been?” Hux asked, circling Ren’s hole with his thumb.

“A while,” Ren admitted, “I’ve got lazy with my masturbation techniques.”

“Tell me if something’s too much,” Hux instructed and pressed the tip of his index finger inside Ren. Their gazes met then, and Hux could see guilt in Ren’s eyes, for a split second before Ren realised he was being watched. Hux knew Ren was thinking of that one time when he didn’t care if Hux got hurt. They didn’t talk about it, they hadn’t since that night, and Hux didn’t dwell on it. It came back now. Hux was surprised to learn that he didn’t care. It was liberating to realise that. He couldn’t blame Ren, he wouldn’t blame himself. Ren didn’t care about him at that time; if he were honest, he would have taken himself too were the roles reversed. And Hux himself was still half-mad and desperate, still believing there was a way to salvage the shreds, that it was the only way of saving himself. It had happened, and that was it. It was a thing of the past. Hux wouldn’t look back anymore.

He found Ren’s eyes and when he was sure he had his attention, he smiled. Resting his weight on his hand by Ren’s shoulder, Hux leaned forward to kiss him. 

“It’s okay,” he whispered. Ren’s ever expressive face displayed so many emotions Hux was sure he wouldn’t be able to name them all. 

“Thank you.”

Hux kept kissing Ren as he fingered him open. Ren quivered beneath him and Hux could almost see tension leave his body. He was sure he’d be able to watch Ren relax under his touch for hours and not get bored. He was aroused too, but there was no hurry in it, no need for a quick release. He was happy to take all the time in the world to prepare Ren properly. He would do this right, would make this as good for Ren as possible. 

“You feel so good I’m going to fall asleep,” Ren murmured against Hux’s lips. 

“How is that a compliment?”

“I don’t fall asleep easily,” Ren replied, “my mind is so quiet now.”

“Should I wake you up or just finger you until you really do fall asleep?” Hux asked. He was certain Ren was more than ready to take him; maybe he enjoyed watching Ren relax a little too much as well.

“I was just teasing you,” Ren chuckled and opened his eyes. They took a while to focus on Hux’s face. “I’m dying to take you.”

“Please don’t die,” Hux begged; it came out way more serious than he had planned. 

“I won’t,” Ren promised and used his right hand to finally free Hux’s cock from his underwear. Hux rose onto his knees and passed Ren the lube. Ren spread some of it on Hux’s cock, agonizingly slow, holding Hux’s gaze the whole time. 

“Amaze me,” Ren whispered, guiding Hux’s movements. Hux laid his lube-slick hand on Ren’s hip and he had to fight closing his eyes as he entered Ren; he didn’t want to miss a single one of Ren’s expressions. He bottomed out and waited; he could feel Ren’s pulse beneath his thumb, strong and fast. He took a deep breath and pulled out nearly to the tip, then pushed in, faster this time. Ren shifted a little beneath him. Hux moved both of his hands up Ren’s torso until he reached his armpits - Ren lifted his hands above his head, Hux pinned his wrists to the pillow. Slowly, deliberately, Hux lay on top of Ren, feeling Ren’s cock against his abdomen. 

“Hold on,” Hux whispered. Ren obeyed before he even got the chance to finish the sentence; his legs wrapped around Hux’s waist and for one wonderful moment Hux thought Ren might strangle him right there. 

Hux began to move, Ren met him halfway. They hardly broke the kiss, not even when they sped up. Hux’s ears were ringing slightly, nearly blocking out the sounds Ren made. 

They had never been this quiet during sex before; the noise made it more angry sex and less love-making, and they had been afraid to call it that. Hux wasn’t afraid now. He didn’t love Ren, but he cared about him more than about any other living being in the entire galaxy. Even the quiet love-making broke into a desperate search for release eventually when pleasure build up in Hux’s gut. He thrusted into Ren with badly paced eagerness, and Ren reacted with a firmer grip on Hux’s waist, as if afraid he might lose Hux to the momentum. 

Hux bit Ren’s lip as he came, choking on a sob. He trembled, riding out the aftershocks, and he let go of Ren’s arms to support himself. Ren took Hux’s face in his hands. Hux stilled, breathing returning to normal, blinking a few times. 

“I wish I could paint,” Ren mumbled, “I’d love to capture your expression.”

“Let me get you off, you sap,” Hux said, embarrassed.

“Why do you always have to ruin the mood,” Ren sighed but when Hux slipped out of him and moved to take Ren in his mouth, he didn’t protest. Hux closed his lips around the head of Ren’s cock, teasing the slit with his tongue, and soon he lost himself in his task, eyes closed, mind at peace. Giving head was probably his favourite sexual activity, definitely the best that didn’t lead to him getting off. Ren’s fingers clenched in his hair, pulled, and he began to shake. 

“Hux, I’m-“

Hux wrapped his hand around the base of Ren’s cock, and sucked at the head until Ren cried, exhaled and came. Hux licked and lapped until he cleaned Ren up. Then he pulled away, proud to see the thin thread of saliva hanging lewdly between his lip and the tip of Ren’s cock. It created a perfect picture in front of him. He smiled. 

Ren smiled back weakly. Hux wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and moved to lie down by Ren’s side. Ren closed his eyes; his hand found Hux’s own and their fingers linked. Hux almost didn’t breathe, afraid of disturbing the peace between them. He kept waiting for Ren to kick him out, to ask what he was still doing there. It never came. Gradually, Hux gathered the courage to rise onto his elbow and look at Ren.

“Let’s take a shower,” Ren suggested. Hux muttered noncommittally. He shouldn’t have moved. Still, he stood up and turned to leave the room, zipping up his pants.

“Would you like to join me?” Ren asked. Hux turned around with the speed of light; Ren was sitting on the bed, looking away from him, as if afraid to see his reaction. Hux smiled. 

“I’d like that a lot.”

Ren looked up. Hux walked up to him and bent down to kiss him. When they pulled away, Ren rested his head against Hux’s stomach, breathing in. Hux ran his fingers through Ren’s hair. 

“What’s happened of us, Hux?” Ren asked; Hux could feel Ren’s breath through his shirt. “Hating you was one of the only constants I had left.”

“Stop pitying yourself,” Hux said, “I’m not making a fuss about liking you either.” 

Ren laughed and looked up at Hux. Hux felt like a fool - his breath was actually taken away, like in a bad holonet romance. Ren’s eyes were beautiful enough to make that happen. 

“You always know what to say,” Ren informed him and stood up. Together, they took off Hux’s clothes. Hux hadn’t quite got over his feelings of inadequacy when faced with Ren’s physique, but if Ren had gone to such great lengths to get a chance to fuck Hux? Maybe there was something wrong with Ren’s brain, but Hux was content to be found attractive, even if he didn’t understand it. 

They spent so long in the shower that they ran out of hot water before they properly got to wash each other. Hux began to shiver and Ren actually laughed at him. Hux wanted to be mad but it was difficult when Ren wrapped his arms around him, rubbing their cocks together. Hux was too tired to get hard again, but the contact was nice, and he felt safe. Ren didn’t seem to have such a problem. Hux sneaked a hand between them and stroking Ren to completion, he felt powerful again. 

“Will you stay the night?” Ren asked afterwards, bashful. Water was still running down his chest. Hux looked him in the eye; this was a turning point. If he agreed, they would be crossing the proverbial line - it wouldn’t be just sex anymore. 

“Yes.”

…

Kylo woke up with his arm hanging off the bed. He opened his eyes and rolled over. Hux was sitting with his back to the wall, a datapad on his lap; he looked away from it and smiled. Kylo smiled back and reached out to run his fingers up Hux’s thigh poking from beneath the blanket. 

“Morning,” Hux said. 

“You still couldn’t sleep? Even with me there?” 

“I slept much better than I do alone,” Hux replied, “even with you trying to kick me off the bed.”

“Yeah. I think it wasn’t built for two people,” Kylo admitted. He rose up onto his elbows, peering at the screen in Hux’s lap, “what are you working on?”

“I wanted to know if the Republic talked about us.”

“Us?”

“The station,” Hux clicked on something and turned the screen so that Kylo could see it, “look. They’re talking about it like we blew up an entire system.”

Kylo’s eyes travelled over the text. He didn’t read everything, just the bold letters that caught his attention. It really seemed disproportionate to the importance of the station - or how easy it was to blow it up. 

“It says here that no one has claimed credit for the attack,” Kylo said, “shouldn’t we do that?”

“We’re not a terrorist organization, Ren,” Hux replied although his tone suggested that he had considered it. 

“We could be one. We could call ourselves something cool, like The Formidable Two.”

“Seriously? That’s your best idea for a cool name of our terrorist organization? I’m offended.”

“I thought you said we weren’t one,” Kylo opposed. 

“Well, we’re not, because we don’t have a name.”

“So what’s your suggestion for a cool name?” 

“Starkiller,” Hux said, solemnly, like he’d been waiting to say this his whole life. 

“Starkiller? Isn’t that what you wanted to call your Death Star replica?”

“It’s not a Death Star replica,” Hux protested, “it would be bigger, and better, and it’s no use now.”

“Okay, jokes and nostalgia aside, do you think we should announce our existence? It was just one little station.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, and I think we should blow up something else before we openly enter the world of crime.”

“You’re greedy,” Kylo chuckled. 

“I’m exhilarated.” Hux’s eyes sparkled. Kylo wished he could pretend he didn’t see it; a blink and Hux’s expression was back to normal. 

“I’m glad you found your calling.” 

…

Hux turned around just in time to notice the squad of Republican guards. They weren’t prepared to see him there, which gave him a few seconds of an advantage to shoot first. He killed two of them while wondering what they were looking for in that sector, if not him. They didn’t know he was there, and they weren’t tracking anyone. It seemed like they were there purely by chance. 

Hux didn’t believe in chances.

He checked the guards for pulse, and while he was no medical expert, he was quite certain they were dead or on their best way to become so. He stood up again and checked his chrono - he was running late. This operation was more time-sensitive than the previous one. If he weren’t on time, Ren would throw himself into the arms of certain death. And Hux had no way of contacting Ren - unless they wanted to raise suspicion and sentence the whole operation to failure. 

He went on with the plan, hoping against all hope - and evidence - that the computers would run faster than they had calculated. They did count with some delay in the plan but Hux was certain it was too late for him to rely on that. New lines of text kept rolling onto the screen and the percentage of completed labour crawled very slowly up. Too slowly. It won’t be on time. 

“Kriff!” Hux muttered. He recalled the layout of the station and set out. He ran, glancing at his chrono, his heart beating fast. He had never been one for running; he only ever passed his physical tests back at the Academy thanks to his flexibility and agility, but he barely felt his muscles work. His body moved on its own accord, and his mind was so blank it was almost scary - it felt like he was watching himself from another person’s body. He knew he couldn’t stop now or he wouldn’t be able to start moving again. 

The corridors passed by in a blur. Hux felt like he had barely started running when he reached the control room. Ren was nowhere in sight, and the door was sliding shut. Hux got his blaster out without thinking. He aimed for the wall along the door - as long as he could keep it opened, there was hope of saving Ren. He just had to get him out before it was too late- 

The door stopped moving, leaving barely a few inches of space. Yeah, that was a mistake. Hux shot at the wall where he expected the opening mechanism to be. Between shots, he could hear faint, confused noises from the room. Someone was moving there and they weren’t expecting Hux’s shooting. 

Having exhausted his ammo, Hux dropped the blaster to the ground and tried pushing against the door. His head was spinning, reminding him painfully of how much time he had lost. And Ren was there, inside, trapped with several hostiles and poisonous gas. Hux hadn’t realised that he was coughing until he remembered the gas. His eyes stung, and he was quickly losing strength. He nudged the door one last time with all his remaining strength, and it gave way underneath his weight and he nearly fell on top of Ren’s unconscious body. He supported himself on one hand, staring into the barrels of several blasters aimed at him. He heard his own pulse in his ears. 

“General Hux?” someone gasped. He didn’t find it necessary to reply as he searched for a way out of this.

“I thought he died in that explosion, with Kylo Ren.”

“Looks like he didn’t,” another voice chimed in, “Get up!” 

There was a blaster lying close to Ren - he must have dropped it as he lost consciousness and no one thought to dispose of it. Their mistake, just like their chit-chat. Hux took a deep breath and reached forward.

The air above his shoulder shimmered; another bolt barely missed his head as he moved again. With the blaster already in his hand, he silenced the shooter closest to him. He flinched in disgust as the body collapsed on top of him; another bolt grazed his arm. He shot several times, aiming for the attacker’s knees. He killed their cries of pain with quick, efficient pulls of the trigger. 

Ren was lying on the floor. His skin had a wrong colour. Hux refused to check his pulse - he was sure he wouldn’t find any either way. He grabbed the oxygen mask of the man closest to him, pulled it off his face, and put it over Ren’s nose and mouth. He wasn’t sure there was any sense to it but it gave him the time to sort his thoughts enough to plan his next move. 

Somehow, he made it into their shuttle. He couldn’t remember how he found the way, or where he got the strength to carry Ren’s dead weight, he just knew that he did. He took the shuttle away, flying at its highest speed, and a little faster. 

Only when he landed in the ship’s shuttle bay did he slow down enough to take in what happened. Once the adrenalin rush was over, he could feel the exhaustion and the pain - he found out with surprise that his arm was bleeding. He knelt down to Ren whom he had laid on the floor earlier. It took him a while - his fingers were shaking and he kept pulling away out of fear - but he found a pulse, albeit a very weak one. He hoped he wasn’t hurting Ren with keeping the mask on. He had no idea what might be hurting Ren. He had no idea how to help him. He was only ever taught to take lives, not to save them. He didn’t know, he  _ didn’t know- _

But somebody else might. Hux reached inside Ren’s pocket and found a commlink there. His fingers shook and he kept hitting wrong keys but at last, he found what he was looking for. It barely rang a few times but it felt like hours to Hux, like a knife to Ren’s chest. 

“Yes?” 

“You have to help him,” Hux blurted out, without introduction, “you have to help him, please, I don’t know how.”

“Kylo?” 

“Yes, he’s hurt, you have to come,” Hux cried, his panic tightening his windpipe. Saying it out loud somehow made it worse, more real. “I’ll send you the coordinates.”

“You do that first,” the voice said, calmly but with a tone of underlying urgency, like it wanted Hux to act fast but was afraid to say it. Well that was unnecessary. Hux knew to act fast. He scrambled to the computer to copy the coordinates, sent them.

“Did you get it?” he asked. 

“Yes,” the knight, whichever it was, replied, “now breathe with me, you need to calm down. We’re on our way.” 

“When will you be here?” 

“Soon. Please, relax. We won’t be able to help him together if you’re in shock.” It must have been Korleen, she was the only one who didn’t hate Hux and could speak. 

“Okay,” Hux mumbled, “okay, okay, okay, okay.”

“You’re not breathing.”

“I don’t know how to breathe,” Hux snapped, “it hurts.”

“Breathe with me. In,” Hux gasped, “and out,” he spat the air out like it was poisonous, “and in.”

It took him several minutes but at last he had enough wits about him to recount what had happened. Korleen didn’t interrupt him save for a couple of unfamiliar words which Hux assumed were curses. 

“Is he breathing?” she asked when he finished with the information about Ren’s pulse. He checked it again and it seemed stronger. It could just be his wishful thinking though. 

“I put one of their oxygen masks over his mouth,” he explained. 

“Oh, that’s good. Is his chest moving?” 

“How do I know?” 

“Watch him. Keep his chest at eye level.”

Hux lay down onto his stomach. He was quite sure that wasn’t what Korleen meant by keeping Ren’s chest in his eye level, but the floor was cool and welcome to his hot cheeks. It occurred to him that he might see Ren’s breathing movements better if he took his clothes off, and he almost moved to execute it when Korleen spoke again. 

“Is he breathing?” 

Hux waited until he could see several rises and falls that were definitely not figments of his imagination.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, transfixed by the small movements of Ren’s chest. He trailed his fingers up and down, lightly, like they were lying in bed and Ren was simply asleep. 

“Keep him warm and watch him. If anything unusual happens, call me. We’ll meet you in half an hour.” 

Hux thought that half an hour was not ‘soon’ as she had called it, but he didn’t find it in him to argue. He laid his arm over Ren’s waist and snuggled closer, laying his head on top of Ren’s chest. He closed his eyes, feeling the faint heartbeat, and he was calm, despite everything. He stayed motionless until the beeping of Ren’s communicator woke him up.

He reached for it, unwilling, exhausted. The adrenalin crash finally hit him - his whole body hurt and he felt like he was being woken up in the middle of a night. He groaned and picked the commlink up. 

“Uh-huh,” he muttered. 

“We’re here. I’ve requested entrance to your shuttle bay but nothing’s happening,” another knight, the mean, down to business one, probably, said. 

“That’s ‘cause I’m not by the panel,” Hux growled, “she told me to watch Ren.”

He could hear someone exhale loudly, then: “Could you stop watching him and give us the access?”

Hux stood up, feeling cold and tired, and he made his way out of the shuttle and into the hangar. He had complained before about the size of the ship but it did come handy now. He waited by the control panel until a shuttle just like their own landed smoothly. If he weren’t so tired, he’d probably feel envious of whoever was piloting but as it was, he just stared blankly, hoping he would be allowed to lie down soon.

The door of the shuttle opened and the ramp was barely down when Korleen ran towards Hux. 

“Where is he?” she called, without even saying hello. Hux motioned to the shuttle, not feeling like bothering himself with verbal communication. She sprinted inside the shuttle and Hux found himself reluctantly following. When he entered the cockpit, Korleen was already kneeling beside Ren.

“Do you know what kind of gas it was?” she asked, studying Ren’s fingertips. 

“The schematics said ‘strangler’ which I assume is a code name for something that’s supposed to stop you from breathing,” Hux replied, “hence the mask.”

“Yeah, he seems to be a little hypoxic,” she said without checking whether he understood her, “do you have a medical droid here somewhere?”

“Don’t you think I’d have it here already if we did?” Hux snapped. 

“A medical kit then?”

“There’s something here,” Hux pointed in the direction of the small box stuck to the wall, “but there’s more in the ship.”

“I’m not sure about moving him, wasn’t he hit or something?” 

“I dragged him a few hundred meters, I’m pretty sure if there was something to screw up, I already did it.”

“Very well,” Korleen stood up, “Karst, Kaex, could you please carry him to his bed?” 

Hux hadn’t noticed the knights in the room until she addressed them, but he supposed it made sense that they followed them. He was so tired and mad at them. They just barged in and took care of Ren, like Hux wasn’t even there. He  _ saved  _ Ren, did things that he was physically incapable of, and they dismissed him like this. But he just stood there, watching them leave, and he felt useless. They didn’t need him anymore. 

He followed them into the living area of the ship. He peered into Ren’s bedroom, but the number of people there made him feel sick. It seemed like if he stayed, he’d be exposed, like they’d see all the things that happened between him and Ren, like all the unspoken love-confessions will somehow become obvious. He turned around and walked back into the kitchen, where he got himself a glass of water. He leaned against the counter and sighed. 

With his eyes closed, he saw the last few hours play again in his mind. _ I thought he died in that explosion, with Kylo Ren.  _ What could they possibly mean by that. Neither he nor Ren had been around an explosion in months, unless that blown up station counted, and nobody knew it was them. Yet, it seemed to be general knowledge that he and Ren died together in an explosion. 

“You seem troubled.”

Hux looked up. Kwis, the knight who looked like a fairy, was watching him. Her gaze made Hux feel uncomfortable - her innocent appearance seemed eerie, like a disguise hiding who she really was. Hux had never admitted it to Ren, but somehow it seemed like Ren felt the same way about her. 

“They were surprised to see us there,” Hux mused, knowing that Ren trusted her and finding no rational reason not to do so too, “they thought we were dead.”

“You guys haven’t checked the news in a while, have you?” 

“We were planning this attack. We were so absorbed in it, we thought we considered everything and prepared ourselves for all possibilities, that nothing could go wrong. We barely slept and look where it got us, he’s-“ Hux’s voice had been gradually picking up until it broke, rendering him unable to finish the sentence.

“He’ll be fine,” Kwis said with a reassuring smile, “Korleen will fix him up. You did a good job.”

“I should have run faster, should have warned him, but I was too proud and thought I could make it,” Hux kept muttering. Then, remembering what started the conversation, he asked: “So what did we miss?”

“Snoke made a big show of promoting some guy to General of the First Order, and announced that he had a new apprentice because you two died. We are now fugitives, but as long as you don’t cause trouble, he won’t come after you.” 

“Cause trouble?” Hux grimaced. 

“Wait until Kylo hears about this,” Kwis told him, “he’ll want to take Snoke down.”

“Snoke’s as good as dead,” Hux promised.

…

Kylo woke up to Korleen’s big eyes watching him with worry. The second his gaze focused on her, she smiled. 

“Hey. You really scared us,” she told him. Kylo looked around her, into the faces of the knights surrounding her. Someone was missing though. 

“Where’s Hux?”

“In his room, Kwis made him lie down and get some rest.”

“He fell asleep leaning against the wall and only then allowed us to carry him away,” Karst clarified. Kylo grinned happily. 

“Is he okay then?” he asked, to make sure. 

Korleen nodded impatiently. “How are you?”

“Hungry,” Kylo said immediately, “my head hurts a little, too.” 

“Is your vision okay? Your hearing? Can you feel your whole body?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied with a slight frown, “why? What happened?” 

“Hux didn’t manage to turn off the gas defense system in time and you inhaled some of it before he managed to get you out,” Kemma said, “you were really lucky though.”

“You should give Hux some credit too,” Korleen pointed out. Kemma ignored her. 

“Can I get something to eat?” Kylo asked, “I’m really starving.”

“Sure, I’ll get you something,” Korleen said. Karst went with her. Kylo wondered what help he would be in the kitchen unless Korleen needed help with cleaning out the conservator. Kwis and Kaex exchanged some glances that Kylo couldn’t decipher, then Kaex and Klee left the room without any explanation. 

“I have some potentially upsetting news, would you like to hear it now or do you prefer blissful ignorance until you’ve had some food?” Kwis said. She had never been one for sugarcoating things, but this was very blunt even for her. 

“I suppose I don’t have much choice,” Kylo shrugged.

“You have all the choices in the world. But one is better than the others.”

“Fine, tell me now.”

“Snoke has a new apprentice and he told everyone that you and Hux are dead.”

“You really know how to soften the blow, huh?” Kylo asked and sat up. 

“I’m sorry, but l don’t see any reason for that. I also already told Hux all this so I may have left out some of the unnecessary filling,” Kwis explained, “but really what happened is you’re dead now and I don’t think Snoke will appreciate you showing up somewhere.”

“He didn’t even bother with killing me,” Kylo muttered, “that’s so insulting.”

Kwis raised an eyebrow, probably to indicate that she thought he should go back to lying in bed. Kylo ignored her. He tried to stand up, but she drew the line there, laying a hand on top of Kylo’s shoulder. 

“Stay where you are,” Kwis said with a frown, “unless you want to deal with Korleen.”

Kylo leaned back against the wall again, defeated. 

“What did Hux say?” he asked instead.

“Hux is ready to clean Snoke’s skull and drink wine from it.”

“That’s very graphic and quite disturbing,” Kylo pointed out, “but I’m glad he’s enthusiastic.”

“He’s all for killing people, it would seem. So I assume you mean to get rid of Snoke.”

“I should have done that long ago. None of this mess would have happened if I did.”

“You also wouldn’t have slept with Hux,” Kwis reminded him. Kylo’s cheeks turned red. Kwis always knew what to say to hit the right spot, “and fallen in love with him.”

“Maybe I would,” he countered, “you can’t say that.” 

“Maybe. It doesn’t matter. We should start preparing a plan. Snoke is not naive or stupid enough to believe you will be dead just because he wants you to be.”

“Let’s wait for Hux before we plan anything,” Kylo said, “and have some food, I’m really starving.”


	12. The End of the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost forgot to post this again, I'm so stressed about school and spend all the time studying that I have no idea what day it is lol. Anyways we're headed for the ending of the story, thanks to everyone who's still here with me on this journey.

Hux’s fingers danced over the keyboard. Figures appeared on the screen faster than he could read them; there was a droplet of sweat trickling down the back of his neck. He was wrestling a firewall he helped design, and it was taking him longer than he had expected. He supposed it was a good thing, it meant that the First Order had done a good job putting the security measures up, but it still frustrated him. He needed that information. He hadn’t slept three nights in a row and there was only so much caf he could process without throwing up. And all this time, this poor excuse of a General leered at the Finalizer like it was his, like he had any right to it. Hux would find out what made him entitled to it if it killed him, but he still hoped it wouldn’t be necessary. 

The picture this man’s presence left on the holonet was of a pitifully average man of his age. A son of an Imperial Lieutenant or another, he attended the Academy with grades that never deviated from the middle value, and afterwards existed in the ranks of the First Order, rising steadily thanks to what Hux had to assume was stolen credit. Perhaps the man really did have one talent after all. Hux smirked viciously when he realised the man appeared to be much younger than he truly was - Hux had still been several years younger when he was promoted to General. And that was for hard work. A not so thorough digging revealed the General’s inclination for Twi’lek porn that could only be considered legal in a very liberal point of view. That was the moment when Hux lost all doubts of the invalidity of the General’s promotion. 

The firewall found another detour to take Hux on and he followed, poking at the defences. Every now and then he recognised his own workmanship and it filled him with pride. It would probably be sentimental to think his work would still be there long after he was dead, yet he kept telling himself that anyway. He supposed he had a right to a little comfort after his world fell apart.

The thing was, he had known that he wouldn’t go back to being a General for a while. Snoke wouldn’t have allowed it after the incident Hux barely remembered, especially since Hux decided to stay with Ren after losing his powers. At the time, it seemed impossible to untie himself from Ren, impossible to let go and face the terrors alone. It was too late to go back now. He had chosen, even if the choice wasn’t exactly conscious, and he would bear the consequences. But this was too much. Hux felt offended to be replaced by someone who seemed to be as average as asteroids. There were millions of men like him in the galaxy. That was why Hux still kept searching - to find something, anything, that would explain it.

Finally, the infrastructure of the network unfolded itself, defeated by his resilience. Hux barely acknowledged it and set out to work. If it weren’t there, in the Order’s most important database, it wouldn’t be anywhere. Hux wasn’t sure what he’d do if he came out empty handed. 

He had to take a break after several hours. His back hurt and his eyes refused to stay open any longer. He saved the progress he had made without turning the computer off, and he stumbled to the refresher to take a quick shower and drink some water to rehydrate himself. He almost fell asleep there, resting against the wall, warmth running down his body. He only made himself step out when the water turned cold. 

He made his way to Ren’s bedroom, fastening the belt of a bathrobe around his waist. He had been sleeping in Ren’s bed the past few days - there was no spoken agreement to this but ever since the night after the first station, he kept coming back. There could hardly be any talk of the two of them going to bed together, considering Hux’s sleeping pattern, but he came to lie down beside Ren anyway. 

Ren stirred slightly when Hux moved the blanket to slip underneath. For a while, Hux thought  Ren would wake up; he wished for it to happen. All of a sudden, in the middle of an artificial night, light years away from any civilization, he felt viscerally, painfully lonely. The realization of his own insignificance, of the futility of his entire life, overwhelmed him. He sobbed, cold tears trickled down his cheeks towards his ears. He let them fall until the sensation was unbearable, then he turned onto his side and wrapped his arms around Ren, holding onto him like a child would onto a beloved stuffed animal, letting his tears soak into Ren’s shirt.

...

Kylo listened to Hux’s monologue, desperately holding back a moan. Hux had been ranting for over thirty minutes and it didn’t seem like he would be stopping anytime soon. Kylo wished there was a way to shake Hux and tell him: “You’re pissed. I get it, I really do, let’s go punch people.” But there wasn’t. All rational thinking left Hux; Kylo was talking to an expressionless face of someone haunted. 

Hux had lost some weight again and the grip of his bony fingers had gotten painful. They hadn’t had sex for several days; Kylo started to question whether the several blissful nights they had had together weren’t just an illusion, something his mind came up with to protect itself from breaking. It certainly felt that way. 

It hurt to see Hux so lost again. In a way, it was worse than when Hux had been completely unhinged, dreaming of conquering the galaxy, and not only because this time Kylo actually cared about him. Hux’s obsession was terrifying to watch for a plethora of reasons. When he was a boy, Kylo had witnessed an epileptic seizure. It was a minor one and the person affected recovered very soon, but the image stayed with young Ben for weeks - every unfamiliar noise made him imagine another person tossing fitfully. This felt almost the same, except this time he wasn’t making it up. 

“Ren, are you listening to me? This is important,” Hux exclaimed, voice shrill but eyes empty, cold. 

“I’ve been listening to you for days. I know all this. You haven’t shut up about it. I know.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for having a problem. I had the impression that you somehow cared,” Hux snapped. 

“I do care. I’m trying to come up with a solution. But you’re not listening to me.”

“ _ I’m _ not listening to  _ you _ .”

“You’re not. Look,” Kylo stood up and walked slowly over to Hux, one hand raised as if he was approaching a wild animal. “I know that you’re upset. And I know you think that I don’t care about you. But that’s not true. Please, listen to me.” 

Hux glared, slapped Kylo’s outstretched hand away and resumed his presentation, staring blankly at the screen. 

…

Hux was watching the spurious General’s first speech for maybe the hundredth time. He had zoomed in to see the man’s expression, trying to see cleverness that he hadn’t noticed before, absent-mindedly chewing onto a piece of cheese. He could hear someone talk in the adjoining rooms but he ignored them for the sake of his research. 

He had memorized the speech many days ago, after the third viewing. It was bland, the words simple, worth of a school child's vocabulary. He didn’t watch it with the sound on anymore in an attempt to concentrate exclusively on the man’s expressions. 

“You’re better than him, you know that, right?” Kwis came out of nowhere, like she always did, and leaned against the table by Hux’s side. Hux looked up, startled. 

“Am I?” he asked, “Because if that’s true, why is this man talking to my troops?”

“Because you’re not there to talk to them yourself?” she phrased it like a question, as if she didn’t know everything. “Snoke needs the Order viable enough to be usable as a decoy. And you’re not around anymore. What did you expect? That the soldiers would mutiny for you?”

Hux was shocked and humiliated. He had never worded it that way, obviously, but he couldn’t deny that he did expect something of the sort. It sounded silly, when he actually thought about it. And if he put his wounded pride aside, he had to admit this was what he wanted for the First Order. To keep working hard, no matter the losses. He just didn’t feel comfortable being the loss. 

“I don’t want Snoke to use the First Order as a decoy. It’s not his to play with,” Hux said.

“Isn’t it? Because it sure seems like it,” she said, with a disinterested shrug. Hux was almost certain the disinterest was faked, but he couldn’t prove it.

“It’s  _ not _ ,” Hux growled, “the First Order is here to fight for the oppressed, for those the New Republic conveniently left out of their plans.”

“I don’t think Snoke is there for it,” she said, “I’d almost say he’s against it.”

She left before he had a chance to respond, to sort her words out. He stared at the footage on his datapad playing out grotesquely in front of him. At last, he turned it off and crossed his arms on his chest. 

“-persuade him. We wouldn’t even lie, just make him see things our way. The General is just a decoy. He doesn’t matter.” Was that Ren? Hux supposed it was, his voice and cadence was difficult to confuse. It drew Hux in, always did, like a lightbulb would a fly. He hated it and tried to resist, but it was futile - he had found comfort in it too many times by now. 

“This is just a new phrasing of the old argument, Kylo. We can solve literally all of these problems if we just leave him here. He doesn’t even want to go!”

“I want him there. I don’t know why, but I know that I need him, just like I need all of you,” Ren said, “you’ve always trusted my judgement before. I beg you, please do it now.”

Hux found the idea of someone always trusting Ren’s judgement frightening. Ren admittedly had some good ideas and was a good strategist, but he couldn’t be right all the time. Nobody could. Hux learnt that the hard way. Still, Ren’s insistence on taking Hux with him because he could be useful - because Ren  _ needed  _ him - uncoiled something inside Hux.

“I don’t think he could be helpful. Apart from being pretty, I suppose, although I don’t see how that could be beneficial to the mission in any way.”

Hux wondered whether he should feel offended - he was just called useless.

“Don’t. Question. Me.” Ren’s voice sent shivers down Hux’s spine. 

“Perhaps you should ask him if he could be useful.” 

Hux knew Kwis had pushed him to this but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t be left behind when Ren was going to fight Snoke, the man who tricked Hux into believing a mediocre General was the one taking Hux’s life away.

...

Kylo was tired and fed up with all the quarreling. While they sat around and yelled at each other, Snoke was no doubt coming up with a plan to destroy them. They had never been this discordant before - as if Kylo’s servitude to Snoke was what held them together. Kylo had to wonder what would happen to his little found family if they managed to actually get rid of Snoke. 

Hux joining the mission was a topic of an especially ardent discussion. Karst and Kemma were firmly against it, Kaex offered a series of gruesome mental pictures that Kylo wished he hadn’t seen, meaning that it didn’t matter whether Hux went or not because they’d all die nonetheless, Klee put the same sentiment into words although they added that they thought if there were eight of them instead of seven, their chances might be slightly less abysmal. Korleen proved herself to be a hopeless romantic when she said Kylo and Hux shouldn’t be separated, Kwis gave an enigmatic response which left so much space for interpretation that both parties considered her to be on their side. Kylo didn’t have a good reason for why he wanted Hux to go with. Reasonably, it was a risk not worth taking. But something told him Hux would be crucial to the fight. Kemma had spent the last few days convincing him that he was wrong. 

Kwis’s words surprised him. Hux hadn’t been very fond of the idea of joining them, if only because it seemed to him like a waste of time he could spend otherwise. Yet, Kwis made it sound like Hux would actually agree with him this time. 

He opened his mouth to ask Kwis what she meant but Hux barged inside the room before he could. 

“Yes, Ren, perhaps you should ask the most talented strategist in the First Order how he could be useful to your little crusade,” Hux said. 

Hux looked different. The determined, slightly mad glimmer was still in his eyes but it seemed subdued, like he had found a way to tame it. Kylo exchanged looks with Kwis who just shrugged, minding her own business.

“And what does First Order’s brightest strategist have to offer to me?” 

Hux smiled stiffly: “Dedication.”

Kylo raised his hand to shut up Kemma who was taking a breath to say something snappy, no doubt. 

“Dedication to the cause is just what we might need,” he said. Hux nodded and walked over to the table between them. There were several sheets with sketches of the layout of Snoke’s fortress - or at least what they could remember of it. Hux studied it for a while. 

“How many of us are there?” he asked at last, tracing a line with a fingertip. 

“Seven of us, and you,” Kemma spat before Kylo got to answer. 

“Okay, that could work,” he nodded, as if he had already devised a plan, “I hope you’re at least half as good fighters as Ren.”

“You know, we’re technically all Ren,” Kemma said, “and yes, we’re not useless.”

Kylo knew the useless remark was to piss Hux off but it looked like he didn’t even notice. 

“Not useless is not the most impressive score you could offer but I suppose I’ll have to make do with what I have,” Hux replied. Kylo saw Kemma purse her lips and he smiled. He’d missed Hux who put his intellect into sarcasm rather than monstrous revenge plans. “How accurate are these numbers?”

“I think we can rely on them,” Kylo said, “unless Snoke has a second line of defense that I never noticed before. But I think the people are not our greatest problem. The place is riddled with the Force and Snoke will bend everything to his will.”

“And there’s his toy apprentice too,” Hux remarked, “how much of a problem will he pose?”

“Hopefully not much,” Kwis said, “Korleen and I tried to find who he is. He’s not bad with the Force but he’s untrained. We’ll deal with him.” 

“In that case, let’s start planning.”

The rest of the day went by in a whirlwind of suggestions getting shot down and dissected until no one could find any flaws in them. Kylo’s head was buzzing by the time Korleen made them stop and get something to eat. Nevertheless, after days of idle arguments, they were finally moving forward, all thanks to Hux miraculously coming to his senses. Kylo kept expecting him to break down and go back to his obsession with the General, but Hux endured. 

Kemma reluctantly accepted Hux’s new position in their little group, but Karst kept glaring at him, apparently held back from attacking Hux only by Kylo’s stern expression. It didn’t matter. As long as they could work out a way for both of them to take part in the mission without needing to trust each other, they didn’t have to address it. 

“I’m glad to have you back,” Kylo told Hux as they ate some vegetable dish Kaex had put together. 

“Don’t be fooled, I’m still crazy,” Hux replied, and it didn’t sound entirely like a joke. 

“Does that mean I won’t have to fall asleep alone?” 

“I’m so exhausted I’ll be good for absolutely nothing,” Hux sighed, “I have to catch up on at least twenty hours of sleep.”

“I didn’t mean sex,” Kylo said, surprising himself when he realized he meant it. “We can just fall asleep together. Maybe spoon a little.”

“That sounds terrifyingly romantic,” Hux chuckled, “let’s do that.”

Kylo smiled and squeezed Hux’s knee. Hux leaned into his space so that their arms occasionally brushed each other. When they finally finished their food - Hux was an extremely slow eater - they were alone in the ship’s kitchen. The knights had retreated to either the spare room or their own ship. Hux leaned forward and nuzzled Kylo’s neck. 

“Let’s take a shower, I’m so stiff I can barely move,” Hux mumbled. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to keep your hands off me in a shower?” Kylo teased and Hux’s hand slipped under his shirt, resting - a little colder than was comfortable - on Kylo’s underbelly. 

“No,” Hux admitted, “how could I? Look at you and your… everything.”

“I always loved your eloquence,” Kylo chuckled, “let’s go.”

They stayed under the shower spray for way too long, but Hux wrapped around him, looking smaller than he was in his vulnerability was worth all the trouble of using up all of the water again. Kylo petted his hair and they barely stopped kissing each other, Hux’s lips slow but soft. When they turned the water off at last, Kylo dried Hux with a big towel and wrapped him in it. Hux stood naked, tufts of hair that were finally growing out tangled and stuck out in all directions, bare feet curling on the cold floor. Kylo put on a fresh shirt and underwear and combed his own hair before turning back to Hux who stood there, waiting for him. 

Kylo picked him up bridal style - Hux barely weighed anything - and a pair of slender arms wrapped themselves around his neck. He laid Hux on his back on the bed but the grasp didn’t go away. 

“Let me go, I need to find you some clothes,” he said. Hux whimpered. 

“Stay.”

Defeated by the power of Hux’s argument, Kylo gave up and collapsed on top of Hux. Hux pressed their lips together again, and they kissed sloppily until even that proved too exhausting for Hux and they rolled over. Kylo felt at peace when Hux’s heat pressed against his back. At peace and invincible.

...

Hux could feel the nervous buzz in the air even without the Force. Ren hadn’t slept at all during the night, which Hux knew because he had woken up several times himself. Around 0400 he gave up on trying to go back to sleep. Ren was fidgeting, his fingers shaking as they ran up and down the bare skin of Hux’s thigh. They didn’t talk - there was nothing to talk about. They’d discussed their plans too many times before and they couldn’t bear it anymore but they couldn’t make their minds shut up about it. Hux refused to have sex before the mission, feeling suddenly superstitious. 

“It would feel like a goodbye,” he had whispered against Ren’s cheek, “I don’t want it to be a goodbye.”

He wished Ren would tell him that this wasn’t a goodbye, that they’ll get rid of Snoke and have celebratory sex over his corpse - well maybe not that. But Ren stayed silent and simply nodded, shifting his weight to look at Hux. Hux came to the realization that he didn’t like it when Ren was silent. 

Now he wished he’d let Ren take him when he still could. They were preparing for take-off, all of the knights wearing sullen expressions, and Hux felt sick to the stomach, his chest constricted until he was worried if he was breathing sufficiently. He had checked and cleaned all his blasters several times, but he was about to start taking them apart again. 

“Hux, it’s time,” Ren said, letting his hand linger on Hux’s shoulder a little longer than necessary. Hux nodded, put the blaster back together and followed Ren into the transporter the knights came in. They had left Ren’s ship on a small backwater planet they hoped was sufficiently far away from Snoke’s citadel to go unnoticed. The transporter was small and Hux could feel the knights’ eyes on himself. He knew he was considered an intruder there, even by those who weren’t opposed to him going with them. Maybe they agreed simply because they hoped he’d die there. He vowed not to give them the pleasure. 

The journey was longer than any other Hux had ever undertaken. He was biting his lip so hard that he tasted blood about halfway through and he kept picking at it, the pain giving him something to focus on instead of his fear. 

The screens around them kept flickering and buzzing, spewing the occasional spark here and there. He had never seen Ren do that - not that Ren never broke anything, but it had always been intentional before. He must have been really nervous to let his control slip like that. Hux reached his hand to Ren who took it without a word, gripping it just a little too tightly. 

The flickering finally stopped when they arrived to the system of Snoke’s planet and all the knights had to concentrate on concealing their ship from anyone who might want to ask them where they were headed. Hux stared at his and Ren’s joined hands and wished he could somehow help them, help this mismatched little family that was all he had left. This way, the closest thing to a feeling of being helpful was pretending that he was an anchor for Ren. He bit his lip not to think about that. 

They breached atmosphere without being fired at. Hux considered it an achievement, but it didn’t last very long. Ren let go of his hand to concentrate fully on piloting; it was white and clammy, and Hux immediately missed Ren’s fingers.

Hux wished he hadn’t been so terrified to fully appreciate Ren’s impressive piloting skills. He knew enough about ships to understand that the stunts Ren pulled effortlessly, making them appear as simple as breathing, were extremely difficult. He supposed he learned a new thing about Ren every day. 

They managed to land almost unscathed, but quickly found themselves surrounded. The size of the party of Snoke’s crimson guards was more or less what Hux would expect it to be if the numbers they had were correct. The knights took their lightsabers, Kemma and Korleen had blasters attached to their backs, Kwis held an elegant weapon that reminded Hux of old Arkanisian stories of elves and fairies. Ren only had his lightsaber - the haphazard broken thing, beautiful, deadly and always on the brink of destruction. Hux couldn’t imagine Ren with any other weapon even though Ren had got quite good with blasters. No, blasters were for ordinary operations - blowing up Resistance stations, killing random soldiers who didn’t matter. Today was not a day for blasters. Snoke was not to be killed by a blaster. 

The knights had put on their masks while Hux was pondering the merits of weapons. Hux was disappointed to see Ren had disappeared behind his own mask too. Hux hadn’t seen it in ages and he almost forgot how much he hated it; he used to hate it because it embodied Ren to him, and he had hated Ren. Now he hated it because it represented a barrier between them, one that he wouldn’t be able to surmount. 

Ren nodded, the knights replied with a nod of their own and turned to the exit door. Ren took Hux by the arm and pulled him aside, away from the door. Hux’s heart was beating in his throat now, his face on fire. He wished he had a mask of his own. 

The door opened and hell broke loose. Blaster bolts hit the ramp, one ended up burning a hole through the panelling of the wall. Hux wanted to hold onto Ren and never let go. He wished - selfishly - that he and Ren wouldn’t have to go out there, that it would be over before they’d have to take part. He didn’t move or say anything though, and when Ren nodded, he followed him outside through the second, smaller door. 

As per expectation, they sneaked past the guards unnoticed. Hux didn’t look back to see how many knights or guards were still fighting. They walked fast towards the citadel towering in the distance. Hux had seen the plans made by Ren and some of the others, he knew the size of the place, but it still didn’t prepare him for the sight. If he were to choose one word to describe it, it would probably be eerie. It loomed above the valley like a shadow, its edges blurred as if it was constantly changing shape. It gave Hux a headache, reminding him of the first night in the Force house. He must have slowed down or otherwise make his feelings apparent because Ren stopped and looked at him. 

“I know,” he said, his voice changed by the vocoder. That thing made it difficult to believe Ren was still there. 

Hux wanted to tell Ren about his fear, about the pressure on his chest, but it would just make him sound like a whiny coward so he swallowed it and picked up a pace. 

“Kemma says they got rid of the guards and are making their way towards us,” Ren said a while later when they were close enough to see that the shimmering edges of the building were actually there and not just a figment of Hux’s imagination. His head spun, pain throbbing in his temples, spreading into his jaw and forehead. Tears ran down Hux’s cheeks for no reason and he actually felt like throwing up. It was difficult to keep going - he breathed deeply, not daring to open his mouth, and stared at the ground in front of him to stay focused. Ren’s words woke him from his carefully fabricated trance and he stumbled.

“Are you feeling sick?” Ren asked. Hux was glad that he didn’t ask if he was okay - he would have thrown up in that case. Hux nodded, regretting that immediately when pain radiated into his teeth. A new wave of tears rose to his eyes. 

“You should go back,” Ren said, uncertain. It seemed like he thought Hux should do that but he knew Hux would disagree. 

“No,” Hux mumbled, taking a deep breath as his stomach turned, “I want to see him die.”

Ren nodded and wrapped an arm around Hux’s waist, supporting his weight. It didn’t help Hux’s nausea but it did calm him down a little. He could hear Ren talk to some of the knights but he blocked the words out, concentrating on the low hum of his blood in his ears and the soft crunching of the ground beneath their feet. It seemed too loud, the colours a little bright. He supposed this was the Force playing another trick on him. That filled him with rage. This whole business with the Force was all Snoke’s fault. All of it was Snoke’s fault. 

The fury seemed to clear his head. He felt lighter, as if he had left his body behind and ascended. He checked whether he still had his corporeal form because he didn’t feel it properly. Ren was still holding him but he didn’t need it anymore. He could run a marathon now. 

They reached the citadel. Hux saw it clearly now and it wasn’t even half as intimidating as it seemed from the distance. In fact, it was barely more than a pathetic piece of rock with a very boring view. It had to be very cold and dark inside - not a particularly desirable place to live, if you asked Hux. Ren closed his eyes and focused, looking for a passageway hidden in the Force. Hux watched him intently.

Ren pointed at a spot in the wall. Hux nodded and they waited for a signal from the knights. 

It took less time than Hux had expected - they must have walked faster than he and Ren. Ren nodded and they stepped back. Ren closed his eyes again. Hux felt the Force stir around him, drawing him inside. The air shimmered and suddenly it seemed like the rock was translucent - Hux could see the layers in which it had sedimented throughout millions of years. And then, finally, it was gone, replaced by an opening inside the mountain.

They didn’t need the verbal confirmation from Kemma to know that the knights managed to attract the attention of the guards. Ren’s jaw twitched just a little, Hux couldn’t tell if the information he got was good or bad and he was afraid to ask. 

Ren led the way inside, Hux following suit. The tunnel was narrow and dark - Hux walked with his head bent, afraid of hitting the ceiling. The hum in his ears intensified, his heart a steady flutter against his ribs. The darkness around them was oppressive and cold; Hux’s breath came in little puffs of mist. His trembling fingers were cold and numb as he held onto his blaster. Some sort of whisper rolled over inside his mind, never reaching his ears. He could feel goosebumps prickle his skin, painful against the long sleeves of his tunic. A sense of insidious crawling dread crept into his stomach and settled there. He wished to ask Ren if he could hear it too but he was afraid of disrupting Ren’s concentration. 

Something small slipped past his foot - a mouse? He hoped it was a mouse. A screech came from afar and Hux jerked, reflexively raising his hands to the level of his face. The fingertips of his left grazed something slimy and he yelped. Ren turned around way faster than was humanly possible. 

“You okay?” Ren whispered. Hux was frantically rubbing his hand against the fabric of his trousers, his stomach turning. His breathing was too fast to be effective and echoed loudly in the enclosed space. 

“Con-hhh-tinue,” he gasped, covering his mouth with the crook of his elbow to try to control his breath again. 

Ren turned and set out again. A few paces ahead they reached an intersection. Hux straightened his back and looked around. The whispering came from the tunnel on his right. The idea of going there made the hair on the back of his head stand up. He knew that was their destination even before Ren turned to it. His headache came back, blinding, and the whispering grew louder. He could distinguish words now, even if they made no sense to him. The language was odd, impossible to pronounce for humans, full of deep crepitating sounds that shook Hux to the bone. Hux knew the words. He couldn’t translate them, couldn’t even say where they came from, but he knew them. 

Another intersection. Hux didn’t wait for Ren to decide where to go - somehow, he knew the way, and the sooner they were done here, the sooner the voice will shut up. Ren followed him without questions - or maybe Hux didn’t hear him over the grumble in his head. It was growing louder again, at the brink of being unbearable. The corridor was wider and higher there and they walked faster. A drop of something cold fell right onto the crown of Hux’s head, trickling down towards his neck. He shuddered, resisting the urge to look up to see the source. As they went on, the droplets fell more frequently, their temperature rising. One of them fell onto Hux’s nose. He wiped it off with the back of his hand before it could fall. When he pulled his hand away, there was a smear of scarlet on it. 

_ Blood.  _

Someone -  _ Snoke  _ \- was trying to keep them away by dropping blood on them. Pathetic. Hux had been a General of the First Order, he wouldn’t be intimidated by the sight of blood. He marched forward, steps echoing bluntly. Blood trickled down his forehead, his nose, seeped into his clothes. He didn’t slow down, or check if Ren was still following him. The noise in his mind told him he was getting close, close close  _ close _

_ A scream of fury, of hatred. Darkness. Cold. Cold. Tired. Must hurry, must get up. Must fight. Up is down, down is up, the ground is moving, nothing is as it seems. There, there, there, after the screams, silence the screams, away, away with them, kill them kill them kill- _

_ … _

Several things happened at the same time. Kylo didn’t have time to wonder if they were somehow connected - something threw him off-balance, his ears ringing, Hux collapsed onto the ground with his hands pressed to his ears, the ceiling collapsed a mere foot in front of him. Kylo took two deep breaths to steady himself before he got up and walked over to Hux lying on the ground. Kylo had expected him to be unconscious but Hux was already moving, muttering something incomprehensible. Kylo offered his hand to help him stand up and Hux took it. His skin was too hot, especially for someone in this environment. Kylo reached forward to touch Hux’s brow but his hand got batted away. Hux turned towards the pile of rocks blocking their way and started clawing at it. 

“Stop it!” Kylo yelled but, as he feared, it was useless. Hux was lost again, deaf to the world outside of his fury. Kylo stopped to think about the situation; he closed his eyes, blocking out the disturbing sounds of Hux breaking his nails on the rocks, and tried to see beyond the wall, to find alternative paths around it. The rock seemed to be completely intact, flawless, as if there was no hollow inside. Kylo frowned and pushed harder against it. Snoke had to be there. They were close, so so close, so where was he?!

“Hux, stop! It’s a trick!” Kylo cried, trying to pull Hux away from the rock. His blood was feeding the illusion, making it more solid, more difficult to tear down. Hux didn’t hear him. Kylo tried to pull him away, but found that he couldn’t; Hux must have worked himself up into a frenzy, so full of adrenalin that he became way stronger than he should physically be. Kylo reached into Hux’s mind to quiet him down, but he was forced to retreat immediately. Hux’s mind, usually so organized and cool, burned and blistered. There was no way Kylo would be able to move him. 

Desperate, knowing they were running out of time, Kylo did something he had never even attempted before - he envisioned Hux’s heart and willed it to slow down. Hux’s body fought him but finally, finally, he won and Hux stopped scratching the rocks with his bloody fingers, breathing too fast. Kylo caught him into a tight embrace and released his hold on Hux’s heart, not willing to risk any more. He held onto Hux but it was unnecessary - Hux loosened up in his grip like a ragdoll. Kylo picked him up and walked to the heap of rocks. He closed his eyes not to be deceived by what he saw - he held a picture in his head instead. After what he considered twice the distance that he’d need to walk, he opened his eyes. The rocks were nowhere to be found. 

Kylo put Hux down. The second his feet touched the ground, Hux started shaking, vibrating, and before Kylo could catch him, he ran off. Kylo followed him, hoping that the tunnels wouldn’t crumble again. While he was certain that the rocks were just in his head, he wasn’t entirely convinced that they wouldn’t kill them. 

Light began creeping up into the tunnel, glinting on Hux’s blaster, on the walls. Snoke could be behind any corner now and there was no way Kylo could catch Hux. 

The tunnel ended abruptly behind a curvature. Kylo stopped just outside of the room and stared in terror as Hux’s body flew across the floor. Paralyzed, heart racing, Kylo took a deep breath and stepped onto the polished floor, posture as composed as he could manage. He ignited his lightsaber, focusing on the whirring of the Force around it, on the weight. 

“Kylo Ren,” Snoke said, his voice rasping and coarse like sandpaper, “you’ve kept me waiting.”

Kylo closed his eyes and lowered his lightsaber, drew the Force closer to him, let it fill him until his blood sang its song. 

“You pathetic little boy,” Snoke sneered. Kylo looked up. “You can never beat me.” 

Kylo charged. As he expected, Snoke pushed against him. Kylo stood his ground, the Force a solid wall between him and his former teacher. Unsurmountable. But Kylo never planned on climbing over it. 

_ I am one with the Force. _

He didn’t even know how he knew this saying. He thought his mother might have recited it to him when he wouldn’t calm down after a nightmare. 

_ The Force is with me. _

It was supposed to be a motto of some Rebellion hero or another. Kylo didn’t care. It was his now. 

_ I am one with the Force. _

His mother had such a lovely voice. Nobody in the whole galaxy had a voice quite like his mother.

_ The Force is with me. _

He pushed Snoke’s defense back, inch by inch, until he walked through it. But there was always another one, stronger, taller, firmer, waiting for him to waste his energy. In a single heartbeat, Kylo turned around and ran away from Snoke, the wall following him. Right before he hit the wall, he spun around and slashed at it. It gave way, and he glimpsed Snoke’s smirk before the Force trapped him again. He fought it, mind and body, but he knew it wouldn’t be enough. He was already exhausted. There was no way he would beat Snoke, even if he managed to get past all his defences. Snoke was ancient. He had been hiding in the shadows for centuries while the Sith lurked in hiding, waiting for their chance for power. He had been hidden when Chancellor Palpatine proclaimed himself Emperor. He had been there, scheming, growing in strength, preparing for attack. He had been patient for hundreds of years and now he finally revealed himself to the galaxy. Now, when he was certain of his own invincibility. 

It was the realization of the futility of his actions rather than the violet lightning that brought Kylo to his knees; his mask broke into splinters and clattered on the floor. He hit his kneecaps so hard he was afraid they’d snap in half, the pain blinding him for a while. There was other pain too, somewhere, but he didn’t know how to locate it or describe it anymore. His lightsaber had rolled out of his hand, denting the floor in the process. 

Snoke laughed. It was an unpleasant sound that filled Kylo with disgust and dread, dulled by Kylo’s consciousness slipping away from him. He breathed hard, trying to stop himself from throwing up.

“Foolish boy. Did you think your little party could beat me?” Snoke asked. The barriers between them fell, probably to mock Kylo. His target was so close, exposed, not paying attention. If only he could  _ move- _

“You’ve spent too much time with your little loverboy, I suppose,” Snoke went on, “you believed that life is a fairy tale.”

Kylo crawled, slowly but certainly. Maybe if he kept Snoke entertained and made him keep talking, he might-

“Boy, boy, boy, always thinking you’re ahead of me, as if I hadn’t predicted all your actions years ago,” Snoke said, “You’ve served me well, Kylo Ren, I must say that. You have carried out the dreadful field work tasks I wouldn’t have been able to perform myself. But just like all other tools, you have lost your utility with time.” 

“So I am a wrench that’s surpassed its expiration date?” Kylo muttered, more to himself than Snoke.

“More or less,” Snoke agreed, “Although I must admit I have not been completely honest with you. You have surprised me once. When you presented me with the perfect way of disposing of both you and General Hux. I did not see that coming, even if that may stem from my poor comprehension of human mating rituals. It had never occurred to me that you had any interest in him until you asked me to grant you permission to perform that ritual. That was truly amusing, I admit.”

Kylo’s head spun, his vision blurring, black spots dancing across his field of vision. He couldn’t take a breath properly. 

“He’s your doom. I suppose you know this by now. You truly are a weak boy too full of emotions if you fall in love with a lab rat, with someone you hate. How does it even happen? One day you’re on top of the world, right hand to the most powerful being in the whole galaxy, and the next you’re on your knees, defiling yourself with a freak of nature.”

“Not a freak,” Kylo croaked.

“Oh, are you sure? Person so strong in the Force that the Force decided to spare the world the catastrophe he could unleash? That sounds like a freak to me,” Snoke said, pensive, as if he had actually given this a thought, “And look at you, you, once powerful, and now you can’t even move, all because you fell in love. Doesn’t that make you angry?”

Kylo closed his eyes, focusing on his emotions. Anger had always been Snoke’s favorite, anger followed by hatred, but Kylo had never been very good at hatred. Anger though, anger he knew. Anger was what kept him going for years. Kylo Ren was born of anger. 

But he wasn’t angry now. 

He was tired, and terrified. And he was proud, proud because he had made it this far. He beat Snoke - he beat him when he turned away from him. Snoke may act like he didn’t care for him, but he wouldn’t have put so much time and effort into Kylo’s training if he didn’t need him. He beat Snoke.

“It doesn’t,” he said simply, “I don’t want your anger anymore.”

“I see you prefer pain. I won’t take your choice away,” Snoke drawled, raising his hand. Kylo understood his intention a second too late - the lightning already hit Hux, making his body convulse like in a seizure.

With the last remaining bits of energy Kylo jumped forward, shielding Hux’s body with his own. 

_ Not Hux, not Hux, please not Hux. Please not Hux, please please please _

Warmth settled in Kylo’s stomach and spread, filling him with a feeling that was somewhere between lying down into a warm bed after a long day and sexual completion, a feeling so viscerally good he gave himself to it, jumped into its arms. It had been waiting for him, pushed away, rejected and unwanted but always waiting, always hopeful, always knowing a time would come when he’d summon it back. 

He raised his right hand. It hurt, it hurt so much that he wished he was dead, it hurt so much that he couldn’t believe that he was still conscious. But he had to be, for Hux, for the idea of Hux, for the uncertain but strong emotion that belonged to Hux and Hux alone. 

_ Love. _

A terrible shriek pierced the air but he couldn’t hear it anymore. Then, it was gone. The scream, the hatred, the pain. 

All gone. 


	13. Ressurection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last chapter, guys! There will be a short epilogue to follow on Thursday but the story is pretty much wrapped up here. Thank you to everyone who's joined me on this ride, and thanks everyone for leaving a comment, they mean the world to me, every single one of them!

Hux ran the test for the fifth time. It would have to work this time. He had no idea what could be wrong anymore - he had checked the isolation of the wires, the polarity of the energy, the connection between the source and the effectors. Stars, he even took it apart and put it back together for the lack of ideas of what could be wrong. 

When he pressed the button this time, the control light lit up, casting Hux’s face in soft blue glow. He smiled, almost imperceptibly. The core was finished. Hux grabbed his mug of caf and took a few sips. He shuddered; it had grown cold, which made it even more disgusting than it usually was. He poured the rest of it down the drain in the sink. 

“You’re still here?” Kwis asked. Hux was almost used to her speaking when he least expected it by now. 

“I’m resting!” Hux said, “look, I had caf and all.”

“You hate caf,” Kwis pointed out, “you only drink it when you want to stay awake to work.”

“Guilty,” Hux admitted. “But I made progress today. The core is working now.”

“You need to take care of yourself first and foremost,” Kwis said, but she didn’t sound condescending, “let your own wounds heal.”

“I can’t just sit idly, you know? It makes my mind wander.”

“I know. Just promise to treat the wounds as you should.”

“I do that,” Hux said and raised his hands, the patches on his fingers full with bacta, “and I take so many breaks that I barely have time to work. My brain doesn’t really take breaks though.”

“Would you like to show me your work or is it secret?” Kwis asked, having queried enough about Hux’s well-being to move onto a mutually more agreeable topic. 

“Come on,” Hux invited her. He pushed aside the clutter on the table - sheets of paper full of sketches and calculations, various tools, food leftovers. Kwis pretended not to notice the shard of Ren’s helmet. It had been lodged into Hux’s abdomen, at least that’s what Hux had been told, and someone was thoughtful enough to keep it. Hux had never been one to keep trinkets but he was protective of this one. 

“It looks good,” Kwis said with appreciation, “you put that together in three days? That’s impressive.”

“I’ve been considering the schematics for a while, the way the energy could be stored to be small but effective, but yeah, I figured most of it out now,” Hux replied. He wasn’t sure how he felt about her praise - it felt amazing, exhilarating, but weird. Kwis still seemed a little too otherworldly for him to be comfortable around her. “I’m mostly done for now, though. I can start working on the synthetic skin but without his cooperation…”

“He’ll wake up,” she reassured him, tickling one of the wires. It closed reflexively, trying to grab her finger. Like a baby. She smiled. “Give him time.”

“I wish I had your faith,” he sighed and depowered the mechanics.

“You’re still so young,” Kwis, who looked twenty years old at most, said, “you’ll grow out of your impatience.”

Hux was going to explain that he wasn’t impatient, he was simply scared, and lonely, and confused, and all the thousands of other things that he felt without comprehending, but she was already gone. He groaned and took a datapad to occupy his mind elsewhere.

…

Kylo knew he was dreaming, that there was simply no way this scenario was real and yet it didn’t help ease his terror. Scene bled into a scene without logical transitions, without a semblance of order, faces twisted and grew longer until they weren’t faces at all, and he was falling, falling, falling-

“I’m so sorry,” someone was muttering, “it slipped.”

“Did something break?”

“No, it’s okay, I think, let me check one more time.”

“Guys!” 

Kylo opened his eyes to look around. This dream seemed oddly static - his mind usually provided him with shaky pictures, as if taken by a camera in the hands of a very nervous person. The scene around him seemed to be quite ordinary.

“He’s awake!” 

He knew this voice. He looked around and found Kemma leaning above him. Kylo tried to say something but there was a tube in his mouth. Korleen hastened to take the mask off. Kylo moved his lips to test if he could use them. Other faces appeared at his side - Karst, Klee, Kwis-

“Hux?” Kylo croaked. So it was a dream. Or maybe it was the afterlife. There was no way they were both still alive. Snoke was ready to crush them. Were the knights dead too?

“Yes,” Hux said. Kylo imagined now would come the part where Hux tells him that he died and what the rules of being dead were. 

“Am I dead?” Kylo asked when it seemed like everyone was waiting for him to say something. Maybe he needed to acknowledge it first before they gave him the instructions. To show that he was accepting it. Well. He wasn’t in any pain and everyone he cared about was there. He didn’t think he could complain. 

“You’re not,” Korleen said, “you beat him. You killed Snoke.”

“I didn’t,” Kylo tried to shake his head but it was too much work, “he was going to kill us. He  _ was killing us. _ ”

“Tell us what you remember and we’ll work with that, okay?” Korleen said. Her voice was reassuring and Kylo didn’t even care that it was laced with the Force to sound comforting. 

“I remember lying on the ground unable to move. I was done for. He could have killed me right then, but he decided to make it more painful so he was going to kill Hux first-”

Kylo looked up at Hux, asking him to cut the crap and just say: “Yeah, we’re all dead. Let’s see if we can have sex as ghosts.” Not that Hux would phrase it that way. If he even meant to say it at all. 

“I don’t remember anything since we entered the cave and even that’s hazy. My last actually clear memory is of us running away from the ship when the knights created the diversion for the guards,” Hux said, “Then I woke up here already. Sorry.”

“We found you both and Snoke passed out on the ground. At first it looked like you were all dead but we found Hux’s pulse soon. You…” Korleen trailed off and she blinked very fast a few times, chasing away tears.

“You didn’t have a pulse. You weren’t breathing. We took you with us to bury you. But as soon as we moved you out of the cave, your body remembered to live. You’ve been out for five days.”

Kylo looked from one face to another, trying to take it all in. His body was also figuring how to function - his back hurt, his breathing paths were obstructed. His right arm was on fire. He looked at it, to see what damage he had sustained.

“Where’s my arm?” he asked, choking on a sob. Hux frowned at Korleen, as if saying: “I told you we should have done this differently.”

“It was too badly damaged,” Korleen said shakily, “your bones were shattered almost into powder, your nerves torn into threads. It couldn’t be saved, not even with bacta.”

“Then why does it hurt?” Kylo growled. 

“Phantom pain,” said Klee, surprising everyone, “your body’s trying to cope with the loss, and it remembers the last sensation it felt while the limb was still there.”

Kylo closed his eyes. 

“We’ll give you time,” Kemma said. Kylo knew she was uncomfortable with this, with emotions, with acting around someone visibly weak. She and Hux had a lot in common. 

“Hux,” Kylo mumbled, hearing them leave, “please stay.”

He waited until the shuffling stopped, then he reached his left hand towards the edge of the bed. Hux’s fingers slipped between his; there was something synthetic at their ends. Kylo recalled the image of Hux clawing at the stone that wasn’t really there. 

“Is he really gone?” he asked, quietly not to make it untrue. 

“Yes,” Hux nodded. “I was already awake when they blew up the planet with him still on it. If he weren’t dead before, he definitely is now.”

“I don’t understand,” Kylo said and looked at Hux.

“Neither do I, but it had to happen. I wish I could see it, it must have been quite the sight,” Hux grinned. There were bags under his eyes and a patch of grey hair on his temples. Kylo wasn’t sure how it could look hot but Hux somehow made it work. “You being all badass and all that.”

“I distinctly remember crawling on the floor hoping I would die quickly.”

“I’m still certain it was hot.”

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Kylo mumbled, tears flooding his eyes. 

“You’re making me uncomfortable,” Hux said, “I’ve never dealt with genuine affection. I don’t know how to react.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Kylo chuckled, then sobbed, then coughed.

“I know,” Hux smiled and kissed Kylo on the cheek. “Move. I’m going to soak up your affection.”

“I still have IVs and whatever this thing is stuck into me. I’m not sure I can move.”

“Just say that you don’t love me anymore,” Hux said theatrically and left the room. Kylo supposed - hoped - it was to summon Korleen but he wasn’t sure. He closed his eyes, thinking about Hux’s words; they were meant in jest but Kylo couldn’t exactly take them lightly. 

Hux came back with Korleen in tow. She checked Kylo’s vitals and then disconnected everything binding him to the bed, applying small bacta patches on all the places where skin had been broken.

“You can, no should, move now. Or at least turn around onto your side. Sit up. Something,” Korleen instructed him. “With the amount of nursing I do around here, I should probably get actual education in it.”

“You’re the best, Korleen,” Kylo said.

“Yeah, we love you,” Hux added. She made a rude gesture at them and left the room.

Kylo moved awkwardly. Everything hurt and he was sore all over, but relieving his back made him sigh happily. He rolled onto his left side, pretending he still had both arms and it wasn’t a deliberate choice. Hux slipped into the bed beside him. They shouldn’t have fit yet they did. Their faces were so close that he could feel Hux’s breath on his nose. 

“I guess we did it,” Hux mumbled and brought their foreheads together. Kylo tried not to be bitter because Hux very obviously didn’t know how to touch him with his arm gone. 

“I feel empty,” he said instead, “there’s a big fat nothing where my sense of purpose used to be.”

“We’ll find another purpose,” Hux promised, half-heartedly, as much for his own benefit as for Kylo’s. They lay close together for long minutes. Kylo didn’t want to fall asleep again but Hux’s steady heartbeat hypnotized him. 

“Stay with me,” he whispered before he drifted off. He didn’t hear Hux’s answer but he fancied he heard an “of course”.

…

“It’s not finished yet,” Hux said, “I’ll need your help to calibrate it.”

Kylo was impatient. Hux was prolonging the wait unnecessarily, as if he wanted to torture Kylo. He didn’t know what this gift was supposed to be, or what for. Kylo was fairly certain it wasn’t his birthday, even if Hux somehow managed to find the information somewhere despite Kylo’s attempts at erasing all traces of it. There was no reason for Hux to give him presents and yet here they were. 

“Okay, you can open your eyes now,” Hux instructed. Kylo thought he sounded nervous, as if he wasn’t sure about this. Kylo opened his eyes to end the anticipation. 

For a few seconds his mind went completely blank, unable to form an appropriate reaction. Hux was watching him anxiously - Kylo supposed he should react somehow, but he was unable to. On the table in front of him lay a mechanic arm with some wires still visible. The finished parts were covered in what looked like scales - thousands of them, glimmering slightly under the light. The covering was black interspersed with red spots. Kylo tried to form a coherent response but he was only capable of letting out a strained squeak that sounded distantly like “oooh.”

“Ren, you know I suck at reading emotions, I need you to say something,” Hux said but Kylo knew he understood. Kylo turned to him and hugged him with his one arm, breathing in the smell of Hux’s neck. 

“Thank you,” he whispered. Hux held him in an embrace but Kylo could sense that he was impatient to test the arm. Kylo pulled away. 

“Let’s test it,” he said. 

“Sit down here,” Hux pointed to a chair, “I’ll get Korleen to help me attach it, that might take a while.”

A while turned out to be two hours. Kylo tried to look away not to disturb them with staring but he kept glancing back when they tugged at something. It didn’t hurt but it wasn’t comfortable either.

“Okay, we should be good to go. Are you ready?”

Kylo looked at the arm now attached to his shoulder. It was unusual, strange, but aesthetically very agreeable. Korleen was watching him carefully, as if expecting him to get a sudden severe allergic reaction and drop dead. 

“I am,” Kylo nodded. 

After an hour of Hux’s tinkering with the arm, Kylo was exhausted and his head was spinning. The new sensations were overwhelming. It didn’t exactly hurt but it was a lot to take in. 

“Can we take a break now?” Kylo asked. His left hand was shaking. Hux looked up at him, expression a little confused. He was so caught up in his work that he forgot about the world. Kylo found it endearing. 

“I need to eat something,” he added, to ground Hux in the moment. That seemed to suffice. Hux nodded, set aside his tools and stood up. 

“What would you like?” 

“Something sweet.”

Hux was back in a while with a bowl of what looked like porridge or yoghurt. Hux looked around, probably to find something to lay the bowl on. 

“It’s okay, I’ll let you feed me this time,” Kylo said, “just this once.”

“You think I want to do that?”

“I know you do. It makes you feel like I need you,” Kylo teased. It came out rude, making Hux sound desperate rather than the playful banter Kylo had intended. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s true anyway,” Hux mumbled and offered Kylo a spoonful of the mush. Kylo accepted it, trying to come up with something to say, something smart, something reassuring. Or funny. He used to be good at funny. Hux fed him another spoon, denying Kylo the chance to talk, most likely expecting pity and not wanting to hear any of it. Kylo didn’t want to pity him.

Once he made up his mind about what he wanted to say, Kylo caught Hux’s wrist before he could fill the spoon again. He swallowed, Hux’s eyes piercing him. 

“I want to write a book about what happened, about what we did. I’d like you to help me,” Kylo said.

“I don’t want you to offer me to help you out of pity. What could I contribute anyway? I know nothing of the Force, I don’t know what you did or what happened, and I can hardly use my own experience as anything worthy of being written down considering I was out of my mind most of the time.”

“Tell me, honestly, what you’d like to do. Just tell me,” Kylo asked Hux and let go of his wrist. Hux let it drop into the half-empty bowl.

“Making this,” he gestured towards the mechanic arm, “reminded me how much I love designing and building things. I was caught up in making war that I forgot about that, but I remember now. I don’t care for fighting anymore.”

“I don’t think there’s any fighting left to be done, to be honest,” Kylo said. He’d spent several hours catching up on the current situation to know the First Order wouldn’t survive. The New Republic would be unopposed. Victorious. If only they reconciled with the Resistance. The Resistance made Kylo think of Leia. He caught himself thinking of her often lately, wondering if she’d take him back, if he even could go back. He was lost more than ever before. There was no one left trying to tell him what to think anymore. It was liberating, but also terrifying. And somewhere along the lines he messed up Hux so much that they were now a two-package deal. 

“I just want to build ships again,” Hux sighed, “I’m really good at that, you know.”

“Would you find the space for a decent pilot to fly them?” Kylo asked. Hux raised an eyebrow. 

“Do you know any? I haven’t seen a decent pilot in ages.” 

Kylo kicked Hux in the shin. 

… 

“What is this place?” Kemma asked. Hux had no idea but the name of the planet seemed familiar. Ren was very mysterious about this. He just said he wanted to see the place for himself, as if it was a favourite tourist destination. In reality, it was a backward place that only got a spaceport because some criminal had used it as a getaway to stash their credits and goods. The majority of the planet was covered in a forest, deserted and almost untouched. Hux had had his fair share of forests and deserted places back when he still couldn’t bear to be around people.

“A mistake,” Hux grumbled. She chuckled before she realised he was the one to say it, then she tried to mask it with a cough. She was still resentful towards him, even though the mission to kill Snoke was successful beyond imagination - all of them but Ren’s arm survived. Hux considered that an extremely well-executed operation. Still, she seemed to blame Hux for something, although whatever that was, he didn’t try to guess.

“I want to see this place for myself, in this reality,” Ren explained to both of them. Hux had no idea Ren was within earshot. Good thing he didn’t care if Ren heard him insult his judgement. 

“Wait,” Hux said, realising something, “is this the place where your crazy alternative self buried himself under a bunch of spells to hide from the handsome Emperor who just wanted to talk?”

“I’m pretty sure the handsome Emperor didn’t just want to talk, but yeah,” Ren replied, “I wanted to see what it looks like without all the magic around it.”

“Are you planning to settle down here?” Hux asked, “Because if you are, I’m not entirely sure I want to stay with you.”

“Maybe you’ll love the place,” Ren suggested.

“It’s triggering my agoraphobia.”

“Can you please leave your judgement for after you’ve seen it?”

Ren seemed to be set on visiting the place, so Hux just sighed and got on the speeder with him. The knights decided to stay behind on the spaceport or just look around. Hux was glad. Although he had become quite close with Kwis and Korleen, the rest of them still kept him on his toes, careful not to slip, careful not to insult Ren too much and provoke the knights to get defensive. 

In Hux’s humble opinion, Ren drove like an old person, which was surprising, considering his very reckless piloting. Ren had planned the trip to be two days, intending to either stay somewhere overnight if they find someone willing to let them sleep over, or to build a tent. Hux wondered how he consented to going camping, especially in an unfamiliar setting, despite Ren’s assurances that no wildlife would bother them. 

It was dark and Hux’s ass was dead from a whole day of traveling when Ren finally called it a night. The planet wasn’t as backwards as it had seemed and they found a hotel easily. The place seemed clean and cozy enough, and Hux had to reluctantly let go of his hatred for it. 

He took a hot shower, washing the soreness from his stiff muscles, and when he got out of the fresher, he was feeling positively cheerful. Ren was sprawled on the bed, typing something on the datapad. Hux knew he was working on his book, the one where Hux, absurdly, was the main character. Ren hadn’t got to the part where he’d need Hux’s cooperation yet but Hux knew he would be interviewed like a holo star eventually. 

Hux flopped down onto the bed too. He was going to work on some of his new ship designs, leaving Ren to himself, but he was interrupted by the touch of cool metal to his thigh. He opened his eyes and found Ren watching him with the odd expression he came to associate with Ren asking for sex. There was always a hint of an apology in it. Hux wondered if they’ll ever be able to leave the beginning of their relationship behind. He rolled over and pressed a kiss to Ren’s lips. 

Ren took him gently but insistently, as if to prove that he was worth Hux’s attention, as if to convince him to give this place a chance by filling Hux’s mind with pleasant memories. If that were the case, Hux was going to resist a little longer even if internally, he was ready to spend his immediate future on a planet whose orbit had never hosted a Star Destroyer. 

They reached their destination shortly before sunset the next day. Hux didn’t notice they were there until Ren stopped the speeder and got off it. 

“This is it?” Hux asked, unimpressed. There was nothing. Nothing at all. A wilderness. 

“Come with me,” Ren offered him his mechanic hand. Hux took it; if nothing else, he was helping Ren get used to the arm. If nothing else, they were spending time together. Not like they had anything better to do. 

Ren led him around the place. Hux had to admit it was nice, the air was warm, wind playing with their hair. The last sun rays of the day highlighted the colour in Ren’s cheeks. 

“Do you want to live here?” Hux asked. It was far from where he expected to spend his life, but it was peaceful. Hux supposed, after all that had happened in the past year, he could appreciate peace. 

“I’m not sure,” Ren admitted, “but it does seem comfortably away from the fighting, don’t you think?”

Hux kicked a pebble and watched it roll down the considerably steep slope. An animal squealed somewhere in the distance, received a reply. 

“It looks okay,” Hux said, and he knew Ren understood this was the highest praise he was going to get that night. 

…

“I’ll miss you,” Kemma said, looking pointedly at Kylo, as if trying to make sure that she didn’t include Hux. Petty. Kylo hoped she would stop blaming Hux for what happened. Yes, he was the catalyst. And yes, Kylo did choose him over the knights. But he also didn’t. He chose a normal, Force-free life over the whirlwind of confusion, pain and frustration that had been his life since he was old enough to show signs of Force-sensitivity. They hadn’t gone through the turmoil Kylo had, being made to silence first one, then the other half of himself. They were warriors, but they were much older when they were first asked to fight. They knew who they were. Kylo didn’t. 

He wasn’t sure now, either. But he knew what he wasn’t, and that was a start. Maybe he would find that he missed blood and carnage and death, but at the moment, he just wanted to watch Hux design ships and help him build them. 

“You can come visit, you know,” he replied, “I’ll be here.” 

She grimaced; the expression contained her disdain, her disbelief, her feeling of being betrayed. Kylo sighed.

“Take care,” he tried again and opened his arms for her. Kemma twisted her face into a more agreeable expression and let him hug her, wrapping her arms around him gingerly. 

“If he hurts you, I’ll come bite his head off,” she warned. 

“I know you will.”

Kaex and Klee decided to stay with them for a while. Korleen proclaimed herself their business associate, and both Hux and Kylo liked her too much to mind. Karst was leaving with Kemma, and he barely stayed behind to say goodbye. Kylo supposed he should see the positive in things - at least Karst had got over his crush on Kylo. It wasn’t much of a consolation though, for losing someone he had been able to trust with his life. Kylo hoped the knights would find their way to him eventually - if not back to how things were, then at least to the odd friendship of people who used to be very close but drifted apart after they lost their common interests. 

Kwis had left without a word a few days back. Kylo knew that Hux was pissed and hurt by that, and he couldn’t say he didn’t share the sentiment. He supposed she would turn up when they least expected it, but it still disenchanted him. 

When Kemma and Karst left, Kylo stayed behind at the spaceport, looking for possible customers. He wasn’t a smuggler, he would never stoop so low, but before they set up a proper business, this would have to do. Hux had hacked the First Order to get them some funds, after a great deal of convincing him that he had earned it on Kylo’s part. Still, it was barely enough to get by in the beginning. Some days, they barely had enough money to buy something to eat. Other days, their fights got so nasty that things flew and lights flickered. But there were good days too - when Kylo got a first customer because he was recommended, when Hux managed to build a ship the size of a bigger speeder capable of flying through hyperspace. There were good days and bad days and everything in between, and it was everything Kylo had hoped for in a regular, ordinary life. 


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! The very end of this fic, and with another of [mini-mantis's](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/) amazing illustrations. Thank you for all your comments and support, and I hope you enjoyed the ride as much I did :)

“There’s a customer who wants to talk to you.”

Kylo was elbows-deep in the ship’s innards, trying to get to a component Hux wanted to improve. He had long ago given up on trying to catch up with Hux’s knowledge. He didn’t have the patience for it, he just liked to fly. He could fix some most common issues of course, he knew what he needed to know to get by on his flights, but that was it. And to be quite honest, he was glad to give Hux a sense of purpose. 

“I’m busy,” he replied to Korleen, “can’t you deal with him?”

“Not this one. He wants to build a ship the size of a small Star Destroyer and strengthen the walls so much he probably wants to set off nuclear bombs in it.” 

“Send him to Hux,” Kylo muttered. Oil dribbled onto his shoulder. Splendid. “That’s his area.”

“Hux is away,” Korleen said. Her voice was too smooth, too flat. Kylo knew when she was lying, even without seeing her scrunch up her nose. There was something fishy about this.

“I’m shirtless and dirty.”

“He won’t mind,” Korleen assured him. Kylo thought that pretty odd of her to assume. How did she know that the customer wouldn’t mind? 

“Fine, send him in,” he sighed and got out of the ship. He’d have to start over. Great. Amazing. Why not. He wiped the worst of the grime off himself with a rag and washed his hands, oil still stuck behind his nails. He looked like someone from a holoporn. Korleen owed him a drink for this. 

“Hello?” someone called into the hangar. Kylo stopped in his tracks. He knew the voice. “Anybody here? The girl up front said I should meet you here.”

Kriff. 

Han Solo.

Han kriffin’ Solo was in his shop. 

Korleen owed him a whole bar.

He loosened his ponytail, hoping that his long hair and mechanical arm will help him hide himself from his own father. 

“Good afternoon, how can I help you?” he asked, finally stepping out of the shadows to confront Han. He tried not to move his face too much to lower the chances of his father recognizing some of his gestures.

“I need a ship that could carry rathtars,” Han announced. No introduction then. Well. Maybe they could play it off real fast. 

Wait, rathtars?

“Why,” Kylo mumbled, before he could stop himself. “I mean, that is a rather peculiar request. I’ll have to discuss it with the designer first.”

“Look, kid,” Han started. Kylo froze. Han looked up at him. His brow furrowed and Kylo knew he was screwed. Once the idea was planted, he would not let it go. They stood opposite each other for a while; Han tilted his head to the side.

“Ben?”

“Not Ben,” Kylo muttered, reflexively. Han’s eyes widened. 

“Oh stars,” he mumbled, “we’ve been looking for you everywhere and you’re here. You’re the new big shot in ship business.”

“Yeah, it seems like you can’t escape your heritage after all,” Kylo shrugged.

“What happened to you?” Han asked, pointing to his arm and to the lightning bolt shaped scar in the middle of his chest. Hux had a similar one. Kylo found it both cheesy and really cool, having matching scars. 

“Snoke was a bad guy,” Kylo shrugged, “he wasn’t thrilled to learn that I came to the realisation as well.”

“So he  _ is _ dead,” Han said, “Leia said she felt the dark side weaken but she wasn’t sure.”

“Are you back together?” Kylo asked, trying to change the subject. 

“Not exactly,” Han grimaced, “we have better times and worse times. Your mother and I...we’ve never been really good at being with or without each other.”

Kylo thought he understood. He loved Hux but they got on each other’s nerves if they spent too much time together. Plus, the reunions were somehow always better than anything else. 

“So, you want a ship,” Kylo said to break the awkward silence. 

“Yeah,” Han nodded, grateful, “I have this kind of deal to work on. Very lucrative.”

“Rathtars are one of the most vicious creatures in the galaxy,” Kylo shook his head, “that had better be a really good deal.”

“It is. I’ve been in this business for years, boy. Don’t try to give me advice.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow.

“Leia already told me I was a lunatic,” Han shrugged.

“I’ll really have to ask Hux if what you want is even possible.”

“Hux? General Hux?” 

“Yeah,” Kylo shrugged.

“Is he the one who makes all the improvements to the ships?” Han asked. Kylo’s pride was a little wounded at seeing Han’s eyes light up.

“Not all of them, but the majority, yeah,” Kylo nodded, “he’s a genius.”

“Aww, you never say that to my face,” came Hux’s voice over the commlink. Kylo felt a sudden urge to strangle someone.

“You’ve been here all the time?” he muttered.

“Yeah. Korleen called me right after she sent him to you.”

“Traitors.”

“I love you too,” Hux snickered, “I’m coming, don’t worry.”

“So, you found someone after all, huh,” Han said, awkwardly, with that dumb smile of his. 

“Yeah. I was as surprised as you.”

“Hello, I’m Hux,” Hux introduced himself, offering his hand to Han, professional as ever. He looked at Kylo. “Wow, Ren, you sure know how to greet a customer.”

“Give me a break.”

Han watched their exchange with a fond smile. 

“I’m Han Solo,” he told Hux and gave him his signature grin, “I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of pap about me.”

“So much I’m surprised you look so normal,” Hux said. Kylo felt betrayed.

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Kylo returned to the ship to mope while his husband bonded with his father. There were so many things wrong with the situation he couldn’t even begin to name them all. Hux seemed intrigued by Han’s endeavour to smuggle rathtars, as if rathtars weren’t so kriffin’ deadly and generally a bad idea. Kylo suspected Hux just really wanted Han to go through with this so that he could have a go at building the ship. Traitor. 

“Hey, honey,” Hux appeared in the cockpit, casually leaning against the pilot’s chair. Kylo glared, hands full of wires, “you look particularly hot right now.”

“Is my father still around?” 

“No, he left to take care of some errands,” Hux shrugged, “he’ll be back for dinner though.”

“Why?”

“I invited him.”

“Do you actually hate me?” Kylo let go of the wires and got to his feet. Hux’s eyes dropped from his eyes to his chest before rising again. At least that still worked.

“I like your father,” Hux shrugged, “I’m sure he has many embarrassing stories to tell.”

Kylo glared. 

“Look, I’ll be honest now,” Hux promised, “I want you to try and fix this. I know you miss them.”

“I don’t miss them. They’re the reason why Snoke convinced me to join him.”

“Ren.” 

Kylo pursed his lips. Hux raised an eyebrow. Kylo rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I thought we agreed to live far away from everything,” Kylo pleaded, “that we’ll leave the past behind - all of it. That didn’t mean just Snoke for me.”

“I’m not telling you to go and live with them. Please, do it for me.”

Kylo couldn’t exactly say how it was important to Hux, but he submitted either way. 

“Fine. But you’re cooking tonight.”

…

Kylo sighed as he took off another shirt and threw it crumpled onto the bed. He was nervous like a teenager before his first date. This was ridiculous. It was just dinner. Han would eat Hux’s delicious yet very healthy food, compliment it, drink just a little bit more than he should and go away. There was no need to be nervous. 

“Ren, do you want some help?” Hux asked behind the door. Of course he, despite having cooked, was already prepared to receive their guest. Kylo hated Hux’s efficiency sometimes. 

“Uh, yeah,” he admitted. He didn’t exactly need anything, but maybe if he let Hux button up his shirt, it would be easier. 

The door opened and Hux stepped in. He was wearing a tight dark blue shirt that made him look muscular. Kylo loved that shirt. 

“You look amazing,” he pointed out. Hux smiled a little. 

“Thank you.”

Hux walked over to Kylo without more words and wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck. Kylo embraced Hux, careful not to wrinkle the shirt, and nuzzled his shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Hux whispered, running a hand up and down Kylo’s spine, “if he ends up being an ass, we can kick him out.”

Kylo chuckled, against his will. 

“Also, if you end up being an ass, I will kick you out too. Don’t fuck this up, Ren.”

“You’re such a diplomat.”

“No, I just know better than you.”

“And there you go and ruin it.”

“Seriously, it will be okay. Now come on, you know how particular I am about the temperature of my food.”

Han turned up ten minutes late, which was an impressive feat that proved just how much he actually cared about the dinner. He even put on a clean set of clothes. Kylo was amazed. Hux not so much. He never liked latecomers, even if Kylo specifically prepared him for the possibility. Han then proceeded to make awful jokes throughout the first course. Kylo wished he would get to the regular questions, like “how did you guys meet?” or “was it love at first sight or did it take time?” even if he wasn’t ready to answer those. His and Hux’s history was too complicated and weird to recount. 

Kylo had often wondered if they’d ever gather the courage to get together if it weren’t for Snoke. The way their relationship was going before all the shitstorm, they would be maybe fifty before they swallowed their pride and acknowledged their attraction to each other. In a way, Snoke did help them get together.

Hux laid the soup on the table. Kylo put the seeds that Hux intended to go on top into the plate and poured the soup over it, earning himself an amused chuckle from Han. Hux frowned; there was nothing funny about Kylo disrespecting his cooking (even if it was better that way. Hux was just too stubborn to admit it.)

“Leia always does this,” Han said, pointing to Kylo’s plate, “I guess you never forgot her teaching you that, huh.”

“I forgot that she did.”

“She always finds ways to eat things differently than others. Funny, when you consider that she was brought up as a princess. You’d think they’d teach them that.”

“I’m glad I know where that comes from,” Hux pointed out, “it’s slightly less horrifying now.”

“How’s mum?” Kylo asked, quiet, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask. 

“She’s okay, I guess,” Han shrugged, “you know she never lets other people know how she feels. She’s not entirely happy that the war is over now. She’ll tell you that she wants peace and democracy but I think the war suits her better.”

“She doesn’t have the patience for peace,” Kylo chuckled. He realised, for the first time in years, that he missed his mother. He had been avoiding her, afraid of the interaction, but he just missed her so much.

“You’re right there, kiddo,” Han nodded. 

“I can start a new war if she wants,” Hux offered. Han stared at him as if he had grown a second head. Kylo did his best not to laugh. 

“Smooth,” he remarked. 

“Or not,” Hux said and collected their empty plates. Han took a big gulp of his beer. There they went. The evening was slowly spiralling into the disaster Kylo had expected it to be. 

They ate the main course in silence. This meal was a particular favourite of Hux’s, he made it quite often. It was rather simple yet effective - there were all necessary nutrients, it looked pretty and it was very tasty, which was everything Kylo expected from a good meal. 

“This is really good,” Han pointed out. “Your recipe?”

“It’s a traditional meal from my home planet. One of the few actually good ones,” Hux replied. Kylo raised his eyebrows in surprise. 

“You never told me that,” he said.

“You never asked.”

“Damn, you’re good,” Han chuckled, “when he was a kid, hardly anyone could outwit him. He was so sarcastic since childhood. I’m glad there’s someone who can do that.”

“Actually, this was a rare occurrence,” Kylo remarked, “usually I drag him through the mud.”

“That’s unfortunately true,” Hux nodded.

“But he’s still better than everyone else, so yeah.”

“Oh, you flatterer.”

“You should put a ring on this man,” Han pointed out, “he’s a keeper.”

“I already kind of did,” Kylo replied, reaching for the ring hanging as a pendant on his neck. It wasn’t very practical to have it on his finger when he spent a lot of time poking around ship’s engines.

“And you didn’t invite your mother?” 

“We didn’t invite anyone.”

“How could you do that?” 

Kylo exchanged a quick glance with Hux, hoping his expression was conveying his feelings that varied between “I’m going to kill you” and “you’d better make it up to me” and “help me.” Hux shrugged with a confused expression, as if he couldn’t understand how they got into a situation like that.  _ Coward,  _ Kylo mouthed at Hux.

“We just didn’t invite anyone. Like that,” he shrugged.

They fell into awkward silence again. Kylo stabbed at his vegetables, chasing them viciously around the plate. Hux glared at him - Kylo was sure he did. Hux always glared at him. Unless he glared at someone else. Kylo lived for the moments when Hux glared at someone else. 

“Does anyone want tea or caf?” Hux asked when they were finished and still staring into their empty plates. Kylo was ready to kick Hux in the shin. 

“I’m good, thanks,” Han said. Oh good, at least  _ he  _ had enough judgement. “I should go too. Chewie is surely waiting for me.”

“Chewie’s here too?” Kylo exclaimed, feeling betrayed. 

“Not here. He’s on a job but he’s coming to pick me up,” Han said, evasive. 

“Bring him when you come for the ship,” Kylo said, “please?”

“Sure thing, kid,” Han shrugged and stood up. He shook hands with Hux and pulled Kylo into an awkward hug. “And call your mom. She’ll be glad.”

“Okay.”

Han left. Kylo waited for five seconds before he turned to Hux.

“Let’s never do that again.”

“Oh come on,” Hux rolled his eyes, “you don’t have to thank me or tell me that you’re glad I invited him. I know you won’t. But don’t yell at me.”

“I’m not yelling.”

“See? I knew you’d see reason eventually.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

Kylo smiled and pulled Hux in for a kiss. 

“No, I don’t.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go reblog the awesome illustration [here](http://mini-mantis.tumblr.com/post/169857324911/this-is-it-the-final-art-for-our-kyluxbigbang)!  
> And this is all. For now. This is a very unofficial news and don't take it at face value because I suck at following through with ideas, but a fic about the Emperor and his disgruntled, half-mad guard we had a chance to fleetingly meet here might be happening, so stay tuned.


End file.
